Wings of a Dove (65 page)

    Dear Delaney,

    This is not the way I prefer to say good-bye, but it is the only way open to me. I truly doubt that I would be able to make you understand my reasons for leaving, so I won't try.

    Instead, I ask a favor of you. I ask you to remember you said you love me and want me to be happy. If that is so,    you will accept my decision to leave. I'm a changed person, Delaney. I'm no longer the young woman you left in Cass County years ago. I've grown older, matured, and much has happened that I cannot forget. These things are a part of my life as you can never be.

    You'll do well without me, Delaney. You have before, and you will again. Margaret and I will be well, also. Don't worry about us.

    If you truly love me as you say you do, you will let me go. I could never be truly happy with you, and I would not be able to live with the heartache of trying.

    I'm leaving the medal for you, Delaney. The bond between us is finally severed. You are free.

    Allie

    Delaney stared with disbelief at the sheet of paper in his hand. Only this morning he had held Allie in his arms and loved her. And she had loved him back!

    Turning to the gleaming medal and chain lying on the pillow, Delaney felt the significance of Allie's final gesture cut mercilessly into his heart. Allie was gone. She would never come back.

    A slow rage consuming him, Delaney snatched the medal up into his hand. The image etched on the shining disk was as clear as it had ever been, and just as meaningless. The kind, benevolent Lady did not exist! He had always known that, hadn't he? Then why had he begun believing she might truly be there, somewhere, listening, watching, guiding Allie's life and his with whispered words into God's ear? Why had he come to accept that it was she who had given Allie into his care when they were children, and that it was she who had allowed them to find each other again?

    There was no Lady, and no such thing as love! This ache, this burning desire deep inside him was a damnable emotion without name. It was a grievous wound that would not heal. It had plagued him most of his life, but it would plague him no more!

    He would grant Allie's request. She had walked out of his home and out of his life. Love? He would show her what he thought of love.

    Delaney hurled the medal against the far wall. It struck with a loud crack and bounced onto the floor out of his sight.

    Turning sharply on his heel, Delaney left the room. He was determined to keep the medal and the woman connected with it out of sight, out of mind, and forever out of his heart.

Chapter Twenty-Eight

    The rolling landscape Allie viewed through the kitchen window was warmly familiar. Summer scents were heavy in the air sweet honeysuckle from the bush beside the porch, occasional whiffs of mint from the herb garden beyond, and barn odors, always strongest in the heat of the afternoon sun. A hint of a smile touched Allie's lips. All familiar scents, but some not particularly pleasant.

    Strange, the pungent smell of the barn had completely escaped her notice in recent years. It had become a part of her life, a reality she accepted without thought. Only since her return had it again come to her notice, as her mind seemed to assess every aspect of her life as if it were new. But she had been away for months, and had been home only a few days. She was still adjusting to the changes in her life.

    She was grateful that Homer Trace had consented to work a few days a week for as long as she could afford to pay him. He had evidently done his work well since James's death, and she had been inordinately pleased to see the farm in such excellent condition when she returned. James would have been happy to see the healthy crops in his fields, the well-tended animals in his     barn, and his family at home again. But James was not here, and Allie was acutely aware that she could not continue on as if he was.

    A warm gust of air from the open window loosened a strand of hair against her neck, and Allie made an attempt to smooth it back into place. Shaking her head at the futility of the effort, she reached for the drying cloth and picked up the first of the plates draining in the sink. Her hands moving by rote at a task to which she was well accustomed, Allie glanced around the familiar kitchen. Everything was the same the same stove at which Mother Case had stood for long hours cooking for her newly enlarged family, the same table and chairs where that loving woman had drawn them all together at mealtime in the hope that the diverse personalities of those sitting around it would eventually accept one another enough to act as one. Allie's smile was bittersweet. Even the dishes she now dried were the same.

    Her task finished, Allie stacked the plates neatly on the sideboard. She folded the drying cloth and hung it on the rack by the window, absentmindedly drying her hands on her apron, which was worn to a comfortable softness, much like the patterned cotton dress beneath. But a frown slipped across her face with her silent admission that her attempt to surround herself with familiar things had turned out to be a wasted effort. Everything and nothing was the same.

    Allie looked toward the staircase. All was quiet upstairs, and she supposed Margaret was sleeping as was her custom in the afternoon. Dr. Peters had come out the day after they arrived, and had seemed very pleased with her progress. He had told Margaret that he thought she would be able to attend school in the fall, and Margaret had smiled. She had not smiled very often since their return, and Allie realized it was far more difficult for her young daughter to accept James's death here, where memories were so strong.

    Allie turned toward the sideboard and began paring potatoes. She knew she had to keep busy if she was to survive the long, empty days and nights filled with painful memories.

    Two men she loved were lost to her, in vastly different but equally irrevocable ways. She loved James and he was gone, but thoughts of Delaney taunted her with the happiness just beyond her reach.    She missed Delaney. She missed his voice, his touch. She missed talking to him, their exchange of thoughts, the way he listened, concentrating, when she spoke, as if he were devouring every word. She missed the pride in his glance when he looked at her, the love she had read in his eyes. She knew she would continue to miss him for the rest of her life. But despite her loneliness and the uncertainty of her future, she did not truly regret leaving him.

    The relief she had felt after leaving Delaney was mixed with confused feelings which she had not yet resolved. No longer was she subjected to the daily assault of his masculine presence, the tenderness and hunger in his gaze, which had become more potent with each passing day. Here, at a safe distance, it was easier for her to remind herself that too many things had happened between them, things that could never be forgotten. Her own deceit in hiding the truth of Margaret's paternity from Delaney weighed heavily on her conscience, another impediment between them, but James's death had not negated the promise she had made him. She would not be able to live with a broken promise, especially to James.

