When You Come to Me (39 page)

“I can’t believe it,” she whispered, running her hand through her hair slowly. “It still looks exactly the same...”

She wandered closer to the house with green siding and large wraparound porch, and their fingers lost their connection. Brandon only grinned to himself.

“There are the porch, and the deck,” she breathed, panting a laugh. “I bet there’s still a crack in the window from where you and Scotty tossed that football all hard...”

He chuckled. “Yea...we had a tad bit too much to drink that night...”

“And I see the hammock,” she remarked, cutting her eyes in his direction.

He nodded. “Yep...we took some great naps in that thing...”

“It was a great week,” she murmured, wrapping her arms around herself. He nodded. “I remember,” he began, taking a heavy sigh. She turned around slowly to face him.

“I remember sitting right here with you one night and telling you that I would never leave you...do you remember that, Tal?”

She nodded silently. He stepped a little closer to her.

“I remember,” he continued. “Standing right here and kissing you for the first time...I wanted to tell you so many things but I couldn’t get them out just right...”

She folded her arms again. “Well...here’s your chance, Greene...spill it...”

He took a seat on the sand and patted the space next to him. She complied.

" “I dated Reina out of spite,” he admitted. “I had sex with Reina out of spite. I don’t think I was ever really and truly ready to admit that until just now...”

“I’m glad you said something about it,” she answered, cradling her knees in her arms. "No matter how queasy I feel inside at the thought of you two..."

“I feel stupid and childish for admitting it,” he replied. “And at one point I really did try and make myself feel something significant for her...maybe out of guilt or something else...I don’t know...”

“Brandon,” she began quietly. “Just tell me those messages weren’t real...tell me you didn’t entice her...tell me I don’t have anything to worry about...”

“They
weren’t
real,” he responded. “Don't ask me where she got that information from. I haven't spoken to her in a few days now. That whole situation was something that I hadn’t prepared myself for and I shouldn’t have done it. I knew it was over long enough before I had the balls to admit it to her. I had just broken things off with Sophia and then she came along...and I...I fucked up...”

“
Sophia
,” Natalie breathed. “Now that’s a name I haven’t heard in awhile...”

“I know,” he said. “Aren’t you relieved?”

“I still sleep with one eye open,” she teased. “I’m convinced she’s going to find me and stab me multiple times in my sleep...”

“It wasn’t your fault,” he said. “None of what happened between us was your fault. Remember that...”

“I know that,” she sighed. “It took me awhile to understand, but I definitely do now...”

“Good...”

“Brandon, I,” she began. Her voice then drifted with the wind, and she got to her feet, dusting off her bottom. “I just...I just want you to be good to me,” she replied, running her fingers through her hair gingerly. “I’m sorry for the way I acted tonight but...but it came from a real place...”

He released a heavy breath and got to his feet as he grunted. She’d started to walk away, but he reached for her hand and pulled her back to him. She then sighed too, rising to her tip toes to wrap her arms around his neck, embracing him. He returned the sentiment, burying his lips into the top of her head, kissing it gently.

He wanted to tell her that he worshipped the ground she walked on, that he worshipped every morsel of her brown skin, worshipped her southern drawl, her ingenuity, her honey-dipped soul, her near-mute, pensive, elusive disposition, the silk of her black hair, her intimidating self-respect, her sarcasm, her familial compassion, her laugh, her taste in music, her cooking, her embrace, her fragility, her authenticity. She never made him feel inadequate, she never lied to him, and she never ignored him. He’d never met anyone who was more willing to sacrifice every facet of herself for the love and care and well-being of another. He’d realized a long time ago that there were so many things about his Natalie Savannah Chandler that made her so beautiful.

She pulled apart from him, and pressed her lips against the tip of his nose, smiling and giggling under her breath. She ran her thumbs along the nape of his neck.

“I knew you cared about me the night you found me crying,” she whispered. “I was sitting right here...and you came after me...I...I knew then that my feelings wouldn’t go away. I guess I should’ve figured out a long time ago that you’d never stop chasing me...I’ll always love that about you, Brandy...”

He kissed her then. She whimpered. There was no greater time than the present, he thought...

