Wicked Deception (57 page)

“
I never thought it would
end this way for us, Catherine,” he began softly, his voice aching
and filled with emotion. “I wanted it to be different for us, my
love. I hope you find what it is you’re looking for. I’ll never
stop loving you, my dear, so save your tears.”

“
You must promise me you
won’t spoil our son, Gabriel,” she replied softly as tears filled
her gaze and blinded her suddenly. “And don’t speak so sternly to
Giles, for he begins to stammer. Make sure he doesn’t forget
me.”

“
He won’t forget you,
Catherine. The child adores you,” Gabriel assured her. They stared
at each other for a moment, the silence awkward.

“
I don’t know how to say
goodbye to you, Gabriel,” she admitted finally in a panic with a
hoarse sob of anguish, regret in her eyes as she looked up at the
man who held half her heart.

Gabriel reached out and wiped a tear
from her cheek and leaned down to kiss her, soft and lingeringly.
The kiss was sweet and undemanding. He lifted his head to smile
down at her. His dark eyes seem to trace and memorize every detail
of her face. “Don’t say goodbye, Catherine. Just go and know I wish
you well wherever you are, my love, for always,” he whispered,
heavy emotion in his voice and pushed away from her, his chest
tight. She looked up at him that last time and smiled, love and
tears shining in her gaze.

“
A part of me will always
love you, Gabriel,” she promised him, making his heart clench in
response. “That part stays here with you even if the other
leaves.”

“
Go keep your promise to
Nicholas now, my love,” he replied softly and she nodded and turned
away. He watched her walk towards the gangplank of The Orion with
mixed feelings clamoring within him.

A part of him wanted to chase her at
that moment, stop her from leaving him and demand she love him
again under any circumstances. The other watched her go with the
resolve to know what they once shared was over with a pang of
sorrow and unrequited longing.

Gabriel didn’t turn away as he saw her
board her husband’s ship or acknowledge the lone tear that slipped
down his cheek unchecked. He watched her standing at the rail, his
burning eyes never leaving her as the ship made ready to sail. His
chest was tight with emotion as the ship disappeared over the
horizon, feeling as though every bit of love he’d ever been allowed
to feel for another left with her.

He got into his coach and made for home
with a heavy feeling in his heart. He’d been angry when she refused
to marry him, didn’t understand why she decided to leave in the
end. He felt denied his happiness after years of praying she would
come back to him. He married another to put her from his heart with
no success. His wife despised him now for his feelings for
Catherine.

He would never understand why she left
him now. He didn’t feel he was ever meant to know.

Catherine ran through his system like a
fever for so long; he knew nothing else but that torment. He felt
himself recovering, slowly, and was strangely resentful of its pain
lessening. He closed his eyes and clung to her image as the coach
moved away from the docks.

~ ~ ~

Catherine stood at the rail until she
could no longer see Gabriel anymore. She clutched his handkerchief
in her hand and cried quietly. She cried for all the obstacles that
kept them apart, why they’d been cheated by fate to be together
long ago.

She made her choice. Letting him go was
the hardest thing to endure next to her husband’s death. She sighed
as she held the handkerchief over the rail and dropped it into the
waves below, watching until the snowy white linen square was
absorbed and disappeared from her sight.

Catherine smiled as she looked up at
the sails being unfurled. Nicholas would be pleased she listened to
him for once and did what he asked without argument. She didn’t
know what the future had in store for her now; only that she was
eager to put the past behind her and start anew.

She prayed Gabriel and his new countess
found each other. A smile crossed her face as she thought of the
advice she gave Gabriel’s bride, hoping Gillian listened and found
the courage to fight for her husband.

It was her one sorrow he had yet to
find happiness. Her guilt over his continued feelings for her
remained with her as she sailed away from England. She hoped her
leaving allowed him the chance to love again.

Martha and Tulley would return here in
six months to collect her son. They would be her only tie to the
man from her past. She turned away from the railing and went below
to check upon her children, satisfied they napped peacefully below
in their cabins.

Catherine dreaded the journey to the
cabin they once shared together. Her steps were heavy down the
narrow hallway, her hand trembling on the knob as she pushed it
open. She was determined she would endure it for him. She entered
the cabin and shut the door, her gaze going to every nook and
corner, remembering everything they shared here.

Catherine squeezed her eyes shut to
avoid those dear memories now as a fresh wave of grief assailed
her. She stepped farther into the cabin. She jumped as she felt an
arm slide around her waist. She turned with a start, eyes wide with
fear.

She stared up at Nicholas with a
soundless cry upon her lips. He enveloped her into such a hug she
lost her breath, feeling his strong arms around her, knowing him to
be very real. She didn’t question why everything she’d been led to
believe until now was false as he held her tightly, feeling his
heart beating wildly under her cheek.

A glint in her eyes told him she would
be seething with anger at some point to have been put through such
grief, but for now she held him, knowing he was alive.

~ ~ ~

Nicholas sighed happily as he snuggled
with his wife in the bunk, his arm around her possessively as she
slept. He made love to her for hours until she was exhausted and so
sated she slept, her hand curled into his as if to be sure he would
be there when she awoke.

He leaned down and kissed her hair at
her forehead. They had the rest of their lives now. He wasn’t sorry
for orchestrating his own death. Catherine would learn only too
soon how necessary it was for both their safety that she was
thought to be a widow.

Rudd had many friends who would want
revenge if they knew he lived. The others on the list came to mind
and he stiffened, thinking of Gabriel’s safety as well. She would
be furious he kept all from her and punish him for a time. He could
endure her anger for the sake of having her at all.

