Winter's Thaw (7 page)

Holding her close, their damp skin pressed together and breaths comingling, he rested his forehead against hers. Her dark lashes rested against her pale skin, and he closed his own eyes as well. After a few minutes, he was forced to disentangle himself and grasp the condom as he slipped from her body.

After a trip to the bathroom to take care of necessities, he returned to find Maggie curled on her side away from him. A twinge of foreboding hit him at the tell-tale body language.

She stiffened as he slipped back in behind her. Ignoring her silent protest, he pulled her back against his chest and decided to take the bull by the horns.

“What’s going through your mind, Maggie?”

After a moment, a shrug was her only response and his sense of dread grew.

“Talk to me. What’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong?” she asked incredulously, and the strain in her voice made him wince. She turned over to face him, tears streaking down her face. “What could possibly be wrong? My daughter’s father is dead, and I have a funeral to plan, and here I am, rolling around in my bed with some…kid.” She sat up, grabbed the sheet and tucked it firmly in place under her arms.

Defensiveness boiled up in Nick, even as he recognized Maggie was just striking out in her guilt and grief. “Can I remind you that I told you this wasn’t the best time for this? That I asked you, repeatedly, if you were sure this was what you wanted? I gave you every opportunity to stop.”

“Of course you did, but you knew I wouldn’t. You had me so turned on—” She cut off abruptly.

“You asked me to continue. I gave you control of the situation at every possible stopping point. I did
not
take advantage of you,” he gritted, even as he owned up to himself that it was possible he
had
. What had he been thinking? He should have known this would be the outcome. He should have been the clear-headed one.

Remorse filled him and his anger deflated. “Ah, Maggie, I’m sorry. I honestly thought this was what you wanted. I thought you enjoyed it.”

Her face crumpled. “I
did
.” Then she was sobbing, and he understood. She was upset because she
had
enjoyed it, had wanted it, and was beating herself up for being human.

He took her in his arms, and while she was still stiff, she didn’t pull away. “Shhh,” he tried to soothe, wishing he knew what to do or say to take away her pain.

“I feel horrible. Just horrible. What kind of person am I?”

“A human one,” he tried to make her see. “There’s nothing wrong about needing comfort, or something to take your mind off things. It’s been a very stressful, painful time, and you have so much more ahead of you. Don’t blame yourself”—
or me
—“for trying to alleviate that pressure for a little while. C’mon, it’s okay. Shhh…”

Nick rocked her in his arms a while and she gave herself over to his care, crying herself limp. Finally easing her back down to the pillow, he was about to lie down and join her when his cell phone’s alarm intruded into the quiet.

Maggie gasped and Nick cursed as he fumbled for the phone on the bedside table and turned it off.

He turned back toward her. “Sorry about that. I’m on days today.”

The tone of her voice was calm and distant, and she didn’t meet his gaze. “It’s okay. Go ahead. You can use my shower if you want.”

His heart ached at the divide she was erecting between them. It was as if he was losing something precious just as he’d discovered it. “Hey.” She kept her eyes averted. They were puffy but dry now, and in a way, it was worse than the tears had been. “Please look at me for a sec.”

Maggie finally looked up, and he could see the resolve in her expression. Changing what he was going to say, he asked, “Do you need me to do anything before I go? Or after my shift?”

She shook her head. “No. I have my friend coming over. I’ll be fine.”

There didn’t seem to be much more to say. He gathered his clothing and gun and dressed, then tucked away his wallet and phone in his jeans. On second thought, he pulled out his wallet and extracted a department business card. Looking around, he spotted a pen on the writing desk across the room, then grabbed it and jotted down his personal numbers and email. “Here’s how you can get hold of me. Call me if you need anything, or if you even just want to chat. Okay?”

She sat there on the bed, tucked up in her sheet, looking very small and vulnerable with her shoulders bare and hair tousled. But there was steel in her expression—not necessarily directed at him but at trying to keep herself together. The only thing left for him to put on was his footwear, and he knew in a minute he’d have no excuse left to keep him here.

“Nick?”

He paused in sliding his last shoe on.

“Thank you. For tonight. Well, for everything.”

