Wicked and Dangerous (15 page)

Before he could get his mind wrapped around this new reality in which Lily Heller
had suddenly popped back into his life, she shoved her skirt down, yanked the sides
of her shirt closed, and glared up at him. “Do you mind telling me why you attacked
me?” she snapped.

His jaw tightened. “I didn’t attack you. You’re the one who tried to hit
me
.”

“Only after you yanked me in front of you,” she shot back, as if he’d been the one
at fault.

His voice was raw. “News flash, woman. That’s what happens when I find someone lurking
in the shadows outside my front door.”

“I wasn’t lurking,” she argued, that bright gaze lowering to his bare chest and shoulders
for a moment, before she finally lifted it back to his face. She drew in an unsteady
breath, then blasted him with a sharp, “I was waiting for you to get home!”

Ryder made a low sound of frustration in the back of his throat, and this time her
gaze drifted to the scar that ran from his temple to the middle of his right cheek.
Something he didn’t quite understand moved through those green eyes, but she didn’t
flinch. The last time she’d seen him the scar had been raw and fresh. It was still
ugly as sin, but looked a hell of a lot better than it had then. He never even thought
about it much anymore when he was with a woman, but he quickly felt himself go hot
under the skin, as if he was actually embarrassed for her to see his face like this.

Fucking ironic, considering she was the reason he had the scar in the first place.
Not that he’d ever tell her that. But every time Ryder looked in a mirror, he was
reminded of just how dangerous his obsession with this girl could be.

“Why are you here?” he growled, his nostrils flaring with a fresh surge of fury as
he stared her down. “What the hell do you want, Lily?”

She bristled with irritation. “Wow. You’re just all kinds of kindness and warmth,
aren’t you? First you manhandle me, then you maul me, and now you’re being rude. Is
that any way to greet an old friend?”

“Cut the crap. You were hardly manhandled or mauled, and we were never friends. Your
old man made sure of that. So what the fuck are you doing here?”

She started to pale, losing that pleasure-flush that had been in her cheeks, the angry
tension that had been riding her slender frame gone as quickly as it’d come. “Believe
it or not,” she said quietly, licking her lips, “I’m here because I need your help.”

“Bullshit,” he snarled, fisting his hands at his sides so that he wouldn’t do something
stupid. Like reach out and grab her again. “I’m the
last
person in the world you need to get near. Go back home to your daddy and leave me
alone. Whatever problem you’ve got, he’ll take care of it.”

“I . . . can’t.”

“Why the hell not?” he exploded.

She blinked again, and this time a tear spilled from the corner of her eye. “Because
he’s dead.”

Ryder shook his head, thinking he must have heard her wrong. “What are you talking
about?”

She took a deep breath, then exhaled in a shuddering rush. “Heller’s dead, Scott.
Rado killed him eight days ago.”

Rado? Just the sound of that terrorist bastard’s name put an icy feeling in Ryder’s
gut. Of all the scumbags in the world, Yuri Radovich was the one he hated the most.
But the man was supposed to be a corpse. Ryder knew, because he was the one who had
killed him.

“That isn’t possible. Rado is dead, Lily.”

A wry smile twisted her lips, the raw pain in her expression making him flinch. “Yeah,
that’s what my father thought. Until the monster waltzed onto our boat and slit his
throat.”

“Jesus.” His head was starting to pound like a bitch. “You’re sure it was him?”

She sniffed, and jerked her chin up in response.

A fierce scowl wove its way between his brows. “Then why the hell am I only just hearing
about this? Why hasn’t anyone informed the old unit?”

“Because I doubt anyone but me knows at this point, and I’ve been on the run,” she
told him, her tone tight and clipped and anything but calm. “I don’t have my cell
phone, but even if I did, I wouldn’t have called you because who knows if your phone
calls are being tapped and traced. I’m sorry for just showing up out of the blue,
but it’s not like I had any other choice. Even if I’d had a computer and could have
e-mailed you, there’s a chance he could be monitoring your account. You know what
he’s like—how extensive his reach is. And I didn’t have time to come up with some
other brilliant way to contact you because I’ve been doing everything I could just
to make it here in one piece!”

“On the run from what?” he demanded, finally noticing how tired she looked. How shattered.
“What happened, Lily? Why doesn’t anyone know that Heller is dead?”

