Wide Open (24 page)

“I couldn’t while I was heading the Kodiaks coverage. I can if I’m in Foxborough.”

“How?”

“Travis will take over the Kodiaks entirely. I’ll have nothing to do with your involvement or representation in the documentary. My impartiality will be a nonissue. I just need this buffer between my leaving and us coming clean. I don’t want people knowing we were dating before I left, and I know that’s like a half-truth and I’m so sorry because I love you so much and you deserve better—“

I kiss her soundly, silencing her explanations.

I don’t need them. All I need is her.

She presses her palms against the backs of my hands, holding them to her face. She’s smiling as she kisses me. Her heart shaped mouth expanding and exhaling, letting me in. Molding my lips to match hers until I’m smiling, I’m laughing, and she’s wrapping her arms around me tightly.

“I love you too,” I murmur against her mouth, unwilling to release her. “I’m going to say it every second of every day to make up for all the times I’ve wanted to tell you but couldn’t find the courage.”

She giggles happily. “You’re promising to do a lot of talking lately.”

“For you I’d do anything.”

“God, Kurtis,” she moans deep and meaningful. “That sweet shit kills me every time. Say it again.”

“I love you.”

“I love—Whoa!”

I catch her by surprise when I grab her hips and lift her up onto the counter. I pull her to the edge where her legs can wrap around my waist and her heat can burn me through my jeans. She moans into my mouth. It tastes light as sugar, thick as syrup. It sends me searching, pulling at her clothes, digging for her skin that’s so silky smooth it soothes me down into my soul.

“I love you,” I promise, stripping her bare.

“I love you,” I groan painfully, pressing my head against her.

“I love you,” she whispers, her voice high and harmonious as I push inside her.

I growl in my chest, relieved and excited. Rough and eager as I slide deep inside her. Harper’s breath falters, catches in her throat, and runs away on a stream of words that sound like nothing and my name all at once. I whisper those three words to her until I can’t form them anymore. Until my sense of self is lost and I’m falling away with her. Into her. Until we’re both burning out from the inside, breathing fire. Exhaling ash that flutters around us like snowfall.

HARPER

October 30th

Gillette Stadium

Foxborough, MA

“You look like shit in red.”

I laugh. “Nice. Thanks, Travis.”

“They seriously make you wear their colors when you’re on the sidelines? Or do you want to be honest and admit that you’ve gone full native?”

“They make us wear it. Well, not ‘make us’, but damn do they make it awkward if we don’t.”

“That’s hilarious,” he laughs at me.

“It’s coercion is what it is.” I look down with disdain at the puffy red jacket wrapped around me. October in Massachusetts is no joke. It’s barely fifty degrees in the sun, but in the shade of the bowl inside Gillette stadium, it’s closer to forty. “I either freeze or I wear their colors.”

“I’d freeze.”

“I’ll tell Coach Allen that.”

“You keep the hell away from my team.”

“’Your team’?” I ask, wide eyed. “Really? Getting kind of attached, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, well, at least I’m not sleeping with any of the players,” he mutters under his breath.

I jab him hard in the side with my elbow. Inside all this down, I doubt it hurt the way I hoped. “Too soon, dick.”

“Have you seen him yet today?”

“I have.”

He narrows his eyes at me. “When and how?”

I shrug lightly. “He’s a ninja remember? We find our ways.”

“Is your hair wet?”

“No.”

“Yes, it is.” He pauses, examining me. “Matthews takes a shower before every game, doesn’t he?”

“Does he?” I ask innocently. “I honestly can’t remember.”

“Liar.”

“Yep.”

“Jesus, Harper, keep it in your pants.”

“Don’t you have a job to do?” I demand, laughing.

“I guess I do. I don’t want my boss to catch me slacking off.”

“Yeah, she’d be a real bitch about it.”

“You have no idea.” He takes me into a half hug, squeezing me tightly to his side. “I miss you. We all do.”

I smile, leaning into him contentedly. “I miss you too.”

“I’ll see you after the game?”

“I’ll take you guys to dinner. My treat.”

“Sounds good. I’ll tell the guys to come hungry.”

Travis walks away across the field. He leaves me alone with the Patriots, taking up his position on the sidelines with the Kodiaks. I feel a pang of jealousy seeing him standing there. Sam and Lowry are behind him, talking and laughing. Colt stands silently next to Tyus. Trey sits on a bench, his eyes focused straight ahead. They’re my boys, they always will be, even if they’re not supposed to be. Every last one of them. Especially him.

