Willow Grove Abbey (30 page)

“What do you think will happen to Edwina?” Annie asked, placing into
words other fears that I had been holding inside.

“Oh dear, Annie, I don’t know. Will she have s
pecial protection because she’s a British citizen? Do you suppose she’ll be allowed to return to England, without Dieter, of course? After all, she
is
still a citizen, and we‘re not at war with France. However, I should think he would have to leave Paris and return to Berlin. Surely, he wouldn’t expect her to accompany him. Would he?”

“Oh good L
ord, Sophia. Edwina doesn’t belong in Germany. She belongs here, with her friends and family. What a horrible mess,” Annie exclaimed.

“Yes, isn’t it just?”
Susan joined in, nodding her head in agreement. “Do you think we would have any luck if we tried to ring her?” She wondered aloud.

“What a s
mashing idea,” Annie answered. “Let’s put a call through and let her at least know that we’re thinking of her.”

We
returned to the parlor where Drew, who was seated in front of the fire, was discussing various branches of the armed services with Martha, whose father had served in the Royal Navy. Drew was leaning in that direction. I knew that Blake would undoubtedly enter flight training, and for a moment, I thought of Spence. I was certain that he would re-join the Royal Air Force. He had already mentioned that those were his plans, if war broke out. I had a fleeting memory of Blake as a child, running across the green lawns at
Willow Grove Abbey,
excitedly pointing to an aero plane as it passed overhead. That was in the very early days of aviation, and the whole notion of flying was filled with adventure and risk, both of which held tremendous appeal for Blake. Not for him the muddy trenches, nor the decks of a battleship.

After repeated tries on
the telephone that evening, we were finally able to make a connection to Paris. I was terribly happy to hear Edwina’s voice. As ever, she seemed in good spirits, and there was not the slightest hint of fear in her voice. If anything, she sounded exhilarated. “Edwina, is that you?” I shouted through the crackling on the telephone line. The connection was terrible, and Edwina’s voice kept fading in and out. “Edwina, Edwina, are you there?” I shouted through the static.

“
Sophia, do stop wailing,” Edwina laughed, “I’m here in Paris, and I’m fine. Everything is a bit strange. They say we’re at war, but no one is particularly acting like it.”

“What do you
mean, Edwina?”

“Just
that. Oh, there are soldiers and uniforms already, and talk of rationing on certain items... butter, sugar and the like, but basically, Paris is as lively as ever.”

“Nevertheless, Edwina, what of you?
Moreover, what of Dieter? Isn’t there a problem, since you’re married to a German?” I asked.

“
Dieter is going to have to leave, as the Embassy is being closed. I’ll probably remain in Paris for the present. I haven’t any great desire to accompany him to Berlin. We were on holiday in Italy in August, and I have scarcely recuperated from that yet. Really splendid, but I certainly haven’t any desire for more travel at the moment.”

“Edwina,” I
continued, “I’m not talking about a holiday. You are British. How can you and Dieter be all right, when your country is at war with his country?” I couldn’t believe we were having such a mindless conversation. I couldn’t imagine that Edwina was even
speaking
to her husband, let alone, “getting along” with him.

“
Sophia, Dieter and I have an agreement that we simply don’t discuss political issues. I don’t care to know about the German point of view, and I keep my opinions to myself.”

“Edwina,
that’s patently absurd,” I responded. “Do you honestly believe that you’re going to live through a war with your husband on one side and you on the other?”

“Well
Sophia, we shall have to.”

“Please. Please return to England as soon as you can, before things get any worse. Do you want to end up in Ger
many, for God’s sake?”

“
Sophia, I’m
married
to a German. I shall have to do whatever he thinks best. I imagine that if this thing really becomes beastly, he will allow me to return to England for the duration. Honestly, we have not discussed anything of the sort yet. I think that too much is being made of this. Please don’t worry. I shall be fine. Now, what of you?” she asked. I began to tell her about Drew and Blake, but then thought better of it, as a ghastly thought crossed my mind. Much as I tried, I couldn’t dismiss it. Edwina was married to a German. She was therefore married to an enemy of Great Britain. From that point on, I could not openly discuss anything of a military nature with her, much less the facts of my brothers’ branches of service or deployments. Our correspondence would be censored, and we would not be able to speak freely. Edwina did not seem to grasp the gravity of the situation, but I certainly did. It weighed heavily. Before we terminated our conversation, Edwina lowered her voice. I could scarcely hear her.

