Where the Allegheny Meets the Monongahela (46 page)

Suddenly Daisy stepped even closer to her brother and put both

hands on his arm. ―Logan,
please
don‘t take this the wrong way. I
am

glad you got such a good friend, but… but you two livin‘ together,

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well, it strikes me as kind of a bad idea. Him bein‘ gay and all, if

someone were to find out about him, folks might get the wrong idea.

About you, I mean.‖ She licked her lips nervously and added, ―You

know?‖

Logan looked down at his earnest, beseeching sibling and smiled

sadly. ―They won‘t.‖

―How can you be so sure?‖ Daisy took her hand off Logan‘s arm

and drew an unsteady hand through her hair. ―I know what I‘d think,‖

she muttered darkly.

―Then you‘d be right,‖ Logan said with quiet determination. Then

he watched as the color drained out of Daisy‘s shocked face. He took

advantage of her speechless state to clarify, ―I‘m gay, Daisy. That‘s

why I‘m livin‘ with Nick. We‘re together now—‖

―Oh my
Gawd
,‖ Daisy screeched, a hand flying to her mouth.

―How could this happen? How could this happen, Logan? What did this

guy do to you?‖

―He didn‘t do noth—I been this way a long time—all my life as

far I can tel—‖

―That ain‘t true! You‘re
married
. You got Linda pregnant—

twice!‖ Daisy whirled away from Logan, her chest heaving with

gasping breaths.

―It doesn‘t matter.‖ Logan moved towards his sister and turned

her around to face him. He kept his hands—gentle but steady—on her

shoulders. ―Believe me, none of that was ever what I wanted.‖

―Then why‘d you do it?‖ Daisy asked petulantly.

―Because what Jim did to Jerry all those years ago scared the shit

out of me. ‘Cause I couldn‘t accept who I was—thought it was better to

hide and pretend.‖ It was Logan‘s turn to be beseeching. He looked

down into his sister‘s tear-stained face, saying, ―I can‘t live that way

anymore. It nearly killed me—nearly killed Linda, too. And I don‘t just

mean from when I hit her.‖

―Logan, I just don‘t….‖ Daisy paused to wipe her damp eyes.

―You got any water ‘round here?‖

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287

―Sure thing.‖ Logan bounded over to the water cooler in the

corner by the desk and brought back a cup for his sister.

After she‘d drained the whole thing in one gulp, she whispered,

―It‘s gonna take some getting used to. This idea is sure gonna take

some getting used to.‖

―I can see that. And I‘ll give ya all the time you need.‖ Logan

pulled her to him and gave her a quick hug, relieved that there was no

apparent resistance. After he released her, he asked, ―You ready to

meet Nick?‖

Daisy gave a shaky laugh. ―Guess I better be.‖

The meal was kind of a penance for Logan, even though he

glowed with pride at how Nick managed to charm Daisy into, if not

comfort , at least a semblance of it. His boyfriend definitely shouldered

the burden of the conversation, peppering Daisy with questions about

Logan‘s childhood, her children back in Elco, and Lisa‘s plans to study

nursing. He augmented her answers with stories about his own college

days and so many anecdotes about The Liberty Grill that Daisy

seriously asked him if he had a financial interest in the place.

Nick smiled broadly as he looked around at the restaurant. ―Well,

as many meals as I‘ve had here over the years, I‘m sure I paid for that

new section they put in.‖ He paused and pointed towards the back of

the diner. ―But they didn‘t even have the courtesy to name it after me.‖

Suddenly a booming voice interrupted the conversation. ―Maybe

not, but I am thinking of calling an order of a loaded cheeseburger, mac

and cheese, with a double-thick chocolate shake ‗The Zales Special‘.‖

Nick‘s laugh rang out, and even Daisy smiled at the infectious

sound. ―Larry, who the hell is ever gonna order that? Besides
me
.‖

―Take your homage where you can get it, son,‖ Larry answered as

he slid into the booth next to Nick and introduced himself to Daisy.

