Wide Open (28 page)

I pulled her up and traded places with her, sitting in the dish and putting her in my lap. I could tell how absolutely exhausted she was because her sobbing was more breathy and panting more than it was powerful. She had one hand around my neck, but everything else was limp and she let me hold her there.

She did manage to kick out her leg and knock the bottle off the edge of the dish. It busted against the rocks on the ground. She sighed against my neck and seemed to calm. I kissed her forehead, her eyes, her wet lips, smoothed her hair and rocked her, anything I could think of to soothe her.

"Thank you," she finally whispered when all her hiccups and tremors were done.

"You told me to chase you, didn't you?"

She looked up at my face like I was more than a hero. "You're doing a really good job."

I couldn't help but grin at that. "Your approval is all I could ever want."

I lifted her easily into my arms and made my way slowly, carrying her to her truck. I'd come get my Jeep later. She was exhausted. There was no way she could walk, let alone drive. Besides, I didn't want her away from me. This could very well be my last night with her.

God, help me...I had to talk to Mason and Emma.

I thought about Roz—about what he said he was going to do to me, about what that was going to do to Maya to lose her brother and then me right after that. Maybe that was vain to think so highly of myself, but I just hoped and prayed she survived it. I hoped she could look back on the same reasons she didn't take that drink this time and use them for next time.

I set her in the seat right next to me, keeping my arms around her, and drove the short distance to her apartment. Mason was pacing and Emma's gasp stopped me when I came in carrying a now passed out Maya. "Oh, my gosh, Milo. Is she all right?"

"She's okay," I assured her and kept walking back to Maya's bedroom. "She went to this place she took me to a couple of times. I found her there, but she was okay. She just…"

"You don't have to explain," Mason said. I laid her on the bed and looked over my shoulder at him. "I can imagine what she's going through. We got a hotel for the night. We'll be back in the morning. Do you need anything before we go?"

"Nah, man. I'm OK," I told him, taking her shoes off, but refusing to look at him.

"Milo," he called.

"Hmm?"

"Milo?" he called harder.

"What?" I whispered as I stared at the bed next to her. Before I knew it, he was wrapping his arms around me and pounding his fists on my back.

"I'm so sorry," he said, the sincerity pouring off him. "I'm sorry she lost her brother and you lost your friend, and everyone in both of your lives seems to leave for one reason or another." He leaned back and gripped the back of my neck, putting his head almost to mine as he spoke hard. "But know this—I'm not running out, I'm not leaving, I'm not walking away. I'll be back. Anytime, as fast and as long as you need me. You got me? For you and for Maya." I stared at the face that had been the
only
person to never walk out on me. "I never left, Milo." His cheek jumped as he stared at me. "I never left. I never stopped looking for you."

"I know, Mase."

"I won't ever leave."

"You never did, Mason. I know that." He breathed loudly through his nose and held onto me tightly. "It was me who let you down. I gave up. I was the coward. You held on and I let go. I didn't want to deal with my grief and it was easier to just blame someone. Thank you…for never giving up on me."

"Never," he growled and hugged me hard.

Maya rolled and moaned a little in her sleep. Mason leaned back, but looked me in the eyes. "We'll be back in the morning. She can get the funeral expedited if she wants, up to her, so she doesn't have to just keep waiting for it. That's the part that would kill me, I think. Something to think about."

I nodded. "We'll be here. I, uh…have some things to talk to you about in the morning."

"What's that?"

I almost lied. Almost. "Roz came to see me."

He turned pale as the moonlight coming in from the window. I nodded. There was no point in sugarcoating it. "First, let's just get Maya through this," I told him, "and then…I don't know what'll happen, but promise me you'll take care of—"

"Shut up," he growled and backed away. "Shut up. No, we'll figure something out."

"What? All of us are going to run away and hide out together? Maya and Mom and her nurse, too?" I shook my head. "No, Mason. It's no good. Look, no more talking about it tonight. I just didn't want to lie to you. I wanted you to know he knew where I was."

"How?"

"When Maya's brother…when he… I was pretty upset. I accidentally blurted my old name to the cops when they took my statement. You know Roz has his pocket cops. Didn't take them long to find me."

He sighed, his shoulders sagging. "No…"

"I'm sorry, Mase."

He looked so beaten. "I…"

"Look, go on to the hotel. Get some sleep." I rubbed my face and looked down at Maya. "One day at a time. Tomorrow, I need to help Maya, then I'll worry about me. A cop came to my apartment earlier. That's the only thing that stopped them today. Roz said he'd be back after the funeral."

