Wide Open (31 page)

She laughed. "Well, now I know you're lying."

She scooped the bacon she fried while I was gone and put it on my plate along with some eggs, and then got some for herself, setting them at the bar stools for us. I pulled some silverware from the drawer and poured coffee for her.

She leaned her head on my shoulder and told me about the neighbor lady coming over and saying how I get her dogs too worked up when I run in the mornings. They think I'm a criminal because I look like one with no shirt on, and they'd appreciate if I'd run elsewhere. She giggled as she took her bites of eggs and told me how she had to keep a straight face.

My arm had been in a sling for a few weeks. No pain meds were given, but I wouldn't have taken them anyway. Addicts didn't get pain medication. Maya had hurt her hand whacking that guy in the head with that kettle, but it hadn't been too bad. Just a sprain and she wore a wrap for a few days. But me? She was the best nurse to me. All I could take was over the counter Ibuprofen and I kept bumping into things. Sleeping was a disaster, running wasn't fun at all, working was near impossible, but Maya fussing over me? Her always square in my lap when we made out because I couldn't hold myself over her? Her playing my little nurse when she re-bandaged me? It almost made it worth it to go through it all over again.

The federal bureau had come to the hospital that day after everything happened and said they'd been trying to catch Roz for years—yada, yada. I'd known all that already. That's why I ran from the hospital the first time. I knew they'd want me to talk, and I knew I couldn’t do that because he'd kill me.

Even though he was no longer an issue, all the people in his pocket were still out there. The feds didn't think we'd have any problems with anyone. If anything, people would probably be grateful to be rid of Roz, but they thought getting out of town, out of state, would be a good idea, however I couldn't leave Mamma again. If I honestly thought there was a threat I would have been on the first train out of there, but I was a small fish in that pond. I was a nobody. The only reason Roz ever cared about me at all was because I had dirt on him. He was gone. None of his cronies and buyers would give two craps about me now. I'd been silent for two years already. Why would I start talking now?

So we stayed.

Now, eight months later, we lived in a small apartment that was the perfect size for the two of us. It was about fifteen minutes from Mamma's house and we'd already found our new favorite Chinese place.

We woke up next to each other every day in our small crappy double bed. It was home and I loved it. I wouldn't have lived anywhere else. Waking in those cheap white Target sheets in the morning with Maya's legs wrapped around mine, her in my boxers and t-shirts, because that little fad stuck—to my never ending enjoyment—was the highlight of my life. Sometimes I couldn't believe it was real. I'd reach over and think it was a dream, or a nightmare even, and I was back to being that punk kid and this wasn't my Maya, but some girl I didn't even know the name of.

But I'd run my hands over her, behind her knees, her behind, her back, her arms. It was her—my broken angel who just wanted to put other people back together again.

Moving back home was something we debated for a while. Maya's whole life was back in the town we met—her job, her friends, but she insisted she wanted to start over, start fresh and with my family who had done so much for her just a couple hours down the road, it just made sense for that to be the place to do it. She said everywhere she looked, she saw her brother in that little town.

In no time, she found a job at the center here as a counselor. She said she didn't want to do anything else. That even though it was a rough job, it reminded her every day why being sober and clean was so important. We went to meetings there at least once a month, but seemed to be there more than that. Just like the other center, she showed a lot of support for the people there, helped them more than she helped herself. She was good at it because she didn't see it as a job. It was her life.

And me, I actually started working at the center, too. No more greasy work for me. Which worked out great because the more time we spent at the center, the better.

Mamma seemed to be doing as great as she could be. We saw them all the time. My nephew was growing faster than they could clothe him, and Mason was already trying to get Emma to have another one.

The knock on the door sounded, but before either of us could get up, the door opened and a loud squeal rang out. "Oh, my. Oh, my. Yes," I heard Emma soothe him. "Yes, I get it. You're happy to be here."

I got up laughing and put our plates and cups in the sink as Maya took Jackson from Emma, who handed me his bag without looking at me and searched in her purse for something. "Uh, he's been teething, so I'm sorry if he's a little cranky, but if he starts crying, just give him this and let him suck on—"

I took her shoulders and made her face me. "Em." She looked up at me, her big eyes bright. "It's all right. We've got him. He'll be fine. We'll be fine. You just go take your test and all will be well."

Emma grinned up at me and sighed. "All right. Okay." I hugged her to me and kissed her forehead. She pulled back and pushed at my chest. "Eww. Put a shirt on, McBeefy." She waved as she hurried out the door. "I'll be back!"

Maya laughed as I shook my head and made my way to my nephew. Emma had finals today and Mason had some kind of convention. Who better to watch the kid on a Saturday morning than the responsible uncle and aunt? I rubbed his chubby little cheek and chin with my finger. He latched on and then grabbed a handful of Maya's hair.

He was the cutest little mess I'd ever seen. A Wright boy to the core. I changed my name back to Wright recently. It only seemed fitting with the future plans I had in store.

I looked down at my future with dark hair and big eyes, watching her as she flipped Jackson's lip up and down, him chortling so loud. It didn't seem like very long ago, but it had actually been months since I'd done my NA meeting
coming out
speech, as I called it, not too long after Will's funeral and Roz and the move and…all of it. I still had my sling on, in fact. Maya had given me that two-year coin and I held it in my palm, crushing it as I faced all my demons and told a room full of strangers and my family every sin and transgression I'd ever done—every ugly detail, every awful thing, every way that I had been too weak to control myself.

