When You're Ready (13 page)

If
that
was living, I told myself, I wanted none of it.

“You can call in sick and we can ride up the coast, get some seafood in Santa Barbara and just hang out,” Scout said, his eyes pleading. I knew that look. It was the same one I’d give my mom when I begged her to spend time with me. I’d ask if she wanted to go to the movies or get ice cream or have a picnic in the park. Each time I got the same answer, “Maybe tomorrow, Nola darling. Mommy doesn’t feel like going out today.” I kept asking, every weekend for two years straight, until I realized my mother just didn’t feel like going out with
me.

I touched the side of Scout’s smooth face; he’d shaved the hint of beard that sprouted up on his chin. His skin felt soft beneath my palm and I could smell the remnants of his cologne. It seemed impossible, but I’d stumbled on a great guy, perhaps the last one in L.A. I could feel the tug of my heart whenever I looked into Scout’s deep brown eyes or each time his hand touched mine, but I refused to give in.

“That sounds great, but—“

He cut me off. “Don’t even think about it, let’s just go.”

“Scout—“

“Come on, Nola. Live a little.”

I took my hand away; Scout echoed my mother’s dangerous advice. She wanted me to live, like her and my father had, and I couldn’t chance it. Look what happened to them.

“I can’t, Scout.” I grabbed my things and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. “Sorry.”

I ran up the stairs leading to the restaurant and didn’t look back. Normally I would’ve stolen a glace at him or given Scout a quick wave, but I didn’t have the energy, or the resolve to deal with my unwelcomed feelings. It would help if he were an asshole or a jerk—that would make cutting Scout out of my life easy. But he was so thoughtful and attentive, and downright gorgeous, I wasn’t actually sure I’d be able to let him go.

I dragged into Pink Taco and headed straight for the back room. I plopped down on a bench, put my head in my hands, and said a little prayer.

“Please God let this day go by fast,” I whispered. “Or send a flock of locust into the restaurant, whatever’s easier. Amen.”

“Nola, we’re
totally
breaking up!” Tara said as soon as she walked in the room. “How come you didn’t tell me?”

“Tell you what?” I asked, throwing my things into the locker and grabbing another 5-hour Energy Shot.

“That you’re seeing someone! I saw you guys in his car. At first I thought he was just an Uber driver or something, but then you kissed him!”

“Who got kissed?” Roxy asked when she strolled in the room.

“Nola!” Tara said with her arms crossed.

“About damn time,” Roxy said, chuckling. “I was beginning to think you were some kind of asexual freak.”

“What?” I gasped.

“Yeah. I mean, at first I thought you were a lesbian—“

“WHAT?” I looked between Tara and Roxy. “I’m sorry, is this the Twilight Zone? What the hell are you even talking about? A lesbian?”

“What’s wrong with being a lesbian?” Roxy asked, cocking an eyebrow. It was rumored she played both sides of the fence.

“Nothing, nothing at all,” I stammered. “Only that I’m not one.”

“Well, you see how it might look that way. You always turn down the guys who try to hit on you—“

“Because they’re jerks!” I huffed. “I don’t see you falling at their feet either.”

“That’s beside the point,” Roxy said. “Also, you and Tara are always giggling and leaving together.” She hunched her shoulders. “People wondered.”

That got Tara’s attention. “About me?” she scrunched up her face, “I don’t eat fish.”

Roxy and I busted out laughing.

“Seriously, Tara? Fish? What are you, some kind of stupid frat boy now?” Roxy asked. “Anyway, back to the issue at hand. Nola finally got some?”

“Yeah! Who’s the guy? He looked hot.”

“You were spying on me?” I eyed Tara, suspiciously.

“I didn’t have to, you were all over him,” she said, her mouth ticking up into a sly grin.

“I was not! I kissed him on the cheek. That’s it!”

“So you
are
holding out on me,” Tara said, satisfied. “Who is he?”

I rubbed my temples. I couldn’t believe I was having this conversation—at work. Tara, I could deal with. I was used to her playfully teasing me about my non-existent social life and encouraging me to
get out there.
But Roxy? This was exactly the type of information she’d hold over my head and spread around to the other girls. I didn’t want to tell her a damn thing, especially about Scout.

“Just a friend. We’re not dating or anything,” I said, the words souring in my mouth. My brain knew I shouldn’t date Scout, but my heart…

“So why’d you kiss him?” Tara asked.

“For giving me a ride.”

“I bet he did,” Roxy said, thrusting her pelvis back and forth like horny teenaged boy practicing his moves.

“Roxy!” I said, stifling a laugh. She looked ridiculous. “Seriously, it’s not even like that. We’re just friends. He gave me a ride, I kissed him on the cheek, the end.”

“Dammit,” Roxy said, shaking her head. “I was rooting for you to finally get some. Maybe then you’d stop being so uptight.” I rolled and my eyes and she put her fingers to her lips. “Smoke break.”

Tara watched her leave before quizzing me again. “Seriously, Nola. Who is he? And don’t give me that ‘just a friend’ crap. I saw the way you were looking at him.”

Tara is my girl, and I was dying to dish about Scout, but I was afraid it would complicate things. She would, inevitably, encourage me to date him, I’d have to explain,
again
, why it was a bad idea, and she would once again look at me like a sad little puppy who just couldn’t catch a break. I had a life. It might not have been the one my mother or Tara approved of, but it was mine—and that’s all that mattered.

I took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. “He’s the guy from the cocktail party.”

“The one who left you the huge tip?”

I nodded.

“Ohmygod, Nola! You called him! How long have you been seeing him?”

“We’re not
seeing
each other, we’ve just hung out a couple of times,” I lied, a little.

“Same thing,” Tara said. “So…what’s he like?”

