Wholehearted (26 page)

M
ORNING
CAME
much sooner than Declan would have liked, having only fallen asleep two hours before his alarm chimed. Oh well, two hours was better than none. He rolled out of bed and took more care getting ready than usual, wanting to look good when he saw Lucas again for the first time.

He was nervous, the palms of his hands sweating already as he checked out of the hotel and climbed into his car. The safe house where Mack had placed Lucas was only a few minutes from the hotel, but to Declan it seemed as though it was a world away.

Traffic was heavy as he made his way past the mall, across the interstate, and down tree-lined Harvard Street to the tiny rancher where Lucas had been living. He pulled into the driveway, trying to calm his nerves, and parked the car.

Stepping out, he looked around. The trees were beginning to turn, the colors brighter than he felt. He forced his feet to move, walking toward the bright-blue door. His hands shook as he rang the doorbell and stood waiting for Lucas to answer. He expected a certain amount of awkwardness from the morning, but what he didn’t expect was the look of total shock on Lucas’s face as he pulled the door open.

“Hi,” Declan said, the word almost inaudible. He couldn’t seem to get his vocal cords to cooperate. Seeing him again felt like someone had punched him in the gut. It took physical effort not to double over from the impact of it.

“Hi,” Lucas responded, his voice wavering.

“I take it Mack didn’t tell you I was coming.”

“No.”

“Something came up. He couldn’t make it. I hope this is okay.”

“Of course,” Lucas replied, but Declan could tell Lucas did not think it was okay. The dark circles were back beneath Lucas’s eyes, as though he hadn’t been sleeping again. Probably all the stress of the impending trial and everything he had been through all compounding on top of him. Declan fisted his hands at his sides, stopping himself from reaching out.

“Well, I guess we should probably get going. Reese is expecting us in half an hour and I don’t know how long it will take to get to the office.”

“Sure, just let me grab my coat,” Lucas said before disappearing from sight. Declan wasn’t sure if he should wait for him or just head to the car. He usually wasn’t this indecisive, this unsure of himself, but just seeing Lucas again was causing him to become completely unglued. He didn’t like it one bit, but he liked the distance between them even less.

Lucas returned a moment later, a down-filled jacket wrapped around him. “All right, let’s go,” he said.

Being in the car with him was far worse than Declan had thought it would be. Trapped inside the confines of such a tiny space, Lucas’s scent surrounded him. He ached to reach across the console and take his hand. Lucas looked so small sitting in the seat next to him, as if dealing with everything had erased a part of him, shrunk him down in some way.

Declan hated himself for it. He knew it was his fault alone that Lucas was in such rough shape. Matvey had been the one to hurt Lucas physically, but Declan had been the one to destroy him emotionally. It clawed at him like a scared animal trying to escape.

The ride to the lawyer’s office was silent, the air heavy between them with things that Declan wished he could say.

I’m sorry.

I love you.

But he couldn’t. He had a job to do, and for today, that came first. He wouldn’t be able to leave Lucas without telling him those things, without trying to soothe the wounds he had created inside him, but for now, he would keep quiet. It wasn’t the right time.

They pulled up outside of Reese’s office, a tall glass building downtown, and Declan parallel parked the car. They were lucky to find a spot so close; the busy city center was bustling with people on their way to work.

They entered the building together, Lucas following behind Declan and into the elevator that took them to the fifth floor.

The shiny metal doors slid open to reveal the busy law office. There glass doors opened to a bustling office, people milling around seemingly unaware of anyone else. Steel-grey carpets stretched throughout the offices, giving an air of cold detachment to the place. There was nothing warm and comforting here. Declan supposed that served a purpose. The lawyers here were the best: all business.

The receptionist welcomed them with a tight smile, directing them back to the conference room where they would be doing the victim testimony preparation. Declan was scheduled for a prep session as well, but as the first officer on the scene, he needed far less coaching than Lucas would.

He greeted Reese with a handshake.

“Ms. Reese, this is Lucas Hale. Lucas, this is April Reese. She’s the DA in charge of your case, and the best in the state. You’re in good hands with her.”

“Thank you, Declan,” she said, and turned to Lucas. “It’s nice to meet you, Lucas. Has anyone filled you in on what we’re going to be doing here today?”

Lucas shook his head no, and Declan mentally kicked himself for forgetting to tell Lucas any of that. He had been so wrapped up in the feeling of seeing him again that all protocol, all his training, had gone right out the window. He had promised himself that he would act as a police officer first, an ex-lover second, but within moments of seeing Lucas again, that promise had been pushed aside.

“All right, well, it’s fairly simple really. We’re going to go through a line of questioning you might encounter from the defense. We don’t want any surprises when it comes time for trial, so we will ask you every conceivable question in order to prepare you. Some of it may be uncomfortable, but it is less uncomfortable to experience it for the first time here with a few people rather than in the courtroom in front of many.”

Declan took a seat in a chair closest to the far window. He watched Lucas carefully for signs of discomfort as Reese went through the procedure.

Lucas was pale, but his expression seemed to be one of determination. “I can do that.”

“Good. Let’s get started, then. Are you comfortable having Officer Grant in the room?”

Lucas faltered for a moment, but then his eyes narrowed and he straightened his posture. “Whatever,” he said, his tone suggesting that he couldn’t care less whether or not Declan was in the room. His body language told a different story, however.

Reese looked back and forth between them, but said nothing. She sat down to the right of the interns, who were already taking copious notes, and faced Lucas. She shuffled through her papers for a moment before looking up and smiling warmly.

“Let’s just start at the beginning, shall we? Can you tell me in your own words what happened that day?”

