Where Love Grows (28 page)

“Hello” he said as the door opened, his voice rising above the ruckus in the house.

“I'm surprised you're here,” Susan said.

He raised his eyebrows. “I do work here, don't I?”

“Well, of course. But not tonight.”

“No, you're right. Not tonight. The real reason I came is because I think you should come with me to the hymn singing. You shouldn't be cooped up here with the older folks.”

Susan looked over her shoulder before protesting, “But
Mamm
and
Daett
need me.”

“They have all your sisters with their husbands and children.”

“But—”

“Come on, Susan. You'll be with your
Mamm
and
Daett
during the week.”

He was persuasive, there was no question about that. And a drive with him was appealing. Already the day seemed like it had lasted a week with all the pain she'd seen and experienced.

“What do you say?”

Steve was waiting. Susan's face brightened, making up her mind as another buggy pulled in the lane. “There's Teresa now. I'll speak to
Mamm
, and then I'll tell Teresa why I'm leaving. Then I'm ready to go.”

“Have you had supper?” Steve looked into the house at the line of people near the kitchen.

“I'll bring a plate along,” she whispered. “Is that all right?”

Steve nodded and her fears fled away.

“Have you eaten?”

“Yes, I ate before I came. Thank you for asking. I'll wait for you in the buggy.”

After he left, Susan went over to
Mamm
. “Steve invited me to the hymn singing, and I'd like to go. Is it all right?”

Mamm
looked at the clock on the wall. “But they've already served supper by now, and you haven't eaten.”

“I can take a plate along.”

“In the buggy?”
Mamm
looked perplexed.

“
Yah
.”

A moment passed before
Mamm
smiled. “Then go, and please don't worry about us.”

How like
Mamm
, Susan thought as she slipped into the kitchen where everyone seemed to understand and make room for her. She filled her plate and left through the washroom.

“Where are you going?” Teresa asked, already halfway across the lawn when Susan met her. Behind Teresa, James was leading his horse to the barn, giving a brief wave to Steve sitting in his buggy.

“Steve invited me to the hymn singing, and I couldn't resist getting out of the house. We've been crying all afternoon. Now things are a little cheered up with my sisters here, but still…”

“Oh, you poor thing.” Teresa gave Susan a hug. “And here you were comforting me after church when I should have been comforting you. But how am I going to comfort you if you leave?”

“It'll be comfort enough knowing you're here,” Susan said. “I know
Mamm
and
Daett
will be blessed. And remember, when you go inside, just do whatever my sisters are doing. It's okay and a little crazy in there right now.”

“Like how?” Teresa was looking worried.

“It has to do with eating food and being in the
bann
. Like the meal today at church.”

“Okay…” Teresa didn't look convinced.

“Remember, don't worry. Just eat with the rest, and if you make a mistake, they'll understand. You weren't raised in the faith.”

Susan dashed toward Steve's buggy. She handed him her plate of food and then climbed in. “Sorry to keep you waiting.” She reached for the plate and sat carefully, balancing it on her lap.

“Be careful with that food. You might spill it.”

“Steve!”

He laughed and slapped the reins. “I'm glad you're coming with me.”

“I guess I didn't know how much I needed this. Thank you for asking me.”

“Glad I could be of assistance.”

They drove in silence as Susan ate. Thankfully, it was mostly finger foods.

“This buggy feels different.” Susan paused for a moment. “It drives funny or something.”

“I did bring it up from Daviess County,” he allowed. “We don't drive quite the same styles.”

“But I do like it,” she decided.

“You've not ridden in it much.”

“I know, but I like it already. It feels solid.”

“Okay.” He chuckled.

She
did
like it. And she liked some other things too. Like being able to eat in the buggy with him and not feel uncomfortable about it. And she liked his stability too. Plus, he was simply a very nice man.
Yah
, he was clearly being nice to her tonight out of sympathy for her family's plight, but that was
gut
enough. Soon her thoughts wanted to drift to other possible reasons for him being so nice, especially when she glanced at his face in the falling darkness. But no, he was doing this only for friendship's sake, she reminded herself, and she shouldn't mess things up by thinking otherwise.

“What are you going to do about working for
Daett
now that he's in the
bann
?” Susan asked, forcing her thoughts in another direction.

“Well,” Steve wrinkled his brow, “I've thought some about that, but what can I do? We're in the middle of threshing and filling the silo. I can't just up and leave your
daett
with all that work.”

“The community would help him out.”

“It's not the same,” he said. “Your
daett
needs someone working alongside him, not just a group of men coming in for a few days.”

“You know
Daett
can't pay you while he's in the
bann
.”

Steve shrugged. “There are worse things than not getting paid. Things like leaving your duty when the road gets tough.”

“But it's not your fault!” Susan exclaimed. “How were you to know
Daett
would be placed in the
bann
?”

