Where the Allegheny Meets the Monongahela (39 page)

marriage—

―Mr. Zales?‖ Nick looked up in surprise to find a pretty, well-

groomed blonde woman standing next to him. She must have noticed

his shock, since she said, ―I‘m sorry, I didn‘t mean to startle you, but

you are Nicholas Zales, right? I saw your name in the guest book.‖

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Nick recovered enough to answer, ―Uh, yes, I am.‖ He stood to

face her, explaining, ―I didn‘t mean to be rude. I just wasn‘t expecting

anyone here to know me. Were you a friend of Norah‘s?‖

―No, I‘m Amanda Seebold—her sister.‖

―Oh, of course, you even look like her.‖ Swallowing past an

enormous lump in his throat, he said, ―I‘m so sorry about Norah. I

thought the world of her.‖ There was more he would have liked to say,

but he found it impossible without starting to cry.

―Believe me, the feeling was mutual. The way she talked about

you, she thought you hung the moon. That‘s why it makes it so hard to

understand….‖ Amanda stopped and wiped away the tears coursing

down her cheeks before continuing. ―To understand why she would go

back—‖ The rest of her statement was lost in choked sobs, and Nick

put a comforting arm around her shoulder. Amanda regained control

and looked at Nick gratefully. ―I‘m sorry about that.‖

Finally letting a few tears of his own escape, Nick said, ―Don‘t

be. She was worth our pain.‖

―Yes, she was,‖ Amanda whispered. Then she straightened up and

looked over to her parents. Once she caught her father‘s eye, Amanda

waved them over to that side of the room. Nick watched in surprise as

the couple broke away from the man they had been talking with and

moved quickly to where he stood with their surviving daughter. ―I was

right,‖ she said to her parents. ―This is Nick Zales, Norah‘s counselor.‖

Nick was abashed and humbled at the way Nancy hugged him,

and Butch pumped his hand, saying, ―It was real good of you to come

all this way. Norah talked so much ‘bout all you did for her—‖

It was all too much for him, too much undeserved praise. Nick

had to break in with a choked voice, saying, ―I‘m so sorry for your loss.

And I‘m sorry I couldn‘t have done more for her. Couldn‘t help her.‖

Nick was suddenly engulfed in Nancy‘s firm embrace as she

cried, ―I know, hon, I know. I keep thinking the same thing. What

didn‘t I give my baby? What was she missing that—‖ Nancy was

unable to finish and turned her face into her husband‘s sleeve, sobbing

helplessly.

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241

―All right, Nance,‖ Butch said tenderly. ―Maybe you should go sit

down by your sister again, okay?‖ He nodded goodbye at Nick and

steered his wife over to the front row of chairs.

Amanda said, ―I‘m gonna go get my mom some water. Thanks

again for coming, Nick. If I don‘t get a chance to invite you later,

there‘s a hot supper at the Village Café in Arkport after the funeral.

Please stop by if you can.‖

―Thank you,‖ Nick said. He sank back down onto the small sofa,

shame now adding further weight to his misery. His temples were

starting to pound with an oncoming headache; he closed his eyes

against the light from the lamp next to him and rubbed his forehead.

A few seconds later, he felt someone sit next to him on the couch

and looked up, expecting to see Amanda, but the figure who greeted

him left him momentarily speechless as he struggled to decide if he was

glad or annoyed.

―Hello, Nick,‖ Sister Ciera said solemnly, though her smile was

warm.

Nick wasn‘t sure what surprised him more, that Ciera was there or

that she was there garbed in full nun‘s regalia. After returning her

greeting, he gestured at her outfit, saying, ―Uh, I didn‘t even know you

had
the… umm… get-up.‖

―It‘s called a habit. Since I‘m staying with the Sisters of St.