But my eyes stayed on my Maya and she never once let me fall. She knew it was hard for me, the first time was always the hardest, but she was my rock. Afterwards, we all went out to the Chinese place for dinner, then that night Mason and I went out for the first time in years, just the two of us. In truth, I wanted him to come with me because I was picking up Maya's ring. I say
picking up
rather than
picking out
because I knew that I'd find one. It wasn't a matter of finding one. Maya wasn't one of those girls who needed some big rock. It was just a matter of finding something that didn't cost a fortune and I could imagine it sitting on her finger. I wanted Mason to come with me and didn't tell him what I was doing, but when we reached the store, he knew. After a few minutes of looking, I glanced over before looking back at the glass and spoke without looking at him.

"Aren't brothers supposed to talk you out of it? Tell you it's a mistake? Getting married is a one-way ticket to hell and all that other bull?" I grinned, unable to help it.

He chuckled as he came behind me to my other side. "That one." He pointed to a small one that was so simple, so pretty and beautiful and it kind of amazed me how he could get her so easily. "And no, I'm not going to talk you out of it."

I turned my head. He was smiling, but my brother, the sap that he had always been, the only father figure I'd ever known, looked like he could burst at any moment. "Thanks for letting me come, letting me do this with you."

I nodded. "There's no one else I would want to bring." I looked at the guy who had been hawk-eyeing us from the side since we came in and gave him a nod. "Can I see this one?"

He pulled the one Mason pointed to. I slipped it on my pinkie and gave Mason a side glance. He shrugged. "You don't have to go with that one, but…"

"It's perfect." It didn't even fit over my knuckle, but I knew it would fit her. Her other ring wouldn't fit over my pinkie knuckle either. That may have been a stupid way to gauge it, but I just felt it in my bones that it would fit. This was the ring. The stone was almost a light yellowish color.

"It's a canary stone," the clerk informed. "Very popular this year."

I scoffed under my breath. He was barking up the wrong tree with the "popular" approach.

I looked at the price and it was little more than I had expected to pay, but I wanted it for her. It was her ring. I took out the only credit card I had to my name and smiled as I gave it to him, making my very first purchase on it. "I'll take it."

He nodded. "Excellent choice. What color engagement box and wrapping would you like? We have maroon and black-"

"Don't need one," I told him, "but thanks."

I was doing this simple. After that, with the ring in my pocket, I was infatuated with the feel of it against my leg in my jeans. I showed Mason the coin I'd gotten her, the five-year sobriety coin and told him how I was going to propose to her with both of them together because from now on they went hand-in-hand—us, together, being clean.

Once again, Mason would never really know what it was like to be an addict, but the way he was so open to understanding, the way he was so supportive and didn't pull the I
understand what you're going through speech
was awesome. He was just
there
. That's all I needed him to be.

After that, we got coffee and donuts for everyone and went back to spend the rest of the night, our last night at my old apartment, with my family. Maya seemed peaceful in a way that was different than before. When I asked her what was up, she said that she was proud of me, and she knew starting over was going to be one of the best things she'd ever done for herself.

She hadn't been wrong. Every day, it got easier for her. Every day, her smile got brighter. Eventually, she wasn't sad anymore and I felt like she was finally my happy girl again. Will was proud of her, I knew. There was no way he could look at the girl she was, all she'd been through, and not be.

Now, Jackson entertained us for hours before Emma came and got him. Maya made this weird bubble noise that would get his giggle going, and it was the most hilarious thing. It made me think about kids of our own one day. Yes, we wanted kids. We figured we'd wait a long, long while. We were in no rush. We had my brother and his wife—the baby makers—who were apparently on a roll anyway.

After Emma picked him up, telling us that she'd see us later on tonight, Maya was in our room getting ready as I picked up the rest of the toys in the den. I found her leaning over the dresser trying to fasten a necklace. Her hands were shaking a little. I knew she was nervous about tonight and pressed my back to her front, taking the ends from her and putting my lips to her ear.

"Need some help?" I whispered soothingly.

"Mmhm," she hummed her acceptance and leaned back into me.

"Don't be nervous, sweetheart." I fastened it and kept my hands on her shoulders, kissing the place where her neck met her shoulder. "You look beautiful, number one. Number two, everyone who loves you will be there. Number three, Will will be there, too, and he'll be watching and thinking how proud of you he is." Her hair was up in some twisty knot, exposing her long neck. I leaned in and kissed her skin in several spots. "Are you ready to go?"

She turned in my arms and looked up at me, her face glowing in a way I hadn't noticed before. "I don't think I've really told you how happy I am here."

"You are?" I asked, a million pounds lighter. That's what a man wants is to make his girl happy. I wanted to do that, but honestly didn't know if I was truly succeeding. She seemed happy, but I didn't know if she was just trying to be happy because she knew I was.

"Yes. Very." She wrapped her arms around my neck. "Your family loves me the way mine used to." Her smile was widening the more she spoke. "It made me feel guilty at first, like I was replacing them, but I'm not. They would want me to be happy." She reached up on her tiptoes, but she didn't have to reach far, and right then I knew she was wearing some nice little high heels. I swallowed. "You make me happy," she said with certainty. "You make me feel the most normal I've felt since before my mom died. I didn't think I was ever going to get that back. I love you so much for coming into the meeting and being the one who tried to creep out halfway through." She smiled and bit her lip. "You changed my life that day."

I shook my head. She was ruining my plans. If she didn't stop being so sweet, I was going to get on one knee right here, right now. "You changed
my
life that day. If you hadn't been there to stop me from walking out, I'm not sure I would have come back."

She nodded with certainty. "You would have."

"I love you." I lifted her chin and kissed her, just once so as not to ruin all the work she'd done to make herself so beautiful. "Still nervous?"

"A little," she admitted honestly. We were always honest with each other. "But you make everything better."