Wilson Mooney, Almost Eighteen (11 page)

“
Because I know the guy,
he’s a good friend of mine. I know him better than I know
myself.”

“
Has he ever talked about
me?”

“
Yeah.”

“
What has he said—about
me?”
Okay, here we go.

“
He likes your humor. He
thinks you’re beautiful, smart and he can’t wait for weekends to
roll by so he can get back to you.”

Yeah, it was about time we
both knew how we felt. This was the greatest day of my
life.

“
But—,” he
stopped.

“
But what?” I
waited.

“
But, I can’t—he can’t be
with her.” And with his words, in a matter of seconds it had become
my worst nightmare.

Fix it; I had to. This was not the way
the game was supposed to go. My mind spun, trying to find anything
that would pull him back. Make him see that our feelings were more
important than numbers. Time was a continuum that we could twist
and manipulate into gaps of experiences we could control and be
patient with.

“
Is it my age? I’ll be
eighteen in less than a month.” My heart was pounding and crashing
hard against my rib cage. I couldn’t breathe. I felt like I was in
the middle of a tightrope and someone jumped on the other end
causing it to bounce.

“
Trust me, I know. But once
you’re eighteen there’s still the fact that you’re my student.” his
voice dropped low and almost went to a whisper.

I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t.
There were no words that could explain the pain and despair I felt
that raged throughout my body, mind, and soul. The tears fell fast.
I tried not to sob but I couldn’t help it. The back of my throat
hurt from holding back the swell of anguish that struggled its way
out. For the first time in my life, my heart was broken by a boy I
loved.

Chapter
Eight:

I didn’t care how loud I
cried. For the first time I knew what it felt like to have my heart
broken. Really broken, ripped out, torn into a thousand pieces, and
thrown on the floor. I fell back on the sofa in the huge bathroom
and dropped my phone to the floor.
God, it
was so painful.
My head throbbed with
agony that circled around and poked at his words.
Why did he pull me in? What did he gain from
doing that?
I didn’t want to be this girl
anymore. I didn’t want to ache for the butterflies that had their
wings torn off and lay suffering. I pulled my knees to my chest,
curled up into a ball, and tried to save the last few butterflies
that had a chance of surviving.

Leather was the worst type of sofa to
cry into. My tears didn’t soak in. They just sat there, motionless
waiting for me to wipe their existence clear. I couldn’t. I had
nothing left. My eyes swollen and burning, I closed them waiting
for the pain to turn to anger. Lucid images of him standing in
front of me flashed and stuck in my mind. His words filled my head
and I couldn’t get them to stop. All I wanted was to go home. Leave
Aspen behind with the pain that struck me harder than the loss of
my grandparents or the abandonment of my mother.

I heard a light knock at the bathroom
door. I didn’t want to open it. I didn’t want to see anyone. I was
a frickin mess and I didn’t need a couple of spoiled rich kids
pointing it out to me. Another rap at the door echoed in the
bathroom.

“
Someone’s in here,” I said
to the knocker on the other side.

“
I know. Are you okay? Can
I come in?” It was Nick. I could hear his hand slide across the
door and jiggle the knob.

“
I’m fine, thanks Nick,” I
choked the words out and started crying again.

“
You don’t sound fine.
What’s wrong?” he said louder.

“
Please. I’ll be fine. I
just need a minute.”

“
Okay—if you need me I’m
right outside.” He tapped on the door and then it was
silent.

I looked at the massive
clock that ticked away time, erasing the moments I lost crying. It
was one o’clock in the morning. As much I wished it was a
nightmare, I knew it was something real. I looked down at my phone
lying open on the floor. I picked it up and caught my reflection in
the mirror above the sinks. Holy shit, I looked horrific. My eyes
were blood shot and my face was splotched red. My hair twisted with
fuzzy knots, I looked like I was hit by a speeding dump truck. Any
attempt to fix my appearance was a total waste. I unlocked the
door, shuffled back, and flopped on the sofa. I pulled my legs into
a tight fold in front of my body, wrapped my arms around my knees,
and closed my eyes as I dropped my chin to my chest. The latch
clicked and I heard the door slide open across the expensive rock
floor. My shoulders tightened with the thought of Nick seeing me in
this state of mind. I didn’t raise my head. Deep down I knew it was
a bad idea to let him in. The door shut and I heard him push the
lock.
At least he was thoughtful enough to
keep other people out.
I could feel his
presence standing in the middle of the room staring at me. But he
didn’t speak.

His shoes echoed cautiously as he
walked towards me. I felt his hand stroke down across the top of my
head. It felt so good. It reminded me of when I was a little girl
and I would lie in my grandma’s lap while she rubbed my head. The
hypnotic rhythm she kept with the light pressure of her hand made
me feel calm and protected. I could have sworn I smelled
butterscotch, her favorite candy. She must be here with me. Telling
me to get up and pull it together. An ache welled in my heart, for
losses she’d never know. I turned my head to feel his hand sweep
across the side of my cheek. Tears formed a lake, cradled in the
corner of my eye.

“
I’m sorry,” he apologized.
The tip of his fingers tickled across and pushed my hair back off
my face. The butterflies that were desecrated in the pit of my
stomach fluttered back to life. It took my brain a couple of
seconds to register what my eyes recognized at once.

It was
him.

I stared, unable to formulate words to
express the mix of emotions that raged in my body. He came
back.

“
You’re here,” I said as he
bent down in front of me.

He was the smell of familiar
butterscotch and the taste of raw heart break.

“
Hi,” Max whispered. His
eyes were red and his lips were pulled straight across his
expression. I knew he had his own set of demons he was
fighting.

“
You came back?”

“
I needed to know you were
okay.” He rested his hands on my knees. Desperation surged in my
body.
What was he doing? He told me that
we couldn’t be together. Did he change his mind? I couldn’t let him
hurt me. I wasn’t that type of girl.

