Why We Love (35 page)

16
. Hâllstròm and Samuelsson 1990.

17
. Tavris and Sadd 1977.

18
. Meikle et al. 1988.

19
. Nyborg 1994.

20
. Hoagland 1998.

21
. Ellis and Symons 1990.

22
. Blum 1997.

23
. Ellis and Symons 1990.

24
. Reinisch and Beasley 1990, p. 92.

25
. Laumann et al. 1994; Ellis and Symons 1990. Because this gender difference also exists in Japan and Great Britain (Barash and Lipton 1997; Wilson and Land 1981), some scientists believe these variations may be inherited. This makes sense. Female birds and mammals must remain still and cooperative for coitus to occur. And males must display some assertiveness to mate successfully. So signs of surrender by the female in conjunction with cues of dominance by the male are important mating signals (Eibl-Eibesfeldt 1989). In fact, ethologist Ireneus Eibl-Eibesfeldt proposes that these leitmotifs of human sexuality, male dominance and female surrender, arise from primitive brain regions where they evolved to ensure mating success in all reptiles, birds, and mammals.

26
. Laumann et al. 1994.

27
. Ellis and Symons 1990; Barash and Lipton 1997.

28
. Hull et al. 1995; Hull et al. 1997; Kawashima and Takagi 1994.

29
. Liu et al. 1998; Herbert 1996.

30
. Ferrari and Giuliani 1995.

31
. Hull et al. 1995; Wenkstern et al. 1993; West et al. 1992.

32
. Hull et al. 1995.

33
. Clayton et al. 2000; Walker et al. 1993; Heaton 2000.

34
. Walker et al. 1993; Coleman et al. 1999; Ascher et al. 1995.

35
. Mayerhofer et al. 1992; Fernandez et al. 1975; Cardinali et al. 1975.

36
. Fabre-Nys 1998.

37
. Hopkins 1994, p. 14.

38
. Sherwin et al. 1985; Sherwin and Gelfand 1987.

39
. Ahearn 1998.

40
. Damsma et al. 1992; Pleim et al. 1990; Yang et al. 1996.

41
. Hull et al. 1999.

42
. T. J. Jones et al. 1998.

43
. Netter et al. 1998; Sundblad and Eriksson 1997; Gonzalez et al. 1994.

44
. Matthew Arnold, “To Marguerite.” In Quiller-Couch 1919.

45
. Hatfield 1988, p. 191.

46
. Shostak 1981, p. 268.

47
. Bell 1995, p. 158.

48
. Rebhun 1995, p. 252.

49
. McCullough 2001.

50
. Bowlby 1969, 1973, 1980.

51
. Carter et al. 1997; Young, Wang, and Insel 1998; Young et al. 1999; Wang, Ferris, and DeVries 1994; Pitkow et al. 2001.

52
. Wang, Ferris, and DeVries 1994.

53
. Shakespeare 1936,
A Midsummer Night’s Dream,
act III, scene iii, lines 217–20.

54
. Pedersen et al. 1992; Carter, DeVries, and Getz 1995.

55
. Pedersen et al. 1992.

56
. Young, Wang, and Insel 1998; Williams et al. 1994.

57
. Damasio 1994, p. 122.

58
. Young, Wang, Insel 1998; Charmichael et al. 1987.

59
. Villalba, Auger, and De Vries 1999; Delville, Mansour, and Ferris 1996; Wang and De Vries 1995; Wang et al. 1994.

60
. Arsenijevic and Tribollet 1998; Johnson et al. 1991.

61
. Winslow and Insel 1991a; Winslow and Insel 1991b.

62
. Sirotkin and Nitray 1992; Homeida and Khalafalla 1990. When a male prairie vole cohabits with a female mate, levels of vasopressin and testosterone increase (Wang et al. 1994). The vasopressin seems to elicit expressions of attachment, scent marking, and grooming behaviors (Winslow and Insel 1991b) while the testosterone probably enables the male to aggressively defend the nest from interlopers.

63
. Thomas, Kim, and Amico 1996a; Thomas, Kim, and Amico 1996b.

64
. Delville and Ferris 1995.

65
. Booth and Dabbs 1993.

66
. Berg and Wynne-Edwards 2001.

67
. De Ridder, Pinxten, and Eens 2000; Raouf et al. 1997.

68
. Wingfield 1994.

69
. Galfi et al. 2001; Ginsberg et al. 1994.