“
Sophia, there’s one other detail. I’m going to have a baby,” she whispered.

‘You’re going to have a baby?
Why are you whispering? Oh God. Doesn’t Dieter know?”

“No, I haven’t told hi
m. I don’t intend to. If I do, he’ll make me go to Berlin.”

“But, Edwina, he has to know.
You can’t stay in Paris and have the baby alone.”

‘Please don’t worry.
I’ve not thought it all out yet. I’ll figure a way to come home to England.”

I
crawled into bed the night of 3 September, weary and anxious. I brought Isabella in with me, as she too seemed frightened and confused. I wondered how in the world it would be possible to explain the concept of war to a three year old. I knew that Isabella had to be told the rudimentary facts as, indeed, her life would be changing dramatically. Yet I also felt that I needed to try to make her understand why those changes would be coming, and to do so age appropriately. She was filled with questions, and sensed that there was a somber mood in the household.

“
Mummy, what doth war mean?” She asked.

“Well, Isabella, it’s a nasty state of affairs. In another part of the world, a country na
med Germany wants to have power and control over others, and will do anything to get their way. England needs to keep that from happening.”

“
How will they do that?”

“We don’t know for certain, darling. It depends upon what the Ger
mans do to try and get their way. If necessary, our brave men will have to fight them in battle. Many people could be harmed.”

“Could they be hurt really bad?”

“Yes, darling, I’m afraid so. That’s what is so beastly about war. But, we must hope and pray that this will all be over quickly, and that no one we love will be harmed”.

“Will you be har
med?”

“
Oh, I shouldn’t think so, dear heart. I’ll take great care to protect myself, and of course to protect you.”

“What about
Martha?”

“Yes, of course,
Martha too. If necessary, we’ll leave London and go to stay with Grand’Mere and Grand’ Pere Somerville in the country. You mustn’t worry about such things. I promise that I’ll always be honest with you about everything that’s happening, and I want you to promise that you’ll try to be a brave girl.”

“I’ll be brave,
Mummy, and I’ll take good care of you too.”

“
I know you will, Isabella. We’ll take care of each other, like we always have”. It was difficult not to weep, yet I didn’t want to upset her. I read her a story, tucked her down, listened to her prayers, and asked her to promise that she would come to me with any fears she had. After a bit, she settled down, and drifted off to sleep. I gazed at her sweet face, and prayed that all would be well. I tried to read for a while, but found I couldn’t concentrate. I kept reading the same lines over and over again. Finally turning out the light near one o’clock, I tried to sleep, but awful thoughts and visions kept running through my mind. I tossed and turned, thinking about Edwina, my brothers, and what the turn of events would mean for everyone. Needless to say, I thought about Spence, and felt very much alone. At nearly two a.m., the telephone rang. It was the short ring, signaling that the doorman of the building was phoning from the lobby.

“Lady Winnsborough, sorry to disturb you
Mam, but you have a visitor”, he announced.

“Who on earth is
calling on me at this hour?” I inquired.

“His na
me is Doctor Stanton, and he says that he must speak with you.”

I was stunned.
What could bring Spence to my flat at such an hour?
Of course, I instructed the concierge to allow him entrance. I quickly threw on a dressing gown, but there was no time to brush my hair, or to do anything else to make myself presentable before I heard the lift ascending. I quickly glanced into the mirror, pinched my cheeks, and bit my lips to give them a bit of color. Then the doors opened, and Spence emerged into the foyer. I hadn’t lain eyes upon him since April, 1938, some five months earlier. In spite of the circumstances surrounding our last conversation, as well as present happenings in England, I couldn’t help but feel extreme pleasure at the sight of him. However, my first impression was that he looked solemn and weary, seeming to have lost much of his usual aplomb.