“
I’m okay. I’ll be fine.” I
pushed his hands off my knees and stood up. I left him standing at
the sofa as I washed my hands and splashed water on my
face.

“
Wilson, it’s complicated.”
I caught his reflection in the mirror.

“
I get it.”

I was so emotionally twisted; right
could’ve been wrong, up could’ve been down, and I wouldn’t have
known the difference.

“
I didn’t plan on this. I
never anticipated the feelings I have for you.” He started towards
me. Passion raged hot in my body weakening my glacial anger I tried
to hold tight.

“
Stop, please. I can’t do
this. I’m not one of those girls you can tease and walk away from.
I don’t have the luxury of a family to pick me off the floor. It’s
only me, that’s all I have.” I turned and faced him. I felt the
tears roll down my cheeks. I didn’t want to cry. He stood close to
me; too close to keep my pain personal.

“
I’m not one of those guys.
There’s a ton of reasons why I shouldn’t be with you, but none are
convincing enough to keep me from being here, tonight.” He pushed
his hand to my face, drying my tears with his fingers. I felt my
knees bend. I leaned back against the bathroom counter for support.
His other hand pushed my hair away from my neck and slid up,
cradling my ear. His touch was so warm and soft. Every movement he
made was slow motion. I felt his fingers press strong against the
back of my head. The muscles in his arms flexed and I watched his
eyes dance from my eyes to my mouth and back. My lips damp, I
parted them and closed my eyes.

“
You have me,” he whispered
across my lips before I felt him press delicately against my mouth.
His lips tasted sweet, better than I ever imagined. He pulled away.
I tangled my hands in his hair and brought him back to me. I didn’t
want him to stop kissing me. I opened my mouth and with his tongue
a whole new world was exposed to me. Uncontrollable urges flooded
my body and I was scared. Not of him French kissing me, but what
could happen next.

He dragged his hands down, pressing
them firm against my back, locking my body against his chest. His
mouth left mine and he mapped his way down my neck. I didn’t want
him to stop kissing me, but I needed to tell him I wasn’t that
experienced. In fact, I had no experience at all. Something I
failed to mention before. Not out of embarrassment but I just never
had a reason to talk about it. It wasn’t like I didn’t have
opportunities—I never met anyone I thought was worth sharing that
part of my body with, until now. Physically I was a woman and my
body was more than ready. Problem was my mind was still wading in
the pool of inexperience and the innocence of my first real
kiss.

“
I’ve never, you know—with
anyone before.” I felt my face flush red. I never visualized
telling him anything like that before. He stopped kissing me. His
lucent green eyes studied my expression, looking to fill in the
blank.

“
You’re a virgin,” he
whispered as he pressed his lips on my forehead. I could feel his
smile.

“
Yeah.” I pulled away from
him and looked down at the floor.

“
Hey wait, where you going?
You think that changes how I feel about you?” He grabbed my chin
and looked me in the eyes. “It doesn’t. I can wait.” He locked his
hands behind my waist. I felt a huge brick of fear crumble under
the reassurance he created about sex. I stretched up and kissed
him.

“
Not all guys are about one
thing.” He pushed my hair off my face and tucked it behind my ear.
“It’s really late. I should probably go.” He opened the bathroom
door and waited to follow me out.

I didn’t expect to see Nick passed out
in the hall. His room was down and across from the bathroom. I
guess it was just too far to go when you drank way too many beers
on a Friday night. Max turned him over and tried to wake him up. He
was out. We were able to anchor him enough to get him to stand up.
I pulled his arm around my neck and helped Max take him to his
room. Nick woke up and wasn’t making any sense.

“
Well, what do you
know—it’s the screaming, crying Wilma that wouldn’t let me in to
help her.”

“
Yeah, it’s me. I want to
get you to your room. You need to go to bed.” He pulled his left
arm tight and I twisted close to him. I could smell the tequila and
beer mix on his breath.

“
You’re ready to take me to
bed? Wow I just met you today too.” Nick pulled me to his face
trying to kiss me. Max adjusted his weight to lean towards
him.

“
Who the hell is this guy?
Do I know him? Do I know you?” Nick was sloppy and slurring his
words.

“
No I don’t think we’ve met
before. I’m Max, a friend of Wilson’s.” Max curled his hand around
to give an awkward handshake.

“
Okay, well—Yeah, I need to
get to my room. I think you’re in the second bedroom over there,
WAN-DUH.” He laughed and pointed down the hall. He was getting
really heavy and I was already done carrying him.

“
Thanks. Here you go… let
me take off your shoes.” He plopped down on the edge of his bed.
Max got one shoe off and I the other. I wrapped the comforter
around his body so he wouldn’t get cold.
I
frickin hate taking care of drunk people.
I clicked his lamp, and closed his door.

Max headed down to the second bedroom.
He turned the knob and it opened right up. The maids must have
locked it during the party. He checked it and the room was empty,
the bed was turned down and inviting. I closed the door behind me
and pressed the lock. Max furrowed his eyebrows.

“
I don’t want you to leave.
It’s too late. Just sleep here tonight.” I swallowed the huge
anxious ball of nerves. I just hope we’ll be able to fall
asleep.

“
I don’t know if that’s the
best idea with Cindy in the next room.”

I pointed across the room to an
oversized floral patterned sofa.

“
Sleep on the sofa then.
We’ll keep everything innocent enough.”

He paused for a moment then reached
across the bed and grabbed one of the pillows. I took the wool
throw at the foot and handed it to him. My hands tangled in the
blanket, he pulled me close. I lost my breath, endorphins
electrified my body and I wanted him to kiss me again. He let out a
low growl as his lips found the space below my ear.