Whisper To Me In The Dark (11 page)

"What are you feeling?" Cash knew that he always pushed Angelica too far. One of these times he'd push her over the edge and lose her forever and his heart could not bear that loss. He had to stop yanking her around, stop using her, maybe it was more merciful to let her go and let her be happy. He wanted her so badly but couldn't give her the life she wanted. He wasn't rich like the other men who pursued her. He was just the son of the cook and Edward's father. He never had any place in that family.

His need to hold her in his arms overwhelmed him, but he made no move. The desire he felt during every single moment he was with Angelica since the fateful day they had met was palpable.

She belonged back home. Not in this life. It was getting to her. It was detrimental to the girl she really was no matter what her dreams of stardom were. Maybe she would be better off with Edward, married, living a boring little life back in Texas, being the dutiful housewife, surrounded by a brood of short pasty faced children.

"Seriously, Angelica, what are you thinking?" He was really concerned this time.

Angelica stared dreamily at Cash, her heart aching, calling out, begging for his love. But he had absolutely no clue. His strong rugged face gave her such peace, such a feeling of contentment just to look at him. She loved so many things about him. That little crease in his forehead he got when he was concerned. His deep dimples when he smiled. The way his eyes wrinkled underneath when he stared intently at her or when he was worried about her.

Angelica stared down at her pretty nail polish and without looking up whispered, "I'm thinking about how much I want to feel your arms around me right now."

Cash gasped, his heart stuck in his throat. She'd never said those words before. He'd always taken her whenever he'd wanted and he'd assumed whether she'd wanted it or not. She'd never said no, but it wasn't exactly like he had ever given her a choice. It was always for his gratification. His pleasure. If she had resisted he honestly didn't know if it would have mattered. The urges she created in his body were too primal to even think about controlling. His need for her - his desire for her was a living entity which he could not control. And most importantly he didn't want to.

Cash reached down and gently touched her face, lifting her chin up so he could look into her eyes, which were now shimmering with fresh tears.

He did nothing more than gently lift her off the chair and put his strong arms around her, letting her tears flow, washing away all of the pain she'd felt for so many months.

Just the feel of Cash's powerful arms around her made Angelica happier than she had been at any time in her life. The feeling of being protected. Cherished.

Chapter 14

Rita's dressing room was strictly off limits to anyone but her male suitors. But Angelica was determined to get a look around to see what she was up to.

Angelica peered around the door, whispering softly, "Rita, are you here?" Not a peep came in reply so Angelica tip toed in, removing her pink high heels and grabbing them with her right hand while feeling for the light with her left. She could not get caught, but she needed to know if Rita was really her sister or what tall tales Rita was spinning and why.

A quick perusal of the room yielded nothing but Rita's intense love of looking at herself. Large portrait photographs of Rita hung at varied intervals all around the room. Portraits of Rita sitting. Rita lounging. Rita smiling. Rita pouting. This had to be one of the seven circles of  hell Angelica reasoned. It just had to.

Muffled, but familiar, voices could be heard as their owners walked down the hall heading toward Rita's dressing room.

Angelica panicked. Where could she hide? The table. Under the table!  Bending low she hit her head as she ducked under the beautifully crafted wooden table and pulled her full ruffled skirt in behind her. Thank God for the gaudy purple tablecloth, which should cover her completely.

Cash walked in first, pulled out the chair and planted himself in it, not planning to move until he got the information he needed from that crook Roberto.

"I hear that you have the inside track on getting some jewels. I want to get something for Angelica," Cash asked.

"Angelica? As I said I thought you were serious with Rita - what's that about?"

"There are different definitions of 'serious.' People talk. This is a very small group. Let's just say that I've heard you have a little more than an interest in Rita so let's not debate semantics," Cash replied with his usual bravado.

