Who'll Kill Agnes? (11 page)

While Agnes was dwelling on how her attributes had improved the lives of so many of the good citizens of Magnolia Creek, Shirley Gates, an attractive, intelligent, and ambitious woman of thirty-five, was conversing with her secretary, Annie Pilston.

“Annie, I think you know that a TV station in the state capital has offered me a spot on an early morning talk show.”

“Yes, Shirley, I’ve heard the rumors. So, it’s true?”

“Yes,” said Shirley in a rather bemused manner.

“Congratulations! How wonderful for you and terrible for me.”

“Why? How do you mean?”

“Now I’ll have to work for that ooey-gooey moron Agnes Henley.”

Shirley burst out laughing. “I wonder if there’s anyone else in this town who knows how totally ignorant that woman is. She constantly and consistently confuses her food groups; she can’t spell worth a damn; and you never know what vitamins or minerals she’s talking about because she can’t pronounce them.”

“How on earth did she get her job in the first place?” Annie, a twenty-two-year-old perky strawberry blonde and recent graduate of a technical school, was flabbergasted when she discovered that the revered Agnes Henley was one of the most inept employees of the school district. At first Annie was in awe of both Shirley and Agnes but soon discovered that Agnes was all show, a complete fake, and just a little flaky.

“Goodness only knows. There are a lot of incompetent people working in our school systems. I suppose she came here fresh out of college. It doesn’t take much to impress some people. But why do you call her ‘ooey-gooey’?”

“Because she’s always so sugary sweet while at the same time playing down to me or something like that.”

“You mean pompously patronizing and condescending?”

“Exactly. You certainly know the right adjectives for her!” laughed Annie. “Let’s just say I would never turn my back on her.”

“Well, Annie, you’ve nothing to worry about. I’m not leaving.”

“What? You’re giving up a TV show to remain here and continue to work alongside Agnes? Why?”

“Oh, I’m not giving up anything. My part on the show is quite small. I can either tape it from here and send it in or drive up to the capital once in a while for a live interview. I’ve already made the arrangements. The school board here is quite impressed and feels that my little segment will bring prestige to Magnolia Creek. And the show’s producers are very amenable and flexible to my schedule.”

“What show is it?”

“The Wake Up Show. It comes on at 5:30 and goes off at 7:00.”

“Wow, that’s early. What’s your segment about anyway?”

“Nutrition with easy, healthy recipes, basically just good cooking.”

“Sounds like fun.”

“I think so, too. So, I’m staying here, and I won’t leave until after Agnes departs.”

“But she has no intention of ever leaving. She wants your job.”

“I know, but I’m going to play Agnes’ game right along with her. I think I know of a way of getting rid of her,” Shirley stated enigmatically.

“How?” asked Annie with enthusiasm.

“No, I’m not ready to divulge anything yet. I need more time to work out my plan.”

“But, Shirley, if you and I know what an idiot she is, why doesn’t anyone else know? Maybe she had an easy time getting the job, but why has she kept it?”

“Remember, she always has been passed over for promotion. Somebody had some sense. And once you’ve been hired to work in this school district, it’s very difficult to lose your job, no matter how incompetent you may be. Besides, Agnes Henley is a big deal in this community. She puts on gigantic shows for the Garden Club and various charities, attends Mass regularly, although I don’t think she’s Catholic. It’s all an act, but it works so well because she believes it herself. But, you know, I wonder about her family. She’s always bragging about how wonderful they are and how much they adore her and depend on her. Somehow she overplays the domestic heaven routine just like she overplays everything else. I’ll bet you anything they feel the same way we do, only stronger. Can you imagine living with that woman?”

“But there’s something else I don’t get.”

“What?”

“I’ve heard rumors that she’s rich. I mean, look at Henley House. It’s gorgeous. Why does she work here?”

Shirley laughed again. “Yes, she is independently wealthy, or so she tells me all the time. But Agnes is one of those people who is impressed with anyone connected with education. She thinks her position entitles her to respect as an academic and elevates her even more in the public eye and esteem.”