Logan relaxed even further when Larry picked up the conversational

baton. He and Daisy ended up sharing stories about the joys and

sorrows of raising ―mouthy‖ children and the horrors of college tuition.

Logan offered to drive Daisy‘s Pathfinder back to Observatory

Hill so she wouldn‘t be navigating city streets in the dark. On the ride

home, he was slightly buoyed by her apparent change from sorrow and

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confusion to quiet thoughtfulness. ―Are you gonna want to tell the rest

of the family any time soon?‖ she asked anxiously. ―I mean, do you

want me to tell Chuck and—‖

―No. You‘re it for a while.‖

―Does Linda know?‖

―Yeah. I told her. Figured I owed her that much. But I don‘t want

anyone else knowin‘ ‘til I tell Krista and Meghan.‖

―When‘re you gonna do that?‖

―Probably late this year or early next year sometime. Nick says

we should see how well they adjust to the trauma of the divorce first.‖

When Daisy simply nodded, he couldn‘t help but venture, ―What did

you think of him? Nick.‖

Daisy sighed and shook her head. ―I gotta admit, I‘d be—well,

it‘d be a whole lot easier if he
was
just your friend, but….‖

―But?‖

―But he does seem like a… a good guy. Real friendly and what

Mama used to call ‗personable‘.‖

―For real,‖ Logan agreed.

―He sure ain‘t what I was expecting, though.‖ Logan tensed a bit,

waiting for Daisy to continue. ―I sure didn‘t expect him to be sooo—‖

As she drew the word out, Logan mentally supplied several possible

options: masculine, educated, talkative…. He was shocked to hear her

finally finish, ―…damn
good—looking
.‖

―What the hell does that mean? You didn‘t think I could get—‖

Logan stopped himself since they were veering into decidedly

uncomfortable territory.

Daisy reached over and patted his leg. ―Honey, I didn‘t mean that.

I mean, if you can get past the gay part—and I guess I‘m gonna have

to—you done good. Real good.‖

Logan felt a crooked smile form on his face. ―Yeah, I did.‖ As he

steered the car towards the expressway, he murmured, ―It took long

enough, but I did.‖

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289

LATER that night, lying together in the quiet of their darkened

bedroom, Nick pulled Logan to him and whispered, ―All in all, that

went pretty well, huh? As well as we could‘ve expected?‖

―We‘ll see. I think she‘s still in shock.‖

―Shock
is
the best we could have expected.‖

―Well, then it went
great
,‖ Logan offered sarcastically.

―You‘re never happy.‖

―That ain‘t true, and you know it. Not anymore.‖ Nick took the

way Logan settled more firmly against him as an illustration of his

point.

After drinking in the peace he always felt with Logan‘s body

pressed against his own, Nick‘s mind drifted from the relative success

of the evening to the task that still lay before him. ―Wish I had any

hope that my thing could….‖ He let the thought trail off, immediately

regretting that he‘d raised the subject at all.

―Could go that well?‖

―Yeah.‖

―If you‘re so sure it won‘t, then why do you even wanta—‖

―I have to. I can‘t really explain it, Logan, but I have to do this.‖

―Okay.‖ Nick felt Logan‘s strong, comforting hand run up and

down his side. ―So, next week, huh?‘

―Yep. It‘s all arranged.‖

―Sure you don‘t want me to go with you?‖

―No. Hell no.‖

―You don‘t have to do everything yourself anymore. You said

you realized that now.‖

―I know, you‘re right. But this I do.‖

Nick heard a frustrated sigh followed by a resigned, ―Okay.‖

The bedroom was silent for a while, and Nick wondered if his

lover had fallen asleep. ―Logan?‖ he whispered.

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―Yeah?‖

―Thanks for offering.‖

Logan pulled one of Nick‘s hands to his mouth and kissed it.

―Any time.‖

Nick responded by pressing soft kisses into the back of Logan‘s

neck. He had meant it to be a quick thing but then found it hard to stop.