Angelica's head reeled, more from what Cash just said than by the growing bump on her head. She knew full well he wasn't buying her any darn jewels so this obviously was part of his undercover work to catch Roberto. Roberto was too cunning, evil and slimy to be involved with in any way - fake or real and she wasn't about to let Cash go down that road. Roberto was definitely dangerous and despite the fact that Cash could easily crush him like dust she would not let this happen.

"All I want are a few diamonds and rubies for a reasonable price. I'm also looking for work. Know any way I could get involved with this scam?" Cash asked, calmly and coolly, never letting on in the least what he was up to.

"Who exactly did you hear this from anyway? That I could help you? You a cop or something?" Roberto asked while he eyed Cash suspiciously from his position sitting on the spacious window sill across the room.

"Yeah, I'm a cop. Right ... Do I look like one? Don't be stupid. Just forget it. I'm outta here."

"Ok. Ok. I believe you. Let's talk." Roberto walked over and shut the door, looking both ways to make sure the coast was clear. He hated Cash but what harm could it do to have him in the organization and if truth be told Cash scared the hell out of him. Roberto had Rita where he wanted her and didn't consider Cash any competition for Rita's affections anyway.

Roberto also shared Rita's love of their own reflection as he stared transfixed by his own image in the big mirror by the door.

"Half of the operation is quite simple. What do ladies wear to the theater? Their best jewelry, of course. Turn down the lights and voila! We've got our 'people' sitting in the audience in every theater in town. The women get so enthralled with watching the actors on stage, particularly me, that they don't even notice when we steal their jewelry, jewels or money. It's a pretty sweet and easy job."

"Ok I can get you the jewels. Cheap. But you will have to meet with the head of the operation first before you get any job," Roberto said as he continued to stare at his face, seemingly hypnotized by his own reflection.

"Ok sounds fine. Let me know ... Ouch ... Damnit." Cash grimaced.

"What? What did you say?" Roberto spun around, wondering what had happened.

"Nothing, just had a cough. Must be getting a cold or something," Cash replied.

"Oh," Roberto answered totally unconcerned, still transfixed by his own image in the mirror. "I've got to get out of here. I'm going to pick up Rita. Will set up the details of your meeting later." And with that he was gone ...

***

Now that he was alone, Cash carefully lifted the corner of the tablecloth to see just what or who had just punched him in the knee. He had a sneaking suspicion it was one tiny, very nosy blonde. Cash was met by a pair of perturbed eyes, flashing from the dark under the table.

"You know you'd make a good owl," Cash said with a laugh.

That comment merited one more good smack from Angelica's tiny fist.

Cash had many an erotic fantasy about Angelica that began something like this, but never did it start with her punching him in the leg.

"What are you doing under there?"

"Please help me up," Angelica begged. "I'm searching Rita's room for clues. And what exactly are you doing getting mixed up with that jerk Roberto?"

"That's business. Police business. Interfering with police business is a crime. You could go to jail. Remember they already made me an offer to lock you up," Cash chuckled.

Angelica rolled her eyes and said, "Stop being silly and help me."

Cash yanked Angelica up like a rag doll, holding her hand until she was steady on her feet.

"Now please help me."

How could he resist her when she begged?

Chapter 15

4 March

Dear Sissy:

Cash  stopped by again tonight. He was so agitated I simply did not know what to do.  He slumped over on the couch, as if in agony of his soul. I could not console him. I think it's Rita. It's always Rita. They've been broken up for weeks but she always returns. It's always "Rita this" and "Rita that." Yes, I'm jealous. Can you tell? He stared blankly at the phonograph for a good half hour. And it wasn't even playing! Silly man. Doesn't he know she's nothing but trouble. I’m amazed he didn’t get frostbite from kissing her. He finally lay his head in my lap and I caressed his cheek until he fell asleep. I know he was thinking of her but I simply do not care. Yes, I'm pathetic. But I simply do not care. Do you hear me? I simply DO NOT care. As long as he shares his troubles with me. Shares his dreams. And when he can stop thinking of her - shares his bed. Yes, I'm pathetic. I know. And I DO NOT care!!! Sorry I'm yelling. Seems silly to be yelling at a piece of paper.  I am dumb. And now alone. Not even the scent of his cologne on my pillow to console me. I must've fallen asleep because when I opened my eyes he was gone. A phantom ghost in the night. I still have goosebumps from the  touch of his skin. Yes, I'm pathetic. I think we've gone over that, haven't we? I've got to get a backbone. Not let him use me. But he can use me any time he wants. In any way.

