Wild (23 page)

“At least,” Lizzie agreed. “I don’t even know what a bivalve is.”

Tai waved her hand dismissively. “I didn’t want to know either. I can’t wait til my second year, then I can drop all the crappy bits and just focus on microbiology.”

That didn’t sound much more fun to Lizzie, but then she remembered how enthused she used to get about lactic acid and cardiovascular exercise, and shook her head with a smile. “I really miss having lectures to complain about.”

“Well you’re welcome to join me in complaining about mine,” Tai grumbled. “I’m going to have a Strawberry Woo Woo,” she decided. “I’ll get this round – what are you having?”

“Just a tomato juice,” Lizzie said reluctantly. She watched Tai bounce over to the bar, and then craned her neck to peer out the window. Through the rain-smeared glass, Harris looked like a piece of abstract art, blurred at the edges and not quite real. But definitely still there. Her heart sank, and dread sparked inside her. Was he just going to stand there until she came back out?

No, he couldn’t, he wouldn’t. He’d get bored and wander off, he had to. He couldn’t still be there when she and Tai came back out – Tai could
not
see him. What if he came up to Lizzie, tried to speak to her? Tai would know he was a ghoul and she’d ask, or she’d realise, and then … and then …

She had no idea how the Kurtadam felt about making ghouls. It might just be considered an occupational hazard, or it might be the werewolf capital crime. She wasn’t ready to find out either way.

“So,” Tai said brightly, setting Lizzie drink down in front of her. “You and Seth. Tell me everything.”

Lizzie could feel a silly smile spreading across her face, driving away some of her nerves. “There’s not much to tell yet,” she said.

“Oh come on,” Tai insisted. “Tell me how you met. Was it love at first sight? He hasn’t been out with anyone since he finished with Ingrid, so it must have been something special. A bolt of lightning.”

Lizzie stirred her drink. A bolt of lightning? Not quite that dramatic, no, but she remembered that night on the street, when she’d looked back over her shoulder at him, and he’d done the same. It felt significant, in retrospect. Not even a week ago, but it felt like a lifetime, a moment captured in perfect clarity in her memory.

“It was just chance,” she told Tai. “I was out in Smithdown Park, you know, in wolf shape.” She lowered her voice, just in case anyone overheard, as if anyone would be listening in. “And when I changed back, Seth was there and we talked, and that was that.”

Tai pouted. “You make it sound really boring. The way he’s been carrying on, I thought he must have slain a dragon for you or something.”

“Carrying on?” Lizzie echoed, feeling herself blush. “What’s he been saying?”

“When he got back to Nuala’s last night, he couldn’t stop talking about you. How cool you were, how funny, how pretty.” She winked slyly at Lizzie. “It drove Ingrid mad – it was quite funny actually.”

“God, I don’t want her coming after me,” Lizzie exclaimed. The blonde had been ice-cold, nasty. Lizzie didn’t fancy her chances if Ingrid decided Lizzie was too cool, too funny, and too pretty to live.

“Her bark’s worse than her bite,” Tai said without a trace of irony. “I feel a bit sorry for her, actually. She can’t shift, you know. At all. It’s really weird, but she’s never been able to do it. I think being with Seth made her feel like that didn’t matter, didn’t make her any less one of us. Then he dumped her, and suddenly she’s back to being the freak again.”

Lizzie scratched her arms, Tai’s words doing nothing to reassure her. Her nerves jangled. Great. She’d only met the Kurtadam once and she’d already pissed one of them off. God knows how the rest of them would react if they knew about the drugs and Harris…

“Anyway,” Tai continued. “I’m going to have a double cheese burger.” She patted her flat stomach. “Got to keep the beast fed, right?”

“I’ll go order,” Lizzie offered, gripped by a sudden desire to move, fired by the Other, she was sure. She bit her lip as she headed to the bar, wishing she could settle her beast just by stuffing herself with burgers every time the Other reared it’s head. She couldn’t go through life having panic attacks and freak-outs and losing control of the Other every time she got upset or angry. The thought alone was enough to make her head spin with alarm.