Her voice shook as she explained. “I was with my father and his girlfriend, Nancy,
in the Bahamas when Rado made the hit. We were staying on Nancy’s boat, moored in
some cove, when he and his men found us. He killed my dad and Nancy and had them thrown
overboard.” Her voice started to crack, but she took another deep breath and went
on. “He would have killed me, too. He actually took quite a lot of pleasure in explaining
why I had to die and exactly how he and his men were going to do it. But I . . . I
got lucky and managed to get away.”

Ryder worked his jaw, guessing there was a hell of a lot more to the story than that . . .
and dreading what he knew was coming.

“Do you understand why I’m here?” she asked, stepping toward him, those incredible
eyes shimmering with too many emotions for him to name. “You’re the only person I
could think of who stands any kind of chance against him. The only person I trust.
And I know I don’t have any right to ask—I know you don’t owe me anything—but I’m
asking anyway.”

In a flat tone, he said, “You want me to protect you.”

It wasn’t a question. Ryder knew damn well that’s why she was there. He just didn’t
know what he was going to do about it. The situation was complicated as hell. One
of his worst goddamn nightmares come to life.

Because while Ryder might be capable of protecting Lily Heller from Radovich, he didn’t
have a fucking clue how he was going to protect her from himself.

TWO

SITTING ALONE AT THE SMALL TABLE IN SCOTT RYDER’S
kitchen, Lily took a moment to calm her heart and get her thoughts straight. Her body
and emotions were still reeling from the way he’d touched her, not to mention the
nightmare she’d been living for the past week. And then there were the three years
she’d spent missing him every second of every day, even when she was pretending she
didn’t. She hadn’t even been able to escape him in sleep, tormented too many nights
by her dreams. Dreams where she’d see his rare smiles and hear his rugged, sexy-as-hell
laugh.

God, she had it so bad for this man. She always had.

He’d told her to sit down and wait while he changed, and no more than a minute passed
before he was walking back into the kitchen, his running shorts replaced by a pair
of jeans and a black T-shirt. The hem of the shirt hung just low enough to cover his
crotch, no doubt to hide any lingering evidence of the massive erection he’d been
grinding against her only minutes before. What she wouldn’t give to go back to that
moment and just stay there, stuck in a replay loop that had him putting his hands
and his mouth on her again. And again . . .

On the journey there, she’d repeatedly told herself—when she wasn’t reliving those
horrific moments on Nancy’s boat—that she was finally over Scott Ryder. Completely.
Forever. She’d tried to convince herself that she was running to him to buy as much
time as she could—not because she was still the crushed-out girl who’d constantly
obsessed about him, that obsession growing into heart-wrenching emotion as she’d grown
older, only to be destroyed when he’d walked out of her life without so much as a
See ya
. But her delusions had been shattered the instant he’d touched her. No matter how
badly she
wanted
to hate him, she . . . couldn’t. Not when there was still so much raw need for this
man living inside her. It’d dug itself down into her bones, like a parasite, unwilling
to let go, even after he’d taken her heart and ground it into tiny little mutilated
pieces three years ago. Which left her in an even more miserable situation than she’d
already been in, seeing as how he’d made it more than obvious on his doorstep that
he was
not
happy to see her.

Whatever imagined need or desire she’d thought she’d glimpsed in his eyes all those
years ago must have been nothing more than her wishful thinking.

Really?
whispered a voice inside her head.
And just whose mouth was that turning you inside out five minutes ago?

Huh. That was true. So then what was his freaking problem?

And what are you going to do about it?

At any other point in her life, Lily might have worried about the fact that she was
carrying on a silent conversation with herself. But after the hell she’d been through,
she wasn’t fazed by that soft voice. What threw her was the man standing across the
kitchen from her, his powerful arms crossed over his chest as he leaned against one
of the counters, a fierce scowl wedged between his dark brows.

