Whisper (11 page)
“
R
iley!” Bodhi called out to me, reached for me, but I just kept going, swerving right past him, right past poor whining Buttercup as I found my way out of the Colosseum and onto the street.
R
iley!” Bodhi called out to me, reached for me, but I just kept going, swerving right past him, right past poor whining Buttercup as I found my way out of the Colosseum and onto the street.
“You were great back there,” Bodhi said, running to keep up with me. “Really, as your guide I have to say I was truly impressed.”
I slumped down onto a big stone slab and buried my face in my hands, mumbling, “Yeah? Well, you shouldn’t be. The whole thing’s been nothing but a big, fat, colossal fail since the moment I got here.”
“How do you figure?” Bodhi sat beside me, as Buttercup tried to sniff and lick at my fingers but I pushed him away.
“How do
you
figure?” I asked, knowing I was acting like a brat, but unable to voice the real reason behind it.
you
figure?” I asked, knowing I was acting like a brat, but unable to voice the real reason behind it.
It was the way Bodhi had looked at me when I was
Aurelia—versus the way he looked at me now. The two were polar opposites, worlds apart, as different as me and, well, as different as me and Aurelia were.
Aurelia—versus the way he looked at me now. The two were polar opposites, worlds apart, as different as me and, well, as different as me and Aurelia were.
“You found your way out,” Bodhi said. “You’re the first Soul Catcher to accomplish such a thing.”
“I didn’t accomplish anything,” I told him. “I found my way out because of you, and Buttercup. Your showing up while I was out on the balcony triggered something in me, though I did my best to fight it so I could continue to live as Aurelia.” I lifted my head, and searched for his eyes. “And, for the record, I heard everything you said. I remember
all
of it.” I shot him a pointed look, wondering if he understood what I was referring to—the bit when he confessed that I, or rather me masquerading as Aurelia, took his breath away. I shook my head and groaned, waved my hand before me, wishing I could erase what I’d just said. There was no point in going on about it. “The only reason I didn’t let on is because I didn’t exactly want to be out. Before I agreed to enter her world, I made her promise not to trap me. But, once she did, I didn’t fight too hard to get out. Messalina gave me everything I ever wanted and more. And, at that moment anyway, the Here & Now just couldn’t compete with the fairy-tale life she’d created for me.”
all
of it.” I shot him a pointed look, wondering if he understood what I was referring to—the bit when he confessed that I, or rather me masquerading as Aurelia, took his breath away. I shook my head and groaned, waved my hand before me, wishing I could erase what I’d just said. There was no point in going on about it. “The only reason I didn’t let on is because I didn’t exactly want to be out. Before I agreed to enter her world, I made her promise not to trap me. But, once she did, I didn’t fight too hard to get out. Messalina gave me everything I ever wanted and more. And, at that moment anyway, the Here & Now just couldn’t compete with the fairy-tale life she’d created for me.”
“So, what changed your mind?” he asked, his voice gentle but curious.
I started to say, “
You
.”
You
.”
Started to say that the thought of being around him, even stuck as little Riley Bloom, the girl he’d never take seriously, was what did it—but I just couldn’t get to the words.
So instead, I swallowed hard and said, “Buttercup.” I patted my lap, invited my big lug of a dog to jump up. Grasping him tightly to a chest that was once again sunken, I said, “I missed Buttercup.” And then I buried my face in his fur, mumbling my apologies into his ear. “I’m sorry for calling you smelly, because you’re not—or at least not in a bad way, not in the way of the
ludus.
You smell like fresh air and sunshine and …” I scrunched my nose deep into his neck. “And strawberries! Have you been rolling in a field of strawberries?” I peered into his big brown eyes, hoping to find a hint of forgiveness. And when he barked in excitement, when he licked my face and left a pool of slobber all over my cheeks, I knew we were good once again.
ludus.
You smell like fresh air and sunshine and …” I scrunched my nose deep into his neck. “And strawberries! Have you been rolling in a field of strawberries?” I peered into his big brown eyes, hoping to find a hint of forgiveness. And when he barked in excitement, when he licked my face and left a pool of slobber all over my cheeks, I knew we were good once again.
“So what now?” Bodhi asked, his question so broad I wasn’t sure if he meant:
What now after the weird thing we experienced?
