Who We Are (35 page)

“Damnit! I thought we had the perfect scenario to leave and not have to look over our shoulders for the rest of our lives. So now we have to pick the least ominous of our crappy options. We can try to escape before the Celebration, which may buy us more time if we did so under the assumption that more time may elapse before people actually realize we are missing. Our second option is, well, I don’t even know that we have a second option! Shit!”

Darby put her hand over his mouth. “Aedan, it’s okay! It’s okay! Something happened today that closes the missing link to our plan! I went to the church today and Mrs. Proctor told me that the fun and games were cancelled because the children would not be attending the Celebration. I asked them if I could still do something to contribute and they told me to go speak to Tobias. Tobias told me that Mama was assigned to stand at the front door to sign everyone in because the Celebration could not officially begin until every member of the community was in attendance. That task has now been assigned to me! And he suggested that it was such a big job, that I should find someone to help me with it! Can you believe it? It seems too simple! We can check ourselves in and then secretly check out!”

Aedan held his face in his hands. He could hardly believe it. Then he took Darby’s face in his hands and grinned from ear to ear “This is it,” he said. “This, is it! This is exactly what we need!” He hugged her and picked her up and spun her around and around until they fell down.

“Darby, I can handle our future if we have to live a secret life as new people, but I don’t think either of could last long living a life where we have to constantly look over our shoulders. This is the best news I have heard in a long time.” He leaned over and kissed her passionately. “Finally the countdown to our new future where we are in control of our own destiny begins.”

They lay in each other’s arms for a few moments, enjoying the anticipation of their freedom. Finally, they had a solid plan. There were details to work out, of course, but none so daunting that anything could interrupt their plan.

He reached over and twirled a strand of her long red hair between his fingers. Then he caressed her face and neck. She was so soft and lovely. He looked into her eyes and today they seemed to be as bright as emeralds twinkling up at him. He didn’t just see his soul mate, he saw her as a gift from God.

He laid his head on her chest for a moment. He tried to be strong for her, but inside he knew that he had gotten just as much strength from her as she did from him. Just before she was integrated into the community, he had decided that there was no future for him. He felt sure he couldn’t keep the charade up much longer and couldn’t bear the thought of being tortured again. Given the moral, legal and ethical ramifications of even conducting an experiment like this, he knew that no one was ever leaving this place alive. He had made the decision that he would leave this world on his own terms and not after being used and discarded by strangers with white coats.

He was one day from executing his plan when, like an angel from Heaven, he saw her walking through town. He didn’t believe it at first and thought his mind was playing tricks on him. He secretly tried to spy on her for the next few days and, finally, without knowing it, she had looked him straight in the face. Although he could see she didn’t know who she really was, once their eyes locked he could see that it was his Darby. He truly believed that it was divine intervention and that was she his guardian angel. If she had appeared one day later, he would be gone and she would have to live out the rest of her life as a stranger in this place.

He hugged her a little tighter and she hugged him back and gently rubbed his head. As she looked down at him, her heart warmed. As strong as he was, she also knew that he had a gentle heart and felt emotions very deeply.

She lay there thinking that she couldn’t remember a time when she didn’t know Aedan or love him. The block they grew up on was a close-knit community of Irish families that had lived there for generations. Houses in her part of town were never bought or sold, they were passed down through the generations. As new generations were born, the houses on the perimeter of her community were bought for young Irish couples to live in without having to leave the community.  Her grandparents had come to this county shortly after marrying. Her grandfather and a group of other young Irish couples were sent here to continue their family businesses in the US.  Darby’s family owned an Irish pub in the neighbourhood called O’Doyles. She spent as much time there growing up as she did at home. The pub was never empty as the men in the neighbourhood would come in for lunch or to talk business. Most of the men in her community were business men. It was like their community was little Ireland. There was an Irish market, a restaurant and a few other little shops that catered specifically to the families that lived there.

Most of the families would make a trip to Ireland every year or so for a reunion. The American-Irish families believed steadfastly that it was important for all of the members of the families grow up knowing each other, including those relatives overseas. Her father and many of the business men would travel back and forth to Ireland frequently throughout the year. Her father told her that it was important that they stay abreast of the Irish culture and maintain their bonds with their kin in Ireland. He would often take her with him and while he was doing business, she would stay with her cousins. She had been to Ireland so many times she felt just as comfortable there as she did in North America. Her Irish relatives always welcomed them with open arms and she would spend her days exploring the Irish county side.

They were all very successful with their businesses because no one ever seemed to want for anything. She had everything her heart desired growing up, but that did not mean she was spoiled. They were devout Catholics and went to church twice a week.

