Wildfire (12 page)

Way to go, El! Now you’ve done it. How do you plan on sleeping in the same cabin with her knowing how her body feels under yours and your hands itch to touch her again? And let’s not forget about the throbbing between your legs, how do you plan on ignoring that?

They were all good questions and Elaine didn’t have any answers.

Devon hadn’t planned on starting a snowball fight any more than she had planned on kissing Elaine. She had only wanted to take a few minutes to escape the cabin and get some fresh air. When she had seen the intense look that Elaine still wore, she wanted to lighten Elaine’s mood a little. She hadn’t even thought about her actions as she pegged Elaine with the snowball.

For a split second she had feared that Elaine would be irritated, but when she turned Devon couldn’t help but laugh at the shocked expression on Elaine’s face. She had never thought that a snowball fight would turn into unexpected, but intensely passionate kisses.
Damn it, damn it, damn it. What in the hell were you thinking?

Devon had no idea why Elaine had ended the kiss so abruptly, any more than she knew why Elaine had ended their pleasant conversation and darted from the cabin. The tone of her voice had been sharp and Devon’s mind was ravaged with confusion and questions about the change in Elaine’s demeanor. And this wasn’t the first time. No matter what the reason, she was mystified and couldn’t believe that any of the reasons could be good. She thought she had made it perfectly clear that she wanted Elaine. But not only had Elaine ended the kiss, she had instantly pulled away from her. She had tried to read Elaine’s eyes, tried to figure out exactly what was going on in her mind, but they revealed nothing; nothing to help her understand how Elaine felt, or why she had withdrawn so suddenly after sharing the most intimate of kisses.

She escaped to the shower before Elaine’s return. She didn’t want to be in the room when Elaine brought in the firewood. She needed a few minutes alone to gain some perspective and figure out how to conceal her confusion and the pain of yet another rejection. When Elaine had pulled away so unexpectedly, Devon had felt like she had been slapped. She was embarrassed by her wanton display and it had only been her pride that had allowed her to lift her chin, square her shoulders and walk back to the cabin.

Maybe this stubborn woman has been hurt badly. Maybe she has intimacy issues rooted in hurt or fear. She has some thick walls built around her and just when I feel like I’m getting in, she raises them up all over again. But my heart tells me she’s worth it.

When Elaine kissed her, she felt helpless to do anything but oblige her passionate instincts. She felt like putty in Elaine’s hands. Even her bones felt weakened by the raging fire that Elaine’s lips and touch generated in her body. Exploring Elaine’s mouth and hearing her moan in pleasure had sent arousal crashing through her body. She didn’t want to look at Elaine and recall her soft lips or how her tongue had felt against her own. She didn’t want to think about how wonderfully welcome the weight of Elaine’s body had been. And she certainly didn’t want to remember the way her body had responded when Elaine’s hands touched her as she returned the kiss.

She used the time in the shower to decide that she absolutely would not kiss Elaine again. This was the last time she would allow Elaine to kiss her just to suddenly pull away. If Elaine wanted to pretend like it didn’t happen or if she felt like it was a mistake, then she would let her. But she would not initiate anymore physical contact. The woman obviously ran hot and cold and she would not set herself up for another rejection.

As the heat of the shower began to warm her she wished that the sun hadn’t already set. She would love nothing more than to retreat to her camp, but it was far too dark and dangerous to attempt the hike. Instead, she was forced to face the rest of the night with Elaine. She didn’t normally run from difficult situations, but this one seemed impossible. She couldn’t forget the instant when Elaine’s eyes had darkened with passion. She wondered how in the hell she was going to get through another night.

Finally, as the hot water turned to cold, Devon quit the shower. She took her time drying and moisturizing her body before dressing in her favorite flannel pajama pants and short-sleeved shirt, pulling her hair up into a bun. When there was nothing else to keep her, she exited the bathroom. A fire heated the room as it filled with the aroma of food. Obviously, Elaine had begun cooking dinner. Until that moment Devon hadn’t realized how hungry she was. She caught sight of Elaine and had no idea which hunger she needed to satisfy more.