Nicholas watched her from the ship
while she said goodbye to Gabriel, seeing what it cost her to leave
him. He watched her crying at the railing knowing her grief was for
all that was lost as she left London. He knew his wife chose his
ghost over Gabriel with no regret in those moments and was humbled
by it. He vowed to never doubt her love again or question why it
was his.

He never believed himself worthy of her
love, having felt like he stole what was never meant to be his. She
became his reason for living the moment he dove into those icy
waters to save her life years before.

The demons from his past were purged
forever; the ghosts between them laid to rest. He closed his eyes
and held his wife, knowing giving up his former life gave him a new
one in her arms.

THE END

London 1812

Gabriel was notified his wife delivered
him a son while he stayed at his mistress’s house. Angeline took
the message at her door and delivered it to him in bed. Her blue
eyes were filled with worry as she watched him read it and discard
it on the bedside table.

He hadn’t seen his wife in many months,
despairing of the day when she would seek her freedom. Today was
that day. The fact she sent the note to Angeline’s told him she was
quite aware of where he was, and with whom. He rose and dressed and
ignored his mistress’s pout as she saw he intended to
depart.

“
Are you’re coming back
later, Gabriel?” Angeline asked as she lounged on her bed, her
voluptuous loveliness meant to entice, watching him dress. “I will
have cook make us a delightful supper.”

“
Do not go to such trouble,
my dear,” he told her as he slid into his frock coat.

“
Very well, then,” she
allowed with a shrug, careful not to show her pique.

Angeline knew better than to create a
scene and remained quiet as he left. She watched him leave with a
resentful look in her eyes. She knew he would be back. She reread
the note with a sniff. Lady Gillian’s cold words made her wonder
why he left at all.

~ ~ ~

Gabriel arrived at his wife’s home and
was informed she didn’t wish to see him by Imogene. The maid eyed
him like he was something vile and loathsome. He was led to the
nursery and looked down at the sleeping infant in the crib with
regret in his gaze.

He reached down and stroked the soft,
reddish fuzz on his tiny head. He sighed as he looked upon his
heir. He felt a mixture of joy and pain, knowing he fulfilled his
duty, but lost his wife.

Gabriel was disgusted at himself for
forcing this child upon his wife to get her to accept him as her
husband. He erred greatly and realized it too late. She would never
be forced to do anything by him or anyone else. She was without a
doubt the most stubborn woman he ever met.

He never believed he would want more
than this from his marriage. Now he realized he did want more, only
it was far too late. She hated him now, his fiery wife
Gillian.

She refused to see him after she
discovered she was with child. He stayed away for months out of
deference to her feelings. In truth, he was ashamed of his actions.
She withdrew from society almost immediately and he heard nothing
from her in the months that followed until today.

He gave up easily and went on with his
life without her. He suffered the pain of losing his first wife,
Lillianne, when he was a young impressionable man and became
disillusioned of love from the start. He gave his heart again and
lost the love of his life, Catherine, by fate’s tragic ironies to
Nicholas. He suffered losing his new countess Gillian without even
a pang of sorrow. He could survive it, had survived far
worse.

Gillian suffered his presence only to
give him his heir. She was no doubt grateful to seek out Lord
Lyndon now. He knew he was being unfair. He brought much of it upon
himself. He thought of only himself when he took her to be his wife
and what it would bring him.

He wounded her greatly in the very
beginning of their marriage and now he suffered the consequences to
feel such regret. She wanted nothing from him but the damning
agreement that allowed her to live her own life.

She had a long, difficult labor and was
resting now. Dr. Wells attended her and said his countess was
healthy and would have many more children. His lips twisted into a
grimace of despair. Any children his wife had in the future would
not be his. He didn’t deserve her consideration, he knew. He failed
to see his beautiful wife as anything more than a means to an end
in the beginning and now he lost her too.

Gabriel knew a visit from him would not
be appreciated. He left her home and returned to his. His own house
was in an uproar once more as they prepared for his mother’s visit.
She was to be disappointed to learn when she arrived that Giles was
in St. Bart’s until the spring.

He hadn’t received any letters from
Catherine since she left. His heart seemed to begin to heal from
her loss, even if the weeks after she left were the worst he could
have ever imagined. The loneliness he felt was marked and he was
depressed to know he missed her presence in his life. He hoped she
was happy, even if it was to be denied him.

He wondered if Gillian chose a name for
their son as he went to his study to retrieve her agreement from
his desk. She would be pleased to know he gave her exactly half of
Lord Rudd’s money that he received upon their marriage. He invested
the rest for their son, determined to see some good come from it.
He suffered enough from this arrangement and setting her free was
all he could do now.

Gillian succeeded in giving him back
his good name. The gossip about his past no longer dogged him
everywhere he went. He was once again in good standing within
society, though he no longer cared. His proposal was being read in
the House of Lord’s that week. He was hopeful reforms would be made
in the future in regard to children’s rights.

His lips twisted as he thought of all
that happened this last year and glared at the packet of papers in
front of him. Gillian kept her end of the bargain and now he would
have to keep his and allow her to lead her own life.

He heard through discreet sources
Christian left London and hadn’t returned. He refused to feel hope
to learn that or dwell upon her future, for it didn’t include him
anymore. He summoned a footman to deliver the papers, a heavy
feeling in his heart.

~ ~ ~

Catherine shielded her gaze under the
umbrella on the beach as she watched her husband and children
cavorting along the surf. She smiled in contentment to see him
scoop Brionne up and pretend to toss her into the waves, hearing
the girl’s squeals of delight with a soft smile.