Joseph over in Wayland, I thought I‘d better dress the part.‖ At his

puzzled look, she explained, ―They‘re a bit more formal than my

order.‖

Having recovered from his initial surprise, Nick asked

suspiciously, ―Did Trudy send you here?‖

―No, I‘m not representing ACC, if that‘s what you‘re asking.‖

Not yet convinced, he said, ―I didn‘t think you and Norah were

that close—‖ he stopped in mid-sentence as he abruptly remembered

the connection. ―Oh, yeah. She used to help you with the literacy

classes when she first came to ACC.‖

―That‘s right.‖

―I almost forgot that.‖

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Ciera was definitely more subdued than Nick had ever seen her.

She didn‘t answer immediately but gripped the strand of rosary beads

that hung at her waist in silence before saying, ―I‘ll never forget.‖ She

sighed sadly and added, ―Even back then, I really thought she was

going to make it.‖

Nick slumped back, resting his head in his right hand, saying,

―Maybe she would have. If we had…. If only I hadn‘t let her go so

soon. Too soon.‖

―Nick,‖ Ciera said with a hint of exasperation. ―This was not your

fault. Stop blaming yourself for everything that goes wrong with

clients.‖ Her hand went back to her rosary. As she fingered the beads,

she said, ―Speaking of habits—yours is rather destructive. Plus…

you‘re not as all-powerful as you seem to think.‖

Rather than finding comfort, Nick was annoyed by her firm

absolution. ―What the hell does that mean?‖

―It means that trying to take on all the blame presumes a power

you don‘t have—no human has. As much as we sometimes want to

deny it, we‘re mere mortals, and no matter how good or strong or

perfect we try to be, bad things are going to happen. If we can‘t accept

that, then we can‘t accept life.‖

―So it‘s all just random fate, huh? Nothing I could have done to

stop it?‖

―Probably not. And it wasn‘t just random fate. It was evil, evil

perpetuated by another human being. A human being over whom you

had no control.‖

To his consternation, Ciera‘s words were reaching a part of him

that Nick kept locked away, a part of him that spoke with the voice of a

young boy who was tired of carrying the weight of the world on his

shoulders and was crying out for relief. But with the promise of respite

came terror, for releasing the burden also meant giving up control.

Even if the power was only an illusion, he had clung to it for a long

time and found some comfort there. In desperation, Nick tried to stop

the control from slipping away. He stabbed back at Ciera, snapping,

―So explain to me how your ‗all-loving, all-powerful God‘ let this evil

happen to Norah.‖

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Instead of rising to the bait, Ciera seemed to actually consider his

question carefully for a few seconds. She stared at the coffin,

answering, ―I know it has something to do with the free will that God

gave to Alex Bogdanov.‖ Her usually bright eyes were dulled with pain

when she looked back at Nick. ―But tonight that answer just isn‘t good

enough.‖

After waiting in vain for a ―punch line‖ to that last statement,

Nick asked, ―So what are you going to do?‖

―Pray for the strength to get through this and hope I‘m eventually

face-to-face with God so He can explain it to me.‖

For reasons he didn‘t quite understand, the nun‘s uncertainty

comforted Nick more than any platitude ever could. Though he would

never share her absolute faith in God, that didn‘t mean Nick had to try

and take His place. Maybe no matter what they believed,
everyone
still

had to live with doubts and dangers.

In that moment, Nick knew he was grateful for Ciera‘s company.

The unlikely pair comforted each other during the evening, exchanging

quiet reminisces about Norah for the rest of the viewing and standing

side-by-side as the minister read the funeral rites.

Afterwards, Nick walked Ciera to her ancient Subaru Outback.

Still undecided himself, he asked, ―Are you going to the wake?‖

―I don‘t think so. It‘s in the opposite direction of the convent, and

I‘m not up to a crowd right now. Are you?‖

―I feel the same way,‖ he agreed. ―Not up to a crowd, I mean.‖

Ciera cocked her head at him. ―Well, I was thinking of getting a

drink. Would you like to join me?‖

―What do you mean, coffee or something?‖

Shrugging, Ciera answered, ―If that‘s what you want. I was more

thinking of a gin and tonic.‖

―Really?‖ Nick asked incredulously.

