Whisper In The Dark (The McKinnon Legends-- The American Men Book One) (30 page)

She stared him down and blinked first.

“You're right.” she conceded. "All right, what now?" She looked to him for guidance.

"We sleep on it and remount in the morning."

All she could do was nod.

Slowly and at a saner pace, they made their way back to base camp. Setting up camp for the evening was a tense affair; the air crackled with mainly one-sided tension. Kate could see he had already let it go. Holding grudges was not his modus operandi. It usually was not hers either. However, she wanted to hold on to her anger. It was the glue holding her world together.

Conversation was engaged only if he initiated it. Answers were brief and to the point. She was getting good at the silent treatment. It was not aimed directly at him. There was no reason to aim it at him. Furthermore, it was not her attempt to punish him either. It kept her from screaming. To her way of thinking, and Robert would probably agree, that silence was the lesser of the evils.

Robert watched her. She gathered wood for the fire and laid out the bedrolls inside their tent without a word. The connection to her was growing. With that connection was coming knowledge. He knew she hurt deeply. Simply the fact she willingly admitted defeat let him know she was close to the end of her rope, and he could well imagine this defeat was something not easily admitted for her. She was, after all, a Brandenburg. It did not matter that she had taken his name. The loss of the ranch was almost the last straw, and he did not have to have a connection to her to see the deep disappointment.

He could see her point.

And the hurt went beyond her wounded Brandenburg pride.

He hated to see her lose all hope, and once one peeled back the layers that was what this quest had been about, hope. Hope of finding the means to fulfill her dreams. Hope of independence. Hope of a way to redeem the Brandenburg name, and a means to recapture her pride. It was simply a means to other ends, not about the money or the treasure.

To her way of thinking there was nothing left for her. He wished deeply she felt their relationship was worth the effort. However, it was apparent she did not. He feared Candice was the main cause.

Well, one way or the other, he had to make her see treasure was not always currency. There were other means and ways to make the ranch profitable, and Candice was not a permanent roadblock.

After eating supper, Kate excused herself leaving the security of the ring of firelight to place some distance between her and Robert. By now it was completely dark with little light from the new moon.

Robert followed.

Keeping a discreet distance, he reminded himself she was still his client. Snakes of the two-legged kind were always a possibility and given the events of the last few days he dared not leave her alone with only a flashlight for defense. Theie earlier encounter on the rocks proved that someone was following them, and even if she was a deadly accurate shot, under the circumstances, he needed to guard her back. It would not be a good thing if she were caught literally with her pants around her ankles.

Coming out of the woods she went to the horses to ensure they were comfortable for the night. It gave her something constructive to do, allowing her to focus on something other than herself. She was not ready to face the facts or face Robert either, not just yet at least. It kept her from returning to the safety of the fire. Nevertheless, she knew she could not stall forever.

Kate knew herself well enough to know what she was doing. She was tucking her tail, slinking away to go crawl into a hole and lick her wounds in solitude. It was not usually her way. However, it just seemed easier than facing the truth as she wondered how she was going to accept this defeat. Her life was in shambles. There was no denying it. The decade of her twenties was a disaster, and she figured she was the only woman in the world looking forward to turning thirty.

The next ten years have to be better than the last ten, she thought.

“It’s me,” Robert spoke softly as he approached, not wanting to startle her.

She knew he was there, just as he had been there silently for years.

It should not have come as a shock to her, she supposed, when George told her Robert was the one to bail her out of her legal troubles back in New York and to give her money to get home. He was the one to save Kyle from ruination on more than one occasion, and now he had saved her and the land as well. The marriage had been purposefully arranged to throw off the dogs. It had worked. Again, his guidance had saved her hide, her land, and her pride. What amazed her was not so much he had been there for Kyle and for her, but the fact he had asked for nothing in return. Absolutely nothing.

