Wind Dancer (9 page)

Ali put the buckets away and went inside to gather her sleeping bag, pillow, and cell phone. If only it wasn’t a school night, Cara could have stayed with her.

She hauled all of her things down to the truck. Her mom lit the way with a flashlight and made sure she was secure in the front seat. “I packed you a bag of popcorn and a soda,” she said. “Are you sure you’re going to be okay out here?”

“Come on, Mom. I’m in my own backyard. You guys are right there in the house. I’ve got my cell phone. I’ll call if I need to. Don’t worry. Everything is going to be fine.”

But at midnight, Wind Dancer only ate a couple handfuls of feed, leaving the rest of the bucket untouched. Ali tried to ignore the cold feeling in the pit of her stomach, but it wouldn’t go away. A diminished appetite in an already sick animal wasn’t a good sign. But Wind Dancer was still able to stand and shuffle around. There was no sign of the muscle fatigue or seizures that Dr. Forrester had warned her about.

“Why won’t you get better?” she whispered as she stroked the gelding’s rough coat. His body felt warm in the cool night air.

“I’ve got to get these buckets set up for your next meal,” she told Wind Dancer. She picked up the plastic pails and set them outside the corral.

The moon had traveled across the night sky, lighting the corrals and shining down on the horses. Misty’s white coat reflected the pale beams, making her easier to see. With his black coat, Wind Dancer disappeared into the shadows, with only the white blanket on his rump showing.

Misty stood near the dividing fence, bobbing her head and nickering. Ali took a moment to pet her before returning to the truck to catch a few more hours of sleep. If Wind Dancer’s appetite didn’t improve by the next feeding, she’d have to call Dr. Forrester.

Ali crawled into the truck and snuggled down deep in her sleeping bag. It still got a little chilly at night, but she needed to keep the truck window cracked so she could hear the horses. She texted her parents, letting them know she was okay, then set the alarm to wake her up in another four hours.

As she lay on the front seat of the truck looking out at the stars, Ali listened to the sounds of the night. Misty shuffled around in her pen looking for any stray bits of hay she might have dropped. Wind Dancer grunted as he lay down in his corral and stretched out for some sleep.

Far up in the mountains, the coyotes yipped. Maybe they’d found a fat rabbit to chase. The coyote calls set off a chorus of neighborhood dogs, leaving Ali to wonder if she’d ever be able to fall asleep. Did the noise disturb the horses the way it did her?

After a while her eyelids grew heavy and she began to drift off. A train whistle blew in the distance. It sounded so forlorn, echoing the sadness she felt inside. No matter how hard they all tried, Wind Dancer might slip away from them anyway.

Around 2:00
AM
, Ali was woken by the sound of shoes crunching on gravel. She peeked out the truck window, expecting her mom or dad, but it was her brother.

Danny stood outside Wind Dancer’s corral. “Come here, boy.” He held out his palm, coaxing the Appaloosa over. He called softly to the gelding several times and Wind Dancer finally stood up and ambled over.

“That a boy.” Danny stuck his hand through the fencing and rubbed the white star between the gelding’s eyes. He put out his palm again and Wind Dancer took something from him. Ali could hear the gelding slowly munching the treat. Was it carrots? Sugar cubes? He probably wasn’t supposed to have either of those. Should she say something to Danny? She pictured how his face fell when she yelled at him about feeding Wind Dancer too much before.

She listened to Wind Dancer crunch another treat. If the horse would eat for Danny, she should encourage it. She tried not to feel jealous that Wind Dancer wouldn’t eat so easily for her. Her goal was to get the horses better and find them a new home, right?

She shifted uncomfortably in her sleeping bag. Did Danny even know she was out here?

“Why aren’t you eating your hay?” Danny asked Wind Dancer. “You need to get your strength back.” Danny was quiet for a long time.

“What are we going to do, old boy?” Danny’s voice cracked. “You got a raw deal here. Your life is pretty messed up. Same with me.” He was quiet for a minute. “I went away to war and my world turned upside down, but everything here kept marching on just the same. My friends went to school, went to parties, got married, had babies … they left me behind.”

There was a long stretch of silence and Ali wondered if her brother had gone. She was about to look out the truck window when he spoke again.

“Neither one of us seems to be doing very well in this ol’ world. What’s going to become of us?”

She peeked out the window and watched as he scratched Wind Dancer’s ears. Danny lowered his forehead until it touched the gelding’s. He stood that way for a long time, then Ali heard both the horse and her brother sigh.

It seemed like only a few minutes had passed when the alarm on Ali’s cell phone sounded. It was just before dawn and the early morning chill made her shiver. She slipped out of her sleeping bag, pulled on her boots and a lightweight jacket, and stepped out of the truck.