Maybe she needed a little girl talk with Tai, see if the born werewolf had any tips and tricks she could share. She wondered if Nick’s theory about drugs unleashing the wolf was right, and Lizzie had paved the way for this herself. If all that tripping and snorting and k-holing had smashed some barrier in her head that kept the wolf at bay.

If she was going to ask Tai for advice, she’d have to tell her a little bit about the murky mess of a life she was trying to leave behind. Would Tai still be so warm and friendly then? Lizzie wasn’t sure, and she hated the thought of losing this friendship before it even took off, but she hated the thought of another panic attack like last night even more. If she really was going to move on, get back into education – hell, even go and visit her family – she needed control. Absolute, unshakeable control.

She ordered Tai’s cheese burger and asked for a double bacon burger for herself, and returned to their table, steeling herself to ask the first awkward question. To her surprise, Tai beat her to it.

“So you were turned, right? What happened?” She asked so casually, she might have been asking Lizzie where she got her shoes or something. Not like she was probing into the darkest, nastiest moment of Lizzie’s life.

“Well, I…” Flustered and a little annoyed at Tai’s light tone, Lizzie took a sip of her drink to give herself some breathing space. “I was attacked, actually,” she said, staring into her glass. The tomato juice had flecks of pepper floating in it, bits of lemon pulp and ice. It looked disgusting. Why the hell had she ordered it when she could have had a nice, alcoholic margarita or something?

Tai’s hand flew to her mouth, eyes wide. “Oh God. Lizzie, I’m sorry. I didn’t realise – Seth didn’t say. He just… we assumed…”

“What, I caught werewolfism from sharing cutlery with one or something?” Lizzie scowled, hating how catty she sounded. It wasn’t Tai’s fault, was it? With an effort, she swallowed her black anger. “I was out with my … ex-boyfriend, and we had a fight. He left me to walk home alone, and on the way I got attacked.” She boiled it down, making it sound simple and quick, almost painless. Right.

“By a Vargulf?” Tai reached out to squeeze Lizzie’s hand. “That’s so awful. It’s happening more and more recently, all over the country. It’s why I keep telling the Kurtadam we need to reveal ourselves, before one of the Vargulf do it for us and it all gets messy.”

“Wouldn’t it be messy anyway?” Lizzie’s mind filled with images of old American freak shows; bearded women and pinheads, midgets and Siamese twins, caged and paraded while the audience shrieked with horrible enjoyment at the spectacle. She couldn’t see it being any different if you swapped the Siamese twins for werewolves.

“Control is the key,” Tai said simply. “It’d better for us to do it properly, hire some good PR agents, that kind of thing, than for a few Vargulfs to get picked up by the police for something and shapeshift in prison. Can you imagine that?” She shuddered theatrically.

Lizzie poked an ice cube in her drink, nodding her agreement. Yeah, that would be messy, wouldn’t it? She’d thought it herself. Messy was an understatement. “So, what’s it like being born a werewolf?” she asked Tai. The question came out far more easily than she’d expected; maybe Tai’s easy manner was infectious.

Tai shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s not “like” anything, it just is. It’s probably better than being turned, I guess.”

“How old were you when you first shapeshifted?” Lizzie persisted. “Did you… do you feel the wolf inside you? I mean, like it’s something real inside you, trying to take over?”

Tai regarded her over her glass, dark eyes concerned. “My parents made sure it was all normal for me, all my life. They taught me to live in harmony with the wolf, manage it. I guess you haven’t had that.” She slapped her forehead with a laugh. “We’re so stupid sometimes! We really need to set up some kind of support system for people like you. Maybe we could have a helpline or a website or something. You must have been struggling. I can’t imagine the creep who attacked you stuck around to offer help. Do you even know who it was?”

“No,” Lizzie lied, then wondered why she did. Nuala and Seth knew she’d been hanging out with Nick; they must have guessed he was responsible for turning her. She pushed past the lie, deciding that Tai wouldn’t cast her out and curse her name if she told a little bit of truth. “I have been struggling. I get these, like, panic attacks, and the wolf takes over. I start to change shape, I get –”

“Ginseng tea,” Tai cut in. ‘Or anything with chamomile or lavender. They’re all really good for calming anxiety.”