Devon quickly lowered her gaze and said nothing as she pulled her computer onto her lap. She flipped it open and reached into her pack to retrieve her glasses. She continued to dig in her pack until she produced a notebook and a pencil. The notebook sat next to her and the pencil stuck haphazardly in her hair.

She thought briefly about e-mailing Stacey, but her thoughts were much too jumbled. Work would occupy her and that was where her mind really needed to be anyway. She would enter data and once again remind herself that she was here for one purpose, which didn’t have anything to do with the woman across the room.

Several minutes later Elaine glanced up to announce that dinner was ready, but the words stuck in her throat. Devon was obviously focused on her work. While making dinner, Elaine had surreptitiously watched her produce one pencil, but now she had three tucked into her hair, one behind her ear and she was chewing on yet another. The glasses accentuated the features of her face and Elaine doubted that she even realized how lovely she was. Everything about the woman was breathtaking.

It had been so hard to pull away, especially since it seemed obvious that Devon hadn’t wanted the kiss to end. But Elaine really needed to get some perspective. Whenever she was around Devon she wanted to kiss her and touch her. It began the moment she laid eyes on Devon. The physical attraction had been immediate. But now it was more than that. Having spent time with her, she knew her to be smart, funny, sensitive and caring. And they shared so many of the same interests and passions. She wanted Devon McKinney, in more ways than one. But she had just walked out of one failed relationship. And that was the problem. She wouldn’t blame herself for Grace’s faults but she did have to look hard at her own shortcomings.

After several attempts, Elaine finally found her voice and announced that dinner was ready. She watched as Devon removed her glasses and rubbed her eyes. She stretched and smiled appreciatively after setting her laptop to the side. As Devon joined her in the kitchen area, Elaine thought again about how wonderful it had been to touch this woman and how hard it was going to be to get through the night.

They sat quietly at the small table eating the beef and vegetable stew that Elaine had prepared. The silence that filled the room was uncomfortable and Devon didn’t have a clue how to recapture the relaxed conversation they had shared earlier. Other than the obligatory “thank you” she offered Elaine for the dinner and Elaine’s reply, it was dead silent.

Once again she wished that she could escape to her research site and the solitude of her tent. She felt at war with herself. How was she supposed to spend the night trapped on the side of a mountain, feeling miserable? Whatever was bothering Elaine clearly wasn’t something she was going to offer up, at least not without some prodding. Devon wasn’t the type of person to evade an issue no matter how unsettling. Running away wasn’t an option so she decided to face it head-on.

“I’m sorry about what happened outside. If it upset you, that wasn’t my intention. I thought the desire was mutual.”

Elaine looked shocked. Devon wasn’t exactly sure why. Perhaps she wasn’t expecting the apology, or maybe she was just startled by the interrupted silence.

“You didn’t upset me.”

Devon was incredulous. “So you normally go around kissing women and then abruptly pull away without so much as an explanation? Not once, but twice?”

Elaine looked away. She didn’t know what to say. She really needed to explain about Grace and that she had just come out of a not-so-good relationship. The problem was that Elaine wasn’t sure where to begin. She knew the only way to help Devon understand her hesitation was to share her history and the details of her relationship with Grace, but Elaine wasn’t even sure she completely understood the whole thing herself, especially her role in the relationship’s continuance when it had fizzled early and obviously wasn’t meant to be.

After the silence stretched, Devon decided washing dishes would make more sense than waiting on Elaine. The silent treatment was getting old and she would much rather spend her time working if she was going to be stuck in a cabin with such an infuriating woman.

