White Trash Damaged (3 page)

“Have you decided?” she asked, her eyes flicking to me but then resting intently on Tucker.

“We’d like one of each of your apps.” He smiled, grabbing my menu and placing it on top of his and holding them out for her to take. I did not miss the fact that she went out of her way to touch his hand with her fingers as she grabbed the menus from his hand.

He gave me a small grin, noting my jealousy.

“So . . .” He cleared his throat and took another drink. “What have you been up to while I was on the first leg of the tour?”

I picked at the label of my beer.

“Working mostly. But hey, I saw that you will be doing an awards show soon? That’s actually really exciting!” I wanted to add that I had heard about the actress he had been linked to and was dying for him to tell me that there was no truth to the rumors, but I knew I couldn’t ask . . . and I knew he wouldn’t bring it up. After all, I had been the one who left him, and he had no obligation to be faithful to an absentee girlfriend. Although it’s not like he had any reason to worry about what I’d been up to. I couldn’t look at another man after being with Tucker. He had ruined me for anyone in the future.

“What about you?”

He took another long pull from the bottle, emptying it. He sat it on the edge of the table and nodded toward the waitress who quickly came and cleared it as she went off to fetch him another beer. I watched her leave, wondering if I could handle what he was going to say. Tucker had been nothing but kind to me, always honest and faithful and passionate when we were together, but I would be lying to myself if I said I knew him inside and out. Even today, I had seen new sides to him that I hadn’t known existed. I didn’t know if those sides had grown from what we had been through together, or if they had been there all along, bubbling under the surface.

“I spent most of my time writing, practicing with the guys. They would drag me out whenever they could, trying to get me to cheer up.”

Those words sat on my chest like a ton of bricks. As I watched the waitress return with Tucker’s drink, she smiled, and he returned it politely. I took a deep breath. I had to stop letting jealousy get the best of me. Tucker and I were together now, and that was what mattered. I needed to erase those months of separation from my mind and focus on our future—we both deserved, and clearly needed, a clean slate. And there was no place for jealousy in our future together. Easier said than done when you’re dating a rock star.

A
S WE MUNCHED
on our appetizers, Tucker’s eyes lit up as he filled me in on what had been going on with the band. A lot had changed for them since they landed the music awards gig, and they were playing bigger venues and getting invited to join fairly established bands in concert. But the most exciting news, which he could hardly deliver without beaming, was that Damaged was going to be making their debut music video for Loved.

“That’s surreal.” I was incredibly proud of all that Damaged had accomplished in only a few months’ time.

“It’s a really big honor to have Jeff Jones direct. He’s done videos for all of my favorite bands. We only have a couple of months to come up with the concept and how we want the band portrayed.” Tucker was beaming, and his excitement was contagious.

“You’re going to do great.” I smiled, loving the way his eyes lit up as he spoke.

“You’ll be right by my side.” He winked, and the realization of how much everything was about to change hit me. A few months ago I was worried where my next meal would be coming from; now I had to find something to wear on a music video shoot.

We finished our food and made our way out to the motorcycle so we could meet up with the rest of the band. I could feel my nerves tying knots in my stomach as we approached the arena. I hoped the rest of Damaged didn’t harbor any bad feelings for me, but I wouldn’t blame them if they did.

As we pulled into the parking lot of the Philips Arena, it finally hit me how different things had really become. The parking lot overflowed with cars, and throngs of people lined the sidewalks . . . all waiting to see Tucker play. We rode around to the back of the oversized building and parked next to Damaged’s tour bus. The bus was dark, and I was thankful I wouldn’t have to come face-to-face with the other members just yet.

Tucker took my hand and led me up onto the bus.

“I just want to change my shirt. It will only take a second.”

I nodded at him and followed up the short set of steps. The bus couldn’t even be called a bus—it was practically a house on wheels. There was a large table with a bench seat that covered three sides. A mini kitchen sat directly across from the table.
Next to that was a narrow hallway that appeared to be lined with bunk beds of sorts. I couldn’t see what was past that. It was more than obvious a bunch of young guys with no supervision lived here. My shoes stuck to the floor, and soda bottles overflowed from the tiny trash can by the table. The bus smelled like a mixture of cheap cologne and alcohol.

Tucker released my hand and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek.

“I’m going to go change.” He walked down the narrow hall and disappeared into a door at the back of the bus.

“Hand me a water,” a voice called from behind one of the curtained beds. I jumped at the sound, not knowing who it was or who they were talking to. He was silent for a minute, and I held my breath, trying not to make a sound. “Please?” He sounded sad, almost in pain. I turned behind me and scanned the kitchen area for a fridge. I located a mini fridge under one of the cabinets. I pulled it open and found a bottle of water. I slid my hand behind the curtain. Warm fingers circled mine as he took the drink.

“Thank you,” he said, still not revealing his identity.

“You’re welcome,” I replied, not wanting to be rude.

“You groupies are good for
two
things,” he said and laughed to himself. Suddenly, the curtain pushed open and I was face-to-face with a nearly naked man. His hair was cut short, not very rock star. His body was thick but muscular and I couldn’t see any tattoos.

“Excuse me?” I took a step back, suddenly feeling like the space was closing in on me.

“Cass?” He jumped down from the top bunk, filling the little space between us with his large, muscular body that was only covered by a pair of black boxer briefs. “Didn’t think I’d see
you
again.”

I shook my head as the drummer for Damaged held out his hand for me to shake.

“Eric.”

I took his hand and shook it as Tucker made his way out of the room in the back of the bus. He was wearing a vintage-wash, dark blue T-shirt that read #Damaged and a pair of dark, tattered jeans.

“Hey, E.” Tucker nodded his head toward Eric as he slipped behind me, resting his hands on my hips. “How’s the headache?”

