Wherever You Go (30 page)

"But you guys are talking, right? I mean, nothing bad happened over the weekend?"

"I told you, the weekend was one of the best of my life."

"We had a luau!" said Lena.

"Hey, Lena, why don't you and Grandpa go wash up for dinner," I said, pulling back her chair.

She groaned but took Aldo's hand. "Come on, Grandpa."

Once they were off down the hall, Marisa leaned in close to me. "I heard that you broke up."

"What?"

"Some girls in my gym class were talking about it this morning. One of them has a crush on Jason and, well, she was happy he was back on the market."

My stomach dropped. "What? We didn't break up."

"Good," Marisa said, exhaling. "That's what I thought."

"What else were they saying?"

Marisa gave my shoulders a squeeze. "Just a bunch of crap about you," she said slowly. "Sorry."

"It's probably his stupid friends trying to break us up. Why do they hate me?"

Marisa toyed with a spoon from one of the place settings. "I don't know. But Jason doesn't feel that way, obviously."

"You know, after you left the lunchroom yesterday, Mark was a complete jerk," I said, crossing my arms across my belly. "He hated me before, when I was dating Rob, and he hates me now that I'm seeing Jason."

"Now that you're loved by Jason," Marisa said.

"Does someone who loves you tell his stupid friend a bunch of personal stuff about you?" I said, flashing back to Mark, to what he said in the hallway, how he'd known about the list.

"Jason is a guy. They all talk," Marisa said. "We spend all this time imagining stuff about our futures with them, and they spend time dissecting the present. I mean, remember when I made out with Kent Greely at the baseball game last summer? He told everyone."

"Why do they do that?"

Marisa shrugged. "I don't know—so that people think they're a real man or something? It's all about what other people think, not what they feel."

"You think Jason would have said something about us?"

"Well, he certainly wouldn't have lied about stuff between you. Would he?"

"I don't think so."

"And you remember everything that happened this weekend?"

"I wasn't drinking," I said. "Not this time."

Marisa looked totally relieved. "Good. Then you just go to school and ignore people. Okay? Isn't that the best strategy?"

"Ignore people about what?"

"Holly." Marisa toyed with one of the bracelets on her wrists, avoiding my stare. "They said that you hooked up with Jason and Mark the same night. That that's why Jason dumped you."

"Holy crap."

ont>"times new roman">"I told them it couldn't be true," Marisa said. "I told those girls in my gym class it never could have happened. That you're not like that."

Grandpa and Lena came back into the kitchen. "All clean," Lena announced, helping him into his seat.

"I have to get the car back," Marisa said. "You want a ride to Jason's house? I think you need to talk to him."

I gestured toward my family, toward dinner. "Thanks, but..." I stood up and walked her to the door.

She gave me a big hug. "Please, don't let this get to you. The worst thing you can do is to let something like this screw you up, okay? I'll see you tomorrow."

After Marisa left, I headed back into the kitchen and started dishing out the soup. Grandpa smiled as I set a bowl in front of him. Lena grabbed a handful of soda crackers and started crushing them in her fingers, letting the flakes snow down onto the steaming soup. I cooked the sandwiches in the skillet and sliced them into triangles, cheese oozing out the side. But I wasn't hungry anymore.

"Can you keep an eye on Grandpa while he's eating?" I asked Lena as I set the plate of grilled cheese in the center of the table.

She reached for two sandwich triangles, putting one on Grandpa's plate.

And I went into the living room where it was quiet, my hand shaking as I dialed Jason's number.

"I'm downstairs," Jason said, "parked out front. Can I come up?"

"No," Holly said, her voice wavering a little on the phone.

He didn't tell her he'd been sitting there for half an hour, debating whether or not he should even try to buzz her apartment, when he'd seen Marisa go up. "Well, can we talk?"

"Yeah, of course. I'll come down for a minute. Stay there."

A little while later, when she opened the glass lobby door, she looked pale and was in sweatpants and a hoodie. But even dressed down, she was cute.

"Hey," she said, walking over to the bench in front of the building.

"You didn't come to school. I was afraid that I had something to do with that," he said.

"No, I didn't feel good this morning," Holly said, sitting down, making herself small.

He smiled, relaxing. "Good. I mean, not good that you don't feel good—just that I wasn't the reason you stayed away." Jason sat down on the other end of the bench, turning his body to face hers. "Look, I'm sorry about what you must have heard. Mark is a complete jerk."

"I'new" Jason save always known that."

"Well, I'm just starting to figure that out after all these years. I don't know why he started talking shit. Come here," he said, holding out his hands.

Holly didn't move from her spot. "Why did you tell him?" she said.

"I didn't tell him anything," Jason said.

"You did. You told him about Aldo's list," Holly said quietly. "And he told me you were just helping Aldo to get to me. That you were jealous of me and Rob. That you felt closer to Rob when you were with me."

Jason's cheeks went red. "I didn't mean to tell him about the list. I was just explaining about the luau."

"That list was between us. I didn't even tell my mom till a few days ago."

"I'm sorry I told him, all right? I didn't know it was such a big deal."

Holly leveled her gaze at him. "And about what he said—"

"Obviously, none of that is true, and it didn't come from me," Jason said. "Mark wishes he had a girl as beautiful and real as you. He wishes we would break up, I'm sure."

"No. The part about you feeling closer to Rob when you're with me—did you say that?"

Jason bit the inside of his cheek. "No. It's not about that at all."

Holly's lips were a firm line. "That first day, when you talked to me on the street, when you apologized for how everyone had been to me—was that real?"