―Yes. I noticed what looked like a quiet little bar on my way here.

Joe‘s Tavern on River Street.‖

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Though the thought of going to a bar with Ciera sounded almost

surreal to Nick, he could do with a drink. ―Okay.‖ He glanced at her

clothing uncertainly. ―Aren‘t you going to change first?‖

―No. Would you prefer that I did?‖

―Umm…. I meant… I didn‘t think you could… that you were

allowed
to go into a bar like… that.‖

Ciera‘s grin looked almost cocky. ―Are you kidding? From what I

hear, your drinks are usually cheaper when you‘re dressed like this.‖

Nick actually managed a small laugh. ―Okay, I‘ll follow you

there.‖

Thankfully the bar was every bit as quiet and dark as they could

have hoped. The cocktail waitress did seem mildly surprised when they

first walked in but escorted them to a booth in the corner without

comment. Their drinks, the gin and tonic Ciera had craved along with a

shot and beer for Nick, arrived quickly. They sipped in silence until

Nick asked Ciera how his clients were doing in his absence.

―It‘s only been a week, you know. But everyone misses you.‖ The

characteristic twinkle in her eye appeared for the first time all night.

―Especially Trudy, though God knows she‘d never admit it. She can be

every bit as stubborn as you.‖

Upon hearing that assertion, Nick almost choked on the whiskey

he was downing. ―You think I‘m as stubborn as Trudy?‖ he sputtered.

―No, I think you‘re even more stubborn.‖ She reached for her

frosty glass and swallowed a bit of the cocktail before adding, ―It‘s one

of your greatest strengths, I think. But it can also be your biggest

weakness.‖

Nick turned his attention back to his beer while trying to parse

that pronouncement. Before he came up with a retort, Ciera asked about

his mom. He bit his lip, remembering how confused and weak Agnes

had seemed at his last visit. ―She never really recovered from the

pneumonia. I had to put her in a nursing home.‖

―Yes, Trudy told me. But it‘s only temporary, isn‘t that right?‖

―That‘s what they say.‖ Nick polished off his beer before

admitting, ―But I don‘t see it happening. Her coming back home, that

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245

is. The dementia seems worse than ever, and physically… she‘s not

doing so well.‖

―I‘m sorry to hear that.‖ Nick nodded and signaled for another

beer as Ciera offered, ―Your mom‘s only a little older than me. She

could fight her way back from this.‖

―Maybe.‖ Nick gave it some thought for a minute or two before

demurring, ―I just don‘t see much fight in her these days.‖ The waitress

put a fresh beer in front of him, and he took a gulp before snorting,

―What am I saying? She never had
any
fight in her. If she had, she

would have stood up to—‖ Nick caught himself before he went too far

down that road. Even though he knew Ciera probably had a sketchy

idea of his past, it wasn‘t something they‘d ever discussed.

So he was wholly unprepared when she rather matter-of-factly

said, ―I tell him about you, Nick.‖

His head shot up, and he stared at the little nun in disbelief.

―What? Who? Who do you tel—‖

―Your father, of course.‖

The room started spinning around him, and it had nothing to do

with the alcohol he‘d consumed. Nick finally gathered his wits enough

to ask, ―How did you know?‖

Ciera gave a short, rueful laugh. ―You have the same last name,

for starters. He‘s incarcerated for gravely injuring his wife. It wasn‘t

that hard to figure out.‖

The truth was suddenly so obvious, Nick felt foolish for not

having guessed before. Ciera ministered regularly at Fayette County

Prison. Of course she would have run into his father sometime in the

past twenty years. However, she‘d kept her silence about Sam Zales all

the years she‘d known Nick, and he fervently wished she hadn‘t

decided to break it that night. With barely suppressed fury, he