POMPEY (
to Escalus
) By this hand, sir, his wife is a more respected person than any of us all.
ELBOW Varlet, thou liest; thou liest, wicked varlet. The time is yet to come that she was ever respected with man, woman, or child.
POMPEY Sir, she was respected with him before he married with her.
ESCALUS Which is the wiser here, justice or iniquity? (To Elbow) Is this true?
ELBOW (
to Pompey
) O thou caitiff, O thou varlet, O thou wicked Hanniball I respected with her before I was married to her? (
To Escalus
) If ever I was respected with her, or she with me, let not your worship think me the poor Duke’s officer. (
To Pompey
) Prove this, thou wicked Hannibal, or I’ll have mine action of battery on thee.
ESCALUS If he took you a box o’th’ ear you might have your action of slander too.
ELBOW Marry, I thank your good worship for it. What is’t your worship’s pleasure I shall do with this wicked caitiff?
ESCALUS Truly, officer, because he hath some offences in him that thou wouldst discover if thou couldst, let him continue in his courses till thou knowest what they are.
ELBOW Marry, I thank your worship for it.—Thou seest, thou wicked varlet now, what’s come upon thee. Thou art to continue now, thou varlet, thou art to continue.
ESCALUS (
to Froth
) Where were you born, friend?
FROTH Here in Vienna, sir.
ESCALUS Are you of fourscore pounds a year?
FROTH Yes, an’t please you, sir.
ESCALUS So. (
To Pompey
) What trade are you of, sir?
POMPEY A tapster, a poor widow’s tapster.
ESCALUS Your mistress’s name?
POMPEY Mistress Overdone.
ESCALUS Hath she had any more than one husband?
POMPEY Nine, sir—Overdone by the last.
ESCALUS Nine?—Come hither to me, Master Froth. Master Froth, I would not have you acquainted with tapsters. They will draw you, Master Froth, and you will hang them. Get you gone, and let me hear no more of you.
FROTH I thank your worship. For mine own part, I never come into any room in a tap-house but I am drawn in.
ESCALUS Well, no more of it, Master Froth. Farewell.
Exit Froth
Come you hither to me, Master Tapster. What’s your
name, Master Tapster?
POMPEY Pompey.
ESCALUS What else?
POMPEY Bum, sir.
ESCALUS Troth, and your bum is the greatest thing about you; so that, in the beastliest sense, you are Pompey the Great. Pompey, you are partly a bawd, Pompey, howsoever you colour it in being a tapster, are you not? Come, tell me true; it shall be the better for you.
POMPEY Truly, sir, I am a poor fellow that would live.
ESCALUS How would you live, Pompey? By being a bawd? What do you think of the trade, Pompey? Is it a lawful trade?
POMPEY If the law would allow it, sir.
ESCALUS But the law will not allow it, Pompey; nor it shall not be allowed in Vienna.
POMPEY Does your worship mean to geld and spay all the youth of the city?
ESCALUS No, Pompey.
POMPEY Truly, sir, in my poor opinion they will to’t then. If your worship will take order for the drabs and the knaves, you need not to fear the bawds.
ESCALUS There is pretty orders beginning, I can tell you. It is but heading and hanging.
POMPEY If you head and hang all that offend that way but for ten year together, you’ll be glad to give out a commission for more heads. If this law hold in Vienna ten year, I’ll rent the fairest house in it after threepence a bay. If you live to see this come to pass, say Pompey told you so.
ESCALUS Thank you, good Pompey; and in requital of your prophecy, hark you. I advise you, let me not find you before me again upon any complaint whatsoever; no, not for dwelling where you do. If I do, Pompey, I shall beat you to your tent, and prove a shrewd Caesar to you; in plain dealing, Pompey, I shall have you whipped. So for this time, Pompey, fare you well.
POMPEY I thank your worship for your good counsel; ⌈
aside
⌉ but I shall follow it as the flesh and fortune shall better determine. Whip me? No, no; let carman whip his jade. The valiant heart’s not whipped out of his trade. Exit
ESCALUS Come hither to me, Master Elbow; come hither, Master Constable. How long have you been in this place of constable?
ELBOW Seven year and a half, sir.
ESCALUS I thought, by the readiness in the office, you had continued in it some time. You say seven years together?
ELBOW And a half, sir.
ESCALUS Alas, it hath been great pains to you. They do you wrong to put you so oft upon’t. Are there not men in your ward sufficient to serve it?
ELBOW Faith, sir, few of any wit in such matters. As they are chosen, they are glad to choose me for them. I do it for some piece of money, and go through with all.
ESCALUS Look you bring me in the names of some six or seven, the most sufficient of your parish.
ELBOW To your worship’s house, sir?
ESCALUS To my house. Fare you well.
Exit Elbow with officers
What’s o’clock, think you?
JUSTICE Eleven, sir.
ESCALUS I pray you home to dinner with me.
JUSTICE I humbly thank you.
ESCALUS
It grieves me for the death of Claudio,
But there’s no remedy.
JUSTICE Lord Angelo is severe.
ESCALUS It is but needful.
Mercy is not itself that oft looks so.