The whole community was determined to keep their strong Irish culture and very rarely were outsiders or non-Irish folks a part of anything they did together. She could remember how delighted she and Aedan’s family had been when it became clear that they were interested in each other as more than just friends.

As she lay there thinking about all of this, her heart felt heavy knowing that she would never again be part of that wonderful world. As she continued to play with Aedan’s hair, she looked down and between the hairs on the back of his head she could make out part of his tattoo. She never really understood why but all the children in her community that were of pure Irish decent received a tattoo of their family crest when they were very young. She had never actually seen hers because her hair was so long but she knew it was there. Her father told her it was a symbol of pride and belonging. As she parted his hair to try to look at it more closely, something occurred to her. Maybe they could find their way back to Ireland.

She tousled his hair a little and decided that now was not the time to discuss this. They would need this identification if they could reach their family somehow and it was right there on their heads. With a renewed confidence, she sat herself and Aedan upright. “What do we do next, Aedan?”

Aedan did not pause. “I have mapped out a route for us to take, considering that we will need to stop and have adequate shelter to rest. I have been working on that for the past few nights and I think that I have found a good route. It will take us at least 24 hours to reach the ends of the forest but we need to factor in rest and nourishment breaks. If you have anything you need or want to take with you, bring it here tomorrow wrapped in a cloth and stuff it in the bushes. I will do my best to meet you here, but I have a lot to do in a few short days. We can’t risk starting any fires so we need to be able to sterilize water to drink. I need you to include a very small well sealed jar of bleach. Thank goodness for my junior year of chemistry where we learned how to use bleach prepare water for drinking.” The only other things I need you to search for is anything that may be valuable, and by valuable I mean things that we may be able to barter or pawn for cash. As it stands right now, we do not have a penny to our names and that is going to make things very difficult.”

He put a hand on either side of her face and directed her to look him in the eyes. “We may have to do some things that go against our beliefs. We may have to steal and cheat, but I promise you, we will never hurt anyone physically and will never take more than we need. I am sure that if we ask God to forgive us, he will, but we can also pray that he leads us into safety and provides for us so that we do not need to resort to thieving. But we have to be prepared to do things we wouldn’t normally do.”

She laughed a little at that. “Well, stealing a little food or money will seem like child’s play compared to being in here! And, I have no doubt that we will be forgiven.”

He kissed her forehead and smiled. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“Okay, so we should each go now. I will see you later when I come over for dinner. In the meantime, we have a lot to do!”

Chapter Thirty One

Dinner that night was uneventful. Although it was comforting to have Johnny close to her, he didn’t stay very long. After Johnny left, Papa went into his office and Desire went upstairs to go to bed. As she ran the water for her bath, she snuck into her Mama’s bathroom and got some of her remaining bath oil. The lavender oil was no longer relaxing to her as it brought back memories of the awful story Mama had told her. She chose rosewater and lemongrass instead. She knew Papa would not use these. She went back to her bathroom and poured some in hot bath water.

She removed her clothing and eased into the tub. She lay back and closed her eyes. She tried to picture Ireland and the endless green fields she used to explore. It brought her comfort to think that if they could find their way there, they may start to build a life together.

She heard a floor board creek and opened her eyes. She was startled to see Papa standing at the doorway to the bathroom, watching her. She tried to reach for a towel but the one she had placed beside the bathtub was gone.

Papa held the towel up. “Here you go, sweetheart. You looked pretty tired tonight so I wanted to help you get ready for bed.” His voice sounded really creepy, not like his own. A chill ran up and down her spine. 

She tried to cover herself with her hands. She cleared her throat to speak. “Thank you Papa. I am okay and should be able to manage just fine.”

“Get out of the tub now so that we can get you dried off and tucked into bed.” His voice was stern and she could tell there would be no arguing with him. Her body started to shake a little and she had knots in her stomach. She stepped out of the tub and he moved toward her with the towel open. He wrapped it around her and hugged her. “You smell just like Mama.” He buried his head in her hair and inhaled deeply. Then led her into her bedroom.

He unwrapped the towel from her body and started to dry her off. He started with her arms and then her back. He turned her around to dry off her chest and took what felt like eternity to dry off her breasts. Her nipples hardened but not because she was excited, but because she felt cold and he seemed to rub her there excessively. He knelt down on the floor in front of her and turned her around. He dried off each buttock and once again it felt as though he was caressing them instead of drying them. She was shaking inside and was terrified of what might happen when she was all dried off. Tears were running down her cheeks and she knew she was powerless to stop whatever it was that was about to happen.

