William Shakespeare's Star Wars (11 page)

VADER
I tell thee: he is here.

TARKIN
—Old Obi-Wan

Kenobi? Wherefore dost thou think ’tis so?

VADER
A tremor in the Force hath been my guide.

When last I felt its movement I was in

The presence of my former Master—he.

TARKIN
’Twas years ago. He must be dead by now.

VADER
Thou shouldst not underestimate the pow’r

The Force doth hold.

TARKIN
—The Jedi are extinct.

Their power from the universe is gone

And thou, dear friend, art all that doth remain

Of their misguided, old religious ways.

[Comlink beeps
.] Pray, what?

OFFICER 1
[
through comlink:
]                     —Detention AA-23

Hath sounded an emergency alert.

TARKIN
The princess? Fie! Put thou all sections on

Alert.

VADER
—I tell thee: Obi-Wan is here,

E’en now, and surely with him is the Force.

TARKIN
If thou art right, he must not be allow’d

This station to escape. Nay, never, nay!

VADER
Escape is not his plan. I must confront

My former Master, and must do’t alone.

[Exit Grand Moff Tarkin
.

The Master’s lesson shall I teach in turn,

When Obi-Wan I face in battle soon.

I shall my vengeance win, my triumph gain,

When I deliver him unto his death.

Though comrades were we in full many wars,

Though friends we have been once, the past is gone—

And all is but a horrid memory.

Today my hopes shall be achiev’d when I

Strike down the vile betrayer of my youth.

This conflict shall fulfill my destiny,

And end for him in bleak eternity.

[Exit Darth Vader
.

CHORUS
With hearty blast th’Imperi’l troops appear—

Their coming doth require that Han retreat.

In moment dangerous, amidst great fear,

Here Han and Leia for the first time meet.

HAN
Our exit’s block’d now.

LEIA
—With a fool’s great skill

Hast thou our route to freedom quite cut off.

HAN
Mayhap Thy Highness would prefer her cell?

LUKE
[
to comlink:
] C-3PO! Canst thou by any means

Discover how we may the cellblock leave?

Our entry point is now a deadly end.

C-3PO
[
through comlink:
] All to thy presence have alerted been!

The entrance only takes one in or out.

All other information where thou art

Hath been restricted.

LUKE
[
to Han:
]             —Now are we quite trapp’d!

HAN
I cannot hold them back forever, sure!

LEIA
’Tis quite a rescue thou hast plann’d for me.

Thou hast come in, but how shalt thou go out?

Hath folly been thy guide?

HAN
—He hath the plan,

Not I, thou sweetheart of ingratitude!

[Leia takes Luke’s blaster, shoots hole in wall
.

By what dark sprite of Hell art thou possess’d?

LEIA
It falls to me to make our rescue good.

Now follow me into the refuse heap!

[Princess Leia exits into chute
.

HAN
[
to Chewbacca:
] Go thou hence!

CHEWBAC.
—Auugh!

HAN
—Get in, thou furry lump!

I care not what thou smell’st within! Unless

’Tis death, must be a sweeter smell than this

Attack! Now go, be not afear’d, my friend!

[Chewbacca exits into chute
.

[
To Luke:
] I say, what charming girl thou here hast found!

I either shall destroy her, or, perhaps,

I may in time begin to like the wench!

LUKE
[
aside:
] Nay, executioner or lover, both

Are far too great a role for thee to play.

HAN
Now go, and follow I, all else be damn’d!

[Exeunt Luke and Han into chute
.

CHORUS
The scene doth shift unto the refuse space,

Where all is rot, as like a fun’ral pyre.

Though safe, our heroes other woes now face—

They go from frying pan unto the fire.

CHEWBAC.
Auugh!

HAN
—O! What wonder of the human mind

Hath thought to bring us here? Your Highness must

Be lauded greatly for discov’ring such

A wondrous smell as this! [
To Chewbacca:
] I’ll blast the door,

Swift get thee hence!

LUKE
—Nay, prithee, shoot thou not!

[Han shoots and the blast ricochets
.

Thou arrant knave! Wouldst thou undo us all?

I have already tried to exit thus,

But lo, as thou now plainly seest, thou brute,

The passageway is seal’d magnetic’lly!

LEIA
Now rid us of that blaster, quickly too—

Else shall thine edgy trigger finger mean

The certain death of all of us herein!

HAN
O, aye, thy Worship—ha! ’Twas all in my

Control till thou didst lead us to this heap,

Nor shall the stormtroopers need any time

To calculate where all of us have flown.

LEIA
And yet, I say to you: it could be worse.

[A loud sound is heard
.

HAN
’Tis worse.

LUKE
—I’ll warrant, something lives in here!

