Wilde, Jennifer (4 page)

"All
right, wench," he said amiably. "The lesson is about to begin."

He
lowered his body over mine, and I cried out as he entered me. He covered my mouth
with his hand. Tears spilled over my lashes as he drove deeper and deeper with
steady deliberation. I was screaming inside, and still I fought, struggling
beneath him, and then it seemed the whole world exploded and I went hurtling
into oblivion, falling, falling, and I clung to him as senses shattered and
nerve ends snapped and life itself seemed to hang suspended in midair.

Clothed
in a light-blue dressing gown, I stood at the window, peering out at the
fleeting night shadows, not really seeing them at all. Lord Mallory was
stretched out on the bed, and I could feel him watching me. Neither of us had
slept. I hated him. I had never hated anyone so much in my life, and I doubted
that I ever should again. He had used me viciously, repeatedly, like a whore.
He had forced me to respond, and I hated him for that most of all.

I
thought about Jenny. I wondered where she was at this moment. Jenny had been
his victim, too, but I wasn't going to share her fate. Something inside of me
had hardened, and I discovered a tight core of strength and determination that
I hadn't been aware of before. I promised myself that I would never again be
weak and vulnerable. Every illusion had been shattered. I had no one to turn
to. I had only myself, and I decided I would do whatever was necessary in order
to survive.

"It's
almost dawn," he remarked.

I
didn't reply. I didn't even turn to look at him.

"That
needn't bother us, though," he continued. "We have days and days to
play our little games."

"And
then?" I said.

"And
then you'll go on acting as governess to my children, and whenever I feel the
urge, I'll visit your room. Agatha will find out about it, of course—she
probably suspects already—but that won't make any difference."

"I'm
to go on teaching your children? After... after this?"

"Naturally."

"You're
wrong."

"Oh?"

"I've
no intention of staying on under those circumstances."

"You'll
do as I say," he informed me.

I
heard the bed springs creak as he got up. I turned to see him yawn and stretch,
a sleek, splendid male animal, entirely naked, but that splendid male beauty
left me utterly cold. I felt chilled through and through, felt I would never be
warm again. Shoving the fringe of hair from his brow, he smiled lazily and
padded across the room to stand in front of me.

"God,
you're a magnificent creature," he said. "You were beautiful before,
of course, but there's something new—an unmistakable glow. I knew you were a
sensual creature, Marietta. Tonight proved it."

"You
think so?"

"Don't
pretend you didn't enjoy it. After that first time, you took to it readily
enough. You were made for love."

"And
you're going to have your fill in days to come?"

"You
can count on it."

"I'm
afraid you can't," I told him.

"What
are you talking about?"

"I
told you—I've no intention of staying on here—in this house, in this room. I've
no intention of continuing as governess to your children, not after this. If
you intend to use me as your mistress, I want—"

One
dark brow lifted.
"You
want?" he interrupted.

"I
want lodgings of my own—fine lodgings—and a generous monthly allowance."

"Could
you possibly be making demands?"

"I
suppose you could phrase it that way. I'm not some illiterate little scullery
maid like Jenny. I'm an educated woman. If you're going to use me like a whore,
I intend to be paid like one."

Lord
Mallory's eyes were dark with amusement, he shook his head in mock dismay.

"My,
my," he said, "you're certainly learning quickly. Where is that
demure Miss Danver with meek expression and lowered eyes?"

"I'm
afraid she vanished—along with her maidenhead."

My
voice was hard. I gazed at him with cool, level eyes, making no effort to
conceal my loathing. This seemed to amuse him all the more. Again he shook his
head, dark eyes gleaming.

"You're
being very unwise, love," he drawled.

"Am
I?"

"With
no job, no references, you'd be in rather unfortunate straits."

"I'm
at your mercy—is that what you're trying to say?"

"You're
at my mercy, love, and you'd better not forget it. You'll do as I say, when I
say, on any terms I decide to set. This is beginning to bore me, Marietta.
You'd better watch yourself. You could find yourself out on the
streets"—he snapped his fingers—"like that!"

"I
really don't think it would be necessary for me to walk the streets, Lord
Mallory. I'm a 'magnificent creature,' as you put it, and I'm also intelligent.
I feel quite certain there are dozens of fine, wealthy gentlemen in London
who'd be delighted to provide lodgings and an allowance. I imagine I could do
quite well for myself in that particular market."

"I
don't like this, Marietta. No woman is going to dictate terms to me. It's never
happened before. It's not about to happen now."

"I
don't intend to be your victim, Lord Mallory. I don't intend to let you use me
and then toss me out like you did Jenny. If you want me, you're going to pay,
and you're going to pay dearly."

"If
I don't set you up in lodgings and give you money, you'll find someone else who
will. Is that it?"

"That's
it," I replied calmly.

"That
sounds suspiciously like blackmail."

"Call
it what you like."

Lord
Mallory sighed. When he spoke, his voice was smooth and silken, almost gentle.

"You're
going to regret this, love."

"Am
I? There's nothing you can do but turn me out. That doesn't worry me in the
least. It shouldn't take me long to find a protector."

Before
Lord Mallory could reply, there came the sound of a carriage clattering down
the alley, wheels rumbling, horse hooves pounding. Leaning out of the window,
he peered down. The carriage came to a halt directly below the window. He drew
back quickly.

"Damn!"
he exclaimed. "Agatha's back!"

"That
worries you?" I asked idly. "I thought you controlled your wife with
an iron fist. I thought she wouldn't dare interfere with one of your
affairs—"

"Christ!
What a bloody nuisance! I'll have to get to the bedroom and climb in bed before
she comes up. Where are my boots?"