70
. Kovacs et al. 1990; Schwarzberg et al. 1981; Van de Kar et al. 1998.

71
. Reik 1964.

72
. Lee 1973, 1988.

73
. Fehr 1988; Aron and Westbay 1996; Hatfield and Sprecher 1986a; Critelli, Myers, and Loos 1986; Hendrick and Hendrick 1986a; Hendrick and Hendrick 1986b; Zick 1970; Hazan and Shaver 1987.

74
. Sternberg 1986.

75
. Finck 1891, p. 224.

76
. Ekman 2003.

77
. Evans 2001.

78
. Damasio 1994, p. 152.

5. “That First Fine Careless Rapture”: Who We Choose

1
.
Random House Treasury.

2
. Hatfield 1988, p. 204.

3
. Walster and Berscheid 1971; Dutton and Aron 1974; Hatfield and Sprecher 1986b; Aron et al. 1989.

4
. Pines 1999.

5
. Shepher 1971.

6
. Galton 1884; Rushton 1989; Laumann et al. 1994; Pines 1999.

7
. Buston and Emlen 2003.

8
. Byrne, Clore, and Smeaton 1986; Cappella and Palmer 1990.

9
. Waller and Shaver 1994.

10
. Laumann et al. 1994.

11
. Lampert 1997.

12
. Wedekind et al. 1995.

13
. Gangestad and Thornhill 1997.

14
. Gangestad, Thornhill, and Yeo 1994; Jones and Hill 1993.

15
. Langlois and Roggman 1990.

16
. Langlois et al. 1987.

17
. Hamilton and Zuk 1982; Thornhill and Gangestad 1993.

18
. Gangestad and Thornhill 1997.

19
. Aharon et al. 2001.

20
. Buss 1994.

21
. Gangestad and Thornhill 1997.

22
. Thornhill, Gangestad, and Comer 1995.

23
. Ibid.

24
. Manning and Scutt 1996.

25
. Manning et al. 1996.

26
. Singh 1993.

27
. Singh 2002.

28
. Singh 1993, 2002.

29
. Buss et al. 1990.

30
. Ford and Beach 1951; Ellis 1992.

31
. Wolkstein 1991, pp. 6–7.

32
. Jankowiak 1995, p. 10.

33
. Harrison and Saeed 1977.

34
. Buss 1994.

35
. Guttentag and Secord 1983; Low 1991.

36
. Dion, Berscheid, and Walster 1972.

37
. Johnston 1999.

38
. Buss 1994.

39
. H. Fisher et al. 2003; Aron et al., in preparation.

40
. Kanin, Davidson, and Scheck 1970; Dion and Dion 1985; Peplau and Gordon 1985.

41
. Berscheid et al. 1971; Lerner and Karabenick 1974.

42
. Tannen 1990; Tavris 1992.

43
. Baron-Cohen 2003.

44
. H. Fisher 1999.

45
. Hatfield and Rapson 1996; Tennov 1979.

46
. H. Fisher et al. 2003; Aron et al., in preparation.

47
. Damasio 1999.

48
. Harrison and Saeed 1977.

49
. Ellis 1992; Buss 1994.

50
. Ellis 1992; Buss 1994.

51
. Kenrick et al. 1990.

52
. Wolkstein 1991, p. 52.

53
. Ibid., p. 103.

54
. Lerner and Karabenick 1974.

55
. Buss 2003, p. 242.

56
. Johnston 1999.

57
. Dion and Dion 1988; Hendrick and Hendrick 1986b; Sprecher et al. 1994.

58
. Buss 1994.

59
. Buss and Schmitt 1993; Kenrick et al. 1993; Gangestad and Thornhill 1997.

60
. Buss 2003; Cristiani 2003.

61
. Buss 2003.

62
. Kenrick et al. 1990.

63
. Buss 1994.

64
. Shakespeare 1936,
The Merchant of Venice,
act III, scene ii, line 63.

65
. Waller and Shaver 1994.

66
. Shakespeare 1936,
A Midsummer Night’s Dream,
act I, scene i, lines 241–42.

67
. Hatfield and Rapson 1996.

68
. Pines 1999.

69
. Hendrix 1992, 1988.

70
. Bowen 1978.

71
. Hazan and Shaver 1987.

72
. Bowlby 1969.

73
. Ainsworth et al. 1978.

74
. Aronson 1998.

75
. Roethke, “The Motion.”

76
. Reik 1964.