HAN
[
aside:
] I ’spect his word is true, but fear to say.

[
To Luke:
] ’Tis but thy keen imagination, Luke.

LUKE
’Twas not just my imagination that

Hath now swum boldly past my leg, or else

Imagination now hath body too!

Aye there—did thine eyes see? Did but a mere

Imagin’d figment just swim by?

HAN
—See what?

[
Luke is pulled into the water by an unseen force
.

CHORUS
Yet ere young Luke with answer can respond,

He’s pull’d unto the wat’ry depths below.

For sev’ral moments in that garbage pond

No sign is seen beneath the murky flow.

An om’nous sound breaks forth into the pit,

And seconds later Luke emerges, spent.

The beast’s pursuit of him for now is quit—

A greater challenge doth this represent.

[Luke rises above the surface
.

LEIA
O miracle, that thou art truly sav’d!

What happen’d there, below the briny sludge?

LUKE
I do not know. The slimy creature hath

Releas’d its vice-like grip on me and fled.

[Another sound is heard
.

HAN
I have a feeling bad about this sound.

[The walls begin to contract
.

LUKE
The walls—O horrid Fate—begin to move!

LEIA
Be not afear’d, and stand thou not in awe,

But rouse thee now and halt its sure approach!

Now lend me thy assistance!

CHEWBAC.
—Auugh!

LUKE
—But wait,

I have a comlink and may hail the droids.

[
Into comlink:
] C-3PO! Say, art thou there? Pray, speak!

CHORUS
But while he tries to hail the golden droid,

C-3PO hath troubles of his own,

For stormtroopers are to their room deploy’d

And now the droids must save themselves alone.

C-3PO
O grant us help, for there are madmen here,

Who have e’en now to th’prison level gone!

If thou but hurry, thou may’st catch them there.

R2-D2
[
aside:
] Well said, my friend! He hath a merry wit

When pride and scorn fall not from out his mouth.

TROOPER 7
[
to other stormtroopers:
] Aye, prithee fellows, come and follow me!

[Exeunt stormtroopers
.

CHEWBAC.
Egh.

LUKE
—3PO!

HAN
—Now climb on top!

LEIA
—In faith,

I try!

LUKE
—Where is the knave? C-3PO!

C-3PO
I fear a wicked fate’s befallen them.

Pray, R2, see if they imprison’d are.

Now search apace!

R2-D2
—Beep, squeak, meep, whistle, beep!

HAN
One thing is certain: we shall thinner be.

I shall not lose my wit, e’en in death’s face!

R2-D2
Beep, beep.

C-3PO
—They are not found, O great relief!

Where may they be?

R2-D2
—Squeak.

C-3PO
—Use the comlink? O!

I had forgotten quite, and turn’d it off.

[
Into comlink:
] Pray, art thou there, Sir?

LUKE
[
into comlink:
]                —3PO? ’Tis thou?

C-3PO
[
into comlink:
] I will confess: we have some problems fac’d.

LUKE
[
aside, into comlink:
] Peace, 3PO! Lend ears and not thy voice!

Disarm thou ev’ry refuse masher on

Detention levels! Dost thou mark me, droid?

Be rapid, else thy Master is no more!

C-3PO
[
aside, to R2-D2:
] Nay, shut them all down! Hurry, R2, go!

R2-D2
Beep, squeak, meep, whistle, hoo.

LUKE
—Ahh!

HAN
—O!

LEIA
            —Ahh!

CHEWBAC.
                    —Auugh!

C-3PO
No heart within this golden breast doth beat,

For only wires and circuit boards are here.

Yet as I hear my Master’s dying screams

No heart is necessary for my grief.

A droid hath sadnesses, and hopes, and fears,

And each of these emotions have I felt

Since Master Luke appear’d and made me his.

No Master have I e’er respected so,

Thus at this moment grave I do declare:

There is no etiquette for shedding tears,

No protocol can e’er express my woe.

R2-D2
[
aside:
] A plague on 3PO for action slow,

A plague upon my quest that led us here,

A plague on both our circuit boards, I say!

LUKE
[
into comlink:
] Nay, nay, fear not, dear droid, we all still live!

Pray open thou the door on maint’nance hatch

3-2-6-8-2-7—blessèd be!

R2-D2
[
aside:
] O fondest hope, O fervent pray’rs now heard!

My Master is alive, and plagues deterr’d!

[Exeunt all
.

CHORUS
While Luke and Leia, Han and Chewie flee,

Old Obi-Wan has reached the power source.

He cuts the tractor beam quite cunningly,

Then makes his exit drawing on the Force.

TROOPER 8
What do these warnings tell—shall we explore?

TROOPER 9
Belike ’tis just a drill, and nothing more!

[Exeunt
.