He blinked. "I can't just go."

"You can. Take Emma and the baby to get some sleep. Go. I'll be fine."

It took some more convincing, but once he was gone, I laid down with my girl and wrapped my arms around her from behind. I tucked her hair behind her ear and pulled her hips to mine, but didn't need to. She nestled in, tucking herself into every place possible. I put my arm under her head and pulled the blanket over us.

Kissing the back of her neck, I sighed into the soft skin there.

"I'll be right here," I promised, but it broke my heart that I would be breaking that promise soon. Not just the promise I made her, but the promise I made to Will as well. I said I would watch over her and not leave her when he was gone, but I didn't know what to do now.

If I left, Roz would just use them, hurt them, to make me come back. If I stayed, he was going to kill me no matter what I did because I was a loose end. The police couldn't help me, just like they couldn't help me back then.

I was going to have to face this alone.

Maya

I woke with a cry-headache, which was worse than a hangover if you asked me. The instant balm to my ache was the feel of Milo's arms around me. The events of yesterday and last night crashed down around me and I sagged, the instantaneous guilt almost too much to bear. The forceful sigh pushed from my lips as I remembered how sure I was that all I needed to do was get away and find some pills, but in the end, a bottle was the easiest thing to get, so that's what I had done.

In the end, Milo's love and trust had saved me. If he had never come along, Will would still be dead right now, and I would be drunk somewhere, numb and gone to the world for the rest of my days. I had no doubt of that. Because as much as Milo says I taught him what being an addict meant, he had taught me a lot, too.

I turned in his arms as slowly as I could, so as not to wake him, but when I got on my side, I found his eyes already open watching, gauging me. "Hey," I whispered lamely.

He spoke softly. "Again, I know this is the dumbest question ever, but is it a little better? Is there anything I can do for you today?"

"You're doing it," I told him. I stuck one of my legs between his and put my arms around him. His big warm hand crept up the back of my shirt to settle on the middle of my back. "I'm better than yesterday. That's saying something." I cleared my throat. "Not once last night did you use the
Will wouldn’t want you to do this
card." I played with the creases on his shirt. "Why not?"

"Because you taught me that addicts have to do it for themselves. I didn't want you to do it for Will. I didn't want you to do it for me. I wanted you to do it for you."

I nodded, so proud of him for how much he had grown in the short time I'd know him. He didn't think he had, but he had. "I'm so sorry about last night."

He shook his head. "I know why you were angry yesterday and needed to get away from me."

"From you?" I asked. "Why would I be angry with you?"

"I'm sorry, Maya." And he did look sorry. "I'm so sorry. I told you that ice cream and going out into the cold for dinner and all that hell didn't matter; to give him a break." He laughed angrily and turned his head. "I made you feel like you were being too hard on Will. We ganged up on you, and you were right."

I put my hand on his cheek and turned his face to look right at me. "Milo," I whispered and drowned in hazel, bathed in the relief that my brother trusted him and left me in the care of this man. "He had cancer. A bowl of ice cream made no difference. He got to have some fun the last few nights he was alive, and that was thanks to you. If it had been my choice, he would have been cooped up in the house and would have just…" I choked on my words, "died alone while I was at work."

Milo shook his head slowly, not wanting to accept. "Maybe he…"

"Instead, he died with you there. He wasn’t alone," I almost yelled to make him
see
as I cupped his neck. "He was with you, his friend. I'll never be able to thank you for that."

His eyes were red as he tried to fight his anger and grief. "All I wanted to do was save him. I tried to save him for you."

"I know and I love you for that, but…he couldn't be saved. I didn't understand that. We have the people in our lives for the time we have them. We can't dwell on the time that we don't." I moved in and kissed him once. "I'll always be thankful that I got to reconcile with my family and spend this time with Will before he left. I could have been too late."

"The fact that you can look at it that way right now, sweetheart, is pretty amazing." He swiped under my eye. "If I could make this better, I would."

"You are. You're here." He made a pained face for a split second, before it was gone, but I saw it. "What?"

"What do you want for breakfast? And don't tell me you're not hungry."

Mason and Emma arrived shortly after, and we ate Milo's scrambled eggs and toast. Marybeth stopped by again, per Milo, but she didn't grill or scold me. She and Milo kept sharing looks and glances, like they had this secret language now. I hated that they worried about me, but couldn’t deny I had brought that one down on myself. I made sure to hug her extra hard and try to be honest, not hide anything. If I needed to cry; I cried. If I wanted to talk about Will; I did. If something was funny; I tried my best to laugh.