White Girl Problems (13 page)

I looked up. “What are you doing?”

“Breathing you in. I’ve been missing you.” He was possibly the sweetest person I had ever met. He looked down on me, tilting up my chin. “I have something I really have to tell you.”

I shook my head. “I can see some kind of bad juju going on, on your face. I don't want to know whatever it is. Let’s just go take a walk and you can tell me how you and Jack are related.”

He looked down, shocked. “Hattie?”

“Yeah, she told me he was your uncle, which makes sense. When I met you, I thought you worked at Lakeside.”

“Worked there? I played cards and visited with the patients. Not a very good worker.” His eyes lit up.

“Well, you’re charming. In my world, that is considered work. We all go to a great private school and get the best education, of course we… what is that word?”

“Squander?”

I laughed. “Yeah, that's the one. We squander it and then our parents have to use their connections and influence to get us into college because we’ve basically got a tenth-grade education. But the thing that we have is charm, most of us. We have the ability to talk and avoid work, or seduce and avoid obligation. My friends know every teacher’s coffee order and which bakery is their favorite. We have expectations for the life we will have and the people we will marry and know all the easiest ways to get them.”

His arm slipped from my shoulders and his hand slid around mine. “Then we have the same life, only in a different place.”

“Your parents have expectations for you too?”

He squeezed my hand. “You know what? You were right. Let’s not speak of this now.”

I shrugged. “Whatever.” I gave him a smile. “Sorry about the whole journal thing.”

He laughed. “Yes, I meant to ask, are you in therapy?”

“So mean.” I shoved him a little. He laughed harder. “The reason I ask is that you clearly have some odd feelings about men in top hats.”

I rolled my eyes. “You know what? It scared me. I thought I might be going to some weirdo circus act. Shit, that’s not my thing.”

“Your letter was more like a journal entry. You realize that, right? You do understand the basic concept in a letter—convey a message, not every feeling and thought you have all at once.”

I shrugged. “Whatevs. I wrote you back. Be grateful.”

He lifted my hand to his lips and kissed it. “I am.”

I shoved him again. “Don’t say that. I was kidding.”

He spun me around and looked down on me through his inky lashes. “I am grateful.”

I lifted his hand to my lips and kissed the back. “Me too.” I looked down on his hand and laughed at the shiny lip-gloss coating it. “Sorry. Just rub it in. It’s moisturizing and plumping.”

“Plumping?” He grimaced. “Looks like I was kissed by a slug.”

I winked. “I do believe slug slime is in the ingredients list. It’s where they get the shine from.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t doubt it.” He lifted his hands to my face, cupping it like it was the most precious thing he’d ever held before lowering his lips onto mine. The kiss was again soft and delicate, but it was like a war. I grabbed at his face, trying to kiss harder, but he pulled back and only allowed a soft brush of our lips.

He pulled back completely, making a growling noise almost. “God, I want you, Finley. I want all of you. I want you to come to my school and live in my house and be by my side at all times.” I cocked an eyebrow, but he laughed. “If you only knew how much less creepy I meant that to sound.”

“It did sound a little creepy, a little ‘it puts the lotion on,’ ya know?”

He shook his head. “I don’t think so. No.”

I slapped his chest lightly. “You know, he lowers the lotion into the hole in the ground? You don’t know Joe Dirt?” I could see he didn’t.

He was the one with the cocked eyebrow and puzzled look. “Joe who?” I squeezed his hand as we walked down the road and filled him in on all he had been missing. “So Americans ‘movie talk.’ This means we always use movie lines to add funny things to the conversation.
Joe Dirt
is amazeballs. So there was a kid named Joe and his family went to the Grand Canyon…”

Two hours later, after a lot of confused faces and laughs that I was fairly sure were forced, we were in my room with Joe Dirt playing on my laptop. It was the scene with the serial killer and Aiden was laughing so hard I thought he might pee my bed. I loved watching him laugh and smile. It was genuine and sort of funny how he lost all of the composure he worked so hard to maintain. Hattie called it his stiff upper lip.

He saw me watching him and stopped laughing. The tension and seriousness in his eyes became horrifically apparent, even in the glow of the movie. He shoved the laptop to the side and swept me into him in one fast movement. His arm encircled me, pressing me into him as he hovered over me. He swept my hair from my face, running his fingertip down my jawline.

