White (11 page)

Love seemed so far-fetched now. Could I even stand to look at him anymore?
 

His heavy steps padded sadly down the hallway, the soft groan of the stairs as he took them a few at a time a reminder of the shame he’d carried in all the years since then.
 

One thing I knew for sure, he’d been just as crushed by the death of my parents as I had, albeit in a totally different way. I was his absolution.

sixteen

Asher

I woke the next morning with a raging migraine and a broken heart that felt like it’d been cleaved into a thousand tiny pieces. I’d drifted off in my office last night after digging through all the old newspaper reports I’d kept of the accident.

The memories choked my throat and left my heart throbbing like it hadn’t already broken. Her little pink teddy bear lying in the dirt in one corner of a grainy picture. Little Eve White had been in the car. Only she and I had escaped with our lives that night. My best friend and her parents had paid the ultimate price.
 

My life had changed irrevocably, but I’d still not paid nearly half the price Eve had. And maybe she was right, maybe the sense of guilt had been fooling me all along. In college, I’d searched the local high school for her name, yearbooks and sports teams, too, but to no avail. And when I’d been able to afford it, I’d found a private investigator to look into the case. He’d finally tracked down the address of her foster home just two months ago, and I’d been a man on a mission ever since.

I poured another cup of coffee and trailed back to my office, wishing I could call in on Monday and avoid the office, but then I thought some alone time for each of us may be better. She could use the time to process everything. Just then I caught a glimpse of her quiet form, slipping down the steps barefoot and walking slowly back to the lake, to the willow, to the place we’d made love for the first time just last night.
 

Her head hung low. She wandered to the tree and drifted her fingertips along the weeping leaves, before sitting on the bench, curling herself up into a small ball. Like she wanted to disappear.
 

Damn, if I hadn’t ruined her. I’d made all of this worse when I’d only meant to make it better. I swallowed the angry lump of pain in my throat, thinking all I’d really had was a weekend with her, thinking I’d let it all slip through my fingers by not being upfront with her in the first place.
 

My instincts had been off, just like they’d been that other horrific night in my life when I’d ruined hers so greatly. My heart throbbed with pain for the poor little broken girl I’d managed to hurt again.

seventeen

Eve

I returned to the house later in the morning after soaking in the sun as I lay underneath the big willow. A long, solid sleep had brought me to some startling realizations. I’d only needed the morning to be sure. Heading back upstairs, I returned to my room to find a neatly folded letter placed at the pillow on my bed.
 

My heart leapt hopefully when I identified Asher’s tight chicken scratch. My name was written across the front. I pulled the paper into my hands and found my ID inside. He’d returned it, just as he’d said he would, along with a wad of cash. A few hundred at least, maybe more.

My eyes found the handwritten text, and I began to read.
 

I'm so sorry for last night. I’m sorry for the terrible place I’ve held in your life. I wish I could say I’m sorry I loved you, I’m sorry I fell in love with you, but I can’t. My feelings are real and pure, just like the way you look at me first thing in the morning. My heart sprouts wings when I see that look in your eyes. I like to think of you as younger, happier, before heartache and loss had touched your heart. Maybe then I could love you like you need to be loved.
 

I hope you can forgive me for the mistakes I have made, but the only thing I know I’ve done right in my life is loving you. Every decision I’ve made the last twelve years has been about you. I hope someday you’ll let me explain.
 

Forever yours, Asher x

I swallowed the lump of anger forming in my throat, thinking the only person I wanted to see right now was Julian. This was too much—the pressure, the emotion, the commitment. I needed Julian to talk me through it. He’d been my white knight all these years, and just because Asher fancied himself mine didn’t make it true.
 

I needed my boys.
 

I flipped the ID in my hand as a plan came together. The only chance I had at seeing Julian, even for a few minutes, was when he left the house for his nightly run.
 

I chewed on my bottom lip, thinking it would be against every rule I’d promised not to break, but hadn’t Asher broken rules? He’d lured me here under false pretenses, and maybe this morning I’d thought I could forgive it, but when I’d needed him here to talk it through, he’d bailed and left me a single note and a cryptic apology.