    But even if that were not true, she could not reveal the truth about Margaret for she was certain Sarah's jealousy would compel her to disregard the consequences and reveal the truth about Jeremy as well. Too many lives would be affected by that revelation. Jeremy would learn that the father he loved was not his own, and his life would be changed forever. The truth would also rebound on Margaret, and Allie could not force her daughter to face the truth that Delaney had fathered both her and Jeremy on the same night, and then calmly walked away.

    Pain stirred anew within her. She had fled Delaney and she had hurt him. But she had had no choice.

    Allie blinked away the tears brimming in her eyes. She had shed enough tears to last a lifetime. She was determined to shed no more.

    A sound in the hallway broke into her sober thoughts, and Allie jumped as Sarah appeared in the doorway. Her expression feral, Sarah faced Allie with a hard smile.

    "He's not here, is he? I knew it!" Sarah's laughter held a shrill note of victory. "Delaney didn't come back for me, and he won't come back for you, either!"

       Her patience at a low ebb, Allie responded sharply, "What are you talking about, Sarah? What do you want?"

    "Our hired man said he saw a man who looked like Delaney heading this way over an hour ago. I told him he was a fool, that Delaney would never come back here again, but I wanted to be sure. I finally managed to sneak away, and it's worth all my trouble to see you standing here alone now that Delaney's finished with you. That's why you came home, isn't it? Delaney's finished with you."

    "I asked you what you want, Sarah."

    "Stupid question! I want what I've always wanted. Delaney, of course."

    "Sarah!"

    "Oh, don't pretend with me! I knew what was going on between you and Delaney while you were in Chicago! My brother was a fool, and I told him so! I told him he was making a mistake leaving you in Delaney's house, no matter how badly injured you were. I told him to find another place for you to stay in Chicago, but he wouldn't listen. He said you couldn't be moved. He said you were safe and well cared for, and that he wouldn't risk your safety for petty jealousy. He said he trusted you! Only you and I know what a fool he was, isn't that right, Allie?"

    "No, it isn't!"

    "You never could be trusted, could you? First you stole my mother's love from me made her love you more than she loved her own daughter. I hated you for that. I always will. Then you tricked my brother into marrying you and paid him back by cheating on him. All the while you were in Chicago you warmed Delaney's bed while my brother was faithful and lonely in his."

    "Get out of here, Sarah!"

    "But the truth is, my brother was a fool! He got what he deserved for marrying you a cheap street trollop my mother took from the gutter!"

    "I said get out!"

    Sarah took another step forward, her green eyes gleaming maniacally. "But it didn't work out the way you planned, did it, Allie dear? All of a sudden you're back at home in this dreary kitchen, wearing an apron and a faded dress. And you're alone, except for your pitiful little bastard upstairs."

    Allie took a threatening step forward, rigid with anger. "Get out of here now, Sarah, before I do something I'll be sorry for."

    "Oh, I forgot! You're the lady of the manor now, and this beautiful castle is all yours!" Sarah flicked a deprecating gaze around the simple kitchen. "Quite a comedown from Delaney's home on Wabash Avenue, isn't it?" At Allie's obvious surprise, Sarah laughed aloud. "I've made it my business to keep up with the news on Delaney since he left. I know Delaney's wealthy now, that he's a successful journalist, that all of Chicago is talking about the work he did recently in exposing a ring of murderers. He's everything he ever said he'd be, and you thought you were going to share it with him. You threw yourself at him again, just as you always did, but it didn't work, did it? Delaney got tired of you and tossed you out! He didn't even wait until your crippled brat could walk out the door!"

    Allie closed the distance between herself and Sarah in a few rapid steps. She faced the taller woman squarely, her voice low and shaking with fury. "Get out! I don't want you in my house! You're a malicious, jealous woman who doesn't have the sense to be grateful to Bobbie for"

    "For what! For living a boring life on a farm where the highlight of my week is a trip to town to buy groceries, where my greatest accomplishment in recent years was getting my youngest child to stop wetting her pants? I should be with Delaney, sharing his life! I should be living in his mansion and sleeping in his bed! You never belonged there. You're not worthy of him. You, with your pale, sickly face and puny body. Delaney and I are two of a kind. We think alike and look alike. Together we could have set Chicago on its ear, but you fixed that for me, didn't you? You turned Delaney against me!"

    "I didn't!"

    "But I got even! I showed you I'm more of a woman than you'll ever be! You gave Delaney an undersized crippled daughter, but I gave him a beautiful, perfect son."

    "Sarah! Damn you, that's a lie!"

    Turning at the sound of her husband's voice, Sarah swallowed convulsively. Her eyes widened as Bobbie entered the room and walked toward her, his face white with rage.

    "Chester said he saw you slipping off into the woods behind the barn, and I knew where I'd find you. You had to see if    Delaney really did come back, didn't you? What were you going to do if you found him here? Tell him the same lies you told Allie? Jeremy is
my
son! You know it and I know it, Sarah! And I curse my own stupidity in not suspecting the lie you've made everyone believe all these years!''

    "No, Bobbie, you misunderstood!" Sarah took a wary step backward. "I didn't tell Allie that Jeremy was Delaney's son."

    "Liar!" Turning to Allie, Bobbie continued hotly, "What did she tell you, Allie? That she was with Delaney that last night before he left, and that she conceived his child then?" Not waiting for Allie's response, Bobbie shook his head. "Not a word of it is true! I know because I stayed in town that night after the dance. I was so damned angry and disgusted with the way things were going between Sarah and me that I was determined to get drunk, but my heart wasn't in it. I was standing outside Delaney's rooming house, crazy with jealousy. I had decided to go in and have it out with him when Sarah came running down the back staircase, crying. When she raced out of town, I followed her. I caught up with her and made her tell me everything that had happened.