Where the Allegheny Meets the Monongahela (41 page)

bed, enjoying the skin-to-skin contact, sweat-damp, strong bodies glued

together from chest to thigh, both panting from the electric charge as

their erections pressed together. They gasped and moaned in each

other‘s mouths, Nick pushing up desperately, sending a spike of

increased arousal through Logan.

With a shaking hand, Logan fumbled for the lube in Nick‘s

nightstand and prepared himself as quickly as he dared. Finally he

crawled up his lover‘s body until he was straddling him. Logan levered

himself up on strong thighs before sinking down, tortuously slow, onto

Nick‘s engorged cock. The sear of heat and stretch of fullness was

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253

everything Logan had been dreaming about, though the look of surprise

and wonder on Nick‘s face was better than any dream he‘d ever had.

The friction Logan felt riding Nick this way was painfully

wonderful in its intensity, and he increased the rhythm of his

movements as he leaned in for another bruising kiss. When Nick started

working Logan‘s cock, the pressure was already building, and shudders

of desire went through his body. He was faintly aware that he wasn‘t

going to last very long, but he kept pistoning up and down, harder and

more frantic, grabbing at Nick‘s sweaty, slick skin for a grip.

Nick pulled him down for another kiss, biting at his tender lips,

rougher than before, answering Logan‘s own burning need. Nick‘s eyes

glittered with hot, dark desire, and something else, something he‘d

never recognized in those depths. The realization caused him to gasp

for air. Logan leaned his forehead against Nick‘s and stilled for a

moment, trying wordlessly to let Nick know:
Me too. It’s more than

just this for me,
until moving became an imperative and he went back

at it, even more frantic than before, almost uncontrolled.

Nick threw his head back, arching up as he came, a white-hot

flood pushing up into Logan, who couldn‘t help but follow, coming so

hard his world narrowed to just him and his blinding orgasm until he

collapsed onto Nick, their bodies forming a sweaty tangle, heartbeats

thudding a matching tempo, both shuddering with aftershocks as they

came back down to earth.

WHEN Nick woke, he found half of his body covered by a slumbering

Logan. Extricating himself from the position proved tricky, since the

two of them were glued together by a mixture of dried sweat and

semen. When he did push away, it felt like two pieces of Velcro pulling

apart, and either the sound or the sensation served to awaken Logan.

Nick smiled into those sleep-dazed, lust-sated eyes. ―Hey, I was

gonna get a drink. Want somethin‘?‖

―Yeah,‖ Logan rasped. ―I‘m pretty parched.‖

―Guess we both lost a lotta fluid,‖ Nick answered. ―How does a

beer sound?‖

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―Sounds good.‖

Nick dashed downstairs and grabbed two IC Lights out of the

fridge. When he returned, Logan was sitting up against the headboard,

looking much more awake. Sliding in next to him, Nick passed one of

the beers over, then opened his own. He took a long swallow before

getting down to business. ―Did you go to Elco just to get the car

painted, or was there something else?‖

Logan fortified himself with a taste of his beer before replying, ―I

mainly went to talk to Daisy.‖

―‘Bout what?‖

―Jerry Sievers.‖

Though Nick wasn‘t sure what he had expected as an answer, that

was a surprise. ―What did you…. So what happened?‖

―I told her that she had no right to blackmail me into keepin‘ quiet

about what Jim did to my friend.‖ Nick nodded in agreement, about to

voice his approval, but Logan plowed ahead, his tone and face growing

more agitated with each word. ―I said she‘d been covering up for Jim

his whole life and it‘s time for her to stop. And….‖ Logan shook his

head and swallowed hard, as if it was too difficult to continue.

―And?‖ Nick prodded.

A shaky breath, and then he answered, ―And I told her how mad I

been all these years. Mad at Jim, sure—but her, too.‖

―How‘d she take it?‖

―She was hurt, tried to push it all away—pretended it didn‘t

matter anymore—but I kept at her, and she finally admitted that she‘d

been wrong. She even apologized.‖

Nick bit his lip as he mulled over Logan‘s report. ―Do you feel

better now?‖

There was no immediate answer forthcoming. Logan‘s crinkled

brow showed he was giving the matter some thought. He gulped more

beer before replying, ―Yeah, I do. It really cleared the air between us.