It didn’t seem possible, but she was even more drawn to him now than she’d been when
he was one of Heller’s Hellions, the nickname she’d given to her father’s deadly,
highly trained black ops unit. Without any conscious decision, Lily found herself
thinking back to her eighteenth birthday, when Ryder had been invited up to their
house to watch a game with her dad. Before his retirement, the men in her father’s
unit had lived in barracks on the grounds of their estate, which had been provided
by the military in Northern Virginia. Not wanting to miss an opportunity to steal
glances at the gorgeous soldier who her father had told her had a genius IQ that rivaled
his combat skills, she’d grabbed a sketch pad and settled into a chair in the corner
of the room. But that was as far as her plans had gotten, because it was Ryder who
had spent most of the evening watching
her
instead of the TV. Flustered and overwhelmed with desire, she’d kept her attention
focused on the blank page in her book, keenly aware of his dark eyes moving over her
features, studying them individually. But why? She’d wondered if he thought she was
odd, like the boys she’d gone to school with had. Or had he liked what he saw? Liked
her
? She’d wished she had the answer, but she’d had no basis for comparison. Not when
her nearly nonexistent experience had been with bumbling adolescents, while he’d been . . .
God. What he’d been was incredible. The most intensely sexual, potent male she’d ever
set eyes on.

And he still was. Maybe even more so. And boy did that suck. Considering she wasn’t
getting any.

Why not? If not now, when? Your time is running out.

She didn’t like to think about it, but knew that damn voice was probably right. In
that instant, Lily made the decision to go “balls out,” as guys said, and give his
seduction her all. Hell, it’s not like she had anything to lose, except maybe her
pride. But it was going to hurt just as much if she lost without even trying, so the
way she saw it, she might as well give it a shot. Especially when the odds were hardly
in her favor of surviving more than a few weeks, at best. Ryder was good, but she
had a clear understanding of exactly how evil Radovich could be. Not to mention determined.
Now that she’d finally been honest with herself about why she was there, she knew
there was no way she could let Ryder get caught up in her problems. She had maybe
a week, tops, before Radovich tracked her down. Which meant she’d have to be gone
before then, drawing him away from this man who had claimed her damn heart without
even trying.

Apparently growing impatient with their silent standoff, he gripped the edge of the
counter behind him and very quietly said, “Start talking, Lily.”

Enjoying the chills his rough voice gave her, she leaned back in the chair she’d taken
at the small table and held his stare. “What do you want me to say?”

“I want to know what happened on that boat.”

“I told you what happened. My father was killed, I got away, and I have no doubt that
Rado is looking for me. I need your help until I can figure out what to do.”

•   •   •

SHE WANTED TO
figure out what to do? Christ, her options were so limited he could count them on
two fingers.

One: Kill Radovich before he killed her.

Two: Start a new life somewhere with a new identity and hope like hell the terrorist
never tracked her down.

Both options had their dangers, and he wished to God there were a third, easier solution
here. Wished Rado had just stayed dead, like he was meant to be, instead of coming
back and wreaking hell on this woman’s life.

Now that she was sitting under the bright kitchen lights, Ryder could see the shadow
of a healing bruise on her right cheek and another along the side of her jaw. It killed
him inside that she’d been hurt. That some prick had hit her . . . marked her.

Was this what had been itching at his senses for the past weeks? He wasn’t a spiritual
guy, but he’d spent enough time in Heller’s unit to trust his survival instincts.
But this feeling in his veins had been different, sharper and more vital, and he hadn’t
recognized it for what it was: A call to protect someone
else
, instead of his own sorry ass. If he hadn’t been so goddamn determined not to think
about her, would he have been able to figure it out? He didn’t know—but it was probably
going to be a question that hammered at him for the rest of his days.

He didn’t like failing people. And no matter what he did, he always ended up feeling
like that around Lily. Like he was doing it all wrong. Not getting it right. Out of
his element and in over his head. Which was only part of the reason he’d known he
needed to walk away.

“Obviously,” she said, tucking a wayward curl behind her left ear, “we need to know
what’s happened since I ran. I’ve been completely cut off, so I have no idea if Rado
has gone after anyone else, or if he’s gunning straight for me. If he’s hoping to
stay off the government’s radar and remain dead, then he’ll put everything he’s got
into finding me. Do you stay in contact with any of your old intel sources?”

He shook his head. “Not the kind that would know anything about Rado. I left that
shit behind, where it belongs.”

Something that looked too much like pain flashed in her eyes. “Including me? Am I
just an unwanted piece of your forgotten past?”

His fingers tightened on the counter until he could have sworn he heard the Formica
groan in protest. “You weren’t mine, Lily. Don’t make it sound like we had some understanding
that I shit on. I never fucked you over.”