He pulled away from him, and dropped down to his knees. She looked down at him with confusion.

“What are you doing?” she asked him. He could feel her hand trembling in his.

He slowly reached into his pocket, murmuring, “Something I should have done a long time ago”, pulling out a small black box.

“Brandon,” she whispered, breathlessly.

“What in the hell...?” She then started to cry.

He attempted to smile through his nerves.

“Natalie, you are my life,” he began. “I can’t think of a better way to say it. I don’t want to try and imagine what my life would be like if you weren’t in it.”

“Oh, my God,” she said, placing a hand to her chest. “This isn’t happening...”

“I kissed you for the first time in this very spot,” he continued, smiling. He could feel his throat tighten. His nervousness had transcended to a sort of reflective, happy sadness. And he knew his cheeks were ruddy and hot.

“This isn’t a stuffy, pretentious restaurant,” he said. “This is our beginning...this is us, Tallie. No girl was every good enough...no girl could match you...Sophia hated you for a reason...”

They both laughed, and she wiped her tears away.

“I want you in my life every day, every night, for the rest of my life, baby,” he told her. “Will you marry me...?”

She sniffled, dropped to her knees and shook her head in disbelief.

He then remembered what it felt like the last time. She wasn’t ready to marry him then; how foolish he was.

She looked up into his eyes and smiled. “You already know what my answer is...give me that ring...”

SHE EMBRACED THE SUMMER DAYS. She allowed the heat to cover her brown skin; she loved the way the sun glowed overhead, the way the breeze bended to its lazy rhythm.

Her head was in Mama’s lap, and they swayed on the porch swing together, and they watched the sun set over the Bradford pears, the sky a fusion of pink and amber, the drone of an airplane passing by. Mama rubbed her head with her hand, slowly, soothingly, gently.

This is the way that it had been for years right? Natalie and her mama, together on the porch, watching the sunset, reflecting on life, the daughter, wanting to be so much like her, whose voice, deep and rooted and smooth, was just breathy enough to soothe her, with just a touch of southern soul.

She was never a disappointment, was she? No ma’am. When Sidney and Maya left the house without telling her, where was Nattie? In the house, under her mama, where she belonged, avoiding trouble, waiting for the moment that she and Mama could go to the porch and watch the sky fall, hear the crickets, witness the lightning bugs flourish in the summertime, laugh at Sid and Maya while they chased them around the magnolia-laden front yard. And when Mama lay crying on the kitchen floor, mentally and physically defeated, after Papa had slammed his fist into the side of her mother’s face, seven-year-old Nattie was at her mother’s feet, while Sidney and Maya locked themselves in the back bedroom. She had not quite understood the despair her mother felt at the time. She now blamed her youth and her forced ignorance. Though it made her angry, she chose not to think about why her daddy beat on her mama that way. She only wanted to believe the best of her father. She’d go to sleep praying to God that they’d be fine in the morning, that Mama wouldn’t have a black eye, that Daddy would lift her into his arms, while mama fixed breakfast, kiss the side of her face and declare her his
querido
.

She had her mother’s eyes. Everyone said so. They were narrow and they twinkled when the sun hit them just right. And everyday Granny Marie reminded her that she had her mama’s laugh, shared the same sweet drawl, had her round butt, her narrow hips, her slim waist.

“I swear, Nattie,” Granny would say. “You’re startin’ to scare me, you look so much like your mama!”

She couldn’t tell her yet.

But, she had to, didn’t she? Brandon David Greene had to exist in her Mama’s heart.

It had taken her several days for her to actually comprehend it herself. Were she and Brandon Greene really serious about getting married? Did she
really
drop Anthony without a second thought to the consequences?

Brandon hadn’t given that Reina girl a second thought.

He’d swiftly convinced her that he’d met Reina Crutchfield through one of Scotty’s coworkers at the radio station. She was bold like Sophia, had her same sneaky charm, which probably explained why she’d managed to get him into bed the same night as their first dinner date at Finnegan’s. Reina was simple-minded, shallow, and when she wasn’t sweeping fertilizer off of the floor at a plant store on Crest, she was calling
him
, begging him for another nightcap. Somehow, in the three weeks that they were seeing each other, Reina had managed to start calling him her “boyfriend” to her silly girlfriends. He didn’t correct her as much as he wanted to. Unlike Natalie, she gave him the attention he craved. But, he had no trouble leaving her the night that Natalie appeared at the pond, looking scared and flustered.