"Of course it was real, Holly—why wouldn't it have been real? All of this—the way I feel about you—is real." He could see the tears forming behind her eyes. He could see the doubts building. "Is what you feel for me real? Because if it is, then none of this crap matters—nothing matters but us."

"They didn't like me when I was with Rob. Didn't like where I come from or how I dress or that I don't have a fancy car—or any car," she said with a laugh. "And they will never like me when I'm with you."

"Not true. Faith likes you," Jason said. "She told me."

"So, you're talking to Faith? That's perfect. She's the perfect girl for you."

"No. It's not like that."

"You did your duty," Holly said, standing up. "You took care of poor Holly. You took care of what Rob left behind. I'm fine. Okay? Me and my grandpa and my mom and my sister, we're all fine. So you can go. Your job is done."

"You want me to go?"

Holly eyes were fierce. "Yeah. Just go."

Jason rose to his feet and headed toward the Audi. He looked once over his shoulder and saw Holly still sitting on the bench, now with her head in her hands. Before he started to lose it, he shut the car door and drove away. Leaving behind all he'd ever cared about.

***

"What the hell just happened?" You materialize in the kitchen at Aldo's side. "I go visit my peeps for a while and everything falls to crap?"

"Easy," Aldo says. He dips his cheese sandwich into the soup on the table in front of him. "I'm not in charge of anything, kid."

Holly comes into the kitchen, wiping tears away with the backs of her sleeves.

"They were breaking up. That's not supposed to happen," you say, following her, wishing you could reach out and hug her, ease her sadness.

"What's
supposed
to happen? Who the hell knows?" Aldo says.

Holly glances over at him, noticing the mumbling in Italian. "Grandpa?"

"What's Grandpa saying?" Lena says, frowning.

Aldo's still ranting. "The only thing I do know from this whole experience is that no one, even the dead, knows anything."

"They're supposed to be together," you say. "I just know that. I feel it. And I rarely feel anything these days, so it's got to be true. Seriously, Aldo, will you acknowledge Holly? She's still staring at you, dude."

"I'm fine," Aldo says, mustering up the words.

"This soup tastes different," Lena says as she reaches for another triangle of sandwich. "Not like your normal soup."

"It's from a can, Lena. I didn't have time to make homemade bisque."

"Oh. Well, I like your soup better." She dips the edge of her sandwich in her bowl.

"Uh ... thanks?" Holly says, giving her a watery smile.

"She's not supposed to be so unhappy," you say. "Can't you tell Holly that he loves her? That it doesn't matter about me? It's about them."

"That's a mouthful," Aldo says.

Holly quirks an eyebrow. "Grandpa?"

"Just tell her. Tell her something to let her know he loves her."

Aldo stares at you hard. "I told you, kid. I think this is getting harder."

"Please try."

"Grandpa?" Holly says, reaching out to pat him on the hand. "You're making me worried. Is it the Roberto thing again? Is he bothering you?"

"Always."

"Come on. Try," you say.

"He ... loves you," Aldo says, looking Holly in the eyes.

"Roberto loves me?"

Aldo shakes his head with great effort. "The other boy," he says.

"He means Jason," says Lena, wiping soup from her mouth with a paper towel. "I think Grandpa means Jason loves you."

Holly's eyes water. "Thanks, Grandpa. That's nice."

"He loves you," Aldo repeats, saying the words carefully, clearly.

Holly picks up a spoon and stirs her soup. "Okay."

You nearly jump up on the table in front of her. "She doesn't believe us," you say. "He screwed up, and she doesn't believe us."

"She doesn't believe us because she doesn't believe in love anymore," Aldo says to you.

His words nearly make yo
u shiver. "No."

"It's a hard thing to believe in once you've had it and lost it."

"Love is the only thing to believe in," you say.

"Hey, you finally learned something useful," Aldo says, giving you a little smile. "Way to go, kid."

"Grandpa," Holly says, squeezing his hand. "Finish your soup before it gets cold."

Aldo nods. "I need to go back to them. This talking-for-you business—it's not so easy."

"Thank you," you say. "I don't know that it made a difference, but thank you. You rest up. I'll be back."

"You'd better be," Aldo replies. "We have more things we need to tell her. Many more things."

"I know."

"You going, then?" Aldo asks.

"Not just yet. I'll sit here awhile with you." You lean back in the chair and watch Holly and her family finish their dinner. It's almost like being there. Almost like being able to comfort her, which you realize you should have been doing all along.

"Just give her some time," Faith said the next morning. "She needs to cool off, and then you can talk to hen">"Psize="5" cr again. Only stupid people believe what Mark says, anyway. It'll blow over."

The library was nearly empty that morning before school, but Jason whispered anyway. "Yeah, but she dumped me. Everything's all screwed up."

Faith shook her head. "You're just figuring things out. You didn't break up."

"She won't take my calls."

Faith rolled her eyes and focused back on her laptop, her fingers hitting the keys with precision. "Just chill. Don't be that crazy guy stalking her. No girl wants that."

"Yeah, maybe you're right."

"I know I'm right. She has to come talk to you on her terms. She's hurt, and somehow, even though Mark started this, it made her doubt you."

"I'd never do anything to hurt her."

"I know that," Faith said, her eyes finding his. "You're a good guy. Maybe not so smooth, but you're a good guy."

"Thanks a lot," Jason said, shoving her elbow playfully.

"I'm glad you called me," she said.

"Well, I don't have anywhere else to go for advice on this kind of stuff."