Elaine watched as Devon returned to the couch and resumed working. She slowly got up from the table and washed her bowl and spoon, the only two items remaining. She returned to the table after snatching a stack of paperwork from the table near the radio and began working her way through it. The air in the room was much too heavy and after achieving very little, she paused, hoping it had been long enough for her to take a hot shower. The water heater was pretty efficient, but there was usually only one person staying at the cabin. She decided to take her chances. She needed the escape.

Just before entering the bathroom she paused. “Devon, I’m sorry.” Getting no response she headed in to take her shower. Devon was still working when Elaine finished her shower and exited the bathroom.

“I’m going to be working for a while longer, so if you want the bed tonight, I’d be more than happy to take the couch.” Devon’s voice was distant, leading Elaine to believe that her apology had done nothing to remedy the tension between them.

“In case you didn’t notice last night, the bed is really quite large. It’s more than enough room for two, so if you wouldn’t mind, we could share the bed. It just makes sense for us to both be comfortable.”

Devon studied Elaine for a moment before agreeing. She had no idea how she would manage to sleep, but in spite of her frustration the thought of lying next to Elaine, feeling her body so close to her own, was just too tempting to refuse. She was frustrated, too, at herself for wavering; one moment being receptive to Elaine and the next feeling annoyed and hesitant because of the way Elaine continually withdrew. Devon removed her glasses and unfurled the bun as she ran her fingers through her hair. She smirked as the abundance of pencils that had accumulated in her hair tumbled to the couch. “On second thought, I think I will call it a night as well. My eyes are tired from looking at this screen and I’m starting to see double.”

At Elaine’s suggestion, Devon took the side of the bed closest to the wall and for the first time she noticed the belt and gun hanging on a hook next to the bed. She had already noticed the rifle Elaine sometimes carried leaning next to the cabin door, but she had never really given much thought to it. Devon was strangely comforted, not only by Elaine’s presence, but by the fact that Elaine seemed to instinctively choose the side closest to the door as if to protect her from any intruders.

Elaine double-checked the lock on the cabin door, stoked the fire, added another log and slid under the covers next to Devon, being sure to leave plenty of space between them. Even with the gap separating them, Devon was all too aware of Elaine’s body lying next to her. She was certain that she would never be able to fall asleep and was surprised when sleep so easily claimed her.

Equally lulled and disturbed by Devon’s deep, steady breathing, Elaine lay awake, deep in thought about the events of the day. She had been upset with herself for not knowing how to explain why she kissed Devon just to pull away…again. She felt like she was in uncharted territory with Devon McKinney and she didn’t like it at all. The worst part being that she really enjoyed Devon’s company and obviously found her desirable and she didn’t want to screw that up. She certainly seemed to be off to a fabulous start with Devon by kissing her and retreating. It was obvious that Devon was pissed. Not that she really blamed her. How could the woman not find her actions confusing? Hell, she found her own actions confusing.

Elaine realized that the ending of her relationship with Grace had left her with reservations not only about herself but about women in general. She would talk to Devon tomorrow. She would do her best to make her understand.

Elaine rolled over as the morning light peeked through the window. She expected to find Devon next to her or at least on the sofa. Instead, she found an extra blanket on her, the fire stoked and Devon’s gear missing from where it had sat by the door.
She must really have wanted to get away from me.
Elaine moved the curtain and verified that while the snow was lighter it was still indeed coming down. She flopped back down on the bed.
Well, fuck!

Devon wasn’t surprised that it had been days since her return to her camp and there had been no sign of Elaine. As much as it may have hurt, she figured it was just as well. It left her all the more determined to complete her assignment as soon as possible and return home.

The first day back she had made it down the mountain as the snow stopped. It had taken a while and she had gotten very little done beyond digging her tent out and restoring a work area and the fire pit, but she decided that some progress was better than none.

In the days since, she had barely felt the snow or the bite of the cold. And she had done her damndest not to allow thoughts of Captain Elaine Thomas to enter her mind. She focused solely on her research, her nightly reports and her pregnant sister that she needed to get home to.