He looked at her. “I'm staying, Susan. I'm working on your
daett
's farm during these six weeks.”

“Well, I…” she started. Then she changed her mind and left it at that. He must have his reasons for doing this.

He seemed to read her thoughts. “You're a suspicious soul, Susan. And I can't say I blame you. But I'm not up to anything other than helping your
daett
.”

“I'm sorry.” She touched his arm with her fingers. “I guess I'm a little touchy.”

“I can see why,” he said. “Your boyfriend drops you, and your
daett
turns out to have a child with an
Englisha
woman. I'd be a little jumpy myself.” A soft smile crept across his face.

There it was again, Susan thought. That smile. She didn't have an answer, so she said nothing.

“What?” He interrupted her thoughts.

Blushing, she grasped for anything to say. The first words she found were, “You do have secrets, Steve, don't you?”

He laughed. “I think you've asked me that before. And the answer is still the same. I'm an ordinary fellow. And ordinary people don't have secrets.”

Still finding nothing better to say, she asked, “Are you sure about that?”

“I think so. Why should I have secrets?”

“I was beginning to think all men had them.” She tried to sound angry.

“I can understand that, but there's none here. I'm just an ordinary Joe who wanders the earth by himself.”

“You are much too modest, if you ask me.”

He laughed and pulled into the driveway where the hymn sing was. He stopped at the end of the walk. “See you after the hymn singing.”

“Thank you.” Susan climbed down and watched him drive off out of the corner of her eye. He made it sound so casual.
See you after the hymn singing
. Like he didn't care one way or the other. Did he really feel that way deep inside? Or was there interest for her stirring in his heart?

Glancing up she saw a buggy pull in behind her. She could see clearly that it was Thomas's horse and buggy. A girl climbed out. Wilma, of all people. Thomas's new girlfriend. Thomas was laughing as he drove the buggy on. The nerve of him, Susan thought. They must have missed supper like she had, only for a different reason. They had been enjoying themselves enough to show up late. Susan plunged toward the house and grabbed the washroom door. She jerked it open. What gall the boy had, and so quickly after he left her. Taking up with another girl as if they had never spoken of love.

Throwing her bonnet and shawl on the floor, Susan entered the kitchen, ignoring Wilma behind her. There was no sense in torturing herself with a fake smile and a “
gut
evening.” Not just yet. Perhaps later when the pain wasn't as intense. But why was she even so upset over Thomas and Wilma? She hadn't wanted a relationship with Thomas when she came back from Asbury Park. She had been talked into it, her hope revived that perhaps they could make something of their shattered relationship. It had never really been possible. She'd known that down deep all along. That was where the pain was now coming from, more than anything. The knowledge she had dreamed things that would forever remain dreams.

This was no way to act. She was worse than Deacon Ray when he insisted on placing
Mamm
and
Daett
in the
bann
. She had to stop this. Making a sudden decision, she turned around and went back. Susan slipped into the washroom and greeted Wilma with a warm smile and a “
gut
evening.”

“
Gut
evening,” Wilma replied, a surprised look on her face. “You're Susan, aren't you?”

“That's right.”

Wilma hesitated. “I hope there aren't any hard feelings between us. I mean about Thomas. I'm not from around here, and I really didn't try to break anything up between the two of you.”

“I know.” Susan said. “It was just time. Let's put it that way. I hope things go well with the two of you.”

“That's what Thomas said you would say. But sometimes boys say things like that when…you know.”

Susan smiled. “Let's not talk about that, okay? Are you staying long? I didn't see you this morning at church.”

“I was there, but you had your parents' problems to deal with. Are they doing okay?”

“As well as can be expected,” Susan said, holding the kitchen door while Wilma walked inside.

Thomas was a skunk, Susan thought, but Wilma would have to find that out on her own. And perhaps by some miracle Thomas had changed. Perhaps with the right girl a skunk could at least lose his stripes—and his odor. Wouldn't that be a miracle? Now, if she could find such a miracle, how happy the world would be.

T
he morning of Ada and Reuben's barn-raising dawned without a cloud in sight. Susan was up before the first streaks of light touched the horizon, peeling potatoes for the casserole and rolling dough for the pies. Everyone would be bringing food, and the Hostetler household's contribution would remain the same even without
Mamm
helping.

Mamm
had prepared
Daett
's breakfast earlier, and the couple had eaten in the living room by themselves.
Mamm
was there now, sitting on the couch crying. Yesterday she had offered to help with the food, whispering that no one would ever know. But Susan had shaken her head.
Mamm
's help wasn't a matter either of them wanted on their conscience. So even if
Mamm
wavered in her dedication to the rules of the
bann
, she had to be strong. Even if no one asked, if
Mamm
helped they would have to pretend she hadn't, and that was too much to add to the load they carried with the sorrow already on them.