Wicked Love (Wicked White Series Book 3) (7 page)

That shocks me a little. No guy has ever dedicated a song to me before, let alone sung one to me. It’s romantic to know he thinks about me.

When he sings the first few bars, I know the song immediately: “I’ll Be” by Edwin McCain.
Sure, it’s an old ’90s song, but the light rock station back home plays it all the time. This is a deep song, one with meaning. I listen intently as he serenades me with a love song.

I look at him. I mean,
really
look at him, while he sings. He’s so damn attractive. It’s almost like I’m seeing him for the first time. His blue eyes dance in the evening light, and his lips look moist and very kissable. For a second, I picture attacking him in a fit of lust. Running my fingers through his blond hair, and pulling him down with me in the bed of the truck and . . .

Before I can finish my thought, the last chord vibrates. That’s when I do it. I kiss him. I’ve never been the initiator before, but I can’t help myself. I think I’ve surprised him just as much as I’ve surprised myself. His lips are soft and tentative. I can tell he’s holding back and allowing me to take the lead. It’s magic here in the bed of this pickup as we finally connect.

I pull away and stare into his eyes to gauge his reaction.

Tyler licks his lips, and a slow, seductive smile flirts across them. “Wow. Remind me to play that song every time we’re alone together if that’s the reaction I’m going to get.”

I grin. “I bet you knew dedicating a song to me would score you a kiss.”

“I was hopeful but never expected it to.” He smiles as he leans in and caresses my cheek with his fingers and kisses me again.

It’s nice, not overbearing or pushy, just sweet. I’ve never been with a guy who kisses so gently. Most of the time guys are too busy pawing me and ramming their tongues down my throat at this point to care about whether I’m into it or not.

This kiss, Tyler’s kiss, seems different, softer maybe. Butterflies dance in my belly. Maybe he’s into me for more than just sex. But, he
is
a guy, and guys usually only want one thing. Why else would he bring me out here? I want him to know that I’m into this moment—that I’m into him and am willing to go all the way if that’s what he wants.

“So where do you want to do this?” I whisper.

“Wh . . . what?” he stutters.

“You know—do you have a blanket to put down or . . .” I trail off, waiting for him to fill in the rest of my sentence.

He pulls away from me and grimaces before turning to put his guitar in the case. He doesn’t look at me, only concentrates on clasping his case shut. If I didn’t know that he’s a boy who had just been offered sex, I would say he looks pissed. That’s not possible, right? What guy gets mad because you tell him you want to sleep with him?

He slides down off the tailgate of his truck, and lands with a soft thud into the semi-wet soil below. I’m puzzled. Am I being rejected? That never happens to me.

“Hey! Where are you going?” I ask loudly as he turns toward the cab of his truck.

He shakes his head. “I think this was a mistake. You’re not the girl I thought you were.”

Mistake? What the hell does that even mean? He looks disgusted, like the idea of sleeping with me offends him. What’s his deal? I’m pretty. I’m hot. Guys practically line up to be with me back at school.

He’s pissing me off. How dare he try to make me feel bad about myself? It took a lot for me to put myself out there like that, and his reaction crushes me.

“Whatever,” I huff, jumping down to the ground, still feeling the sting of rejection.

Suddenly I can’t wait to get out of here and away from him.

I take a couple big strides toward the passenger side of the cab, and Tyler, seeing that I’m ready to leave, heads toward the driver’s side. Before I make it to the door, he grabs the side of his truck and looks at me from across the bed of the truck. “Hey, wait. Avery . . . look . . . I’m sorry. It’s just . . .”

It’s hard to make eye contact with him, knowing now that he finds me repulsive, but I need to hear him explain what it is about me that he dislikes so much. I stop in my tracks and meet his gaze from the other side of the bed.

“Just what?” I practically growl, fighting back the humiliating tears that sting my eyes. No one sees me cry anymore. I made a pact with myself after I saw the complete new me in the mirror the first time that I would never cry over a guy hurting my feelings
ever
again. So far, I’ve stuck to that promise, and I’m not about to let him have the satisfaction of knowing he’s getting to me. “You don’t like me, that’s fine. I get it. I’m not the girl you thought.”