“Really? Herbal tea, that’s it?” Surely it couldn’t be that simple? Surely there should be chalk circles and black candles and red wine at midnight? Some witchery, something arcane to keep the beast at bay. Lizzie almost felt cheated. “Well, okay.”

Their food arrived, and the smell of melting cheese and salty bacon drove all other concerns from her mind. Both she and Tai devoured their burgers in silence, and Lizzie was sure she could feel the Other settling down as she ate. So that was the secret, then. Herbal tea and plenty of meat. Funny how simple life was sometimes.

They lingered after the food was gone, Tai putting off going to study, she said. Lizzie was putting off going back outside in case Harris was still out there, waiting with his crooked smile and dead eyes. Eventually though Tai reluctantly announced that she had to hit the library.

“I’ve got write an essay on these stupid bivalves and filter feeding,” she complained as she pulled her still-wet coat on. “I can’t even eat shellfish, I don’t see why I should spend my afternoon writing about them.”

Lizzie put her jacket back on and slung her bag over her shoulder. “Well, if you need a break, give me a shout,” she said impulsively. She pulled out her phone and they swapped numbers. “I’ve got no plans for the rest of the day.” As soon as she said it, the day stretched out before her, bleak and empty, too long to tolerate.

“Oh, I’m sure Seth will have something planned,” Tai grinned. “But yeah, it might be nice to go see a film or something. I’ll give you a call later.” At the door, Tai hugged her, and Lizzie returned the gesture, feeling a touch overcome. Tai waved and dashed outside, umbrella up to fend off the rain.

Lizzie loitered in the doorway, scanning the street for Harris. Her stomach churned when she saw he’d returned to his position in the delivery area. She really didn’t want to go back outside and risk him seeing her, but she couldn’t stand in the doorway all day either. She gathered her courage and stepped outside. The rain was slacking off at last, with a few hints of optimistic blue in the sky. That didn’t make her feel any better about Harris sitting across the road, or the fact that he looked up just as the door of the Revolution slammed shut with a jingle of bells, alerting him to Lizzie’s presence.

Once again he clambered to his feet, honing in on her with an eerie determination. Lizzie backed up against the wall, fighting panic. Breathe deep, stay calm. What can he do anyway? He’s dead! Hysterical laughter spilled from her.

“Lizzie,” Harris croaked as he reached her. “Got any fags, babe?”

Okay, so he wasn’t after her brains or anything. Some of Lizzie’s panic dissipated. He looked wretched up close, dripping with rain, pale and weak-looking. She could have flicked her fingers and knocked him over. She let herself relax. “I don’t have any fags,” she told him. “I quit smoking.”

“You quit smoking,” he echoed. “Fucking hell.” He staggered off, shaking his head.

Lizzie watched him go, incredulous. Easy. Stupidly easy. She waited until he’d disappeared from sight, just in case this was some kind of weird ghoul trick, then made her way through the puddles back to the town centre. There had to be somewhere in Liverpool that sold ginseng tea. And she definitely needed it. Well, no, what she needed was a margarita. She was pretty sure ginseng wasn’t going to cut it.

twenty one

B
ACK AT HOME
, Lizzie spread her application forms out on the living room floor and made herself a cup of ginseng tea. She sniffed it cautiously, trying to identify the smell. Was it bitter or sweet? She took a sip and decided with a grimace it was both. Grim. Still, if it helped with the panic attacks, she could deal with it. She returned to the living room and began the tedious process of filling in application forms.

She was sitting cross-legged on the floor, working her way through the tricky problem of accounting for her nearly year-long unemployment stretch when her phone rang. She reached for it, checking the screen to make sure it wasn’t Nick, and lit up when she saw Seth’s name flashing there.

“Hey you,” she said, switching to the settee so she could curl up and enjoy talking to him properly. “How’s it going?”

“It’ll get better,” Seth replied, “when we decide when we’re seeing each other next.”

She grinned, remembering Tai and Nuala’s words. She was cool, funny, pretty. Seth didn’t bring many girls home. “I’m at a loose end,” she told him. The application forms could wait. “Are you free tonight?”