Kurtis is on the outside as always, but it’s not the way it used to be. He’s more immersed in the team than he was at the start of the season. Earlier I saw him talking to Trey, both of them with their heads down, locked in a private debate that lasted several minutes. At the end Trey hugged him. Kurtis slapped him hard on the back in a show of support. Just twenty minutes later Kurtis was doubled over laughing at something Colt was telling him.

I’ve never seen him like that before. Totally unguarded and easy. Wide open to the world around him. To the people who love him.

It made me smile to see it. It made me sad to be kept at such a distance.

That’s my family across this field; the team and my crew combined.

And I can’t wait to get home to them.

***

“They’re gonna get rid of him,” Sean mutters irritably. “They can’t keep pretending he’s going to sort himself out.”

I watch in disgust as Ramsey leaves the field in a huff. He throws his helmet petulantly before collapsing down onto the bench. One of the staff goes to talk to him, but he’s glaring at the ground. He’s not listening. He never does.

“I think you’re right.”

“I don’t know why they’re replacing Tyus in the first place,” Sean continues. “They’re lucky they have him to save their ass now.”

I gnaw nervously on my thumbnail as I watch the Kodiak offense lineup for the last time against the Patriots. There are seconds left on the clock. The last play, a Hail Marry pass to Ramsey, blew up in their faces. The Kodiaks almost lost possession of the ball when he couldn’t keep it in his hands. Lucky for him Lowry threw himself on it when it popped free.

It felt like the Chiefs game all over again when Kurtis was the one to save his ass. It’s a pattern they can’t afford to keep repeating. Especially now with this grudge match game on the line. These are the teams everyone is watching to make it to the Super Bowl. They’re the sole focus of our
Road to the Ring
documentary, and with matching win/loss records, this game is a pivotal moment in both their seasons.

Kodiaks 18. Patriots 20.

Kodiaks are fourth and long.

They’ve been heavy hitting Kurtis, double manning him every play. He can’t get clean to take a pass from Trey, and Ramsey is basically worthless. Colt is exhausted from trying to run it through the line of scrimmage. Trey has taken two sacks in this last quarter alone. It’s a blood bath out there, worse than the Chiefs game. And it’s not over yet.

Six seconds are on the clock as the men go to the line. Trey shouts unintelligibly. The offensive line shifts, sending the defense into a frenzy to adjust. The ball is snapped. Trey falls back. Kurtis runs up the right side, darting toward the center of the field when he’s in the end zone. He’s clear for a second, just one, and I wait impatiently for Trey to drill in the ball. But he doesn’t. He waits, falling back two more steps. He watches Tyus and in an act of what feels like pure idiocy, he sends it flying ahead of him toward the sideline. It looks like it’s going out of bounds. No way Tyus can get there in time.

And still somehow he does. His speed is unnatural, a thing of terrible beauty that leaves his defenders behind him. That leaves him open to leap into the air, catch the pass, and come down with one foot inside the end zone before stumbling out.

It’s good. Touchdown Kodiaks.

Whistles blow as the stadium erupts in cheers and boos. I smile, forcing myself to stand still. My body is itching to jump up and down, to join in the celebration, but I can’t. Right now I have a job to do, but tonight at dinner with the guys I’ll be free. I’ll be allowed to smile and celebrate. Tonight in my apartment I’ll be able to relive the moment over and over with Kurtis, discussing it with a depth of knowledge I never thought I’d have for this crazy, maddening sport. I’ll get to kiss him and congratulate him. I’ll get to see him smile proudly, happily, and I’ll commit it to memory. I’ll pull out my camera to capture the moment so I can keep it. Keep him. Always and forever.

“Are you getting this?” I reflexively ask Sean.

He grunts in reply, the camera focused on the reactions of the teams still on the sidelines. I leave him to it, watching as Lefao helps Tyus up off the ground. His face is harshly written, anger and resignation in every line. Lefao says something to him. Asks him something, but Tyus ignores him. He pushes his helmet up off his head, letting it drop carelessly to the ground behind him. The entire stadium watches with fascination as Tyus strides purposefully across the field, his target obvious.

He’s headed for Coach Allen.