There was no other way – Helen Chandler
had
to understand.

Mama needed to know that Brandon Greene was now her life, that she loved him. She loved every piece of him!

She’d invited Brandon to the fish fry that Sunday.

“Tal, what the hell is a ‘fish fry’?”

“It’s just what it sounds like…there is fish being fried, Brandon.”

“I don’t really eat fish, let alone, of the fried persuasion…”

“I’m sure they will put on a hot dog for you.”

“Ah hell, I’ll be there then…Sunday?”

“Sunday…”

“You’re quiet, Nattie,” Mama said in her low voice.

Was that anything out of the ordinary? Was she not naturally quiet? Shouldn’t Mama have known that?

Natalie sighed and raised her head from her mama’s lap. The breeze picked up, hit her cheeks, made a soft whistling noise.

She didn’t look at her mama.

“Why are you so quiet, girl?” her Mama asked, reaching out to her face.

Natalie shrugged her shoulders childishly. Ordinarily, this was the moment that Natalie could tell her mother anything that ached her heart, anything that threatened her solace; however, she was blessed with very few grievances, aside from troubles with her schoolwork, her job, her sisters.

But, she was thinking. She was thinking about how to explain a person like Brandon to her mother. Was it not simple?
He’s tall, Mama…really tall…he’s got really dark hair and really light eyes…and he’s white, Mama…but oh, he’s beautiful, Mama…he’s really, really beautiful…

Simply telling Helen Marie Chandler that she loved Brandon Greene wouldn’t be enough.

Her mother was no sucker for a good love story.

Mama began to stroke her head a little harder. “Natalie…”

Natalie sighed again. “Mama…”

“Yes, girl?”

She then turned to her Mama. This is it! She needed to do it! Her Mama looked so peaceful. What a rarity these days it seemed. How could she ruin that?

The breeze carried her hair a little bit…she heard Brandon’s voice saying that he loved her…she rolled her eyes closed.

In her mind, they are together at the beach, he is holding her hand, their foreheads are touching, she doesn’t want to be anywhere else, she knows then that she wants to be with him.

“Mama…”

“Yes, child? What on earth’s got your mind so fixed?” Mama chuckled a little.

“Mama…I…”

“Natalie Savannah! Say it, girl!”

The phone rang.

Natalie opened her eyes, exhaled deeply; Mama raised and went into the house to answer it.

She can’t do it. She won’t say a word when Mama returns. She’ll suggest dinner…yes! Dinner! They’ll go to Martin’s for seafood…then maybe a movie. Maya’s coming home tonight…what a perfect distraction! She will tell Mama tomorrow.

The mood isn’t right.

Mama returned, holding the phone to her chest. She is giving Natalie a cross look.

“Natalie Chandler…it’s for you…it’s Brandon…your
fiancé
…”

#

Mama didn’t lose it until they got into the Buick to pick up Maya from the airport. Her sister had flown cross-country to visit a friend at another art school in San Francisco. She gripped the steering wheel with such force, Natalie was sure that her mama would break it. Natalie only sat quietly, refused to look at her mama. She winced every time her mama huffed.

“I don’t understand where I went wrong! It was that school. I told your grandmother that you weren’t ready to be around all those white people…you might catch something…and you did! You caught you a big ol’ honky didn’t you, child?”

Natalie didn’t answer. She knew better.

“How long have you known this boy? Probably no more than two minutes and you want to marry him? Do you think that this boy will take care of you, girl? Do you think that he’ll stay around once you punch out a couple of dark babies? This is a game to these boys, girl. Don’t you understand that? I don’t understand, Natalie…you had direction, you had fire…you want to give all of that up for a white boy? Mama taught you better than that. And you give him our home number? Where’s your sense, girl? You have to call it off! Call it off before you get hurt! You can’t trust them. Did you sleep with this boy? Is that what this is all about?”