“Hallo
Sophia”, he said. “I’m dreadfully sorry to disturb you at this un-Godly hour. I felt I had to see and talk to you... had to set some things straight... to sort out this muddle”.

“I understand, Spence. It’s all right. I’ve not been able to sleep tonight anyway, what with the ghastly news we’ve had today. Would you like so
me coffee, or perhaps a brandy?”

“Yes, thanks, a
drop of brandy would be nice. He smiled and looked more himself. While he settled himself in the parlor, I poured a snifter of brandy from a decanter on the sideboard. After pouring myself a small glass of Port, I moved to a club chair next to the sofa where he sat. I felt anxious in his presence, and was puzzled as to why he was there.

“I’ve co
me to see Isabella, he suddenly stated.

M
y heart lurched. “Oh Spence, I’ve had such a time getting her to sleep. I’m very reluctant to awaken her. Is it absolutely necessary?”

“
Sophia, I’ll be leaving on the morrow. I’ve been at High Wycombe, at The Royal Military College, training to be a flight surgeon for the past several weeks.”

“What is a flight s
urgeon?” I asked, astonished at his revelation.

“It’s a relatively new branch of
medicine that was used for the first time in the last war. Doctors are termed flight surgeons. We’ll sometimes accompany the men on operational flights…will fly at least four hours a month. But, most importantly, flight surgeons will organize the most efficient system of getting aid to the wounded men in the planes... and to get that aid to them as soon as the plane lands... you’ve known that I’ve suspected England was going to find herself in a war, sooner or later. I hoped it wouldn’t come to this, but the signs have been there. I feel I’m needed... want to help. That’s why I initially joined the RAF before I went on to medical school. I’m already a Flight Commander... have got my pilot credentials, so it has merely involved flight surgeon training. God knows what the future holds for the lot of us. So then, I simply have an overwhelming need to see my daughter before I leave”.

I knew that I would probably begin to tre
mble. It seemed such a lot of information to take in. Spence would be leaving. England was at war. Spence could be injured... could be killed. “Good Heavens, Spence, why so soon?” I managed to ask. “Couldn’t you have waited a bit, until things sorted themselves out?”

“No,
Sophia. That’s why I’ve been training during this time. I wanted to be ready if and when the time came. My training is complete, and now I’m ready to take up a post. I would have gone anyway. Men with my training will be needed.”

“Where will you be posted?” I asked.

“I’m posted to the 19
th
Fighter Squadron at Duxford, Cambridgeshire. I’ll be training with Spitfire pilots. She’s the finest fighter ever built. I’ll be just about an hour from London”.

“What will your duties be?

“Just as I said... A physician and pilot.”

“Spence, this is just too overwhel
ming. Will you be placed into danger? “

“Anyone serving in the
military will be in danger, Sophia. I’ll probably be in less danger than many. I’ll fly operational missions, but I’ll mostly be based here in England to attend to fliers when they return from operations.” I was quiet for some time, trying to digest the new information. It was obvious that I would have to allow him to see Isabella before he left.

“Well
certainly, under the circumstances, I don’t suppose it will do any harm to awaken Isabella. I want you to see her before you leave. I just don’t want her to be unnecessarily upset.”

“I have no intention of upsetting Isabella.
I simply want to see her. She is, after all, my daughter. I don’t know when or if I’ll ever have this chance again.”

“Oh Spence, please. Don’t say such a thing. Don’t even think it?”

“Sophia, no one knows what the future holds. This dreadful business has turned the world on its head. I’ve been thinking for hours, ever since I learned that war has been declared. I need to see my child before I leave, and I need her to know that I’m her father.” Ice water traveled down my spine. This was a totally different turn of events. He planned on telling my baby that he was her father.
Oh Lord, what was I to do?

“What do you i
ntend to say to Isabella?” I asked, trying not to let my voice break.

“I intend to gently, and without any dra
ma, tell her that I’m her true father. I won’t make you out to be a villain or anything of that sort”.