I feel my heart stop as I watch him close in on the old man. Players read the situation and move in to flank the coach. They watch Tyus closely, confusion and worry on all of their faces.

Tyus yanks his jersey off over his head as he moves. It catches on his pads but he yanks it hard, tearing the neck. It hangs like a ruined rag from his hand as he covers the remaining distance between himself and his coach. Words are spoken. Harsh words that Coach Allen listens to without reaction. Tyus throws his jersey down on the ground at the coach’s feet. Then he stalks straight off the field.

I stare in shock at the scene, unsure I just saw what I think I saw. I find Kurtis in the crowd of Kodiaks still on the field. He looks as stunned as I feel, and when his eyes find mine, I know it’s true.

Tyus Anthony just quit the Kodiaks.

Thank you for reading WIDE OPEN!

Other standalone novels in the series can be found here:

Rookie Mistake

Sugar Rush

Keep reading for a preview of Brawler,

Book #1 of the North Star series.

You can get the entire 3 book series for only $.99
here
.

Jenna Monroe never cared which side of the tracks I came from. She didn't care what my reputation was, what my face looked like, or what my body could do. She never asked for anything but me. The real me.
The boxer.
The orphan.
The animal.
I met her my senior year when she was just a thirteen year old kid with honest eyes and fire in her veins. She was the greatest friend I'd ever known and I loved her like blood. I fought for her, I protected her, and as she grew older I wanted her. Now my biggest worry isn't how to keep her safe from the world.
It's how the hell am I going to keep her safe from me?

“Where the hell did Kellen go?” Will asked.

“Beats me,” Callum slurred. “One minute he was here… then… you know. Poof.”

“Yeah, that’s exactly what happened. Great job, Callum.”

“Bonfire.”

“What? Jesus, man, you almost ate shit into the sand! Stop moving!”

“Nah, nah, nah, nah, see, ‘cause he’s over there. By the fire. By the water. The fire is getting closer to the water. It’s drifting too close. It’s gonna go out.”

Will sighed audibly. “It’s not going to go out and the fire isn’t moving toward the waves, the wave—never mind. I’m not arguing with you when you’re drunk.”

“’Cause you know you’ll lose!” Callum shouted triumphantly, the shadow of his stocky frame elongated to incredible heights by the distant light of the party.

“No, because you’re an idiot. Come on. Let’s go look for him by the fire and for the love of God, do not fall into it. I’m not pulling you out again.”

“I didn’t fall in the fire.”

“Then why do you only have one shoe?” Will asked impatiently.

“Holy shit,” Callum mumbled, stunned. “I only have one shoe. When did that happen?”

“When you stepped in the fire.”

“Where’s my other shoe?” Callum demanded, his voice rising with panic.

Feet shuffled over the sand, followed by a loud grunt.

“Kellen has it,” Will lied. “Find him and you find your damn shoe. Now get up out of the sand.”

“Help me make a sandcastle.”

“I’ll kill you and bury you here before I help you build sandcastles. Get. Up.”

Nina muffled a giggle into her hand, her body shaking with silent laughter under my palms.

“Shhh,” I hissed, reminding her to stay quiet.

She looked up at me with bright eyes glowing in the shadows of the trees just at the edge of the sand. We’d left the party to sneak away into the patch of forest down the beach, hoping no one else would come this far. So far we were dead wrong.

A few minutes ago I’d spotted the telltale glow of a cigarette or a joint somewhere deeper in the trees to my left, then Will and Callum had shown up looking for me. Luckily Nina and I were tucked far enough into the dark that they couldn’t find us. Her shirt was off, tossed somewhere nearby on the sand, and my pants were still up, but just barely. Nothing holding them in place but the cockblockers now stumbling away down the beach.

“Your friends are wasted,” Nina whispered, still laughing.

“Only one of them is my friend. Callum is a teammate and an idiot.”

“Will sounds pissed that he’s playing babysitter.”

“Uh huh,” I mumbled, burying my face in her neck and picking up where I’d been forced to leave off. “He’s going to have play the role a little bit longer.”

“Mmm,” she hummed, going soft and pliant in my hands. “Maybe a lot longer?”