It nearly kills me to say this out loud because it hurts way more than I thought it possibly could after only knowing him a few days.

Tyler doesn’t reply. His hands grip the side of the truck, like he’s holding on for dear life while he stares at the ground. I cross my arms while I wait for him to respond. It’s like he’s figuring out an explanation to let me down easy. I wish he would just come right out with it though. I need to know what he finds so repulsive about me, so I can fix it and never feel like this again.

“Shit,” he mumbles. “I like you, Avery. You’re funny, beautiful, and smart. And I can’t believe someone like
you
would be into me like
that
. I want to have sex with you. Believe me, there’s nothing more I would like to do than throw you down in the back of my truck and fuck you senseless, but I can’t.”

That makes no sense. This only confuses me even more.

“
Can’t
? Do you have a girlfriend or something?” I ask. “I hope the answer is no because you know how I feel about cheaters. This time I won’t chicken out when I get my hands on a crowbar when it comes to your truck.”

He shakes his head. “No. No girlfriend.”

I furrow my brow. “Then what’s the problem? I like you and I thought you liked me too after the way you sang that song to me. I don’t understand.”

“I know it doesn’t make sense, and I’m not really sure how to explain it. Get in the truck,” he says, not responding to my question, merely dancing around it.

“Why? Why should I?” I snip and it comes out sounding all kinds of bratty, but I’m hurt and it’s in my tone.

Tyler’s eyes soften. “Please, Avery. There’s something I want to show you.”

I stand there unmoving for a few moments wondering what on earth he would need to show me that would explain the reason he doesn’t want to sleep with me. I should say no, because he’s already said enough to hurt me, but my curiosity wins out and I hop into the cab, ready to solve this mystery.

AVERY

W
e bounce down the rocky path away from the Sucker Hole toward the road. Neither of us says anything else to the other. I don’t have the faintest clue what Tyler wants to show me, but now I’m curious as hell. Besides, I don’t have any other choice but to go with him. Being stranded out in these woods wouldn’t exactly be the ideal situation.

The tires chirp against the blacktop as they make contact with the main road. He’s in a big hurry now for some reason. I hope he doesn’t think my offer still stands, because he totally ruined
that
moment.

Tyler’s eyes stay focused on the road in front of him as his lips twist. He appears to be worried and lost in deep thought and that scares me a bit. Whatever he wants to show me must be something that’s upsetting and I’m not sure how much more I can handle tonight.

Then it hits me. I bet he forgot to bring condoms. That’s why he looks upset and said that we couldn’t have sex. Now for his comment about not being the kind of girl he thought. He probably didn’t think I’d go for him so quickly and that’s really sweet, but he should’ve known better. He’s hot and I wouldn’t be out on this date if I weren’t into him.

All of this makes sense now, and it won’t surprise me if he pulls into the next convenience store we see to buy condoms.

About the time I start feeling secure with my internal rationalizations, he makes a left into Pleasant Hill Cemetery.

This doesn’t exactly look like a gas station.

My eyebrow arches and I bite my bottom lip. “Um . . . what are we doing
here
?”

“I’m going to try to explain to you why I couldn’t—can’t . . . you know,” he says.

Right. How is taking me to a creepy cemetery close to dusk going to explain anything—other than maybe he’s a freak? I hate being isolated in the country, let alone this place, and to top it all off, it’s going to be dark soon. It’s so scary. What in the hell does he need to show me in here?

He parks the truck under a huge maple tree and cuts the engine. He licks his lips and lets out a huge sigh before he turns toward me. “Come on. I want you to meet my dad,” he says.

Wait. What? His dad is dead, from what I had gathered the other night when Granny mentioned his family at dinner. It’s kind of morbid he brought me out here on a date. This guy clearly has issues and it makes me begin to worry about my safety.

“Um . . .” I say hesitantly.