“That’s the goofiest thing I’ve ever heard.”

“There are people who feel that way. However, they usually refer to teachers, not the people who plan school lunches.” Both women laughed, then Shirley said, “Can you feature Agnes in a classroom, controlling today’s students? Shhh, here she comes now,” she whispered as Agnes entered the outer office.

“Agnes dear, do come in,” warbled Shirley.

“Shirley, Annie,” Agnes said as she nodded to each one. Not wasting any time, she asked about the reason for the meeting. “What’s going on, Shirley? I’ve heard rumors that you are going back to your newspaper.”

Shirley and Annie exchanged glances.

“Is that a fact? No, Agnes, that’s not it at all.” Shirley was taking her time, hoping to aggravate Agnes.

“What?” gasped Agnes.

“I’m not going back to newspaper work. I’ve been offered a TV position in the capital.” She leaned back in her chair and reveled in the conflicting expressions that crept across Agnes’ face. First jealousy, because Shirley was offered a more prestigious job, then relief, because she would now get her coveted directorship.

“Oh, that’s wonderful!” gushed Agnes after a long pause. “Congratulations. When will you be leaving?”

“Oh,” replied Shirley slowly as she enjoyed bringing Agnes down a notch, “I’m not leaving. I intend to stay here and fulfill my duties. I can tape my segments for the TV show and send them in.” She hesitated, relishing the hatred that flashed in Agnes’ eyes that was quickly replaced by disappointment. She could see that Agnes was finding it difficult to control her feelings. Shirley continued happily, pretending to be oblivious to Agnes’ discomfort. “I owe my decision to you, dear Agnes.”

Annie stifled a choking sound.

“Wha-what do you mean?” stammered Agnes.

“I owe all my knowledge to you and I know how much you fear all the responsibility that would go to you if you took over my job. Remember? You said something like that five years ago when I first came here.”

Annie was having difficulty remaining quiet. Watching Shirley give Agnes even false flattery made her just a little sick, yet the whole scene played out wildly comical.

“Oh, but I wouldn’t want to stand in your way of progressing to new horizons,” protested Agnes haughtily. “I-I have twenty-five years of experience here.”

Shirley cut her short, “I know, I know. And that’s why I must stay on with you. We make such a good team, and I have so much to learn.”

After Agnes had left, Annie asked, “Was that little scene designed to get Agnes to resign?”

“Oh, Agnes will never resign. She loves the prestige of coming to work here, even if she has to play second fiddle to me.”

“Then how are you going to get rid of her?”

“Have patience, Annie. I do have a plan.”

Agnes drove home in deep depression and disappointment. But, at the same time, her mind was whirling maliciously. “So Shirley is staying because she can’t exist without my leadership. That’s understandable. I’ve become Shirley’s mentor. She looks to me for guidance. Well, I’ve had enough of the mentorship
.
”

She wanted the job that should rightly be hers. A few phone calls, anonymous of course, should get Miss Shirley Gates out of Magnolia Creek. In fact, she might even eliminate that TV job. And if that didn’t work, well, she had other plans at her disposal.

“Now if I could just get rid of that cheap floozy Bernadette at the same time, then my life will indeed be perfect
.
”

CHAPTER EIGHT

As Lester and Kevin were returning from the Chevy dealership, Lester’s thoughts dwelled on his obsession. Would one of the women actually kill Agnes? Or were they just playing along as if it were a joke? Both their actions and their expressions were unfathomable. He didn’t know how much longer he could stay married to that woman. Almost thirty years in purgatory, no, not purgatory, hell, just plain damned hell. He had stayed for Kevin’s sake but had never gotten any of that blasted money.

Kevin, though usually cheerful, seemed preoccupied with his own thoughts as he interrupted his father’s silent reverie, “What are you thinking, Dad?”

Slightly jolted, Lester took time to compose his response. “Oh, just that your mother and I aren’t getting any younger.”

“Yeah, so?”

“Well, I been thinking, that if anything happens to either one or both of us, you know that Henley House will always be home to you and Bernie.”

