William Shakespeare's Star Wars (15 page)

Read William Shakespeare's Star Wars Online

Authors: Ian Doescher

Tags: #Humor, #General

BOOK: William Shakespeare's Star Wars
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Enter
D
ARTH
V
ADER
with
I
MPERIAL
P
ILOTS
1
and
2.

VADER
I prithee, soldiers, let us hence away.

For many of our fighters are remov’d

From their own fleet. Thus let us swiftly go

And straightway make pursuit of these rogue ships.

[Darth Vader and pilots enter ships
.

BIGGS
O Luke, thou art pursued, pull in!

WEDGE
—Pray, guard

Thy back, good Luke. More fighters do approach.

LUKE
I have been hit, but not unto the death.

Small R2, see if thou the damage canst

Repair.

R2-D2
—Beep, whistle.

LUKE
—Hang thou on, good droid!

RED LEAD.
Red Ten, canst thou see whither’s gone Red Five?

RED TEN
A heavy fire appears upon this side.

Red Five, where art thou?

LUKE
—Here, but cannot shake

The villain who doth hotly follow me.

WEDGE
I come for thee, good Luke, be not afraid.

LUKE
[
aside:
] O fie, my dear friend Biggs, where canst thou be?

Thou promis’d that thou ow’dst to me a life,

But where is now that help of which thou spok’st?

’Twas partly for our friendship I am here,

For long I wish’d to join thee as thou fought

And many were the tales adventurous

Thou brought’st with thee whilst visiting our home

When still I worked the crops on Tatooine.

But now hast thou deserted me, old friend?

When I am even at the door of death

Hast thou both flown and fled? Say nay, dear Biggs!

WEDGE
Take that, thou scoundrel base, Imperi’l scum!

LUKE
Great thanks, good Wedge, heroic’lly hast thou done.

GOLD LEAD.
Red Leader, hear my word: the Gold team shall

Begin our swift attack into the trench.

RED LEAD.
Godspeed, Gold Leader, go with might and strength!

VADER
I fly, and fly toward my enemies.

This day the dark side of the Force shall reign,

As I disrupt the weak Rebellion’s plans

And with my men destroy their ev’ry hope.

[To Imperial Pilots 1 and 2:
] Good pilots both, remain set for attack!

GOLD LEAD.
The port for the exhaust hath been lock’d in

And mark’d! That hole shall make us whole, my mates.

Now switch thy pow’r to front deflector screens.

Gold Five, what say’st thou? Canst thou count the guns?

GOLD FIVE
Belike ’tis twenty yon and hither, both

Upon the surface and within the tow’rs.

COMPUTER
Within five minutes shall the Death Star be

Upon our rebel base, and set to strike.

GOLD LEAD.
To targeting computer presently

I switch.

GOLD TWO
—I have receiv’d a signal on

The ship’s computer—that the port will soon

Be in our range. But soft, good friends, what’s this?

The guns! It seemeth that their guns have stopp’d.

GOLD FIVE
So watch thy rear, and stabilize thy shields.

Perhaps an enemy doth come behind.

GOLD LEAD.
Aye, aye, they come! Three ships at point-two-ten.

CHORUS
The battle heats as Vader and his men

Approach the threefold members of group Gold.

The Empire’s hate will be fulfillèd when

Darth makes his power known with blows full bold.

VADER
I shall destroy the rebels vile myself.

Just give me thy good cover and ’tis done.

Now shoot I once, and death is the result.

[Darth Vader shoots. Explosion. Gold Two dies
.

GOLD LEAD.
I have no power to maneuver, fie!

GOLD FIVE
Stay thou on target.

GOLD LEAD.
—Nay, we run too close!

GOLD FIVE
Stay thou on target!

GOLD LEAD.
—Wretch, pray give me room!

[Darth Vader shoots. Explosion
.

Gold Leader dies
.

GOLD FIVE
Gold Five doth this ill news report: we have

Lost Dutch and Tiree both.

RED LEAD.
—In troth, I hear!

Stay ready.

GOLD FIVE
—From behind they do attack!

[Darth Vader shoots. Explosion. Gold Five dies
.

LUKE
[
aside:
] So much of desolation and of death.

Is this Rebellion worth the lives here lost?

Yet I would gladly my life give to it—

Thus reason not the need, my troubl’d soul.

CHORUS
Whilst all the rebels mourn the loss of life,

Upon the Death Star tensions have been prov’d.

The rebels’ plan hath rear’d the threat of strife,

But Gov’nor Tarkin stands assur’d, unmov’d.

Enter
G
RAND
M
OFF
T
ARKIN
with
C
HIEF
O
FFICER
aside, in Death Star.

CH. OFFICER
The rebels’ sharp attack hath been well prob’d

And now it doth appear a danger looms.

I do confess my love to thee, good Sir,

And would my very life lay down for thee.

Wouldst thou that I make ready thine own ship,

That thou may’st flee should fighting turn to death?

TARKIN
Retreat whilst we do win the day? You jest!

Forsooth, I stand unmovèd like a rock.

[Exeunt Grand Moff Tarkin and Chief Officer
.

COMPUTER
The Death Star shall within three minutes be

Upon the rebel base.

RED LEAD.
—Red boys, ’tis I,

Thy tried and true Red Leader. We shall meet

Upon the mark at six-point-one. Make haste!

WEDGE
Red Two doth stand obedi’nt at thy side.

BIGGS
Red Three doth come.

DODONNA
—Red Leader, hear me now.

It is Base One who speaks to thee. Keep half

Thy fighters out of range upon thy next

Attempt. If one group sadly falls, belike

The other shall succeed: so shall we make

The Empire take our fleet by halves, not wholes.