He fronted her money to live until the insurance claim could be settled and had given her a safe roof under which to reside with room to breathe. If you discounted Candi’s annoying presence, it was a haven, with twenty-four hour armed security, yet she never felt as safe as when he was near. They had been out in the open for days, and she had never once felt afraid even knowing there was a small band following them. His presence surrounded her like a protective vault making her feel secure for the first time in years. It too was all an illusion, soon to be gone along with the ranch.

“Kate? You all right, baby?” he questioned.

His voiced was soothing, stroking frayed nerves. She wanted desperately for him to hold her and tell her everything was going to be all right. She wanted him to lie sweetly and tell her it was all a bad dream and Kyle was really still alive.

How delusional was that, she wondered?

Instead, the stark reality was she had foolishly sold the farm for an oilcloth and a rusty old cache box.

He probably thinks I’m pathetic, she thought.

Turning her around he could feel her stiffen in the process.

He took her gently by the shoulders.

“Kate, listen to me. We have only just begun to survey the ranch. We have covered less than three hundred acres. There is more here to explore, and I am not giving up hope. And neither should you.”

His words were full of double meaning. He wanted to explore his deepening relationship with her, feeling more every day she was destined to remain his bride. It was the little things she did that set her apart. The evening he had awakened stretched across her bed with the blanket she had tossed over him, the coffee she brought him each morning, and the fact she had understood his dilemma with Candice and gave him time to sort it all out, were the little things that she did that branded him hers. However, it had all started with the intensely passionate night they had spent in Tahoe consummating their marriage.

He may have married her to protect her, but if he were honest with himself, he did it for more selfish reasons. He wanted her and was willing to wait until the time was right to gain his prize and not just on the physical level. That he had already accomplished and longed to do so again. However, she had remained at arms-length and he was respecting her boundaries, even if it was difficult. He physically and emotionally ached for her.

Coming to some realizations in this quest, Robert was finding his own kernels of knowledge and truth along the way. This quest was not about the treasure for him and never had been. It was about making her happy. They had both signed prenuptial agreements, at her insistence, yet he knew he would give her everything and more if that would make her feel content and secure. He longed to see the fire come from her soul and burn brightly again. It was a fire that could singe the hair right off his brow, yet he knew he would brave the fires of hell to possess and meld completely with this woman.

“We are partners, Kate, partners in this venture and partners in life. I think we work well together. Wouldn’t you agree?” he purposefully asked a closed ended question.

“Yeah, I guess, when we are not trying to choke each other, but look at me. If it weren’t for you and all you have done for me, I have no idea where I’d be right now.” She lifted her head holding it high in false bravado. “I will come out the other side of this and survive, Robert. That much I do know.”

She held her head high. If she rehearsed it enough, then she had a fighting chance.

“I’ve absolutely no doubts you will survive and thrive. And for the record, I do not think you are pathetic, Kate,” he said running his hand across her face to cup the nape of her neck. “To me you are bright, beautiful, and...”

“Don’t forget stubborn, hardheaded, and obstinate,” she interrupted uncomfortable with where he was going.

She wanted to stay mad. She wanted to stay aloof. It was her best defense.

She had kept a cool distance from him since Tahoe because it was safer for her heart that way. It would take so very little for her to want to stay, and she knew it would not be fair for her to ask. He had Candice and a baby to consider.

He nodded in agreement. “Yes, stubborn, hardheaded and obstinate, and I never regret a single moment I get to spend with you.”

Kate looked into his face for any sigh of deception. Anytime Daniel had ever said anything closely resembling praise, it had usually been followed by a flank attack.

“Why? Why do this for me? Kyle would never have expected you to go to these lengths, Robert. There was no blood to bind you, and I’m sure he would feel your promise is more than paid. You have done so much already.”

“Kyle was my friend, Kate, and there never needed to be blood for me to fulfill my obligations to his request to keep you safe and to look after you,” he smiled indulgently.