Misty nickered for her breakfast, but Wind Dancer was lying down again. He seemed to be sleeping. Ali watched him nervously as she grabbed the feed buckets and hung Misty’s on the fence post. The mare needed no encouragement to eat.

Ali carried the other bucket into Wind Dancer’s pen. To her surprise, he rose quickly to his feet and shook himself from head to tail. He looked a little stronger. “Well, look at you,” she said as she walked around the gelding, taking note of his appearance in the pre-dawn haze.

His ears were still flopped out to the side like they’d been since he’d first arrived. Though he didn’t seem all that alert, Ali sensed an improvement in his outlook. She lifted her hand and snapped her fingers to check for a reaction. Wind Dancer’s ears twitched at the sound. “Good boy,” she said. Maybe the electrolytes and antibiotics were starting to work? Or maybe it was Danny’s visit?

She offered the bucket of hay to Wind Dancer. He sniffed the alfalfa and pushed it around with his nose, but he didn’t appear to be interested in eating it. A small patch of light crept over the mountains as Ali waited patiently for the gelding to eat.

A lone meadowlark sang in the desert beyond their house; it was soon joined by desert scrub jays and other birds. A jackrabbit sprang from its hiding place beneath a peach bush and sprinted across the sand.

Ali breathed in the fresh smell of sagebrush. It was kind of cool being up this time of day and seeing the desert come to life. She reached out to straighten Wind Dancer’s forelock and rub the star on his forehead.

Something at the far end of the pen caught Ali’s eye. She put down the alfalfa bucket and went to see what it was. Bending down, she found a few tidbits of carrot. Danny must have left them. She glanced back at Wind Dancer. He still showed little interest in his morning feed. “Here, boy.” She held the goodies out for him to sniff. The gelding’s ears came forward a little, but he ignored the treats.

Ali picked up the bucket of hay and put it under his nose, Wind Dancer lipped it, but he didn’t take a bite. She took some of the soft leaves and gently pushed them into his mouth. The gelding held them for a moment, then slowly began to grind the food.

Ali picked up the bucket and offered him some more alfalfa. “That’s a good boy.” Ali tilted the bucket to make it easier for him to eat. She stood patiently while the gelding picked through the bucket. When he was almost to the bottom of the feed pail, he stopped eating and pushed the hay away.

She couldn’t keep the smile off of her face. The horses weren’t out of danger yet, but Misty was definitely on the way, and Wind Dancer was showing promise for the first time.

She fed Misty a piece of carrot and put the buckets away. This time, she would have good news to report to Dr. Forrester.

Ali stretched her stiff muscles. Her warm bed was calling to her. Maybe she could squeeze in a few hours of good sleep before the vet arrived?

Ali heard a noise from the other side of the barn, near the chicken pen. She decided to check it out and feed the chicks before she went inside. The sun was almost up.

She turned the corner and stopped dead in her tracks. Danny sat in the middle of the chicken coop with both chicks nestled in his lap. His head was bowed and he didn’t look up as she approached. Was he asleep? Had he been here since he left the horses last night?

“Danny?” She crept forward slowly, remembering what happened the last time she had surprised him when he was sleeping. Her brother’s shoulders were shaking. Was he crying? A knot formed in the pit of her stomach. “Danny?”

He looked up and Ali could see the tracks of tears on his face. He stared through her like she was invisible.

“Danny!” Ali opened the door to the pen and ran to her brother. The chicks scattered. “Danny, what’s wrong?” She dropped to her knees, grabbed his shoulders, and forced him to look at her.

Danny blinked. “I don’t know what’s wrong.” He sounded childlike—not like a grown man who had been to war. “Something’s wrong and I don’t know what it is. I can’t even help myself.” He spread his hands in bewilderment. “What
am I going to do, sis? I don’t know what I’m going to do.
Tell me what I’m supposed to
do
.”

Danny folded inward, his chin resting on his chest. She could feel his shoulders tremble. Several tears fell onto his lap. She couldn’t tell if they were Danny’s or hers.

The weight of her brother’s sadness pressed down upon her. Danny had always been a rough-and-tumble kind of guy. Her strong big brother. What should she say to him? How could she make it better?

Ali did the only thing she could think of. She leaned forward and hugged him. “Shhhh,” she whispered. “It’s going to be okay, Danny. We’ll figure this out … all of us. You, me, Mom, and Dad. We’re here for you.”

Danny ran his sleeve across his eyes then returned the hug, holding on tight, as if Ali was the only thing keeping him anchored to the earth.

Ali held her brother, making comforting noises and patting his back while Danny sobbed. She had to be strong. Strong for her brother, because right now he didn’t have the strength to fight for himself.