He placed his hands on her hips and slowly turned her around. He looked up at her and she knew what that look in his eyes meant. She had seen that same look in Nathaniel’s eye. She braced herself for the inevitable and closed her eyes. Tears continued to run down her face. Papa put his fingers to his lips and made a shushing sound.

“Don’t be scared sweetheart. It is your job to take Mama’s place, and who better to show you how be a good and devoted wife.” With one hand still on her hip, his other hand travelled up her inner thigh and her whole body trembled. Just as he reached the top of her inner thigh, there was loud knock on the door downstairs. It startled her, and Papa. As she jumped back, he said plainly, “Who could that be?” His voice had changed, back to what she recognized and not the creepy, gravelly voice he had used in the bathroom. Strangely the knock at the door seemed to jolt him back to reality.

“Get yourself dressed and into bed, young lady. Good night.” He kissed the top of her head and went downstairs...

She quickly dressed in a heavy nightgown and thick robe. Then she crept out of her room and to the top of stairs to see who might be calling. She heard her father open the door. “Well, Johnny, what on earth brings you back here so soon?”

“Hello, Mr. Winthrop. I’m sorry to disturb you. When I got home, my Papa suggested that maybe you might like a drink or two of something a little stronger. He gave me a little flask of his homemade brew to share with you. Would you care to join me for a drink? I imagine the nights must be very difficult.”

There was a pause before Papa replied. “Well, that sounds just fine, Johnny. Lately, I don’t seem to be in my right mind. I suppose it’s the grief. Come. Let’s sit on the porch so we don’t disturb Desire. She has just turned in for the night.”

She could hear Papa go to the cupboard to get some glasses and then walk out to the front porch. When she heard the door close, she leaned against the wall and slowly sunk down to the floor. She shuddered to think what was about to happen before Johnny showed up. She had four more nights to get through before they could escape and now they would be four terrifying nights wondering what might happen to her when she was all alone here with Papa. She knew he wasn’t really her father, but that didn’t make it one bit better.

She got up and slowly crept downstairs. All the lights were off inside so she was careful not to bump into anything. She tiptoed into the front sitting room to peek out the window. Papa was taking large gulps of the gut rot and Johnny was keeping his glass full. When Papa wasn’t looking, Johnny would pour his glass out into the planter beside him. Surprisingly it didn’t take much before papa looked like he was feeling the effects of the alcohol. He began to slur his words and talk nonsense. Johnny kept filling the man’s glass and Papa kept drinking.

Desire relaxed a little. At least if Papa was drunk, she should be safe for tonight. She crept back upstairs and crawled into her bed. She pulled the covers up tight around her neck and pretended to be asleep knowing full well she would not sleep a single wink.

Soon enough, she heard some fumbling around downstairs. Then she heard someone plodding clumsily up the stairs. She saw the shadow of boots on the other side of her door, pausing there. Thankfully, they left in the direction of Papa’s room.

Thank goodness. He forgot about me and is stumbling into his own bed.

She heard a thump on the bed in his room and rustling of covers. But then she heard footsteps again and they were coming her way. She jumped up from her bed and crawled underneath. Perhaps, in his drunken state, if he didn’t see her in her bed, he would lay down and pass out.

She curled up tight underneath her bed and lay as still as she could. When the footsteps came into her room, they approached her bed. Stopping beside her bed and noticing it was vacant, they turned and headed into her bathroom. It was so dark, she really couldn’t see much.

Oh God, he was looking for her! 

She heard a switch and light streamed in from the bathroom from beneath her door. Then she heard a whisper. “Desire where are you? Please come out, it is safe now.”

Relief washed over her. It wasn’t Papa, it was Johnny! She crawled out from under the bed. She practically lept into his arms. He held her tight, “its okay. I promised I would never let anything bad happen to you again.” She couldn’t stop trembling.

“There is no safe place anymore, Johnny. No safe place!” She whispered hoarsely into his ear. She buried her head in his chest. “Can we leave now? Please, can we leave now?”

“No, baby, we can’t. But you trust me when I say, no matter what happens, I will be watching and I will keep you safe! I promise!” He brought her over the bed and they lay down.

“Desire, listen carefully. I have filled your vitamin bottle with sedatives. For the next four days, you need to put one in his meal at supper time and one in his tea or coffee after supper. The first one will dull his senses and the second one should knock him out. When he wakes up in the morning, he won’t be any the wiser. If I can keep him drinking with me nightly all the better, but we cannot rely on that. Once he is asleep, I will try spend the nights with you, just in case. Anything you do downstairs out of the ordinary, do it in the dark. The monitoring devices won’t pick up motion in the dark. Okay?”

