William Shakespeare: The Complete Works 2nd Edition (253 page)

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Authors: William Shakespeare

Tags: #Drama, #Literary Criticism, #Shakespeare

BOOK: William Shakespeare: The Complete Works 2nd Edition
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POINS Delivered with good respect. And how doth the Martlemas your master?
BARDOLPH In bodily health, sir.
Prince Harry reads the letter
 
POINS Marry, the immortal part needs a physician, but that moves not him. Though that be sick, it dies not.
PRINCE HARRY I do allow this wen to be as familiar with me as my dog; and he holds his place, for look you how he writes.
⌈
He gives Poins the letter
⌉
 
POINS ‘John Falstaff, knight’.—Every man must know that, as oft as he has occasion to name himself; even like those that are kin to the King, for they never prick their finger but they say ‘There’s some of the King’s blood spilt.’ ‘How comes that?’ says he that takes upon him not to conceive. The answer is as ready as a borrower’s cap: ‘I am the King’s poor cousin, sir.’
PRINCE HARRY Nay, they will be kin to us, or they will fetch it from Japhet. (
Taking the letter
) But the letter. ’Sir John Falstaff, knight, to the son of the King nearest his father, Harry Prince of Wales, greeting.’
POINS Why, this is a certificate!
PRINCE HARRY Peace!—‘I will imitate the honourable Romans in brevity.’
POINS (taking the letter) Sure he means brevity in breath, short winded. (Reads) ’I commend me to thee, I commend thee, and I leave thee. Be not too familiar with Poins, for he misuses thy favours so much that he swears thou art to marry his sister Nell. Repent at idle times as thou mayst. And so, farewell.
Thine by yea and no—which is as much as to say, as thou usest him—Jack Falstaff with my familiars, John with my brothers and sisters, and Sir John with all Europe.’
 
My lord, I’ll steep this letter in sack and make him eat it.
PRINCE HARRY That’s to make him eat twenty of his words. But do you use me thus, Ned? Must I marry your sister?
POINS God send the wench no worse fortune, but I never said so.
PRINCE HARRY Well, thus we play the fools with the time, and the spirits of the wise sit in the clouds and mock us. (
To Bardolph
) Is your master here in London?
BARDOLPH Yea, my lord.
PRINCE HARRY Where sups he? Doth the old boar feed in the old frank?
BARDOLPH At the old place, my lord, in Eastcheap.
PRINCE HARRY What company?
PAGE Ephesians, my lord, of the old church.
PRINCE HARRY Sup any women with him?
PAGE None, my lord, but old Mistress Quickly and Mistress Doll Tearsheet.
PRINCE HARRY What pagan may that be?
PAGE A proper gentlewoman, sir, and a kinswoman of my master’s.
PRINCE HARRY Even such kin as the parish heifers are to the town bull. Shall we steal upon them, Ned, at supper?
POINS I am your shadow, my lord; I’ll follow you.
PRINCE HARRY Sirrah, you, boy, and Bardolph, no word to your master that I am yet come to town. (
Giving money
) There’s for your silence.
BARDOLPH I have no tongue, sir.
PAGE And for mine, sir, I will govern it.
PRINCE HARRY Fare you well; go.
Exeunt Bardolph and the Page
 
This Doll Tearsheet should be some road.
POINS I warrant you, as common as the way between Saint Albans and London.
PRINCE HARRY How might we see Falstaff bestow himself tonight in his true colours, and not ourselves be seen?
POINS Put on two leathern jerkins and aprons, and wait upon him at his table like drawers.
PRINCE HARRY From a god to a bull—a heavy declension—it was Jove’s case. From a prince to a prentice—a low transformation—that shall be mine; for in everything the purpose must weigh with the folly. Follow me, Ned.
Exeunt
 