He
scowled as a querulous feminine voices rose from the mews below, followed by
the husky voices of coachman and groom. Lord Mallory hastily gathered up his
clothes. There was a bumping noise as luggage was unstrapped and taken down
from the top of the coach. Clutching breeches, shirt, and boots, Lord Mallory
scowled.

"She
suspected all along, damn her soul! She could at least have had the decency to
wait till morning!"

"Life
is filled with these little tragedies," I remarked.

Lord
Mallory looked at me, extremely displeased. For a moment those dark eyes held
my own, and then, hearing more noises below, he said "I've got to leave
now, but I'll be in the nursery at eleven o'clock to talk to you." His
voice was smooth and silken, yet there was an undeniable menace as he
continued. "I suggest you think things over, Marietta. I suggest you
forget your little blackmail scheme—for your own good."

He
left the room then, quickly, and as I heard his bare feet padding down the hall
I remembered that subtle menace in his voice. I wasn't afraid of him, I told
myself. I tried hard to convince myself of that.

Sunlight
streamed through the windows and as I sat in front of the dressing table I
could hear the grooms talking in husky voices in the mews below. A bird was
warbling throatily. It was a gorgeous day, a day for strolls in the park, for
buying flowers from the carts, for flying kites and sailing boats on the pond,
a day for lovers. It might as well have been bleak and gray as far as I was
concerned, for I knew he would soon come up to the nursery.

He
couldn't possibly do anything worse than what he's already done, I assured
myself. I brushed my hair briskly, and then, putting the brush down, I gazed at
the woman in the glass. There was a new hardness that hadn't been there before,
in the set of the chin, in the curve of the mouth. The deep-blue eyes were
filled with a steely determination. The nervous, vulnerable nineteen-year-old
girl had vanished completely, and the woman who looked back at me was much more
interesting. There was a patina of sensuality that had been latent before, a new
maturity that sharply defined the classic, patrician features. Marietta Danver
had become a woman, and with the new knowledge had come a sense of power that
was immediately evident.

Leaving
my hair spilling about my shoulders, I stepped over to the wardrobe to select a
dress. I ignored the drab browns, the plain grays, and finally chose a
sumptuous bronze taffeta with long tight sleeves, a low, form-fitting bodice,
and a full skirt that stood out over the bouffant petticoats. The prim,
self-effacing governess was gone forever. No longer would I try to hide my
beauty with plain dresses and severe hair styles. That beauty was my only
commodity now—that and the lessons I had learned so well the night before.

I
had meant every word I said to him. If he wouldn't find me other lodgings, I
would find someone else who would be only too happy to keep me in style. A
month ago such an idea would have appalled me, but I had grown up since then. I
knew now who I was: I was the bastard daughter of an illiterate barmaid and a
peer of the realm. I belonged to neither her world nor his. I had been thrown
out of my father's house, abruptly banished from the way of life I had known
there, and the training I had received had made it impossible for me to return
to my mother's way of life. I had come to London naively believing I could put
my education to good use. My education didn't matter. My wits did. In order to
survive I would have to use them at every turn, for it was a hard, cruel,
unfeeling world for a woman alone.

I
hated Lord Mallory for what he had done to me, but the day might come when I
would actually be grateful to him, for in one act of relentless violence he had
shown me exactly where I stood in the world. He had shattered my every
illusion, but, unknowingly, he had given me the determination I needed to forge
ahead. Poor Jenny would probably be dead from starvation or venereal disease
before the year was out, but that wasn't going to happen to me. I would never
again be penniless, and never again be dependent solely on what others were
willing to allow me.

Lord
Mallory strolled into the nursery shortly after eleven, looking unusually handsome
in a dark-blue suit and a stunning white satin waistcoat embroidered with
silver thread. A sky-blue stock was carefully folded under his chin. Lids
dropped heavily over his eyes, and a lazy smile was on his lips as he looked at
me.

"Superb,"
he said. "There's not a woman in London who could come anywhere near
you—and to think you're all mine."

"You've
decided to provide lodgings and an allowance?"

Lord
Mallory lifted a brow, surprised. "I told you last night, I don't like to
be blackmailed. I assumed you'd come to your senses."

"I'd
best start packing," I replied. "I have very little money, but
there's enough to pay for a room for two or three nights. I don't imagine I'll
need much longer to find a... suitable protector."

"You
intend to go through with it, then?"

"I
intend to go through with it," I said calmly.

"I
do wish you'd change your mind, love."

"My
mind is made up."

"Women
don't leave me," he said. "I leave them— usually leave them in tears,
begging me to stay. I don't intend to take this gracefully, love. You'll regret
it, I promise you."

"You
don't intimidate me, Lord Mallory."

"I
could beat you, of course, but that would only provide a momentary
satisfaction. No, I... uh... don't think I shall use my fists. I'll have to
think of something a bit more refined."

"You
can't do a thing to me."

He
smiled wryly. "No? We shall see, love."

He
sauntered out of the room then, and after a moment I returned to my bedroom.
Taking down my two bags, I opened them on the bed and began to pack. I did it
neatly, methodically, folding the clothes carefully and smoothing them down. I
was perfectly calm, not at all frightened by the step I was taking. I had
little money, true, but I doubted I would need much. London was full of wealthy
rakes on the look-out for someone new, someone to tantalize their jaded
appetites. I would take a room at one of the finest inns, and tonight I would
visit one of the notorious gambling halls where elegant courtesans plied their
trade. I had no doubt the venture would be eminently successful.