“Yes, my love. Yes.”

He stayed with her until she fell asleep.

Chapter Thirty Two

Desire woke up alone, knowing Johnny had crept out in the wee hours of the morning. It was Tuesday. Just four days until the Celebration. Just four days to freedom.

She dressed and brushed her hair. Unsure of what to expect this morning, she hurried downstairs, ironically to the safety of the monitoring devices. She started brewing coffee and preparing breakfast as usual. Just as she was just finishing up, she heard Papa coming down the stairs. Desire did her best not to react outwardly, but she felt like jelly on this inside. As he stepped off the last stair and into the kitchen she turned to bring him a cup of coffee.

“Good morning sweetheart, did you sleep well last night?” He was speaking as though nothing at all unusual had occurred last night.

“Yes Papa, thank you. I slept very well.” She turned back around and fixed their breakfast plates. As he chatted with her about the weather, she looked into his eyes. That ominous look from last night was gone and he seemed to be his usual self. Sadly, she knew that much of his actions were out of his control and she found it difficult to stay mad at him. He was simply a pawn in this awful game as well.

As they ate their breakfast together, she noticed something for the first time. Up until her memory had been restored, she had always seen him as her father. But as she looked at him now through Darby’s eyes, it occurred to her that he was not very old himself. In fact, she would be surprised if he was much more than mid-twenties. She recalled what Mama had told her about how Papa was born into this world. Although she felt curious about it, she quickly decided that she had enough on her mind to worry about right now. She simply couldn’t fit one more question in there to ponder among all the other thoughts, feelings and questions buzzing around her head.

Desire finished her breakfast, anxious to get through the next few days without any more events or surprises. In fact, if she lived the rest her life uneventfully and without surprises, that would be just fine with her!

When Papa finished, he got up from the table to leave. “Desire, I will be home late today and will eat at Work so go ahead and make yourself something for dinner. Today, I want you to go about doing your chores as usual and do whatever it is your Mama would normally do. If you like, you can go to the church in the afternoon to offer to help the ladies, or perhaps go through your Mama’s sewing to see if there are any projects that you can finish up.”

“Yes, Papa.”

Desire got right to work. She started with some laundry and hung it on the line beneath a warm sun and cotton ball-like clouds floating in the sky. She then sat on the back step for a few moments and tried to decide how she would fill the rest of her day. She wanted to stay as busy as possible for the next few days to avoid feeling anxious about everything. She knew there was enough food in the icebox for a small army so cooking was out of the question. Then she remembered that Johnny had asked her to see if there was anything of value in their house. Searching the main floor was not possible without raising suspicion so she thought she would start in the cellar. She went downstairs, bringing a small lantern with her.

She still found the cellar creepy, but she wasn’t afraid to be down there alone. She looked around to see where she could start. Anything they took would have to be small. As she fumbled about, she remembered a few crates and a large trunk pushed against the wall. She made her way over to far side of the cellar and pulled out the two crates, a couple of chairs and then tugged and tugged until the large trunk was out far enough so that she could open it completely. She fiddled with the rusty latch and was glad that it wasn’t locked.

She removed a layer of tissue that covered its contents. The first row was mostly junk: Odd tea cups, water glasses, a few old plates and saucers. She removed these to find a small wooden box atop some old blankets. She pulled the box out and unlatched it. She couldn’t believe her eyes as she peered inside. The box was filled with golden necklaces, pendants, earring and rings with very ornate designs. Some of them had precious gems embedded in them. She giggled in delight as she scooped all the jewels out of the box and stuffed them in her pockets.

The rest contained old blankets and shoes. How odd that hidden among all this junk she found these precious treasures? When the trunk was completely empty, she felt around to see if there were any hidden compartments. Convinced that she had searched thoroughly and finding nothing more of value, she repacked the trunk not really concerning herself with the order of anything. She pushed it back into the corner and turned her attention to the crates. These were mostly just junk. So she piled these back against the trunk.

She shoved everything back and looked around. Unless there were treasures hidden in their preserves, there was nowhere else to look. She tapped her skirt pocket, quite pleased with her find. Heading up the stairs, she knew she would be on camera the minute she hit the kitchen so turned and went into the cold room and grabbed a jar of jelly off the shelf.

She headed back upstairs and when she got to the kitchen she fixed a cup of tea and a biscuit with jelly for the benefit of those who may be watching her.

After she ate, she grabbed her sunhat and vegetable basket and headed out the back door under the guise of picking some fresh vegetables. When she got to the back porch she grabbed a piece of cheesecloth that was hanging over the back of one of the chairs and shoved it in her basket.