I pressed her harder into the tree behind her as I ran my hands over her naked sides, up to her bra, pushing it aside until her big breasts were overflowing in my hands. They felt heavy and soft, and when I dropped my lips to their tip they tasted salty like sweat. I lapped at her, circling her nipple until finally I pulled her in and sucked at her hard in a purposeful rhythm. She moaned deep and low in her throat, so I squeezed her harder, pinching painfully the way she liked. The way that made her desperate and wet.

Nina’s hands were dropping. Sliding down to my hips and nudging my pants gently until they fell in a pile at my feet. Until my dick was almost free, pushing hard at the confines of my boxers. Begging to get out, to get inside.

“Do you have a condom with you?” she breathed, her fingers skating across the hem of my boxers, then sliding slowly inside. Her long nails brushed across my tip in a sharp scratch that made me shiver.

I slipped my mind out of the driver’s seat, going on autopilot. Gearing up for the main event. “I always have one.”

“Even when you’re not with me?” she sighed.

I paused, fighting the urge to groan in annoyance. This question was coming up a lot lately. “I’m only ever with you, Nina,” I told her patiently.

“You promise?”

“Yes.”

“Okay.”

I pulled back, raising a distrustful eyebrow at her. “Okay?”

“Yeah, it’s okay.”

I leaned in close to her again, hunching down to her height to press the side of my face against hers until our bodies were perfectly in line and her mouth was at my ear. I drove my hand into the back of her jeans, taking firm hold of her ass so I could grind my bulging boxers against her pussy. She whimpered, needy and wanton, and it made me twitch against her. My cock jumped, pushed, taking over with a mind of its own.

“Come back,” Nina groaned, pushing on my shoulders to make me look down at her. “I want you to look at me.”

I shook my head tightly. “I’d rather hear you.”

“And I want to see you.”

“Shhh.”

“I want to see your eyes,” she whimpered.

I ignored her. I kept my face pressed close against hers, my free hand on the rough bark of the tree behind her scratching my palm to shit. I breathed in and out twice, steeling myself.

“Hey,” she demanded more forcefully. “I want you to look at me, dammit.”

I hung my head, frustrated as I snapped back to reality. “I heard you.”

“Then why aren’t you doing it?”

“Because it’s not me. You know that.”

She pushed against my chest hard, shoving me a step back until we were separated. Her eyes were hot and angry as she glared at me. “You never look at me when we have sex. Why?”

I sighed heavily, sick of this argument, and not just with her. With all of them. “I’ve told you, I just don’t.”

“Three months and nothing. No eye contact even once. What the hell is that? What’s wrong with you?”

“More than you want to deal with.”

“I could be any girl in the world because you’re never looking at my face. Is that why you do it? So you can fantasize about other girls?”

“No.”

“I’m surprised you even say my name,” she spat, winding herself up. “Aren’t you worried you’ll use the wrong one?”

And there it was. The inevitable accusation that I was a liar and cheater. Second time in five minutes. She was going for a record.

She’d been on my case ever since the first time we had sex. She thought sex somehow meant we were closer than before, connected somehow, but to me it meant the opposite. I never looked at her or anyone else during, and I pulled away immediately after. I wasn’t a cuddler. Sex to girls seemed to be some validation of my emotional attachment to them, when really it was when I was the most distant. My body was there, but my mind was gone. Hidden away somewhere else while I ran through the motions and registered the pleasure. I liked sex, don’t get me wrong. In fact, I loved it, but what I loved was the feel of it. Not the girls.

Nina was right about one thing – she could have been any girl in the world. As long as it felt good, it wouldn’t have mattered to me.

I leaned over to pull my pants up, resigned to the fact that this was no longer happening. Any of it. “I’ve never called a girl by the wrong name.”

“Am I supposed to be impressed by that?”

“I don’t care,” I replied coolly.

“Of course you don’t. That’s just it. You don’t care. You’re such an asshole!”

“Why?” I demanded, exasperated. “Because I won’t stare at you like a lunatic while I’m inside you? It’s weird.”

“It’s intimate!”

“It’s not me,” I repeated. “I said it at the very start. It’s not me.”

She took a sharp, shuddering breath before whispering shakily, “Then this relationship isn’t me.”

“I understand that.”

“You understand it, but you don’t care.”

“I do, but it’s not going to change.”

Her eyes welled with tears. “You mean
you
aren’t going to change.”

“Neither are you.”

“What? So that’s it?”