My lips were parted, ready, but he never moved. He stared. It was awkward the way he sat, frozen and conflicted about something. I reached up, running my hands up his broad shoulders to his neck and pulling him down on me.

The kiss wasn’t the same as before. Our mouths collided in passion. Our lips moved against each other in sync. We both wanted it to go further than it should. His hands ran down my back to my ass, cupping it and grinding my body against his as his tongue slid against mine. My plumper was the lube we used to rub and massage each other’s lips.

I moaned into the kiss as his hands kneaded my ass. He pulled away suddenly, out of breath and looking wild. “I’m so sorry.”

I looked around. “What?”

“To kiss you like that. I don’t think you’re like that.”

I laughed. “I’m not. I like you, so what’s the problem?”

He sighed. “I don’t want to ruin what we have.”

The annoyance of breaking off the best kiss I ever had mixed with the thick feeling of rejection I was drinking down. It made a bad combination in my stomach. “I think I’m confused about what the hell we are.”

He nodded. “I am sorry.” He got up and left my room. When he closed the door, hot tears splashed down my cheeks. I buried my face in my pillow. What had we done that was wrong? It felt like I was having a heart attack. It burned like I’d eaten spicy food.

I didn’t understand anything that was happening.

I fell asleep clutching my pillow and I woke in the same position. Jess was smacking me on the butt. “First day of school. Get up.”

I pried my welded eyelids open and glanced at her standing next to my bed. “What?”

She nudged me again. “School today. Get up.”

I moaned. “Why does God hate me, Jess?”

She shook her head. “You don’t believe in God.” She turned and walked out of the room.

When I saw what I looked like, I winced. I needed plastic surgery to look normal. I jumped in the shower and did the hot-and-cold rotation until I felt close to normal and then washed my hair.

What had happened the night before? Why had he stopped kissing? Was he a virgin? That would be weird, but I was too, so who cared? I needed to talk to him and find out what his deal was.

I pulled my school uniform out and grimaced recalling last year and the way it ended with me getting sent to Canada. Thinking about Canada warmed my heart a tiny bit as I got dressed and finished my makeup. I looked normal after about two hours of effort. When I got downstairs, Sheila was in the kitchen. Her eyes flashed on me, but she never spoke. I cocked an eyebrow. “Out of the cave of shame already, Sheila?”

She put out a hand. “Truce?”

I narrowed my gaze. “I paid the maid to record you at all times. I knew eventually the truth would come out.”

Her jaw dropped. “It wasn’t Jess?”

I shook my head. “Still want that truce?”

She pulled her hand back and placed it on the counter. “You set up the blog and the hacked my Facebook and Twitter?”

I nodded. “I did.”

She shook her head. “I have to give it to you, that was smart. Smarter than I thought you capable of.”

I shrugged. “I learned from the master.”

She smiled and I wasn’t sure if I imagined it or not, but there was a glimmer of admiration in her eyes. “You better hurry. You don’t want to be late for the first day.”

Jessica walked into the kitchen, fully dressed. “Dude, we gotta roll.” Sheila turned and wrapped her thin arms around Jessica’s neck. “I am so sorry, honey.”

Jessica gave me a look. I winked. “I told her how I paid the maid to record her.”

Jess looked furious, but I shook my head and darted my eyes to Mr. Stinky. Jess sighed. “I told you it wasn’t me, Mom.” She didn’t sound or look convincing, but Sheila was too busy plotting my death to care.

I walked to the front door. Jess grabbed my arm when we were outside. “Why? She’s gonna gun for you now.”

I shrugged. “I don’t care. What can she do to me that she hasn’t already? You have something you can lose. I don’t. Mr. Stinky would be an innocent target and we both know that cat’s days are numbered.”

She got into the passenger side of my car. “I know, but I don’t like this. She won’t rest until she’s paid you back in full.”

I started the car and it died instantly. I tried to start it again and again, but it was dead. I slumped. “Wow, she works fast.”

Jess looked at the window. “She probably did this earlier, thinking it was me still. She knows how I hate being late for school.”

I lifted my head to see a shiny black Mercedes SUV in our driveway. I tilted my head, feeling sick when I realized it was Aiden. “Shit!”