“All of it?”

Reese nodded, “If you could. Try not to leave anything out.”

Lucas took a deep breath and stared at his hands folded in front of him.

“I was working on the lobster boat. We’d been out for almost two months. It was our last day out before coming back home. The captain, Pete, was planning another run for the end of November, and most of us were planning on sailing out with him.

“I went back down to the bunkroom to pack my stuff. One of the other guys, Victor, came in. We’d sailed together a couple of times before. We got along all right, even bunked together on this trip.

“Anyway, I was in the middle of getting changed out of my wet gear when he came in. I turned around and he was just standing there. He was looking at me… differently.”

Lucas paused, as if he were unsure how much detail to go into. Declan remembered when Lucas had told him the story. He knew what was coming next, and somehow knowing didn’t make it any less difficult for him to hear.

Reese interjected with a question, helping Lucas get the words out. “Different how? Try to be specific.”

“Like he was checking me out. He looked me over, up and down in that way that guys do sometimes. You know… when they….” He trailed off.

“Are attracted to you?” Reese asked.

“Yeah.”

“Good, Lucas. You’re doing great. You’re going to need to be explicit in your descriptions when you’re on the stand, though. You don’t want the jury leaping to their own conclusions if you’re too vague about what happened. Spell it out for them, so they know exactly what you went through. I know it can be tough, but it’s important they are able to relate to you.”

“Okay, I get it.”

“Good, go on,” she urged.

“So he was looking at me like he was attracted to me, like he might be gay too. I didn’t say anything, though. I’d heard about guys getting beaten for being gay before. I didn’t want that to happen to me too, no matter how sure I was that the guy felt the same way. Lobstermen are not exactly known for their open-minded tolerance. All I wanted was to keep my head down and my nose clean and do my job.”

“So what happened next?”

“Victor walked up to me, got really close, like right in my face and asked me point-blank if I was a ‘fucking queer.’ He sounded so angry, and it shocked me a little, so I guess I didn’t actually answer him. The way his voice sounded when he said ‘fucking queer,’ it was angry and hateful. I just stared at him and he left. Didn’t say anything else, he just walked out. I figured that was the end of it, but it wasn’t.

“After dinner, I went back to my bunk and when I got there, he and five other guys were there waiting for me.”

“Lucas, remember to be specific. Who were the guys that were waiting for you?”

“Greg Petrok, Jamie Gooding, Isaac Garey and Benjamin Jarvis and Eric Lancaster.”

“Good, go on.”

“Eric grabbed me and held my arms behind my back. I tried to get away, but they all lined up to take punches at me and I couldn’t breathe. They beat on me for a while, punching me in the gut, and a couple of them took shots at my face. I guess I blacked out after that. The next thing I knew I was hanging by my arm from the ceiling. They were still hitting and kicking me. They were spitting in my face yelling horrible things at me.”

“What things, Lucas?”

Lucas looked over at Declan, his face paling. Declan knew what was coming next. As if the first half hadn’t been bad enough, the second half was much, much worse. Lucas looked like he was about to pass out.

Declan looked back at him, trying to convey all the love and support he could with his eyes. He couldn’t say it aloud, but he wanted Lucas to know that he was there, that he would catch him if he fell, if it was too much and he needed someone to hold him up, Declan would hold him. In a heartbeat, he would hold him.

“Lucas?” Reese prompted, trying to get him back on track. Lucas’s eyes shifted from Declan to the attorney. They were wide, scared, like a puppy who’d been kicked by his master.

He inhaled, letting out a shaky breath. “Fag, queer, fuckface fairy, things like that.”

He twisted his fingers in his lap, staring down at them as he said the words. His voice was quiet, resigned. It was all Declan could do to stay sitting in his chair. The last time Lucas had had to relive it, Declan had been right there. He’d held him, and comforted him, and rocked him back and forth. This time he was sitting alone, in a cold office across a cold room, with strangers staring at him. It made Declan want to cry. He couldn’t imagine how Lucas felt.

“Lucas,” Reese said gently. “Do you want to take a little break?”

Lucas nodded, looking completely shattered.

“Okay. We can do that,” Reese said turning to Declan. “Officer Grant, could I speak to you in my office for a moment?”

“Sure,” Declan replied, lifting himself out of his seat and following the impeccably dressed lawyer down the hall and into her office.

“You want to tell me what is going on?” she asked, the friendliness and good humor gone from her voice.

“What do you mean?”

“You know exactly what I mean. If you have some sort of personal relationship with the victim, you should have told me. I don’t like surprises, especially surprises that could destroy my case,” she spat.

“There is no relationship.”

“Excuse my language, Declan, but you are full of shit. I saw the way that Lucas looks at you, and at first, I thought it was some sort of hero-worship crush, but you look at him the same way. The reason I am so good at my job is that I can read people. I know when people are lying.
You
are lying.”

Declan sighed, “There is no relationship. There
was
. I love him. But it’s over.”

“It doesn’t matter if it’s over or not. You should have told me. You shouldn’t be on this case. This is a
huge
conflict of interest and Mack should have known better than to let you continue. This could jeopardize the entire thing. Matvey could walk because of this.”

Declan blanched. He didn’t have anything to say in his defense.

“It would be best if you left. You know I can’t put you on the stand. We can call you when we’re finished with Lucas.”

“Okay,” Declan agreed and walked out of the office and away from Lucas.

D
ECLAN
RETREATED
to the lobby of the office building, knowing it would be a few hours before Reese was finished with Lucas, but he didn’t have anywhere else to go. He would rather be close by in case Lucas needed him.