Sometimes I have to choke back the tears after he leaves me. Or after I leave him. I've seen Rita's nighties in his room. He pretends like they aren't there. I sat there the other night. Cuddling in his warm bed. In his strong arms. I saw them peeking out of the right side of his closet. All red lace. Pink lace. I recognized them because of the diamonds on one. Tramp that she is. Tramp!  Anyway, he realized I'd spied them hanging there and was just about to confront him. I opened my lips to speak and he silenced them. Silenced them in many, many creative ways. But let's not go into that here. You'll have to wait. Anyway back to Rita. Yes, she's a world famous actress. I'm nothing. An extra and at times a dance hall girl. A show girl. All of those silly, worthless acting classes. Art for arts sake. But I know he loves me. At least a little. Why else would he come to me with his problems? Me? Not the other women I assume he's fooling
around with. No, I'm not naive enough to think I'm his only one. I'm 19. I'm an adult.  Is it sad that I'm longing to lay my head on his chest just to listen to him breathe. To smell his delicious skin - all manly - he smells of fresh grass, the outdoors, leather from his daily rides on his horses. I wish he'd bring me riding again. But he won't. I'm his secret. His little secret. But it's ok. I'm tired now. Want to go to bed and dream of him. More anon. Is it sad that every time I look at him I just want to cook for him? Clean for him? Bear his children? What is wrong with me? Why does my heart ache so for him?

9 March

Sissy - Did I tell you how absolutely brilliant Cash is? He's fluent in English, Italian, Cherokee, Navajo and some more languages I seem to have forgotten in my exhausted state.  Tonight I convinced him to stop his incessant pacing and instead read to me. But instead of reading in English he translated the words into Navajo as he read to me. Oh how dreamy to hear his deep voice speaking in Navajo. Ok back to the dreaminess of his voice. After about 45 minutes of reading he must  have gotten to quite an amorous scene because when I looked up all I saw
were
those deep, dark eyes looking back at me. My breath caught in my throat as it does every time he looks at me that way. Two seconds later he had me standing up, pressed against the wall and that is where he took me.  He grabbed me by the wrists, put my arms over my head, pressed my back against the wall and would not let go. His strength made me so weak I nearly fainted. I tried to move my arms but he managed to keep them locked over my head with one hand while removing my panties with the other. I made sure to wear my sexiest black lace garter belts because he says it drives him crazy. All of the while taking my breath away with his unrelenting kisses. The loss of control had me shaking. With him  pressed hard against me I find it so difficult to breathe, to think. To have a coherent thought. My legs are still weak. But the feeling when he touches me. It's ethereal. I'm not even able to put it into words. I've never experienced anything like it before. And if he ever leaves me I know I never will again. Please don't let him leave me ... Yes, I AM truly pathetic. Why does my heart ache so when he's not around? I know I'm nothing but an unimportant dalliance for him. That he'd drop me like a rock if Rita would bat her soulless eyes at him ... I know Edward's waiting for me. But I don't care. I don't care at all.

14 June

Dear Sissy -

Sometimes Cash talks about traveling back home with me.  It was so much fun last night! He brought over all of his books on Native American history and we sat on the floor and spent hours looking through the beautiful pictures. He's so childlike in his excitement that it's impossible not to get caught up in whatever his current obsession is. Sometimes it seems as if Cash should have been born at another time. Like he's out of place in this time. Like he belongs on a beautiful white horse rescuing a damsel in distress way back in history somewhere. Sometimes his heart just seems so out of place in this sordid era ...