―Nick,‖ Logan whispered, ―I don‘t wanta—‖

―I know, you don‘t wanta do anything while your sister‘s in the

house. I got that; I‘m just cuddling. Okay?‖

―Okay. I‘m sorry, it just makes me nervous knowin‘ she‘s right

down the hall.‖

Nick snorted quietly. ―Imagine how she feels.‖

―No, thanks.‖

―Well, you could always move into the other bedroom like you‘re

gonna do when your daughters visit.‖

Logan turned quietly in Nick‘s arms, and in the dim light from the

street lamp outside, Nick could just make out his smiling face. ―Are

you tryin‘ to get rid of me?‖

―Oh, you‘re too smart for me. You guessed my nefarious plan.‖

When Logan shook his head in mock disgust and flopped back over,

Nick pulled him back into a spoon position. After a few moments, a

mischievous devil prompted him to whisper in Logan‘s ear, ―Of course,

it is kinda torturous having you this close and knowing I can‘t do

anything. Maybe we could just—‖

―One night ain‘t gonna kill us,‖ Logan murmured.

―That which doth not kill us makes us strong.‖

A sleepy ―What?‖ came drifting over Logan‘s shoulder.

―Nietzsche,‖ Nick explained, obliquely.

―Gesundheit.‖ Nick shook with silent laughter, prompting Logan

to add, ―Go to sleep.‖

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291

AS NICK walked up to the surprisingly innocuous-looking prison

building, he found that he could remember nothing of the drive there—

always a sign that his nerves were running high. He responded by

silently repeating to himself the litany Trudy had offered as her parting

advice.
What’s the worst that can happen? He’s already done his

worst, and I survived.

Repeating that over and over kept him calm throughout the

tedious check-in procedure, and in a much shorter time than Nick could

have expected, he found himself sitting in what appeared to be the

world‘s ugliest high-school cafeteria. It was certainly nothing like he‘d

seen in the movies. No Plexiglas, no booths, no phones, just a series of

long tables and blue-gray plastic chairs. Several people were already

huddled in conferences at some of the other tables, the inmates

recognizable by their drab garb but generally otherwise unremarkable.

If it weren‘t for the armed guard at the entrance, Nick could almost

convince himself he wasn‘t sitting in a prison visiting room.

When, after a few minutes‘ wait, a pot-bellied, gray-haired man

of medium stature and build sat across from him, Nick initially stared at

the stranger uncomprehendingly. He was waiting for the man to explain

what the delay was when he spoke. ―Look at you. Finally grew into

them ears.‖ That voice, at least, hadn‘t changed a bit. ―Hey, Nick.‖

―Oh. It‘s you.‖ Nick was at a loss for how to address Sam Zales,

so he simply said, ―Hello… there.‖ He looked him up and down and

wondered if the man had shrunken in fact or simply due to a child‘s

distorted memory. ―You‘ve changed, too.‖

Sam sprawled out in what Nick immediately recognized as false

bravado. ―Yeah, time in the joint‘ll do that to you.‖ His father

continued with patently fake heartiness. ―Took you twenty years to find

the place, huh?‖

―I knew where to find you, I just never wanted to.‖

―So why now?‖

Since the truth still seemed complicated and nebulous even to

him, Nick replied, ―I just came to tell you that you‘re about to officially

become a murderer.‖ When Sam only nodded in response, he felt

compelled to add, with icy emphasis, ―My mother is dying.‖

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There was absolutely no emotion audible in the reply that was

lobbed back from across the battered table. ―I heard. That nun told me.‖

When Nick immediately rose to leave, Sam asked, ―You come all the

way for that? You ain‘t got anything else to say?‖

Nick sank back down into the hard chair, asking, ―Like what? ‗I

forgive you‘?‖

―What‘s that supposed to mean? I never did nothin‘ to you.‖

―What?‖ Nick‘s raised, angry voice drew a frown from the guard;

with great effort, he modulated his tone before continuing. ―You‘re

kidding me, right?‖

―All that stuff that went on, that was between me and my wife.

No one else.‖

―You and your wife—and me, the neighbors, the cops, the DA, a