He holds his hands up, palms out. “It’s okay, Avery. I know this is weird, but I want to tell you about him, so you’ll understand me, and why I . . . can’t have sex with you no matter how much I like you.”

He’s obviously still dealing with his dad’s death or whatever, so I’ll go along. Maybe it’ll help with closure.

“Okay.”

I follow his lead as he gets out of the truck. He stops beside me and reaches his hand out to me. I grip it tight, because honestly I’m a big chickenshit when it comes to spooky places. Haunted houses even scare the crap out of me. I know it’s all fake and everyone’s an actor, but the last time I went I got so freaked out I almost peed my pants, so it’s nice that he wants to stay close to me out here.

We walk down the hillside and stop at a grave that looks much fresher than the others. No wonder he’s still weirded out about his dad. It doesn’t look like he’s been dead all that long. I glance at the tombstone that reflects in the twilight. It says he died a little over six months ago.

I can’t imagine what it’s like to lose someone you love so much. Sure, my mom’s not around anymore, but she’s still alive and I can call her whenever I want—if I wanted to, that is. I mean, I know she’s a bitch and that she sucks royally for what she did to Dad, but she’s not out of my life for forever like Tyler’s dad is out of his.

“I’m sorry about your dad,” I say and give his hand a little squeeze.

He doesn’t really say anything, just stares at the big slate rock at the end of the newly sprouted grass. It must be hard, knowing your dad’s under all that dirt—not being able to touch him, hug him, or hear his voice.

I wipe a tear from my eye and choke back the lump in my throat. What would I do if that was
my
dad? I would probably break down, crawl into a hole somewhere and completely shut down, not wanting to live anymore without him.

Tyler drapes his arm around my shoulders and rubs my arm and I find his gesture sweet. What kind of guy comforts a girl who’s crying in front of
his
dad’s
gravesite when she should be the one comforting him? I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m not sure why I feel this way about a man I’ve never even met, but I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I can empathize with what Tyler’s going through.

“I don’t mean to freak you out or upset you by bringing you here, but I felt like it was something that I needed to do so you’d understand,” he says, then pauses, taking in a shaky breath, and continues, “My dad was everything to me. My hero. The man I looked up to and wanted to model my life after. He and Mom always seemed so happy, and that’s all I ever wanted in life—to find the kind of happiness they had. It wasn’t until Dad got diagnosed with cancer that he began talking to me seriously about my getting out of this town and making something of myself. On his deathbed—the last words he spoke I took to heart. He asked me to do something—something that may sound a little strange.”

“What?” I whisper and my heart thumps hard in my chest. “What did he want you to do?”

“He told me to stop screwing my life up and to take things more serious. He told me to stop messing around with random girls, to just focus on my music dream, and to get the hell out of this town,” he says with a sighing breath. “Dad always thought I would fall in love like he did and never leave this town because that’s what happened to him. He and Mom got pregnant with me right after they got together, and getting a job to take care of his new family took precedence over going after a dream. He wanted to see me give my dream of doing music for a living a real shot before I settled down—to go after my dream before anything else got in the way so I wouldn’t live a life of wondering what if, like he did.”

“That sounds like pretty solid advice, if you ask me.”

He smiles. “Yeah, it was. That’s why I can’t sleep with you. My plan is to get out of here as soon as I save up enough money. I’m going to Nashville. You know, give this music thing a try, and I don’t plan on coming back here if that happens. It wouldn’t be fair to start a relationship with you knowing that I’m going to be leaving.”

I nod. “I can understand that. How close are you to saving enough money?”

“I’ve been on track to do exactly what Dad asked me to do, so I’m pretty close to making my goal.”

My mind processes everything he’s just said and it makes me curious about something else. “So you’ve not slept with anyone since you made that promise to your Dad?”

He shakes his head. “I’ve never had any girl cross my path who’s tempted me—that is, until you. There’s something about you that draws me in, and I can’t stop myself from wanting to be around you. Ever since that night I gave you a ride home, you’ve been on my mind almost constantly. You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, and what’s even more surprising, you’ve got a big heart. I’ve seen how easily you get hurt, and I think that’s the sign of someone who is passionate and loves wholeheartedly. I find that unbelievably attractive, making you really hard to resist.”