I spotted her shirt on the ground. I leaned down to pick it up, then offered it to her. “What else is there?”

She stared at me in shock before snatching the shirt from my hand and running from the trees.

Just like that, another girl at Weston High hated my face.

I didn’t like it. I wasn’t a fan of the fact that I was steadily being considered more and more of a manwhore, douchebag, asshole, but that’s the image that gets cut of you when you can’t manage to date a girl longer than a couple months and it always ends ugly. And the thing that always ends it is that you’re cold. Distant.

It started going around last year when I was a Junior that I refused to commit to anyone. One girlfriend said I had cheated on her and suddenly every girl I dated after that was convinced I was cheating on them too. You can tell a girl you’ve never been unfaithful – to them or any other woman – until you’re blue in the face, but she’s never going to believe you. If she already has it in her head that you’re a liar, then you’re a liar. End of story.

Bitch of it is that I’ve never cheated on anyone, not once. I’m not a piece of shit and I’m not a coward. If I’m not feeling my situation, I change it. It’s as easy as that. No, I don’t like breaking up with girls and hurting feelings, it doesn’t give me some sick egotistical rush, but I also don’t like wasting my time or theirs. If I know a relationship is over, I end it. Like tonight with Nina. She’d been harping on the cheating shit for too long. The trust was gone and I hadn’t done anything to lose it, it was all her own insecurities. I can’t fix that, and honestly, she and I weren’t worth the effort anyway.

They all wanted the same thing, exactly the thing that I was notorious for being unable to deliver – closeness. That emotional connection. The hand holding and staring into each other’s eyes. I couldn’t stomach it. I’d never been able to. And it wasn’t because I didn’t care about them, it was because I simply wasn’t wired that way. My wiring had been crossed and hacked and built against code for so many years that it was amazing I was even still standing. It was also amazing they kept trying. That girls still wanted to date me knowing the reputation I had.

It came down to my face. My body. My wrong-side-of-the-tracks-boxing-champion status. I was hot, edgy, dangerous, thrilling. It was all superficial, so if they came into the relationship that way, what right did they have to be mad at me when I wanted to keep it that way?

I stared down the dark stretch of private beach leading to the bonfire where all of the trust funders of wealthy Weston High were partying and laughing, and I wondered why I even bothered anymore.

I was at the start of my Senior year, the scholarship kid from the ghetto watching my ‘peers’ line up colleges, internships, and engagements. Everyone was prepping to take that great leap up into the gilded world their parents had poised them to enter, and I knew our paths were about to split. They would go their way, I would go mine, and I wondered if it wasn’t a really good thing that Nina and I had fizzled out tonight. Maybe it was time to stop playing Cinderella at the ball and get back to reality.

“Just stop,” a voice whimpered from behind me.

I spun around, my eyes scanning the dark trees. They struggled to adjust after looking into the fire. Darkness seemed darker, shadows were deeper, and any shot I had at seeing where I was going was lost before I even started.

That didn’t stop me from bolting forward.

I spotted the red glow of a joint burning on an inhale, caught a whiff of cannabis on the wind, and headed straight for it.

As I burst into a clearing, heads turned to stare at me in surprise.

There was a small crowd of three people – one girl and two guys. The girl had dark hair and a dark fleece jacket zipped up high around her despite the warm night. The guy in front of her was a little shorter than I was but built like a brick shit house. I couldn’t see his face, but I knew him immediately. I’d met him on the football field often enough to recognize his shape.

“What do you want, Coulter?” Jenner demanded.

I ignored him, focusing on the girl. “Are you okay?”

Jenner took a menacing step toward me. “She’s fine. We’re taking good care of her. Get lost.”

“Take it easy, Jenner,” I warned him, irritated that he was trying to crowd me. “She sounded upset. I just want to make sure she’s okay.”

“She’s great. Get lost.”

She wouldn’t look at any of us. She’d turned her face away toward the other side of the trees where the road was just out of sight. I watched her shoulders shake. She brought her fist to her mouth to stifle the noise. The crying.

I knew that stance. In my neighborhood it was more common than sunshine in California. Crying women, angry men, alcohol and drugs in the air. The booze they drank here may have been better, the cars and the women sleeker, but in the dark it all looked the same.

Ugly.

“Do you want to leave?” I asked her gently.

Jenner put himself between us. “She’s not going anywhere.”