77
. Darwin (1859/1978, 1871/n.d.). Darwin (1871/n.d.) distinguished between two types of sexual selection:
intra
sexual selection, by which members of one sex evolve traits that enable them to compete directly with one another to win mating opportunities; and
inter
sexual selection or “mate choice,” by which individuals of one sex evolve traits because the opposite sex prefers them. The antlers on the male moose are a good example of Darwin’s first principle. This appendage developed to enable its wearer to intimidate other males during the breeding season. It is Darwin’s second form of sexual selection that is central to this book: mate choice. Human female breasts are a good example. Unlike female teats, these fleshy appendages have no purpose in reproduction; they probably evolved primarily because ancestral males
liked
them. In fact, scientists now call these adornments that evolved by mate choice “fitness indicators,” precisely because they are extreme, striking, metabolically expensive, hard to fake, and useless in the daily struggle to survive (Fisher 1915; Zahavi 1975; Miller 2000). Because these traits are “handicaps,” only the fittest can build and maintain them (Zahavi 1975). For this reason alone, these traits impress.

78
. Miller 2000, p. 35.

79
. Miller 2000.

80
. Ibid., pp. 3, 29.

81
. Ibid., p. 7.

82
. Darwin 1871/n.d., p. 743.

6. Why We Love: The Evolution of Romantic Love

1
. Brunet et al. 2002.

2
. H. Fisher 1989, 1992, 1999.

3
. Reno et al. 2003.

4
. Young, Wang, and Insel 1998; Young et al. 1999, p. 768; Insel 2000.

5
. Rosenthal 2002, p. 280.

6
. Holy Bible 2000, Ecclesiastes 1:9–12.

7
. H. Fisher 1992.

8
. Lancaster and Lancaster 1983.

9
. H. Fisher 1992.

10
. Potts 1988.

11
. Walker and Leakey 1993.

12
. Allman 1999.

13
. Ibid.

14
. Ibid.

15
. Anthropologists have long proposed that delayed maturation evolved to give youngsters time to master the skills they needed as adults. Several new theories have been offered. Some hold that our long human childhood evolved along with the evolution of our big brain because complex brains need time to grow. Others argue that the genes for a long childhood emerged along with those for an extended adulthood: our forebears remained dependent for some eighteen years to conserve energy while middle-aged kin hunted and collected; then as the young matured, they provided for their aging elders. The reverse could also have occurred: parents evolved the genetic ability to live longer in order to care for their slow-maturing children. Another view is that long-lived species tend to postpone reproduction to produce higher quality young. Like all dramatic evolutionary changes, delayed maturation probably evolved for many reasons. I’ll add another. Perhaps this biological trait evolved, in part, to give ancestral children more time to gain emotional experience about sex and love.

16
. Ryan 1998.

17
. Miller 2000.

18
. Henderson 2003.

19
. Povinellia and Preussc 1995.

20
. Kohn 2000.

21
. Falk 2000; Rilling and Insel 1999b; Stephan, Baron, and Frahm 1988; Deacon 1988.

22
. Stephan, Frahm, and Baron 1981.

23
. Wade 2001.

24
. Rilling and Insel 1999a; Rilling and Insel 1999b.

25
. Bower 2002.

26
. Turner 2000; Stephan 1983; Deacon 1988.

27
. Rilling and Insel 1999b.

28
. Duncan et al. 2000. We have many kinds of intelligence. “General intelligence” refers to a host of related abilities, including our capacity to assemble facts, reason, contemplate options, employ forethought, produce insights, make decisions, resolve problems, think abstractly, understand complex ideas, learn quickly, learn from experience, and plan ahead (Spearman 1904; Carroll 1997). Creativity and pragmatism are forms of human braininess (Sternberg 1985). Men and women also have many specific skills, among them musical genius, spatial intelligence, and basic articulation, the ability to find the right word rapidly (Gardner 1983). “Emotional intelligence,” the ability to be self-aware, control one’s impulses, and act deftly in difficult social circumstances, is a human aptitude (Goleman 1995). I think “sense of humor” is a form of intelligence. And I coined the term “sexual intelligence” to describe the ability to be sensitive to a partner’s needs, express one’s own wants adroitly, and act appropriately while making love.

29
. Stephan, Frahm, and Baron 1981.

30
. Ibid.

31
. Ibid.

32
. Semendeferi et al. 1997; Finlay and Darlington 1995.

33
. Whittier 1988.

34
. Laumann et al. 1994.