She didn’t say anything right away. Just stared across the small kitchen at him with
those big, soul-trapping eyes. And then, very softly, she said, “But I wanted to be
yours. I wanted to belong to you.” She slowly shook her head, her tone chagrined.
“I hoped—” She broke off with a low, pained laugh. “God, you have no idea how badly
I hoped you felt the same, but you were so good at giving nothing away. If I’d known
you would touch me the way you touched me tonight, I never would have been able to
keep my hands off you.”

His jaw went so rigid it felt like it could crack. “Did you ever stop to think that
maybe I’m just not attracted to you?”

One of her slender eyebrows slowly arched. “I think the fact I’m holding my shirt
closed because it’s missing all its buttons says differently.”

He would have argued, but it was pointless, given his actions. Score one for his dick.
Now his brain had a hell of a lot of catching up to do. Desperate to retake the ground
that he’d lost, he said, “What happened tonight was a product of circumstance.”

The look in her eyes turned laser sharp, making him flinch, as if he’d been pinned
under a microscope. “So you’re saying that you were willing to fuck me when you didn’t
have a clue who I was? When I was just some random stranger lurking in the shadows?
But once you realized it was me, you’re now no longer interested?”

He gave a jerky nod.

“Bullshit.”

“Whatever you think, it shouldn’t have happened.”

Her chin shot up a notch, making his insides cramp. He’d seen that stubborn look on
her face too many times to count when she’d been living with her father. But he’d
never had it directed right at him. “I wanted it to happen a long time ago,” she said,
all but laying the words down like a challenge.

His own words were raw. “It’s not happening again.”

Her eyes narrowed. “Why?”

“Because you’re practically a child,” he growled.

She looked stunned. “Excuse me?”

“I’m eight fucking years older than you are,” he muttered.

“So?”

“So . . . I’ve known you forever. Your dad was my fucking friend.”

Her brow knitted with confusion. “And that was why you always treated me as a friend,
but never anything more? Because you think I’m too young for you?”

He didn’t say anything. He just stared, hard, warning her to quit with his look. But
the little fool just wouldn’t shut up.

“You know, sometimes . . . sometimes I would catch what I thought was a glimpse of
interest in your eyes. Something that you didn’t hide quite in time when I would turn
unexpectedly and look your way.” She moved to her feet and took two steps toward him,
before his wrathful expression stopped her. “Do you have any idea what those looks
would do to me? How badly I wished you would just do something . . .
anything
? How terrified I was that I was just imagining it? Whatever you wanted from me, I
would have been more than willing to give you, Scott.”

“Christ, Lily. You don’t even know me. You don’t know what I’m—”

“You’re wrong,” she whispered, cutting him off. “I know all about you.”

He gave a gritty laugh under his breath. “Right.”

She took another step toward him and lowered her lashes. “Would you like it better
if you gagged me? Tied me up? Slapped some handcuffs on me? Because if that’s what
it takes to get you off, then I’m willing. I trust you.”

It was the strangest sensation, the way all the blood in his body turned ice cold,
while his skin burned with heat. Releasing his grip on the counter, he flexed his
hands at his sides. “What the fuck did you just say?”

Her gaze flicked up to his, and caught, locked in the fury of his glare. But she didn’t
back down and cower. Instead, she licked her lips and said, “I know all about your
sexual . . . whatever you want to call it. I know you’re into the bondage scene. My
father made sure he did his research thoroughly on every one of his men before they
came to work for him, as well as
while
they were under his command.” There was a brief pause where she bit her lip, and
then she murmured, “Your file was fairly extensive.”

He was so furious he was shaking. “You read my fucking file?”

She narrowed her eyes again. “Front to back. I memorized the damn thing.”

His lungs seized so tight he couldn’t even draw his next breath. He didn’t think it
was possible, but he went even colder inside. “You know about my mother?”

Her head cocked a bit to the side, her gaze questioning. “I know she was a single
mother. That she raised you without your dad. But that’s all.”

He scraped out a low curse, not looking at her. But he could feel the force of her
sudden uneasiness blasting against him. “Scott,” she said hesitantly. “What’s wrong?”

What was wrong? Jesus. He choked back a humorless laugh, not trusting what it might
turn into. She hadn’t been back in his life twenty minutes, and already he felt stripped
down like a live wire, all his raw parts torn and exposed, getting prodded by every
fucking word that came out of her mouth.

“I don’t like the look on your face,” she whispered. “You know you can talk to me,
right? Is there something about your mother you don’t want me to know?”