“Sure, Dad, I know that.”

“I mean if I should die or become disabled, your mother would want you to stay and vicy-versy if the same should happen to her.”

“Hell, Dad, why are you so morbid all of a sudden? You and Mom are still young enough, and besides, I know I’m set here for life. Cheer up.” He had started to add “old man” affectionately but thought better of it.

Lester now wondered if he should have brought up the idea of possible parental death, especially now that it seemed likely to occur. If only one of those damn women would get on the ball! But he wanted to prepare the boy. Kevin was a good son and would be the only member of the family to sincerely mourn Agnes’ passing. Of course, the good citizens of Magnolia Creek would mourn her loss. Yep, he had to give it to her, Agnes sure knew how to fool people
.

As soon as they drove up the circular driveway, Kevin got out to go in search of Bernie.

Lester remained in his vehicle for a few moments, daydreaming of a time when Agnes would no longer be there and he, Lester, would be the patriarch of Henley House. Kevin and Bernie, of course, plus Audrey and Penny could stay on and be grateful for his generous charity. He wouldn’t be the dictator that Agnes was.

“Oh no, I’m going to be likable, lovable, fun! Get married again? Naw, I’m not going to fall into that trap again. Besides, this time I’ll have the money. Maybe I can get Audrey and Penny to loosen up.”

Then he remembered how he and Agnes used to double date with Penny and one of his friends. “Well hell, I can do better than double date now,” he thought, as if Agnes had already departed. “I’ll get some old friends some night while Kevin and Bernie are away and we’ll have one of them orgies. And watch Penny and Audrey boog-ie! Whoo-ee I can see them now! Henley House will finally be jumping!”

His reflections bounced back to Agnes and how years ago he had convinced her that he was impotent and could never sleep with a woman again. In her mortification, she had told everyone that he had a sleeping disorder. He had maintained celibacy in Henley House, but there was a certain little lady over in the trailer park that welcomed him once or twice a month. With Agnes removed and Penny and Audrey in place, he wouldn’t have to sneak around anymore. In fact, he might just bring his lady friend to live here in the mansion. Didn’t orgies mean the more the merrier?

A long time ago he had conned Agnes into giving him a salary so he could have a hobby working with tools. She had lectured incessantly, insisting that a hobby was respectable, but that he was in no way to say he had any kind of mechanical job. She had even let him fix up the garage with a workbench and all kinds of state of the art machinery and tools. He had never used the stuff and she had never checked to see if he was doing anything. For Agnes the spotless, shiny machinery was a source of pride and occasionally she would show off the workshop to her society lady friends. He laughed at the thought that the garage had provided not a hobby but an escape route. Once in a while he sold a tool or two and used the money plus his “salary” to pay for conjugal visits to another woman. He chuckled to himself again as he realized he wouldn’t have to pay again, that is, if someone would just get to it!

He got out of the pickup and looked up at Henley House. “Lord, how I love that name!”

Agnes couldn’t bear to live in a house that bore her maiden name and had changed Briar House to Henley House as soon as they were married. She had done it to spite Audrey more than anything, to show she was married and Audrey wasn’t.

“Wonder why Audrey hasn’t married, damn fine-looking woman spending her life dreaming for revenge and never doing nothing. Well maybe now she will, she just needs a little push”
.
Still staring up at the house he thought how the name suited him just fine. “And, if all goes well, it’ll soon be mine, all mine.”

Chuckling, he went into the house to wash up for the late afternoon ceremony in the library to toast Agnes’ demise.

Agnes momentarily forgot that she was either going to put a stop to the gathering in the library or monitor the little group. Before Bernadette came, Agnes had rejoiced at the thought of Lester, Audrey, and Penelope retiring to her library to read her great books of wisdom, thereby improving their minds. Inquiring into their reading choices had been her favorite topic of dinner conversation. Now, with the arrival of Bernadette, the atmosphere had changed, and Agnes did not approve. But this afternoon she was preoccupied with the shattering news that Shirley Gates had presented to her. She went straight to her suite and paced back and forth in her bedroom.