I started to smile in spite of myself. “He’s a really good guy.”

“And he’s
hot
.” Tara fanned herself. “What kind of kisser is he?”

I shrugged. “I wouldn’t know. I told you, we’re just friends.”

“You haven’t kissed him yet?”

“Nope,” I said, ready to talk about something else.

“So you wouldn’t mind if I went out with him then?”

I gaped at Tara like she’d completely lost or mind, or like I’d slap her silly. Take your pick. “Don’t even think about it.”

“See! I knew it!” Tara grinned. “Just friends my ass. Why don’t you cut the crap, Nola. You like him.”

“And what if I do? That doesn’t mean I have to date him. You know I can’t risk it right now.”

Tara sighed and her eyes went soft. “Not this again, girl.”

“You
know
I’m not trying to end up like my mother,” I said, reminding her why I needed to stick to my guns.

“Let me ask you a question.”

“Go on,” I said.

“You like this guy, right?”

I nodded.

“And how does he treat you?”

“Like…” I searched for the right words.
Like my dad
, I wanted to say, but didn’t. It would just be weird. “Like a princess.”

“And how do you feel when you talk to him or see him?”

My face cracked into a wide smile. “Pretty great.”

“Nola, my friend, then that’s all you need to know,” she pat my hand and put on her apron. “I know you’re scared, but you should go for it. Before some other girl does.”

14
Scout

I walked into Legends and inhaled the smell of leather and sweat. There were about a dozen guys hitting heavy bags, punching and kicking like their lives depended on it, and I felt right at home. Fighting had always been a way for me to relieve stress and get rid of nervous or angry energy, and after watching Nola bolt out of the car after I suggested she take the day off and ride up the coast with me, I felt on edge.

No matter how hard I tried to understand her, I couldn’t quite figure Nola out. Like me, she didn’t have an easy life, but she didn’t appear to be as jaded or as spectacularly messed up as I was either. Still, she was hesitant to let me in, which was frustrating as hell because I could actually help her; I could make everything right.

I stopped in the locker room, quickly changed my clothes and headed onto the floor to join the other guys pounding out their demons on the punching bag. I decided to stop obsessing about Nola, at least for a few minutes anyway, and forced myself to concentrate on nothing but how the taught fabric felt against my fists. It had been years since I’d been in an actual brawl, but I still loved the way my muscles ached after being pummeled by one of my sparring partners at the gym. Whenever I got hit it reminded me that I was still that kid from Pacoima who knew what it felt like to get knocked down and struggle.

Money had a way of making you lose perspective. When I first sold my company, and millions of dollars appeared in my bank account overnight, I didn’t know how to act. Like most kids who grew up poor I decided to spend an obscene amount of cash on flashy shit like a new sports car, an oversized house, and treating my friends to expensive dinners, trips to Vegas, and a bunch of other stupid stuff I didn’t need.

Soon after moving up a few tax brackets I noticed folks started treating me differently and it made me uncomfortable. People who didn’t give a shit about me before I had money were suddenly trying to pretend they’d been in my corner all along. And women who wouldn’t give me the time of day before I got rich started acting like I was some kind of Hollywood heartthrob. The shift in the way people viewed me was so swift and jarring I had a hard time trusting anyone except my boys Jason and Fernando, who’d had my back when I was just a skinny, broke kid my parents didn’t give a shit about.

I guess the song was right. The more money I had, the more problems I was forced to deal with. Instead of worrying about where my next meal would come from or if I’d be able to keep the lights on, I had to decipher who was trying to be my friend because they were genuinely interested in me, or they were just trying to drain my pockets. It usually felt impossible to tell the difference so I didn’t even try. Instead, I kept to myself and hung out with the people I knew before I got rich.

Nola was different, though. She was the first girl I’d met who didn’t seem concerned about what I could do for her. Hell, she didn’t even ask me to do anything at all. I’m not sure she knows I’m a millionaire, but even if she did, Nola probably wouldn’t care anyway. It was both endearing and annoying because I needed her to know how much I wanted to help.

I saw my friend Jason walk into the gym from out of the corner of my eye, and immediately smiled and called him over. He was one of the closest people in the world to me, and I needed to get his perspective on whatever was happening between Nola and me. Jason and I were the same age, and while I’d made my fortune writing code, he’d carved out a pretty good life for himself working as a private bodyguard for movie stars and hit rappers. It was right up his alley because, unlike me, he loved being out on the town.

“Hey man, I didn’t expect to see you here,” Jason said, pulling his hoodie over his head and tossing it against a nearby wall. He and I had spent countless nights in his garage when we were younger, lifting weights, plotting to take over the world, and talking about all of the girls we
weren’t
having sex with yet.

“Needed to burn off a little pent-up energy. Want to hit the ring?”

“You sure?” Jason said with a cocky grin. We were about the same height and he had almost twenty pounds of muscle on me, but I was quicker on my feet.

“Yeah man. It’s been a minute since I whooped your ass.”

Jason threw his head back and his wide body rumbled with laughter. “Whatever. You’ve never beat me in a fight, man.”

“Not true. What about that time we went at it behind Mega Burger?”

“That was a tie,” Jason said, still chuckling.

“I fucked your eye up, though,” I said, grinning.

“Yeah, but I broke your rib.”

“Shit, I forgot all about that.” I scrubbed my face and laughed. We were fourteen and both had a crush on Evelyn Sanchez, the cutest girl in school. After weeks of arguing over who would get to ask her out we decided to settle it the best way we knew how, with a fight in the Mega Burger parking lot. Even though we were as close as brothers we didn’t go easy on each other. By the end of the fight, we were both bloody and sore, and vowing to never let a girl come between us again.

“So…what’s wrong?” Jason asked while warming up on the heavy bag.