Winsor, Kathleen (47 page)

"Here,
darling! What are you crying for, you little minx? This is a night for
celebrating! Look at this—" He reached into his pocket and drew out a
jeweller's box, holding it toward her.

Slowly
Amber took it from him and as she opened it Nan edged forward so that she could
see too. As she lifted the lid both women gave a cry of astonished delight:
there was a great topaz stone set in a golden heart, depending from a heavy
golden chain. She looked up at him, doubtfully, for it must have cost a great
deal. "Oh, Rex!" she said softly. "It's beautiful—but—"

He
gave a wave of his hand, dismissing her objections. "I had a run of luck
with the dice not long ago. And here, Mrs. Nan, is something for you."

Nan
opened the box he handed her to find a pair of gold ear-rings set with tiny
pearls. She gave a little scream of pleasure and jumped up to kiss him on the
cheek—for he was at least a foot taller than she—and then quickly recovering
herself she blushed and curtsied and turned in confusion to run into the
bedroom.

"Hey!"
called Rex. "Just a moment there, Mrs. Nan! Your mistress and I have a
fancy to that place." He swung Amber up in his arms and started toward it.
"You'll have to sleep out here tonight, sweetheart. This is a very special
occasion."

The
months began to go by swiftly, for she was happy and popular and thought
herself very famous. The winter was unusually cold and through December,
January and February there were hard frosts with much snow and ice, but at last
the frost broke and there came the slush and mud and the new green buds of
spring. Killigrew had put her into leading parts again, and she was very busy
with her singing and dancing and guitar lessons.

When
they played at Court or when he came to the Theatre Amber saw King Charles, and
though he sometimes smiled at her, that was all. She heard the gossip that he
was less interested in Castlemaine than he had been and was now engrossed in
lovely Frances Stewart, though so far, they said, he had not succeeded in
overcoming her scruples. Some thought that Mrs. Stewart was a fool and others
that she was very clever, but there was no doubt she had captured the fickle
heart of the King, and that was distinction enough in itself. Amber did not
care whom he fell in love with if only Barbara Palmer lost by it.

In
the middle of February Amber found herself pregnant again. And though she
hesitated for some time, not telling Rex but arguing with herself as to whether
or not she should marry him, in the end she went to Mrs. Fagg and had an
abortion. This time it took more than a pot of herbs and a ride in a hackney
and made her so sick that she had to spend most of a
week in bed.
Rex was wild with anger and fear when he found what she had done and begged her
to marry him immediately.

"Why
won't you, Amber? You say you love me—"

"I
do love you, Rex, but—"

"But
what?"

"Well,
what if Luke—"

"He'll
never come back and you know it as well as I do! Even if he did, it wouldn't
matter. I could either kill him or get someone at Court to have the marriage
annulled. What is it, Amber? Sometimes I think you put me off in hopes the King
will send for you again. Is that it?"

She
was sitting half-propped up in bed, pale and sick and discouraged, staring at
nothing. "No, Rex, that's not it. You know it isn't."

She
was lying, for she did still hope, but nevertheless she was almost convinced
that if she did not marry Rex Morgan now she would regret it in the future.
What did it matter if she left the stage? She had been playing for a year and a
half and could not see that she had got anything by it. Her nineteenth birthday
was less than a month away and she felt that the time was passing rapidly,
leaving her in a backwash. And it was true, as she had said, that she loved
him, though she could never quite force from her heart the memory of Lord
Carlton or her ambitions for a more glorious and exciting life.

"Let
me think about it, Rex—just a little longer."

Her
son was to be two years old on the 5th day of April and, because she would not
be free that day, Amber planned instead to go out on the 1st and take him the
gifts she had bought. Rex left at seven while it was still dark outside, and
the eaves dripped with rain that had fallen during the night.

He
kissed her tenderly. "Twelve hours until I'll see you again. Have a good
trip, darling, and give the little fellow a kiss for me."

"Why,
Rex! Thank you!" Amber's eyes sparkled with pleasure, for usually Rex
ignored her trips as he wanted to ignore the fact that she had a child; but
since she had almost agreed to marry him he had evidently decided that he must
reconcile himself to his step-son. "I'll bring one back from him to
you!"

He
kissed her again, gave a wave of his hand to Nan Britton, and was gone. Amber
closed the door softly, leaning back against it for a moment, smiling. "I
think I'll marry him, Nan," she said at last.

"Lord,
mam, you should! A finer, kinder gentleman never lived—it makes my heart ache
to see how he loves you. You'd be happy, mam, I know you would."

"Yes,"
she agreed. "I suppose I would be happy. But—"

"But
what?"

"But
that's all I'd be."

Nan
stared at her, shocked and uncomprehending. "Good God, mam! What else d'ye
want?"

It
was not long before the singing-master arrived, and after
him came the
dancing-master to put her through the steps of the minuet—a new French dance
which everyone was busily learning. Meanwhile Jeremiah trudged again and again
through the parlour carrying buckets of hot water to pour into the wooden tub
in the bedroom for her bath.

Nan
washed her hair and rubbed it almost dry, piling it on top of her head where
she secured it with half-a-dozen bodkins. It was now close to ten and at last
the sun had come out, for the first time in many days, so that where she sat in
her tub the warmth fell across her bare shoulders and filled her with pleasure.
She felt, as she usually did, that it was a wonderful thing to be alive, and
was urging herself to leave the soapy luxury of her bath when there was a knock
at the door.