RED LEAD.
I hear and understand, good Sir. Now Luke,

Take thou Red Two and Three with thee and wait

Upon my signal ere thou mak’st thy run.

Now hence we go an Empire for to slay!

CHORUS
Red Leader, with the others, Twelve and Ten,

Make their descent into the trench with speed.

Their brav’ry, cunning, and their acumen

May give these men the victory they need.

RED TEN
Dost thou agree, it should be in our sights?

RED LEAD.
Pray keep thine eyes a’watching for those ships

That have our comrades cruelly destroy’d!

RED TEN
The interference hath become too wide.

Red Five, canst thou yet see them where thou standst?

LUKE
I see no ships, but—wait. Aye, they approach!

They come at point-three-five.

RED TEN
—I see them now.

RED LEAD.
My ship hath come in range of that sly port,

The port that hath evaded us so far.

But now, aye now, the target shall be mine.

If ye, good friends, may hold them there awhile,

I shall this battle end with one swift stroke!

VADER
Close in, my lads—we three shall ride as one.

RED LEAD.
Heigh, almost there.

[Darth Vader shoots. Explosion. Red Twelve dies
.

RED TEN
—Pray fire, else we die too!

RED LEAD.
Heigh, almost there.

RED TEN
—They set upon my back!

I can no more withstand their quick attack.

[Darth Vader shoots. Explosion. Red Ten dies
.

RED LEAD.
I shoot, I shoot! For rebels’ glory, shoot!

The blast hath left the shaft!

RED NINE
—Hast hit? Hast hit?

Is vict’ry yet within our sights?

RED LEAD.
—Alas,

My finest effort I have giv’n, and yet,

The blast falls errant and doth miss the mark.

’Tis but an impact on the surface. Pooh!

LUKE
Red Leader, be thou not dismay’d. We shall

Protect thee even now. Turn thou toward

The point-oh-five and we shall cover thee.

RED LEAD.
Nay, save me not! My engine hath been crush’d

And death is welcome now. Instead, dear Luke,

Good Wedge, brave Biggs, be thou preparèd for

Thy run, for thou art now our only hope!

[Darth Vader shoots. Explosion. Red Leader dies
.

COMPUTER
The Death Star now in but a minute shall

Upon the rebel base on Yavin come.

LUKE
Once more unto the trench, dear friends, once more!

The death of our dear friends we see today,

And by my troth their souls shall be aveng’d!

I was not angry since I came to space

Until this instant! Strike at us and thou

Shalt know the power of the Force, thou brute,

Thou Empire full of hate and evil deeds.

Aye, pluck us down and we shall rise again—

Our cause is not alone for these good men

Who here were kill’d today. Our cause is not

Alone for those on Alderaan who died.

Our cause is for the truth, for righteousness,

For anyone who e’er oppression knew.

’Tis not rebellion for the sake of one,

’Tis not a cause to serve a priv’leg’d few—

This moment shall resound in history

For ev’ry person who would freedom know!

So Biggs, stand with me now, and be my aide,

And Wedge, fly at my side to lead the charge—

We three, we happy three, we band of brothers,

Shall fly unto the trench with throttles full!

WEDGE
We stand with thee, a’ready for the fight.

BIGGS
But Luke, at that quick pace shalt thou escape

Before thy speedy ship is blown in twain?

LUKE
’Twill be like Beggars Canyon back at home.

CHORUS
The youth descend at once into the trench

Wherein their fates shall surely written be.

Darth Vader, close behind, prepares to quench

His thirst upon the blood of martyrs three.

BIGGS
We shall stand fast at hand to give thee help.

WEDGE
My scope doth show the tower, but the port

Appeareth not. How certain art thou, Luke,

That our computers each can hit the mark?

LUKE
Good pilot, watch thyself! Increase to full.

WEDGE
I prithee, what shall we do ’bout the tow’r?

LUKE
Give thou unto the enemy thy thoughts,

But let the tow’r be my concern alone.

[To R2-D2:
] Now R2, fix the stabilizer that

Hath once more come unhing’d. Pray, fix it fast!

R2-D2
[
aside:
] Now shall I be not fool, but fix!

[To Luke:
] Beep, squeak!

WEDGE
The fighters are behind us, at point-three.

They come upon my rear too fast. Alack!

I have been hit, and must depart, my friends.

LUKE
Aye, get thee clear, good Wedge. Thou shalt not help

Our cause if thy ship flyeth not. Anon!

And live to fight another day with me.

WEDGE
With all my heart, I truly wish thee well.

[Exit Wedge
.

VADER
Aye, let him go—the leader we pursue!

BIGGS
Make haste, O Luke. Methinks they do approach

E’en faster than before. I shall not hold

Them back for long!

LUKE
—Now, R2, straight increase

The pow’r.

R2-D2
—Beep, whee.

BIGGS
—Make haste, Luke. O, alas!

[Darth Vader shoots. Explosion. Biggs dies
.

LUKE
That ever I should see this day, O woe!

My childhood friend from Tatooine now slain

Protecting me from harm. Thou ow’dst a life—

Dear Biggs, sweet Biggs—and thou hast paid. And now

’Tis down to me: the boy turn’d warrior.

Be still, my errant heart, and seek the Force.

VADER
The leader now is mine.

R2-D2
—Meep, beep.

C-3PO
—Take care

Sweet R2-D2! Come thou back, I pray!

CHORUS
Luke’s ship comes closer to the little port

While Vader and his crew draw all too near.

Young Luke to his computer doth resort

Until he hears the voice speak in his ear.

Enter
G
HOST OF
O
BI
-W
AN
K
ENOBI
.

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