Felt good, but there‘s more.‖ A weary sigh escaped from Logan as he

put the bottle back to his lips.

―More what?‖

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Logan ran a hand through his sweat-matted hair, answering,

―More I gotta tell her….‖

―Meaning you didn‘t tell her ‘bout bein‘ gay, huh?‖ ventured

Nick.

―Nope.‖

―That‘s okay,‖ Nick offered, along with a firm pat on the arm.

―You can‘t do it all at once. Or all by yourself. Even I finally figured

that out.‖

―What‘s that mean?‖

―It means that this weekend, I decided Trudy was right. I

need…,‖ Nick sighed but forced himself to say it out loud, ―to see

someone.‖

―What?!‖

Nick was momentarily confounded by Logan‘s burst of

indignation, until it clicked and he hastened to explain. ―A counselor,

Logan. I‘ve decided to see a counselor and talk out all that stuff about

my mom and… my dad. I‘ve had that all walled away too long. Now I

need to deal with it.‖

―But… you know all that stuff, right? You
are
a counselor,‖

Logan stated firmly.

After releasing a slight snort at Logan‘s confidence in him, Nick

clarified, ―It doesn‘t work that way. You gotta talk these things out

with what we call ‗a disinterested party‘.‖

After considering that justification for a few seconds, Logan said,

―This is hard stuff. Fixin‘ your life.‖ He turned solemn eyes on Nick.

―Ain‘t it?‖

Nick‘s laugh this time was obvious. ―Sure is.‖

―What‘s so funny?‖

―Oh,‖ Nick shrugged as he said, ―I was thinking of this joke we

used to tell in grad school.‖ Sheepishly, he turned to Logan and asked,

―How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?‖

Logan cocked his head at Nick, his expression almost suspicious.

―I don‘t know, how many?‖

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―Just one—but the light bulb really has to wanta change.‖

With furrowed brows, Logan answered, ―Huh?‖

―It‘s what we always say about our patients. They can only

change if they
really want to
. There‘s no magic to it, just a lotta hard

work.‖

Logan seemed to take a moment to ponder that pronouncement.

Then he speared Nick with an intent gaze. ―I know what you mean. I‘ve

changed a lot since the thing with Linda, and it sure was hard work.

Hardest stuff I‘ve ever done.‖ Nick nodded in agreement, though

Logan‘s statement hung heavy in the air, and he evidently felt the need

to resolutely add, ―Not that I was ever really… a bad guy or anything. I

don‘t want you thinkin‘ I‘m like Alex… or your dad. I ain‘t.‖

It nearly killed Nick to speak his mind on that point, but this was

one wound that had to be bled out. He finished his beer and set the

empty bottle on the floor. ―I know you aren‘t… but you were. Even if it

was only for a moment, you
were
on that day.‖

A sullen frown clouded Logan‘s face as he pulled back and glared

at Nick. ―So that‘s it for you, huh? I‘m never gonna be anythin‘ but the

guy who hurt his wife. Case closed.‖

Rather than offering more ire in return, Nick calmly asserted,

―That
ain’t
what I‘m sayin‘. You
can
be the guy who‘d never do

anythin‘ like that again—‖

―Of course I wouldn‘t!‖ Logan polished off his own beer and

slammed the empty down on the nightstand for emphasis.