2.3
Enter the Earl of Northumberland, Lady Northumberland, and Lady Percy
 
NORTHUMBERLAND
I pray thee, loving wife and gentle daughter,
Give even way unto my rough affairs.
Put not you on the visage of the times
And be like them to Percy troublesome.
LADY NORTHUMBERLAND
I have given over; I will speak no more.
Do what you will; your wisdom be your guide.
NORTHUMBERLAND
Alas, sweet wife, my honour is at pawn,
And, but my going, nothing can redeem it.
LADY PERCY
O yet, for God’s sake, go not to these wars!
The time was, father, that you broke your word
When you were more endeared to it than now—
When your own Percy, when my heart’s dear Harry,
Threw many a northward look to see his father
Bring up his powers; but he did long in vain.
Who then persuaded you to stay at home?
There were two honours lost, yours and your son’s.
For yours, the God of heaven brighten it!
For his, it stuck upon him as the sun
In the grey vault of heaven, and by his light
Did all the chivalry of England move
To do brave acts. He was indeed the glass
Wherein the noble youth did dress themselves.
He had no legs that practised not his gait;
And speaking thick, which nature made his blemish,
Became the accents of the valiant;
For those that could speak low and tardily
Would turn their own perfection to abuse
To seem like him. So that in speech, in gait,
In diet, in affections of delight,
In military rules, humours of blood,
He was the mark and glass, copy and book,
That fashioned others. And him—O wondrous him!
O miracle of men!—him did you leave,
Second to none, unseconded by you,
To look upon the hideous god of war
In disadvantage, to abide a field
Where nothing but the sound of Hotspur’s name
Did seem defensible; so you left him.
Never, O never do his ghost the wrong
To hold your honour more precise and nice
With others than with him. Let them alone.
The Marshal and the Archbishop are strong.
Had my sweet Harry had but half their numbers,
Today might I, hanging on Hotspur’s neck,
Have talked of Monmouth’s grave.
NORTHUMBERLAND Beshrew your heart,
Fair daughter, you do draw my spirits from me
With new lamenting ancient oversights.
But I must go and meet with danger there,
Or it will seek me in another place,
And find me worse provided.
LADY NORTHUMBERLAND O fly to Scotland,
Till that the nobles and the armed commons
Have of their puissance made a little taste.
LADY PERCY
If they get ground and vantage of the King,
Then join you with them like a rib of steel,
To make strength stronger; but, for all our loves,
First let them try themselves. So did your son.
He was so suffered. So came I a widow,
And never shall have length of life enough
To rain upon remembrance with mine eyes,
That it may grow and sprout as high as heaven
For recordation to my noble husband.
NORTHUMBERLAND
Come, come, go in with me. ’Tis with my mind
As with the tide swelled up unto his height,
That makes a still stand, running neither way.
Fain would I go to meet the Archbishop,
But many thousand reasons hold me back.
I will resolve for Scotland. There am I
Till time and vantage crave my company. Exeunt
2.4
⌈
A table and chairs set forth
.⌉
Enter a Drawer
⌈
With wind
⌉
and another Drawer
⌈
With a dish of apple-johns
⌉
 
⌈FIRST DRAWER⌉ What the devil hast thou brought there—apple-johns? Thou knowest Sir John cannot endure an apple-john.
⌈SECOND DRAWER⌉ Mass, thou sayst true. The Prince once set a dish of apple-johns before him; and told him, there were five more Sir Johns; and, putting off his hat, said ‘I will now take my leave of these six dry, round, old, withered knights.’ It angered him to the heart. But he hath forgot that.
⌈FIRST DRAWER⌉ Why then, cover, and set them down; and see if thou canst find out Sneak’s noise. Mistress Tearsheet would fain hear some music.
⌈
Exit the Second Drawer
⌉
 