Pardon is still the nurse of second woe.
But yet, poor Claudio! There is no remedy.
Come, sir.
Exeunt
2.2
Enter the Provost and a Servant
SERVANT
He’s hearing of a cause; he will come straight.
I’ll tell him of you.
PROVOST
Pray you do.
Exit Servant
I’ll know
His pleasure; maybe he will relent. Alas,
He hath but as offended in a dream.
All sects, all ages, smack of this vice; and he
To die for’t!
ANGELO Now, what’s the matter, Provost?
PROVOST
Is it your will Claudio shall die tomorrow?
ANGELO
Did not I tell thee yea? Hadst thou not order?
Why dost thou ask again?
PROVOST
Lest I might be too rash.
Under your good correction, I have seen
When after execution judgement hath
Repented o’er his doom.
ANGELO
Go to; let that be mine.
Do you your office, or give up your place,
And you shall well be spared.
PROVOST
I crave your honour’s pardon.
What shall be done, sir, with the groaning Juliet?
She’s very near her hour.
ANGELO Dispose of her
To some more fitter place, and that with speed.
SERVANT
Here is the sister of the man condemned Desires access to you.
ANGELO
Hath he a sister?
PROVOST
Ay, my good lord; a very virtuous maid,
And to be shortly of a sisterhood,
If not already.
ANGELO
Well, let her be admitted.
Exit Servant
See you the fornicatress be removed.
Let her have needful but not lavish means.
There shall be order for’t.
PROVOST God save your honour.
ANGELO
Stay a little while. (To Isabella) You’re welcome.
What’s your will?
ISABELLA
I am a woeful suitor to your honour.
Please but your honour hear me.
ANGELO Well, what’s your suit?
ISABELLA
There is a vice that most I do abhor,
And most desire should meet the blow of justice,
For which I would not plead, but that I must;
For which I must not plead, but that I am
At war ’twixt will and will not.
ANGELO
Well, the matter?
ISABELLA
I have a brother is condemned to die.
I do beseech you, let it be his fault,
And not my brother.
PROVOST (aside)
Heaven give thee moving graces!
ANGELO
Condemn the fault, and not the actor of it?
Why, every fault’s condemned ere it be done.
Mine were the very cipher of a function,
To fine the faults whose fine stands in record,
And let go by the actor.
ISABELLA
O just but severe law!
I had a brother, then. Heaven keep your honour.
LUCIO (
aside
to
Isabella)
Give’t not o’er so. To him again; entreat him.
Kneel down before him; hang upon his gown.
You are too cold. If you should need a pin,
You could not with more tame a tongue desire it.
To him, I say!
ISABELLA (to Angelo) Must he needs die?
ANGELO Maiden, no remedy.
ISABELLA
Yes, I do think that you might pardon him,
And neither heaven nor man grieve at the mercy.
ANGELO
I will not do’t.
ISABELLA
But can you if you would?
ANGELO
Look what I will not, that I cannot do.
ISABELLA
But might you do’t, and do the world no wrong,
If so your heart were touched with that remorse
As mine is to him?
ANGELO He’s sentenced; ’tis too late.
LUCIO
(aside
to
Isabella)
You are too cold.
ISABELLA
Too late? Why, no; I that do speak a word
May call it again. Well, believe this,
No ceremony that to great ones ’longs,
Not the king’s crown, nor the deputed sword,
The marshal’s truncheon, nor the judge’s robe,
Become them with one half so good a grace
As mercy does.
If he had been as you and you as he,
You would have slipped like him, but he, like you,
Would not have been so stern.
ANGELO
Pray you be gone.
ISABELLA
I would to heaven I had your potency,
And you were Isabel! Should it then be thus?
No; I would tell what ’twere to be a judge,
And what a prisoner.
LUCIO
(aside
to Isabella) Ay, touch him; there’s the vein.
ANGELO
Your brother is a forfeit of the law,
And you but waste your words.
ISABELLA
Alas, alas!
Why, all the souls that were were forfeit once,
And He that might the vantage best have took
Found out the remedy. How would you be
If He which is the top of judgement should
But judge you as you are? O, think on that,
And mercy then will breathe within your lips,
Like man new made.
ANGELO
Be you content, fair maid.
It is the law, not I, condemn your brother.
Were he my kinsman, brother, or my son,
It should be thus with him. He must die tomorrow.
ISABELLA
Tomorrow? O, that’s sudden! Spare him, spare him!
He’s not prepared for death. Even for our kitchens
We kill the fowl of season. Shall we serve heaven
With less respect than we do minister
To our gross selves? Good good my lord, bethink you:
Who is it that hath died for this offence?
There’s many have committed it.
LUCIO
(aside)
Ay, well said.
ANGELO
The law hath not been dead, though it hath slept.
Those many had not dared to do that evil
If the first that did th‘edict infringe
Had answered for his deed. Now ’tis awake,
Takes note of what is done, and, like a prophet,
Looks in a glass that shows what future evils,
Either raw, or by remissness new conceived
And so in progress to be hatched and born,
Are now to have no successive degrees,
But ere they live, to end.