I bite my lip as I stare into his eyes. “You think I’m tempting?”

He takes my other hand in his and threads his fingers through mine while he faces me. “Let’s just say now I totally get why Adam gave in to Eve and sinned. If he was attracted to her half as much as I am to you, there’s no wonder that he risked God’s wrath to be with her.”

I don’t even know how to respond to that. No guy has ever poured his heart out to me like this, and it’s taking every inch of willpower that I possess to stop me from jumping his bones here and now.

I need to change the subject to get my mind off of how much my body craves his touch right now.

“So you want to be a country singer? Is that why you want to go to Nashville?” I smile. “You got the voice. And I bet you know all those twangy, ‘I shot my dog’ country songs.”

He laughs. “Yeah, I know a few.”

We stand there together, still holding on to one another while we gaze into each other’s eyes.

So it’s not that he finds me repulsive, because he said that he
does want
to sleep with me. He just made a pact to stay on the straight and narrow path until he gives his dream a try. I can respect that.

I’ve disappointed my dad in the past with my promiscuity. Dad actually cried when he walked in on Chance and me making out hot and heavy in my bedroom once. He wasn’t even mad at me. He took all the blame. Which puzzled me, because don’t parents worry about their nineteen-year-old daughters becoming sexually promiscuous? Dad told me he was sorry he wasn’t around to teach me to value myself more than to throw myself at boys. Talk about a low blow. Nothing opens your eyes to your slut activities more than your Dad crying over it. I promised myself to slow it down, and I guess that’s when Chance decided that Charity was a better, sluttier option to date.

I really shouldn’t be sleeping around with random guys either. Maybe this staying celibate thing is a good idea. I wouldn’t mind trying it out, but I know that I’ll still crave closeness with a guy—I need human contact. Kind of like now, we’re close and touching. And if I were to really do this celibacy thing, kissing would obviously be allowed. We just couldn’t have sex. Perhaps, we could do this together, like a partnership, and I could get to know him without the pressure of having sex looming over me, and when he leaves I won’t be completely devastated because we’ll never be intimate. “I have a brilliant idea,” I say and hope he doesn’t think it’s completely crazy. “Let’s do this together.”

He tilts his head. “Do what together?”

“You know . . . be a sexless couple together. We both need to stay away from sticky relationships with people in this town, because I don’t see myself living here forever either. No one else will understand why we don’t want to be tied to this place because of a relationship but us. While I’m here though, I don’t want to be a complete hermit. I would still like to go out and enjoy the company of the other sex. So . . . I like you. You like me. We can, you know, be friends with limited benefits.” I smile, seeing the brilliance in my own plan.

Tyler quirks one eyebrow. “You’d still date me, knowing that I won’t have sex with you?”

I lift one shoulder in a noncommittal shrug. “There’s no one in this town I’ll like more than you.”

“But you could,” he challenges.

“That’s not possible. No one will ever be able to serenade me like you can, or be there for me when I decide to break out a crowbar and do something stupid the way you do.” That statement causes Tyler to chuckle, but I’m not done telling him what I like about him. “But besides all that, you’re quite possibly the hottest man I’ve ever seen, so I doubt you’ll have any competition in that department either. So like I said, I’m sure.”

He nods his head as he thinks about my offer. “As crazy as it sounds, I like your plan. Are we allowed to kiss, because I’ll be honest, now that I’ve tasted your lips I don’t think there’s any way I won’t want to do that again.”

My heart does a double thump against my ribs. “That’s definitely allowed.”

He has no idea how bad I want to attack him right now. I don’t think I’d be able to do this little plan if I wasn’t able to kiss him, so I’m glad we’re now on the same page. Hopefully this works out like I see it going down in my mind—me ending all of this with a good guy friend—a totally hot, kissable friend—and a relationship that’s guaranteed not to break my heart.