⌈
The First Drawer covers the table
.⌉
⌈
Enter the Second Drawer
⌉
 
⌈SECOND DRAWER⌉ Sirrah, here will be the Prince and Master Poins anon, and they will put on two of our jerkins and aprons, and Sir John must not know of it. Bardolph hath brought word.
⌈FIRST DRAWER⌉ By the mass, here will be old utis! It will be an excellent stratagem.
⌈SECOND DRAWER⌉ I’ll see if I can find out Sneak.
Exeunt Enter Mistress Quickly and Doll Tearsheet, drunk
MISTRESS QUICKLY I‘faith, sweetheart, methinks now you are in an excellent good temperality. Your pulsidge beats as extraordinarily as heart would desire, and your colour, I warrant you, is as red as any rose, in good truth, la; but i’faith, you have drunk too much canaries, and that’s a marvellous searching wine, and it perfumes the blood ere we can say ‘What’s this?’ How do you now?
DOLL TEARSHEET Better than I was.—Hem!
MISTRESS QUICKLY Why, that’s well said! A good heart’s worth gold.
Enter Sir John Falstaff
 
Lo, here comes Sir John.
SIR JOHN (sings) ‘When Arthur first in court’—⌈
Calls
⌉ Empty the jordan!—(
Sings
) ‘And was a worthy king’—How now, Mistress Doll?
MISTRESS QUICKLY Sick of a qualm, yea, good faith.
SIR JOHN So is all her sect; an they be once in a calm, they are sick.
DOLL TEARSHEET A pox damn you, you muddy rascal! Is that all the comfort you give me?
SIR JOHN You make fat rascals, Mistress Doll.
DOLL TEARSHEET I make them? Gluttony and diseases make them; I make them not.
SIR JOHN If the cook help to make the gluttony, you help to make the diseases, Doll. We catch of you, Doll, we catch of you; grant that, my poor virtue, grant that.
DOLL TEARSHEET Yea, Jesu, our chains and our jewels.
SIR JOHN ’Your brooches, pearls, and ouches’—for to serve bravely is to come halting off, you know; to come off the breach with his pike bent bravely, and to surgery bravely; to venture upon the charged chambers bravely.
MISTRESS QUICKLY By my troth, this is the old fashion. You two never meet but you fall to some discord. You are both, i’ good truth, as rheumatic as two dry toasts; you cannot one bear with another’s confirmities. What the goodyear, one must bear, (to Doll) and that must be you. You are the weaker vessel, as they say, the emptier vessel.
DOLL TEARSHEET Can a weak empty vessel bear such a huge full hogshead? There’s a whole merchant’s venture of Bordeaux stuff in him; you have not seen a hulk better stuffed in the hold.—Come, I’ll be friends with thee, Jack. Thou art going to the wars, and whether I shall ever see thee again or no there is nobody cares.
Enter a Drawer
 
DRAWER Sir, Ensign Pistol’s below, and would speak with you.
DOLL TEARSHEET Hang him, swaggering rascal, let him not come hither. It is the foul-mouthedest rogue in England.
MISTRESS QUICKLY If he swagger, let him not come here. No, by my faith! I must live among my neighbours; I’ll no swaggerers. I am in good name and fame with the very best. Shut the door; there comes no swaggerers here. I have not lived all this while to have swaggering now. Shut the door, I pray you.
SIR JOHN Dost thou hear, hostess?
MISTRESS QUICKLY Pray ye pacify yourself, Sir John. There comes no swaggerers here.
SIR JOHN Dost thou hear? It is mine ensign.
MISTRESS QUICKLY Tilly-fally, Sir John, ne‘er tell me. Your ensign-swaggerer comes not in my doors. I was before Master Tisick the debuty t’other day, and, as he said to me—’twas no longer ago than Wed‘sday last, i’ good faith—‘Neighbour Quickly,’ says he—Master Dumb our minister was by then—‘Neighbour Quickly,’ says he, ‘receive those that are civil, for,’ said he, ‘you are in an ill name.’ Now a said so, I can tell whereupon. ‘For,’ says he, ‘you are an honest woman, and well thought on; therefore take heed what guests you receive. Receive,‘ says he, ‘no swaggering companions.’ There comes none here. You would bless you to hear what he said. No, I’ll no swaggerers.
SIR JOHN He’s no swaggerer, hostess—a tame cheater, i’faith. You may stroke him as gently as a puppy greyhound. He’ll not swagger with a Barbary hen, if her feathers turn back in any show of resistance.—Call him up, drawer. ⌈
Exit Drawer
⌉

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