What now after the weird thing we experienced?
Or more like:
What do we do now—what’s the strategy for getting what we came for?
What do we do now—what’s the strategy for getting what we came for?
Choosing to stick with the least uncomfortable of the two, I gazed down at my dress, tightened the braided gold
sash around my waist, and said, “Well, I’m pretty sure we can find Messalina and Theocoles in either one of two places—at the party, or the games. From what I can tell, they just relive the same two experiences over and over again.”
sash around my waist, and said, “Well, I’m pretty sure we can find Messalina and Theocoles in either one of two places—at the party, or the games. From what I can tell, they just relive the same two experiences over and over again.”
I
was really hoping we’d find them at the games since I’d had enough of that whole party scene. And, in all honesty, I was hoping to avoid Dacian as well.
was really hoping we’d find them at the games since I’d had enough of that whole party scene. And, in all honesty, I was hoping to avoid Dacian as well.
Partly due to vanity—I couldn’t bear the thought of him seeing me as myself—my
real
self as opposed to my
future
self. And partly because I was pretty sure he wasn’t real anyway. I was pretty sure he was nothing more than a manifestation Messalina had made to better distract me. The fact that she refused to either confirm or deny it, the fact that she just slid around the question, only proved it.
real
self as opposed to my
future
self. And partly because I was pretty sure he wasn’t real anyway. I was pretty sure he was nothing more than a manifestation Messalina had made to better distract me. The fact that she refused to either confirm or deny it, the fact that she just slid around the question, only proved it.
But, as luck would have it, when we arrived the party was in full swing, Messalina was already down in the
ludus,
and there was no sign of Dacian, which only confirmed my suspicion. Dacian was a fake. Otherwise, he would’ve been there, caught up in the same, lame routine. But since I was no longer a participant, Messalina was free to delete him
from the guest list. And yet, even though I already suspected, I’m not gonna lie, it still hurt like heck.
ludus,
and there was no sign of Dacian, which only confirmed my suspicion. Dacian was a fake. Otherwise, he would’ve been there, caught up in the same, lame routine. But since I was no longer a participant, Messalina was free to delete him
from the guest list. And yet, even though I already suspected, I’m not gonna lie, it still hurt like heck.
Hurt in a way that surprised me.
My fairy-tale romance was not only completely superficial—not only based on a lie—but, in actuality, it didn’t even exist.
My first real kiss wasn’t real at all—it had come from a soulless aberration disguised as Prince Charming. And I’d wanted so badly to believe it was true that I bought right into the illusion Messalina had made.
How’s that for pathetic?
We made our way down the stairs, pushing through the crowd of raging gladiator ghosts, until we came to the second-to-last cell, and I motioned for Bodhi to peek through the small square opening at the top, to take in the scene I knew all too well.
“Wow, he really is stuck,” Bodhi whispered, turning away from the door and glancing at me.
I stared at him, suddenly struck by something I hadn’t noticed before.
“What?” Bodhi’s brows drew together as Buttercup tilted his head and stared at me inquisitively.
“Say it again,” I urged. “Repeat exactly what you just said, in the exact same tone of voice.”
He looked at me like I’d lost it, though he was quick to
go along, whispering, “Wow, he really is stuck.” Then staring at me, waiting for the big reveal.
go along, whispering, “Wow, he really is stuck.” Then staring at me, waiting for the big reveal.
“That’s it!” I pulled him away from the door, and motioned for Buttercup to run alongside me, glancing over my shoulder to say, “Listen, when we get to the top of the stairs we’ll find ourselves in the Colosseum. I don’t know how it happens, I just know that it’s always happened that way in the past, so I’m sure it’ll happen again. So just follow my lead, okay?”
Bodhi nodded, his trust in me complete. And as I tore up the stairs and found my way to the landing that’s when I learned that I really was in Messalina’s world—and the rules of the game could change in an instant.
I
stared in confusion, having no idea how this could’ve happened. We weren’t at the games, weren’t anywhere near the Colosseum from what I could tell. The only thing I knew for sure is that Messalina was messing with me. If she couldn’t keep me under her spell, then she’d keep me trapped in her maze.
stared in confusion, having no idea how this could’ve happened. We weren’t at the games, weren’t anywhere near the Colosseum from what I could tell. The only thing I knew for sure is that Messalina was messing with me. If she couldn’t keep me under her spell, then she’d keep me trapped in her maze.
