Why Now? (17 page)

Keeping my eyes on the road I say, “It’s not another question. I promise I’ll explain my answers as well.”

She shifts in her seat. “I’m not sure why it’s my favorite, there’s not one thing in particular. Maybe it’s everything, the beat that tricks you into thinking it’s a happy song when truly it’s so sad how you feel so bad for him because you want him to get the girl and it kills you for him when he sees her with someone else. It sounds happy and upbeat but it’s so much more than that. There are sad songs that force their sadness down your throat but this one sneaks it in. That sounds silly.”

“No,” I stop her. “That makes perfect sense.”

She exhales in a whoosh and smiles at me. There’s no shortage of pretty girls on the planet but there’s something special about Kacey that takes her from being a pretty girl to one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen.

She doesn’t try. No, I don’t know, she might try because I think she’s wearing makeup but she never looks like she’s wearing makeup. There’s something effortless about her. Without even trying, she can bring me to my knees with a smile.

“Okay, my turn,” she says before asking, “how did you working on an oilrig happen?”

“Well, after Gramps died, I found out their money situation was bad, real bad. Reilly was set to start school, the bank was threatening to foreclose on the house, but it was more. After I hurt my knee, it took three operations to make it so I could live my life without limping or pain the rest of my days. I had no clue how much debt they were racking up to pay for all my medical bills and my tuition. Gramps had social security but they were maxing out credit cards left and right to pay for everything.”

“I was barely out of college and the only things that were available to me, job wise, were unpaid internships. I needed a job that would pay like crazy and one where I could start right away. It was luck that got me that job. A guy I knew was a marine biology major and got shit faced one night talking about the company I ended up working for.”

“His thesis has something to do with the marine life that grows around the support posts that anchor the rigs to the ocean floor. Entire ecosystems form there like coral reefs but different. It was offhand that he mentioned how much the guys that work there get paid. Not that many people want to live miles away from civilization. The hours and the fact that the work can be dangerous makes the pay amazing. I’ve been plugging everything towards their debt ever since.”

Her hand is pressed to her chest. “Reilly doesn’t know how bad it was, does she?”

I shake my head. “I know she’s your best friend but I’d like to keep it that way. She needs to be worrying about getting on her feet, nothing else.”

“I get what you’re saying, but you should tell her. She’s making decent money and since we share it’s not like our rent is astronomical. She’d want to help.”

“Once the repairs are done on the house I’ll think about it. It’s pointless until then. If I can sell the house for at least enough to cover what’s left on the mortgage it will be a nonissue since that’s all that’s left.”

“It’s amazing what you’ve been able to do. Not many people would sacrifice what they wanted the way you have.”

“Please don’t put me on a pedestal. Alright, my turn. Did you always want to do eye stuff? I’m not even sure what to call it.”

She laughs, and I notice that before her body was facing straight ahead but now she’s angled herself toward me.

“It wasn’t something I grew up dreaming about being. I guess it’s similar to what happened to you on the rig. I needed a job and I didn’t need any extra schooling to do this. In my office, we’re assigned to assist different doctors. Part of the reason I haven’t thought about leaving is because Dr. Colver is amazing. Sometimes it gets old working out of two different offices, though. It’d be nice if he only treated people in town; that’s the only thing I don’t like about my job.”

We keep playing, each taking turns until it dawns on her where we’re going.

She presses her hand to my arm, “Are you taking me to the beach?”

I answer her with a grin.

“But I don’t have my suit or sunblock. Or, I’m an idiot. Maybe you didn’t want to swim. Please ignore me.”

I can’t help it, I laugh. “I had Reilly grab your beach stuff. It’s all in that bag she gave me.”

She bounces in her seat and says, “Since it’s been so warm I keep promising myself that I’ll go, but then get caught up with other stuff. Thank you, I’ve only been out once so far this year and, well, thank you.”

When she’s excited, she tends to talk with her hands. Reaching out, I grab the one closest to me and don’t let go.

He’s taking me to the beach. Jake Whitmore is taking me, Kacey Albright, to the beach. This won’t be the first time he’s taken me, but before Reilly and other people were always there. He would never have taken me alone.

It didn’t matter back then that other people were around. He was the only thing I could focus on. Reilly would try to get me to walk up and down the beach with her in the hopes of catching the eye of some guy.

Grudgingly, I’d go but my attention was never in the direction she pointed or whispered. No, it was always only Jake for me.

He liked to surf and I could spend hours watching him do it.

“When was the last time you surfed?” I ask, wondering if I’d get a chance to watch him again.

“It’s been years,” he replies.

“How come?” I ask.

“It wasn’t an intentional thing to stop. There were more important things that took up my time.”

“When I was younger, watching you surf was one of my favorite things,” I admit.

“I remember that.”

“Did my crush ever annoy you?”

“It never annoyed me until you were old enough to be a temptation I couldn’t risk giving in to. That was annoying.”

“How so?” I press.

“You still liked me and I could no longer ignore the fact that I was attracted to you. Still, I knew it would have been wrong to start anything. I had to watch other guys try to get your attention, which sucked, knowing that you wanted me but I couldn’t have you. There were nights it felt like torture.”

“Would it have truly been such a bad thing for me to have known you liked me back?”

He doesn’t answer me while he parks. He still doesn’t say one word as he kills the engine and gets out of the Jeep.

Did he hear my question?

He starts heading toward the back. Figuring I might as well help, I get out as well. A squeak escapes me as he grabs me. My door is closed and I’m lifted up till my back is pressed to it as Jake stands between my legs. His mouth is on mine, his long strong fingers on my ass holding me up while the rest of his hard body presses against me.