“Oh, I see,” she said softly, suddenly feeling hurt in a way she could only describe as heartache. Was she a burden she wondered.

Robert sensed that doubt.

“No. You are no burden,” he said kissing her on the forehead and pulling her close. She needed the reassurance, and he needed her close. “I do not hold fast this course for the sake of Kyle’s memory, Kate. It is not as noble as that, though it might be my story. I have my reputation to uphold, you know.” He held her out just enough to look at her. She was smiling a small smile, but he would take it.

“Yeah, Sir Defender of the Faith and all that,” she said playfully thumping him on the chest. “I guess I should be thankful and I am, Robert. Don’t misunderstand me. I am forever in your debt for everything, but you still have not answered my question. Why? If not for Kyle, then why go through all this? You stand to lose not only the money you paid Dallas Langston to clear the note but also all the money you have spent so far on this wild goose chase.”

“It is very simple really,” he said shrugging one broad shoulder.

“Really? Simple, huh? Enlighten me then,” she challenged, tilting her head to the side in a gesture he now knew was her way of softening her stance and giving a little ground.

“I want to see that girl again who rode hell-bent across the pastures throwing caution to the wind. I want to see that girl who thought enough of me to make me a lopsided clay box to keep my dreams in so they would never be lost. I want to see you happy, Kate.”

“Oh, Robert,” she said sadly, gently placing her palm against his cheek, rough with six days of growth. “I’m afraid I must tell you your reasons are quite noble after all, but futile just the same. That girl is gone. Life has kicked her around, making her cautious of everyone and everything. No one’s motives are pure to her. She is a grown woman who has acknowledged there are still pleasures in life to be gained. However, she cannot toss caution to the wind, and she has learned the hard way that dreams can be lost no matter how tightly you may cling and protect them.”

He pulled her tight. He was losing her as surely as she felt she had lost her own dreams.

“No, Robert. Let me go.” She gently pushed away. She did not want his pity. “I accept the fact I must let the ranch go. I have to let this dream of treasure go. You should, too.” She stepped away from him pushing past him to return to the fire.

“No,” he said, pulling her back around. “I will not allow you to relent so easily, not on something as important as this quest is to you, not if I have a voice in this matter. And I do have a voice, a very large voice.”

“There is no need to yell,” she stated flatly. “I can hear how loud your voice is and so can anyone else for a mile around,” she said pulling her arm out of his grip.

Robert sighed. “I’m sorry. I did not mean to raise my voice to you. I cannot let you give up.” He gently squeezed her shoulders.

“Why not let it lie, McKinnon? You would profit the most for letting it go.”

He could tell for once she was not arguing with him as she stood there with her arms crossed. She was just stating a fact. Her neutrality let him know she had already moved on in her mind. It was a deed done and something to be placed behind her.

Taking her by the upper arms, he was torn between shaking sense into her and saying something to make her mad. She had buried her emotions deep as a means of self-defense against the pain and humiliation of the total, devastating losses she had suffered in so short a time frame. It was her only means of coping, and he would be damned if he let her retreat.

“You are a coward, Katherine. I never took you for a quitter. And you dare to call yourself a Brandenburg.” Deep down Robert really did not mean the insult. He needed to say something to bring the passion back to the surface, for he knew she retreated inside herself.

“I am a Brandenburg,” she tossed defiantly, squaring her shoulders.

“Then act like one. No self-respecting Brandenburg would ever walk away from a cause with so little a fight as you have shown here today. I thought you prided yourself on being the kind who would fight to the bitter end.”

He waited for the ignition and prepared for the fight.

She stood there emotionless, locked away from him. Reaching for her emotionally, he found only barren desert, a place he could not follow. It alarmed him. He was losing this battle.

“I see nothing bitter about this ending, Robert. You accuse me of being a coward and I confess I’m guilty, but sometimes there is no shame in being a coward. It is how I have managed all these years without so much as a single shred of assistance.”