I had to learn to survive on my own, and surviving without Julian in my life wasn’t an option. I just had to talk to my little brother. I had to have some help ironing all this out in my head. What kind of person did it make me if I stayed with someone who had witnessed my parents’ death all those years ago?

I picked up the home phone and dialed the number of a cab company I had memorized. A kid on the streets could never be too smart—Judy had made sure of that—and then I stepped outside, walking slowly to the gates, down the long, tree-lined lane, before I reached the end of the road where the cab would pull up. I assessed the strong, rusted, iron gates that locked me into this palace.

I tried the latch on one side and found it locked before I spied a gaping hole between the iron bars. I could probably squeeze through that. Tossing the small bag I carried with me over my shoulder, I slid through the rusted bars, just barely shimmying through before I found myself in the outside world, the yellow and black cab barreling around the corner just in the nick of time.
 

This was it. Now or never. I was escaping.
 

I gave the driver the address to the house next door to Judy’s. Julian would be headed out in another hour or so. If I was lucky, I would catch him alone after the boys were done with their homework, but before dinner had started.

The cab raced through the city streets, taking alleyways and avoiding the main thoroughfares, and fifteen minutes later we pulled up across the street from the rambling, dilapidated Victorian I’d called home the last twelve years. I sighed, swiping a twenty from my pocket and thanking the driver. He nodded before he was off again, and I was left standing right where I used to be, in front of this house, at the footsteps of Hell.

I pulled the bag over my shoulder and walked a few steps down the sidewalk, hiding myself in the shade of a giant hemlock as I sat poised and waiting for Julian to appear. I sat, silently picking at my nails and going over the last twenty-four hours in my head with Asher.
 

Thirty minutes later, Julian still hadn’t appeared. In fact, the house was still eerily silent. I scrunched my nose and looked up to the dormer window where I knew the boys camped out most of the day hiding from Judy.
 

Just as I was about to go throw a few pebbles at the window to attract some attention, Judy’s battered blue Toyota turned a sharp corner and skipped over the curb, slamming into park in the driveway. My eyes widened in shock as I tucked myself further behind the tree, wondering what the heck would have her out at this time of day. I prayed she didn’t see me.

Judy swung the creaking door of the house open wide and called. My heart hammered in my chest as I waited for him to appear, his angular face and the kind, dark eyes peering out of the darkness.
 

“Have you heard from that little slut?” I made out just as Julian came into view and the door banged closed. The slut?
Me?
Oh, God. Asher had said he’d make a call about Judy’s neglect. Had she already found out we were on to her?

Before I could even second-guess myself, I launched from my hiding spot and sprinted across the road and up onto the lawn of the old Victorian. I hunched and hid behind a giant flowering bush that obscured part of the porch.
 

“I haven’t seen her. You’d best leave it alone!” I heard the hollering and the angry stomping before the door opened and banged closed again, heavy footsteps echoing down the steps.
 

“Julian,” I whispered, desperate to get his attention. His head whipped around, and just as his eyes landed on mine, the door opened again and another voice joined us.
 

“Well look here.” Her vile voice reached my ears. “I just got a call about you from the escort service and now here you are. Couldn’t wait to get back, huh? Or was it your unnatural love for these boys?” Her grin slanted and nearly turned my stomach to rot.
 

“Leave her alone,” Julian seethed as he wrapped an arm around my shoulders in protection.

I stood tall and leveled her with a glare. “I’m fine. I don’t belong to her anymore. I just wanted to see you,” I said to him, quieter.
 

“Bad choice, Evie.” He looked back at Judy. “Let me talk to her for a minute, then she’ll be gone,” he pleaded with my old foster mother.
 

“Gone? Hardly.” She cackled. “She has nowhere to go.” Judy’s eyes lit with malice as she took a few steps down the porch. My heart thundered in my chest as I registered what was happening.

“Don’t touch her,” Julian warned when Judy got closer, blocking me with his body like a wild dog protecting its precious litter.