Bodhi cocked his head, looking to me for direction. Figuring since I’d spent so much time here I must know the way, and at that moment, I suddenly understood his job better—the huge responsibility involved in guiding others. I also understood how horrible it must’ve been for him to be stuck as my guide, when I tended to fight him every step of the way, ensuring his job was anything but easy.
Surely being stuck in a maze of empty white rooms that all looked the same, feeling about as lost as it gets as my dog and my guide waited for me to lead them to escape, was
nothing more than the payback I so richly deserved. Though payback or not, I had no choice but to overcome it, to do whatever it took to find our way out.
nothing more than the payback I so richly deserved. Though payback or not, I had no choice but to overcome it, to do whatever it took to find our way out.
I forced myself to go quiet and still, on the lookout for any signs that might help, and it wasn’t long before I heard a burst of noise drifting from a place nearby, motioning for Bodhi and Buttercup to follow alongside me. We crept down a series of corridors, through a succession of identical rooms, progressing toward the sound of laughter, music, and chatter that seemed to grow louder and louder with each passing step, though no matter how far we went, we couldn’t locate the source, never got any closer than when we began.
I stopped, coming to such a quick and sudden halt that Bodhi bumped right into me, and Buttercup into him—the chain reaction knocking me off balance, forcing me to reach toward the wall to steady myself.
“Sorry,” Bodhi whispered, starting to say something more when I raised my finger to my lips, shooting him and Buttercup a warning of silence.
Listen,
I thought, knowing he could hear it as clearly as any words I might speak.
Listen as hard as you can
.
I thought, knowing he could hear it as clearly as any words I might speak.
Listen as hard as you can
.
Bodhi leaned forward as Buttercup mimicked by cocking an ear and holding the pose for a moment before turning to me in confusion.
I don’t hear anything—or at least anything that stands out
from the laughter and chatter
. Bodhi looked at me, face thoroughly confused.
from the laughter and chatter
. Bodhi looked at me, face thoroughly confused.
I nodded. Finally getting the full picture of what I’d only glimpsed before. “Instead of moving
toward
the noise, we should’ve been moving
away
from it.”
toward
the noise, we should’ve been moving
away
from it.”
Bodhi looked in both directions before returning to me.
“The noise is a distraction. It’s keeping us from our goal. Just like it’s keeping Theocoles from his destiny.”
Bodhi sighed, shrugged, clearly having no idea what I meant, but eager to get on with it, he jabbed a thumb over his shoulder and said, “So, we go that way instead?”
I nodded. “Head into the silence.” I slipped in front of him, taking the lead. “Head to the place where the noise becomes no more than a whisper. That’s where we’ll find him—and that’s where we’ll need to lead him as well.”
W
e headed back through the maze, back down the stairs, and back toward the
ludus,
moving away from the noise Messalina had manifested to bait us, until reaching the long row of cells where I stopped, listened intently, and hearing the roar of the crowd, moved in the direction it came from.
e headed back through the maze, back down the stairs, and back toward the
ludus,
moving away from the noise Messalina had manifested to bait us, until reaching the long row of cells where I stopped, listened intently, and hearing the roar of the crowd, moved in the direction it came from.
“Wait—I thought we wanted to move
away
from the noise?” Bodhi said, keeping pace beside me.
away
from the noise?” Bodhi said, keeping pace beside me.
“We did.” I nodded, quickening my pace.
“But now we’re moving toward it—again.”
“Yep.” I navigated a series of turns, trying not to overthink it—that would only lead to doubt and confusion. If I wanted to end this, I had to commit to my instincts.
“I don’t get it,” Bodhi said, his voice sounding discouraged, as though he was ready to move in and take charge.
“You may not get it now, but you will, I promise. You have to trust me.”
I looked at him, taking in the swoop of his hair, and his thick fringe of lashes, then I looked away just as quickly. Unsure why I felt such a sudden surge of loss when we were getting along better than ever, but there was no doubt things had changed. Changed in a way that was much bigger than either of us probably realized. Whether it be good change or bad change remained to be seen—all I knew for sure is that all change stems from a loss of something that came before.