“I’ll live. You coming to practice?” His eyes went from Tucker’s to mine as he ran his hand over his buzzed hair. I hoped he wasn’t worried that I would be responsible for Tucker missing any more practices or gigs.

“Yeah, I’m coming. Throw some clothes on. Let’s go find the twins.”

Tucker guided me toward the steps to leave. I glanced over my shoulder at Eric whose eyes were already on mine, and he had a smirk on his face. He certainly wasn’t shy.

We stepped down off the bus and Tucker spun me to face
him, pushing my back against the bus, his body pressed hard against mine.

“I can’t wait to have you in my arms like this every night.” His lips pressed against mine. I let my arms loop around his neck and pulled him closer, not wanting any space between us. Eric stepped down out of the bus and cleared his throat. Tucker pulled back and playfully hit him on the arm, but it was more than apparent that these guys weren’t the best of friends.

“Where are Chris and Terry?” he asked E as his fingers laced in mine and I was being pulled behind them as we made our way to the back entrance of the large building.

“Should be inside. Lizzy is with them.” He shot a look to Tucker who shook his head and smiled. I wanted to ask who Lizzy was, but I knew I would find out soon enough. We slipped past a giant beast of a guard and made our way down a maze of hallways. After a few turns that left me feeling like we should be right back where we started, we found the rest of the band.

The twins sat with guitars in hand as they played a tune that I didn’t recognize. A girl with a mass of dark curly hair sat with her arms laced around one of the twins, her head resting on his shoulder. As Tucker closed the door behind us, everyone’s eyes landed on us.

“Hey, Cass!” the twin with the girl attached to him called out.

“Hey,” I called back with a wave.

“Hey, Terry, groupies aren’t allowed back for practice,” Eric teased from behind me. Terry threw his guitar pick at him, and we all ducked as it flew by.

“Cass, this is Lizzy. Lizzy, Tucker’s girl, Cass,” Terry said to the girl who had resumed her position at Terry’s side.

We both nodded and smiled at each other.

“How was the ride?” Chris asked as he continued to mindlessly strum his guitar.

“It was long. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to walk right again,” I joked.

“That’s what she said,” the twins called out in unison. The room erupted with laughter. I didn’t quite get the joke.

“Let’s get some work done,” Tucker called out over the laughter. Lizzy reluctantly peeled herself from Terry’s side, and he playfully smacked her on the ass as she pushed off the couch. She turned around to glare at him, and Terry just smiled.

“What? You fucking like it.”

She shook her head in disapproval, but the reddening of her cheeks revealed she liked it more than she let on. Tucker kissed me on the forehead and went to join the others on the couches.

“Come on,” Lizzy said as she looped her arm in mine. “Let’s go check this place out.”

I gave her a small smile and let her drag me away. I needed to give Tucker some time to get ready, and I had to admit, I was
curious about Lizzy. She was wearing a plaid shirt tied above her navel and short jean shorts paired with brown worn-out cowboy boots. Not the typical attire for a Damaged concert. I liked her already.

We left the room and made our way into a giant open area lined with tables full of merchandise and some snacks. She grabbed a small bag of chips and held it up to me. I shook my head, and she made a face and sat it back down on the table, looking for something more appetizing.

“So, you’re a local.” She wasn’t asking. I just nodded as we walked the length of the table, around a group of guys who looked like they belonged in a band. Maybe they did, but I didn’t recognize them, not that I knew what any of these people looked like.

“You’re not?” I had no idea where Lizzy came from or how she ended up wrapped in Terry’s arms. I was curious.

“I’m from Ohio. I traveled with some friends to a Damaged concert in Pennsylvania.”

“Oh,” I said and took an apple from her hand that she was holding out for me. Her green eyes glowed against the fluorescent lights of the building.

“I’m not a groupie.” She looked down at her apple, picking at the sticker on it.

“Of course not,” I said, trying to reassure her that I was not judging her. I had been judged enough to know that it doesn’t feel good.

“He says he loves me.” She tucked her hair behind her ear and gave me a big toothy grin.

“I’d like to hear all about it. How you met and all,” I said as we began to walk toward another set of halls.

“I snuck backstage after the concert.”

I stopped walking, and she turned around to look at me.

“Does that happen a lot? People sneaking backstage to see the bands?”

“Well, yeah. You gotta do what you gotta do, right?” She smiled again. I began to walk with her, wishing I hadn’t asked to hear this story. “So, anyway, I didn’t have my mind set on anyone in particular. I was willing to take what I could get.”

I felt like my lungs would explode if my breathing accelerated any more.

“The girls were rough that night. I mean, you would not believe what some girls see as concert attire. I wouldn’t walk around my apartment in those kinds of clothes.” She rolled her eyes, and we turned another corner, making our way down another hallway. We could faintly hear the screaming of the crowd on the other side of the wall.

“I worked my way through security and made it to the after-party.”

“After-party?” I wasn’t sure I wanted to know, but my curiosity was getting the best of me.

“Yeah, there is always an after-party. You will see tonight. It is wild.” She giggled and tossed her hair over her shoulder.
“Anyway, I met Terry, and we talked for hours. I mean, he held my hair when I puked. I knew he was a keeper.”

Well, if that wasn’t love, I didn’t know what was. I tried to keep my look of disgust off my face. A loud booming like thunder felt like it was shaking the walls.

“What is that?” I asked, looking up and down the hallway.

“That’s Filth. Aren’t they amazing?” she asked, her eyes twinkling again. I suddenly worried for Terry and how long this girl was planning to stick around. She seemed nice, but hardly the marrying type. For all I knew Terry had said he loved her just to get a little company. It wasn’t my place to pry.