One of the little chicks scrambled back onto his lap. Danny sniffed and lifted his head. His eyes were almost swollen shut; he looked like he’d been in a fight. “Well …,” he said. “At least the chickens still like me.”

Then he burst out laughing. “What a sorry excuse for a soldier I am,” Danny said, “blubbering all over my little sister like I’ve lost my mind.” He set Ali and the chick aside and reached for his crutches, working his way up to stand. “Ali, don’t tell—”

Ali tweaked his arm before he could get the rest of the sentence out. “No, Danny, I’m
not
going to promise not to tell
Mom and Dad! You can’t pretend this didn’t happen!” She flung her arm out to indicate him, the chicken pen where he’d slept, the chicks, the breakdown he’d just had.

She was so mad, her voice shook as she hollered. “You’re not going to brush this aside like you usually do!” She was sure that the neighbors could hear every word, but she didn’t care. “This scared the heck out of me, Danny. And it should have scared you too.” She put her hands on her hips and glared at him. “I heard you talking to Wind Dancer last night. I was sleeping in the truck.”

Danny glared at her, but said nothing.

Ali thought about all that had happened since her brother had returned. All the signs were there: the moodiness, the anger, the solitude, the depression.

“Danny, you’ve got to talk to us about this,” Ali insisted. “You need help.”

“I don’t have to talk about anything.” Danny turned to leave and the chicks scattered.

Ali jumped up and ran to the pen’s door. She slammed it closed. “I know I’m younger than you and smaller than you, but you’re not getting out of this pen until we talk.”

Danny tilted his head as if weighing her words. He backed up, leaning against the chicken coop, and crossed his arms. “Fine. Go ahead and talk.”

Good
, Ali thought, but now she had to figure out what to say to make Danny listen. “I’ve been reading a lot of things on the internet—”

“Don’t believe everything you see online,” he snapped.

Maybe Ali should just lock him in the pen and run and get her mom and dad. What chance did she have of convincing him of anything?

Ali looked at her brother;
really
looked at him. Danny was
twenty years old. He was missing part of a leg and his body was covered with scars from flying shrapnel. And then there were the scars she couldn’t see. The ones on the inside.

She began to shake. “This is all my fault,” Ali said. “If I hadn’t followed you that day, Max wouldn’t have thrown me and I wouldn’t have broken my arm. Max wouldn’t have died and you wouldn’t have been sent off to the Army. You’d still have your leg and everything would be fine.”

“Don’t say that, Ali!” Danny pushed off of the chicken coop and balanced on his crutches. “None of this is your fault.”

“Yes it is!” she sputtered between choking breaths. “It’s
all
my fault, the stuff that happened to you. You were sent away because of
me
.”

“That’s not true.” Danny took a few hobbling steps toward her. “I chose to join the Army. Mom and Dad didn’t send me. I could see I was heading down a bad path.” He moved a little closer. “This …,” he said, indicating his leg. “This is the fault of the men who set that bomb; not yours, not mine, not anyone else’s.”

Danny lifted Ali’s chin. “Look at me, sis. None of my problems have to do with you.”

Ali jerked her chin away. “Yes they do!” She took a step back. “It’s my fault, and now I can’t get through to you. I can’t make you understand that you need help.”

He stared at her without saying a word, and that made Ali even madder. “You’re so stubborn!” She kicked at the dirt in the chicken pen.

Danny reached for her, but Ali pushed him away, almost knocking him over. “Danny!” she cried as she reached out to steady him.

Danny started laughing.

“What are you laughing at?”

“
Us
. That’s what I’m laughing about.” He shook his head. “Look at us two knot heads out here barking at each other and getting madder by the second.”

The fight went out of her. “You’ve been so angry since you’ve come home,” she whispered. “I want you to get better and I don’t know how to make you get help.”

“I understand, sis.” Danny hobbled forward and hugged Ali to his chest. “I got the message this time. Let’s get on up to the house. We’ll sit down with Mom and Dad and talk.”

“You really mean it?”

“I can’t promise you anything,” Danny said. “It’s going to be hard for me, and I’m not sure I agree with your assessment. But maybe it’s worth looking into PTSD.”

Ali opened the gate to the chicken pen and held it for her brother.

“Would you really have locked us in here?”

“Yup.” Ali closed the door behind them and followed her brother up to the house. “I’m glad I didn’t, though. That would have been kind of hard to explain to Mom and Dad.”

Danny glanced at her as they approached the back porch. “Oh, and Ali … maybe you—”

“Don’t you dare ask me not tell Mom and Dad about this, Danny. It’s too important.” She reached out her hand to help him up the steps.

“I know,” Danny said.