“The party noise was intended to distract us, to lead us toward something that didn’t exist,” I told him. “Messalina manifested it. There are no party guests—she just makes it appear that way. The only thing that’s real is what happens between her and Theocoles.”
“What about those other Soul Catchers? Did you run into any of them? They’re still out here, disguised as party guests, gladiators, house slaves, and who knows what else?”
I shrugged. I had no way of knowing what happened to them, and I hated to say it, but it really was none of my concern. I’d been warned about making up my own assignments, it was a lesson I’d learned the hard way, but at least I can say that I truly did learn it. Which meant that the fate of anyone other than Theocoles was none of my business. The Council was in charge, not me.
“We’ll deal with that later.” I glanced over my shoulder. “But for now, all you need to know is that wherever you hear the roar of the crowd, that’s where you’ll find Theocoles. It’s what he lived for, what he inadvertently died for—and it’s the one thing he refuses to give up.”
We turned another corner and I couldn’t help but smile in triumph when the light hit my eyes so hard I was forced to squint and shield my face with my hand.
“The Colosseum,” Bodhi said, as poor Buttercup sniffed the air and gazed around anxiously, sensing the lingering agony of all the poor animals that came here before him only to die a terrible death. “The
ludus
had a passageway that led right to it. I guess I’d forgotten that.”
ludus
had a passageway that led right to it. I guess I’d forgotten that.”
We stood beside the big iron gates, watching the last few minutes of the fight—the remaining moments right before Theocoles died—before the crowd scorned him, turned on him, demanded he pay for what they perceived as an act of cowardice. And I looked at Bodhi, said, “Please, wait here—please, just let me handle this.” Then without another word, I sped toward the arena. Knowing Messalina never arrived until later, but that she would arrive, of that I’d no doubt. It was a dance they’d repeated too many times, and Messalina was just as caught up in it as he was.
She was also, apparently, on to me, because I’d barely made my way across the sand when she appeared right
before me, and said, “If you don’t want to stay and enjoy the party, then perhaps you should leave. I’ve tried to be a good hostess. I’ve tried to provide you with everything your heart desires. But it doesn’t seem to be enough for you. You want more. You want something I can never allow you to have. You can’t fight me, Riley, and neither can your friends.” She motioned toward the place where Buttercup and Bodhi waited. “So perhaps it’s time we say our good-byes.”
before me, and said, “If you don’t want to stay and enjoy the party, then perhaps you should leave. I’ve tried to be a good hostess. I’ve tried to provide you with everything your heart desires. But it doesn’t seem to be enough for you. You want more. You want something I can never allow you to have. You can’t fight me, Riley, and neither can your friends.” She motioned toward the place where Buttercup and Bodhi waited. “So perhaps it’s time we say our good-byes.”
“I thought you loved him?” I moved toward her. “I thought you wanted to be with him? I thought you were planning a future together?” I looked at her, her eyes shining brightly as she stood before me, haughty, regal—the queen of her own tragic fairy tale.
“I do,” she said quietly. “And I will have all of that, you will see. But when it does happen, it will be because of
me
. Theocoles will awaken because of me.
Me,
Riley,
not
you! My love will pull him through. One day he will look at me again, in real time, not in some past-life mirage. One day he will see the real me standing before him, and that will be enough. He’ll remember the love that we shared and it will shake him from the past. But it has to come from
me,
Riley. Why can’t you understand that? Why can’t you all just let us be?”
me
. Theocoles will awaken because of me.
Me,
Riley,
not
you! My love will pull him through. One day he will look at me again, in real time, not in some past-life mirage. One day he will see the real me standing before him, and that will be enough. He’ll remember the love that we shared and it will shake him from the past. But it has to come from
me,
Riley. Why can’t you understand that? Why can’t you all just let us be?”
My jaw dropped in astonishment as a new understanding began to take shape. “You think you’re to blame.” My
eyes met hers, and I knew it was true by the way she flinched in response. “You think he blames you for what happened to him.”
eyes met hers, and I knew it was true by the way she flinched in response. “You think he blames you for what happened to him.”