―Why?‖

Logan stared at Nick uncomprehendingly. ―Why what?‖

―Why won‘t you? More to the point, why
did
you?‖ Logan turned

away in palpable anger, but Nick held him back with a firm hand. ―No,

you can‘t run away from this. We gotta talk it out.‖

There was a long minute as Logan stared at the wall, obviously

ready to bolt any second. Nick held his breath until his lover turned

back, saying, ―Okay. Guess you‘re right.‖ He rubbed his hand across

his jaw. ―But I‘m not sure what you‘re asking.‖

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257

―A long time ago, I asked why you did it, and you didn‘t give me

an answer. Now I gotta know. I‘ve gotta understand what drove you to

that.‖

The bedroom was silent except for the faint background noises of

the neighborhood drifting in from the windows until Logan grunted, ―I

was mad.‖ He paused for a moment, then added, ―All the time.‖ Nick

nodded encouragingly, and he continued. ―Mad at myself, mainly, for

bein‘… bein‘ gay.‖ Logan stared down at the bed covers, the tension in

his jaw clipping his words. ―It was hard, hiding all the time—from

everyone, even me. And underneath that, I was scared all the time, too.

Scared someone would figure it out and I‘d end up….‖

―Like Jerry?‖

―Yeah. The only place I ever felt like I could relax was my

garage.‖

―And Linda took that away from you,‖ Nick ventured.

Logan nodded, saying, ―Yeah, that made me mad at her, too, but I

couldn‘t tell her—too afraid she‘d figure somethin‘ out.‖ A sad sigh

escaped as Logan explained, ―And it wasn‘t just giving up my garage.

It was coming up here, too, where there‘s always people around.

Always watchin‘ me, pryin‘ and pokin‘ at me.‖ In a choked voice, he

said, ―The mill was the worst, havin‘ to shower with all them guys

every day, and they was always throwin‘ around words like ‗faggot‘

and ‗cocksucker‘.‖

―Yeah,‖ Nick snarled. ―I remember.‖

―That‘s right,‖ Logan exclaimed in surprise. ―You know what it‘s

like. I was so fuckin‘ glad to get out of there, but Linda wouldn‘t let it

go. She was wild for me to get back in and make that good money

again. She sure never let me forget how I let the family down losin‘ that

job—that‘s what she was doin‘ when I lost it. But I couldn‘t go back

there. I knew for sure if I did I was ‘ventually gonna get found out

and….‖

―And end up beat up—or worse.‖

―Yep.‖ Logan‘s jaw was clenched, and he was back to staring at

the blanket.

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―I think I understand now. You were like a powder keg, Logan. If

only you‘d have done something—anything—about it, then you

wouldn‘t‘ve ended up hurting someone who loved you.‖

There were unshed tears in Logan‘s eyes as he said, ―I‘d give

anything to take it back.
Anything.
But I can‘t. For the rest of my life, I

gotta live with knowin‘ how bad I hurt Linda—and my daughters.‖

Nick tried to pull a resistant Logan into his arms. He persevered

until the other man relented, though the body he held was still poker-

stiff. Nick murmured, ―I‘m sorry.‖

―Sorry you made me tell you?‖ Logan spat.

―No… I‘m glad you told me. I‘m sorry you had to go through all

of that, all those years.‖ Logan relaxed against him fractionally, and

Nick whispered in his ear, ―Are you still mad about bein‘ gay? Still

afraid?‖

Nick‘s hands were tracing soothing whorls over Logan‘s chest as

he waited for an answer. The tension gradually seeped out of Logan,

and he settled back firmly against Nick, answering, ―Every day less and

less.‖

―Because of…?‖

Logan shook his head as if that was the stupidest question he‘d

ever heard, though his answer was imbued with keen affection. ―Oh, I

don‘t know. Maybe ‘cause of you, ya idiot.‖

―Good.‖ Nick turned Logan around until he could kiss him long

and deep. ―That‘s why—that‘s why you‘re the man who won‘t ever do

anything like that again. You‘re not fighting alone anymore.‖ Another

kiss, and Nick could admit, ―And neither am I.‖

His heart swelled almost to bursting when Logan pulled back and

gave him a shaky smile. ―When I‘m with you, I ain‘t afraid and I ain‘t

mad. In fact I‘m….‖ He let the words trail off, choosing to tell the rest

of his piece by ravishing Nick‘s mouth.

Nick was glad to celebrate their successful talk with another bout

of lovemaking. This time the sex was slower, sweeter, each man

seeming determined to draw it out as long as possible. Before they both