“I’
m not against your telling her, Spence. Perhaps if the circumstances were different... if she were a bit older and able to understand... I don’t want my baby to suffer,” I cried. “You told me when we last spoke that you had no intention of becoming involved in Isabella’s life.”

‘That was before tonight,
Sophia. I’ve done a lot of thinking. I was extremely angry and hurt when we last spoke. Perhaps I was unfair. I don’t know. I only know that now I’m more concerned than angry. I’m not concerned for my own welfare, but for Isabella’s... And for what will become of you both.”

“You needn’t worry about Isabella’s future. She’ll always be loved and well-cared for. I’ve already conte
mplated taking her to
Willow Grove
Abbey
if things get rough in London. Of course, I’ll be fine. I want to keep Isabella’s life normal for as long as possible. “

“
I don’t want my little girl to think that she’s Lord Owen Winnsborough’s daughter for the rest of her life,” Spence said emphatically. “Of course I know that she’ll be well-taken care of and provided for. That isn’t what I worry about. If I don’t tell her the truth now, she may never know who she truly is.”

“Spence, I’ve
made the decision to tell Isabella the truth about her paternity in the weeks since our last disastrous conversation. I just want her to be old enough, so that she’s able to understand the complexities of the situation.”

“And, how
many years away would that be? Forgive me Sophia, but I haven’t been given any good reason to trust that you would keep to that intention.”

His words stung, but I had to ad
mit that they were based on truth. I
had
been less than truthful with him, and was responsible for this horrible mess. Sighing deeply, I answered. “All right, Spence. I’ll awaken her, and you have my permission to say whatever you wish. May I at least ask that you allow me to be present when you reveal the truth about her paternity?”

“Of course. I want you to be present”, he answered.

I excused myself, and proceeded to awaken Isabella. She was sleeping soundly. Leaning over her bed, I kissed her on the forehead. Isabella stirred, and turned on her side.

“Isabella, darling, you
must wake up,” I whispered gently. “Someone special is here to see you.” Sleepily, she opened her eyes and murmured that she didn’t want to get up. “I know it’s late, darling, and I wouldn’t ask you to wake up if it weren’t important. Please try to sit up. That’s a good girl. Let me wash your face and put on your pretty, pink dressing gown.”

She ca
me more fully awake and sat up in bed, rubbing her eyes. “Who hath come to vithit me?” she asked.

“Do you re
member Doctor Stanton, who brought you Elizabeth?” I answered.

“Yeth, I
member him. He made you cry.’”

“Oh no, no sweetheart, he didn’t
make me cry. Remember, I told you that I had done something foolish that hurt his feelings? I was crying because I’d made him unhappy.”

“Yeth, I
member. Are you made up now? “

“W
e aren’t angry at one another. He’s come here to tell you something very important. Something I think you’re old enough to hear. Do you remember the talk we had before you fell asleep, about war?”

“Yeth,” she
murmured.

“Well, D
octor Stanton is going to have to go away to help England fight against Germany, the country that is causing so much trouble. He’s going to try to protect all of us from harm, just as your uncles are going to do. But, before he leaves, he wants to talk to you. Mummy will stay with you, and there’s no need to be afraid. He’s a nice man, Isabella. I want you to listen very carefully to what he has to say. Try hard to understand him. If you have any questions after he’s spoken with you, both Doctor Stanton and I shall try to answer them.” I was quaking with anxiety as I tried to reassure my daughter that there was nothing untoward about the conversation she was about to have. I was also furious with myself for placing my precious baby into such a morass. If I had only been honest from the beginning, none of this would have been necessary. And Spence wouldn’t be struggling with lack of trust for me. Isabella seemed satisfied with my brief explanation. Fully awake, she crawled out of bed, and let me help her into a dressing gown. Then, she fetched
Elizabeth
, and taking my hand we made our way to the parlor. Spence was still sitting on the sofa, smoking a cigarette, and staring into the fire with a sorrowful look. Nevertheless, his face lighted when he saw Isabella.