Jess looked over and smiled. “Hey, it’s Aiden. How did he get here?”

I sighed. “In a friggin’ Mercedes apparently.”

I got out as he did too. He looked conflicted again. It was a face I was fairly tired of seeing. He smiled at Jess. “Jessica, how lovely to see you again.”

She waved. “Hey!”

Sheila opened the door. “You girls need a ride to sch—” She stopped short.

Aiden opened the passenger door. “Allow me.”

Her jaw dropped. I could see something there, something evil. She smiled her best money-grubbing whore smile and blushed. “Oh, I didn’t realize the girls had a friend to offer them a ride.”

Jessica held out her hand. “Mom, this is Aiden Sorenson. Aiden this is our mom, Sheila Roze.”

Aiden gave an odd little bow almost. “Lovely to meet you.”

Sheila blushed brighter. “You, as well. How do you all know each other?”

Jessica sighed impatiently. “We have to go.”

“Of course you do.”

I walked over to the passenger door he had open and walked past him to the back seat. I climbed in, watching his jaw tense. Jess gave me an awkward look and climbed in the front seat. “Thanks.”

Aiden nodded and closed the door. He waved at Sheila. “Have a splendid day.” He climbed in and backed down the driveway.

I didn’t want to talk to him in front of Jess so I just looked out the window and answered texts from Aaron, Carter, and Steph. Everyone was so excited about senior year and I just wanted to crawl under a rock and die.

Aiden and Jess chatted, but I could sense the tension between them. When we parked, Jess jumped out and ran for her life. “Thanks!”

I opened the door before he could get out, but he moved faster in the morning than I did. He pinned me inside the door, blocking my escape. “We have to talk.”

I shook my head. “We don’t. I think you made your opinion of us pretty clear last night. It’s cool. I get it. You want to be flirty and fun friends who kiss and tease. That's my jam, trust me—I get it. It’s how I roll too. I just thought we were different.”

He scowled and I could see his blue eyes were filled with anger. He looked the way he had at Peggy’s Cove. “I am an idiot. I shouldn’t have attacked you like that. It wasn’t something a gentleman would do.”

“Are you a virgin?”

His face flushed, but I could see in his eyes he was not. He exhaled slowly. “No.” He swallowed like there was a boulder in his throat.

I nodded. “I have to go.” I pushed on his chest, feeling him flex under it and maintain his stance.

“Are you?”

I looked down and sighed. I shook my head. I didn’t want him to know I was. I didn’t want to be undesirable or explain my nerves at having sex. Look at what had happened to my mother. She’d gotten pregnant and ended up with an asshole who sucked out her soul.

“You aren’t?”

I shook my head again. “Can I go now?”

He tilted my chin. “You don’t have to lie to me.”

My face was on fire. “Is it so hard to believe that someone would want to have sex with me?” I shoved him and walked past, stomping to the school stairs. He followed. “Fin, wait. That’s not what I meant.”

I looked back. “Why are you here? Shouldn’t you be at your school?”

He shook his head and looked at the school. “I am at my school.”

I moaned. “Oh, that’s great. If you want to make my life worse, there’s a girl named Linna… Date her and everything will be perfect for me.”

I turned and walked inside. All eyes were on me. I walked to my locker, feeling the burning on my face. Steph waved me down. “Hey!”

I moaned. “Tell me this year’s almost over.”

She laughed. “It’ll get better. You guys just need to see each other and you’ll be cool.”

I rested my head against the locker. “God hates me. I swear it.”

She nudged me. “Who is the hottie?”

I glanced over, seeing Aiden walking toward me, pulling on his school jacket. He was angry looking, but he kept his head high. It made me smile, even if it was just a little.

He leaned against the locker next to mine. “Let me walk you to class.”

Steph beamed at him. Her bright-blue eyes were flashing all sorts of hints. “Hi. I’m Steph.”

“Hello. I’m desperately trying to get your friend to give me a chance.”

Steph shoved me. “Stop being such a hater. Look how adorable he is, and he has an accent.” Her eyes flashed back on him. “You have any brothers?”

He laughed. “I do. I have one older brother and two younger.”

Steph winked. “Get me some numbers.”

“I’ll see what I can do.”

The knowing look on her face and the way she was nodding her head at him made me smile. She waved. “See you at break.” She abandoned me.