“You’re useless, boy. Get out of my way. Either I return her or the money, and you can bet it won’t be the money.” Judy’s hand rose and she slapped Julian across the cheek, a new shiny rock on her finger catching him at the temple and tearing at the flesh.

“Stop!” I cried and went to Julian, immediately wishing I had a napkin to soak up the thin stream of crimson trailing down his cheekbone.
 

“Come here.” Judy twisted a hand behind my back, causing my shoulder to rotate awkwardly as she dragged me up the stairs.
 

“Let her go or I’ll run for the police. One of the neighbors will see you. You’ve already had enough of her! Let her go!” Julian raged and pounded up the steps. My eyes rose with fear as he pushed me and Judy through the door, his hands reaching for her neck to choke her. She batted at him, trying to scream, before they both crashed to the floor, Julian atop her as she grunted and groaned. I watched, horrified, thinking I should call the police, scream for help, beg for mercy, something, before Judy’s fingers curled around a glint of metal and she started swinging a lamp wildly in the air.
 

With a soft thud, Julian’s heavy body fell to the floor, another pool of blood trailing across one ear and onto the worn wooden planks.
 

“No, no, no,” I chanted, my eyes trained on Julian as Judy crawled off the floor.
 

“Make another move and I’ll finish him off,” Judy snarled and then yanked on my wrist again, pulling a zip tie from the side drawer and twisting my hands together.
 

It didn’t matter. I wouldn’t run. My brother was lying hurt and in need of help on the floor at my feet. I would never run from him. Not until I knew he was safe.
 

“Stay here and behave yourself. I’ve got a call to make,” she growled, then lit a
 
cigarette as she headed to the phone.

I didn’t hear her as she spoke, nor did I care who she spoke to. I slumped down on the floor next to Julian and tried to offer him any comfort I could. “I’m sorry I left you.” A tear ran down my cheek. “I’m so sorry. I’ve done everything wrong, and all I wanted was to save you, save all of us.” I slumped my head across his chest, feeling his slow shallow breaths coming past his lips, wishing I could rewind to a few months ago, a few weeks ago, hell, a few hours ago. “Julian…” I sobbed as Judy spoke on the phone, all thoughts of escape dashed from my mind.
 

“Evie,” he groaned, his eyes blinking away blood and confusion.
 

“Julian,” I whispered excitedly. “Are you okay?”
 

“Don’t let her take you,” he mumbled, his words slurred.
 

“Let’s go, princess.” Judy finished her phone call and stepped out into the kitchen.
 

“What? No, I’m not going anywhere. He needs to go to the hospital. What if you gave him a concussion?” I screamed and backed away from her, closer to him. His tired eyes watched me, then her.
 

“Get in the car, Sweetheart.” Before I could react she’d stabbed me in the shoulder, the bite of a needle causing me to wince before the slow, drugging effects of a muscle relaxer pulsed through my system. “I don’t want you in this house a moment longer.” Her words began fading. “Thought I’d never have to see you again as it was, and now you’re back making trouble.” Judy pulled her purse and keys from the table and my eyelids drooped. “Behave when we walk to the car or I’ll tighten the ties so hard you won’t feel your fingers.” She breathed cigarette breath across my skin. The smell turned my stomach. “And what good is a slut without fingers?” She winked without shame and my stomach heaved when she pulled me from the floor by one elbow.

“You’ll be okay, Evie. Just get out. Get out and don’t come back, no matter what.” A tear fell down Julian’s cheek as I tried to focus on his words. My heart nearly cracked for him. With every single step as Judy escorted me out of that house on Nightmare Street, I wanted to turn and run back to my brother, nurture him back to health and tell him how much I loved him for protecting and defending me all those years.
 

“You’ll make it, Evie. You’re the strongest chick I know,” were Julian’s last words before Judy slammed the door, leaving him bleeding on the floor of our childhood home as she hauled me off to an unknown location. I didn’t know at that point where she would bring me, I couldn’t have fought if I tried.