“What? And you see it differently?” She shot me a pitying look. “He was put to his death because he rolled over to look at
me
! He lost the battle—of that there’s no doubt—but he was the crowd favorite—surely they would’ve taken mercy—surely they would’ve chanted
live
instead of
kill
if he hadn’t done what he did. How were they to know his eyes went in search of me? No one knew about us—no one
could
know about us—my uncle would’ve never allowed it! Would’ve interfered and done whatever it took to stop it. But, as fate would have it, my uncle got just as he would’ve wished. I was standing beside him, when Theocoles’ eyes met mine, and that’s when my uncle confirmed what he’d already begun to suspect. But did he whisper in the emperor’s ear? Did he find a way to intervene? No. He allowed it to happen. And, when it was done, he turned to me and said, ‘It is for the best. Someday you will thank me.’”
me
! He lost the battle—of that there’s no doubt—but he was the crowd favorite—surely they would’ve taken mercy—surely they would’ve chanted
live
instead of
kill
if he hadn’t done what he did. How were they to know his eyes went in search of me? No one knew about us—no one
could
know about us—my uncle would’ve never allowed it! Would’ve interfered and done whatever it took to stop it. But, as fate would have it, my uncle got just as he would’ve wished. I was standing beside him, when Theocoles’ eyes met mine, and that’s when my uncle confirmed what he’d already begun to suspect. But did he whisper in the emperor’s ear? Did he find a way to intervene? No. He allowed it to happen. And, when it was done, he turned to me and said, ‘It is for the best. Someday you will thank me.’”
She shook her head, her gaze bearing the loss as though it were fresh. “So make no mistake, Riley, Theocoles
does
blame me. I’ve been here for thousands of years and not once have I broken through to him. He refuses to see me unless it’s a scene we relive from the past. It’s the crowd he adores. It’s a love I cannot compete with—it’s a fate I’ve come to
accept. Though my love for him burns brighter than ever, in all of these years it has not dimmed in the slightest. If anything, it’s just made me more determined. So please, please leave us to do what we do. Check back in another hundred years if you must, but for now, leave us be until then.”
does
blame me. I’ve been here for thousands of years and not once have I broken through to him. He refuses to see me unless it’s a scene we relive from the past. It’s the crowd he adores. It’s a love I cannot compete with—it’s a fate I’ve come to
accept. Though my love for him burns brighter than ever, in all of these years it has not dimmed in the slightest. If anything, it’s just made me more determined. So please, please leave us to do what we do. Check back in another hundred years if you must, but for now, leave us be until then.”
“You’re willing to wait it out for another century?”
She nodded.
“Another hundred years of the same, lame routine?”
“It may be all the same—but it’s certainly not lame. I get to be near him—and that’s all that matters to me.”
I looked at her, this beautiful, charming ghost I once confused as my friend. And despite how evil I once thought she was, I couldn’t help but feel sorry for her. She was misguided, there was no getting around it, but everything she did, was done out of love.
I gazed down at the sand, caught in a quandary I hadn’t expected. There was no way I’d leave her be for another hundred years, that was out of the question. Especially now that I knew exactly how to awaken Theocoles from the past—knew exactly how to get through to him. A discovery that would surely place me in the Soul Catcher Hall of Fame—if there were such a thing—a discovery that all the other Soul Catchers would talk about in awe for years to come. They may even name a holiday after me in order to celebrate what was sure to be a monumental victory.
Thing was, it didn’t really have to be
me
who did it. I could just as easily tell Messalina the secret and provide her the script. After all, she’d spent the last several centuries just waiting for this moment—and I just wasn’t sure I could steal it from her—no matter how much glory it would mean for me.
me
who did it. I could just as easily tell Messalina the secret and provide her the script. After all, she’d spent the last several centuries just waiting for this moment—and I just wasn’t sure I could steal it from her—no matter how much glory it would mean for me.
I buried my big toe deep into the sand, knowing it would be just as easy to push right past her and claim center stage.
Easy, but not necessarily right.
And definitely not at all kind.
I heaved a great sigh, looked up at her, and said, “While there’s no way I’m leaving you here for the next hundred years—I will leave you this: If you want to get through to Theocoles, you need to learn how to whisper …”
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