I’m lost in the kiss. That raging inferno that only he controls. My arms are wrapped around his neck as my tongue tangles with his.

There is nothing else. There is only him.

And then he pulls his mouth from mine. We’re both out of breath. As one, our chests heave as we struggle to allow air the right to move back into our bodies.

There isn’t a cloud in the sky. Nothing can dull the green of his eyes or the lust so clearly in them. As the world after his kiss begins to reemerge around me, my senses are bombarded. The heat of his hands scorches me through the thin fabric of my dress.

There’s tension in each of his fingers as they clutch me. It’s as if even his knuckles can’t hide their desire. The rhythmic crash of the waves becomes louder than the pounding of my heart and our labored breaths. The scent of his skin dulled by the salt of the sea.

“If you knew we would’ve been like this back then but you couldn’t have held onto it, that would have been worse than not knowing. At least when you don’t know, you can convince yourself that there isn’t something there. I don’t know how many guys you’ve kissed, but I can tell you that if you would have kissed me like that before I had to go away for months on that rig I would have gone crazy.”

He was so right.

If I had known back then what Jake’s touch and kiss could do to me, I wouldn’t have been able to function with the power of how much I would have missed him when he was gone.

Tucking my face into his neck I breathe him in. “That would have been awful.”

Stepping away from Reilly’s car, his hands slide up to circle my back letting my legs drop to the ground as he holds me tight.

“It never would have worked back then. It’s different now.” He lifts his head and dips it to look into my eyes. “We can be together now.”

His hand lifts up to cup my cheek, his thumb brushing back and forth across my skin. Jake, larger than life Jake, holding me in his arms and offering me everything I’ve always wanted. It should be so simple to just say yes, to throw myself at him, and trust that he’ll never go away again.

What’s stopping me isn’t my promise to Heath. As much as I would hate to hurt him, Jake was right when he said we didn’t love each other. The thing that’s holding me back is the fear that I can’t trust Jake.

No matter what explanation he offers, a part of me doesn’t believe his feelings when years went by where there was no hint of them.

How could he care about me and be attracted to me the way he says he was if he never acted like it. His polite rejection lives inside of me. It’s fed by all of my insecurities. It does not trust him.

Jake leans in closer and kisses my cheek. “If I don’t stop touching you, I’m going to make an ass out of myself.”

His words serving as explanation, he lets me go and takes a step away from me.

Reilly packed a purple bikini I bought on a whim and haven’t been brave enough to wear in public. She will need to sleep with one eye open for not packing something I’d be more comfortable in, like my tankini. At least she packed my sarong, which I knot tightly around myself before I let Jake see me.

My eyes widen when I see him. “That’s some suit.”

His trunks are a loud multicolored tropical print. Sad thing is, he is still the sexiest man I’ve ever seen up close, even in ridiculous swim trunks. His eyes are on me as I approach him. With my sunglasses on, I hope he can’t tell the way my eyes move over his body.

Is there a weight room on the rig? There’s no way I’ll ask, but the physical perfection of his body seems to be answer enough. He’s big without being huge. There’s a leanness to his bulk that is quite simply mouthwatering.

If that wasn’t enough, his tattoos only enhance his rugged beauty. He has one full sleeve that flows up his left arm from his wrist to curl up and around his shoulder. I don’t know why it never hit me before what he wore inked across his skin.

There was a beach, maybe this beach, which merged into a canyon ending with a mountain.

It was home, all of the things that surround Ferncliff. All of the things that made Reilly and I know we were going to move back home once we both finished school in San Diego. It was Aliso Beach, Trabuco Canyon
,
and Big Bear Mountain. It was home. And it was home in a way that no matter where he was he always took it with him. My fingers itched to discover the places that were so familiar to me on his skin.

Taking my hand, we walk together and find a nice spot on the beach to spread out the blanket he brought.

“Hungry?” He asks.

My nerves have been playing such havoc on my belly; I had not realized I was.

At my nod, he produces a takeout bag from Lola’s. “I hope sandwiches and chips are cool.”

Once I have my food, he moves to sit closer to me. So close that my body reacts of its own accord to lean against him. There were people walking up and down the beach close enough for their feet to stay cool in the wet sand. To our right and a ways down, a mixed group of boys and girls played beach volleyball.

They didn’t seem to be very good, their shouts for one person or another to go fetch the ball carrying down to where we sat. Plenty of other groups of couples, friends, or families sat around us.

My gaze stays on the waves. There are four or five surfers gently bobbing up and down past the break. Every so often, one or two of them break off from the group to catch a wave. With Jake’s heat at my side, I eat and watch while the sun warms my skin.

After we eat, he slips his arm around me and I melt against him.

“Want to swim?”

It would be sacrilege to come all this way and not get wet. Like in the ocean wet, because otherwise I already was for a different reason.

“Sure.”

He stands first and helps me up. Looking anywhere but at him, I untie my sarong.

His sharp inhale is audible but I still look away.

“You’re not playing fair, Killer,” he groans.

That makes me look up at his face. It takes a while for his eyes to stop traveling over my body to finally meet mine.

“You’re giving Heath back that ring.”

That was so unexpected I gasp, “What?”

He reaches out, pulling me by the back of my neck toward him. My hands fly up, and press flat against his chest to brace myself. They’re squeezed between us, his other arm wrapping like a steel band around my waist. Tucking his chin, his eyes locked on mine, he rocks my world. “We’re going to happen, Kacey and when I’m inside you, it’s not going to be with another man’s ring on your finger.”