"I'm
not home," called Amber after Nan. She had no intention of having her
plans for this day disturbed, for anyone at all.

Nan
returned a moment later. "It's my lord Almsbury, mam."

"Oh.
Well, bring 'im in then." Almsbury had not stayed long in town the last
autumn but had recently come again for the spring session of Parliament and he
visited her frequently— though he had given her no more money. But Amber did
not care, for she was very fond of him. "Is he alone?"

"No,
there's another gentleman with him." Nan rolled her eyes, but Nan was
easily impressed by men.

"Have
'em wait in the parlour—I'll be out in a trice."

She
stood and began to dry herself with a towel. From the other room came the low
sound of the men's voices; occasionally Nan giggled or burst into a peal of
delightful laughter. Amber slipped into a green satin dressing-gown, took the
bodkins out of her still slightly damp hair and ran a comb through it, stuck
her feet into a pair of golden mules and started out. But she turned back
again. After all—he might have someone of some consequence with him. She patted
a little powder over her face, touched a perfume stopper to her wrists and
throat, and smoothed some carmine into her lips. Then, pulling the neck-line
apart to show her breasts, she went to the door and opened it.

Almsbury
stood before the fireplace and leaning against the mantel, smiling down at Nan,
was Bruce Carlton.

He
raised his head quickly as she came in and their eyes met. Amber stood
perfectly still, one arm braced against the door-jamb, staring at him. She felt
her head begin to whirl and her heart to pound and she was suddenly paralyzed,
unable to move or speak. He bowed to her then but Amber merely stood and
trembled, cursing herself for a fool, but utterly helpless. Almsbury came to
her rescue. He crossed the room, kissed
her casually, and slipped one arm about
her waist. "What d'you think, sweetheart! The scoundrel put into town
yesterday!"

"Did
you?" said Amber weakly.

Bruce
smiled, his eyes going swiftly down over her body. "The sailor's home from
the sea."

"To
stay?"

"No—at
least not for long. Amber, may I go with you today?"

She
glanced at Almsbury in surprise, for she had forgotten that she had told him
her plans for the baby's birthday. "Yes, of course. Will you wait while
I dress?"

With
Nan she went back into the bedroom and when the door was shut she sank against
it, her eyes closed, as exhausted as though she had just finished some
tremendous physical labour. Nan looked at her in alarm.

"Lord,
mam! What is it? You don't look well. Is
he
your husband?"

"No."
She gave a shake of her head, and started for the dressing-table, but her legs
felt as though every bone and muscle had dissolved. "Will you get out that
new gown Madame Drelincourt just finished?"

"But
it's raining again, mam. You might spoil it."

"Never
mind," snapped Amber. "Just do as you're told!" But she was
instantly apologetic. "Oh, Nan, I'm sorry. I don't know what's the matter
with me."

"Neither
do I, mam. I suppose you'll not be wanting my company today?"

"No.
Not today. I think you'd better stay here and polish the silver-—
I was noticing
last night it's somewhat tarnished."

But
as she painted her face and Nan dressed her hair she began to grow calmer, the
blood seemed to flow in her veins again, and a passionate happiness replaced
the first stunning sense of shock. She had thought him more handsome than ever,
and the sight of him had filled her with the same intense irrational excitement
she had felt the first time she had ever seen him. The past two years and a
half had dissolved and vanished. Everything else in her life seemed suddenly
unimportant, and dull.

Her
new gown was made of chartreuse-coloured Velvet and her shoes and stockings
matched it exactly; her hooded cloak was topaz velvet, almost the same
honey-rich colour as her eyes and hair, and she wore Rex Morgan's topaz heart
around her neck. She picked up her great mink muff and started for the door,
but Nan stopped her: "When will you be home, mam?"

Amber
tried to answer casually, from over her shoulder. "Oh, I don't know. Maybe
I'll be a little late."

She
saw disapproval on Nan's face and knew that she was jealous for Rex, thinking
that she ought not to go out there
with another man, particularly a man
who affected her as this one did.

"What
about Captain Morgan?"

"The
devil with Captain Morgan!" muttered Amber, and went back in to join
Almsbury and Bruce.

When
they were all in the coach, several gaily wrapped packages piled beside Amber,
Almsbury gave a sudden snap of his fingers. "By God, I'm engaged to play
at tennis with Sedley! Damned lucky thing I remembered!" With that he
climbed out again, grinning back at them from the doorway. Bruce laughed and
slapped him on the shoulder, Amber blew him a kiss, and the coach started off.

Behind
them the Earl and Nan exchanged looks. "Well," said his Lordship,
"there's no friend to love like a long voyage at sea," and he climbed
into his own coach and rattled off in the opposite direction.

Amber
turned instantly to Lord Carlton. "Bruce! Oh—is it really and truly you!
It's been such a long time—oh, darling, it's been two years and a half!"

She
was close beside him as she looked up, her eyes seeming to swim in some
luminous light, and his arm went around her. He bent his head swiftly and his
mouth came down hard upon hers. Amber returned his kiss with wild abandon,
forgetting where they were, straining toward him with a longing to be crushed
and enveloped. She had a sense of plunging disappointment when he released her,
as if she had been cut off in the midst of a dream, but he smiled and his
fingers passed over her face, lightly caressing.