“My pleasure.” There was absolute sincerity in that response right now. He knew, though, that he’d be thinking about the real pleasure they’d shared for days and nights to come. “Take care, Maggie.”

“You too.”

He straightened. “I’ll meet you downstairs if you want to grab a robe or something. I don’t want to leave until you’re there to lock up behind me.” Nick dropped his gaze to her mouth and she parted her lips. Lips he wanted to kiss and be damned with the consequences.

He strode from the room and waited impatiently downstairs for the few minutes it took her to descend. The sight of her slight frame bundled up in her plush robe, bare feet peeking out from beneath the hem, made him wish foolishly that she could send him off to work every morning just like this.

She stunned him by following him to the door and hugging him from behind as he reached to unlock it. He froze, not wanting to spook her, confused yet pleased by her initiative. He felt her press her cheek or temple to the middle of his back, and couldn’t resist reaching around behind him to give her an awkward sort of reverse hug in return.

“I’m sorry I’m running so hot and cold right now,” she murmured.

He tried to get a sense of her mood, but it was difficult without seeing her expressive face. As much as he was enjoying her platonic embrace, he wanted to see her eyes. He eased himself out of her slightly resisting arms then immediately turned and pulled her into a true, hard hug before setting her away from him, keeping his hands clasping her upper arms.

“I would be surprised if you were taking all of this in stride. I just want you to be okay, and not to beat yourself up over what’s happening between us.” He used present tense on purpose, because as far as he was concerned, he didn’t want to walk away from her. Sometime during the night, his mind had been made up. She might need some time and distance, but he wasn’t giving up on her completely. He could be the friend she needed now and hope for more later.

By her thoughtful, wary expression she hadn’t missed his choice of words. “Nick,” she began, “I’m so not ready—”

“I know,” he interrupted, not wanting her to build up a head of steam and decide to cut things off completely. “I completely understand. You may think I’m young, but I’m not some kid who needs immediate gratification, Maggie. I want to be your friend. Maybe sometime down the road we can look at things differently, but no pressure, okay? Let’s just see what happens. You need to focus on yourself and your daughter right now—I get that.”

Maggie gave him a wry smile he hadn’t been expecting. “Sounds like you’re cutting off every one of my arguments at the knees.” She shifted a bit and he glanced down at her bare feet again, which had to be getting cold with her standing on the tile.

“You must be chilled. You should have put on the slippers I saw by your bed. Come on.” He took her hand and pulled her over into the carpeted living room. He sat on the couch then tugged her down next to him. She immediately tucked her legs to the side, covering her feet with the hem of her robe.

“You’re right. I hadn’t noticed how cold I was getting until just then.” Maggie sighed and glanced at him. “You’re very observant.”

“A bit, yes.” Nick knew he needed to come clean about checking into Wade’s death. “And sometimes when I don’t know something I do research. I made a call last night—just wanted to check the details on the accident. I hope you’re not upset.”

Maggie frowned slightly then shrugged as her expression cleared. “No, not really. I pretty much told you everything I know.”

Nick forged ahead, wanting to get everything out in the open. “I learned that you’re actually Wade’s ex-wife.”

Her lips parted then a slight blush crept up her neck. She cleared her throat. “Well, about that…” She paused and he waited patiently. “I guess I did give you the impression that our marriage was current, but it wasn’t my conscious intention to mislead you at first. It honestly still just slips out in the present tense sometimes, and takes more explanation than I want to get into to set the facts straight. Especially with people I don’t know.” She seemed fascinated by the end of her belt, toying with it and keeping her gaze downward. “Plus, I kind of felt like I needed the boundary between us. So I didn’t clarify. But Wade and I—we were together since before we knew what sex was. And we’re still friends, plus he still stays here at the house to be with Cass sometimes.” Maggie pressed her lips together. “I mean stayed.” She swallowed hard. “It was hard enough to think of him in the past tense when we were divorced, and now…”

Nick hugged her tightly to him. “I understand.” After a few moments where she willingly rested in his embrace, he eased her upright then stood. “I’m sorry. I really have to get going to work. Can I call you later?”

“You don’t have to…”

“I want to. Okay? Like I said—friends. No pressure. I just want to check in and do what I can. Is that all right?” Nick gazed at her and tried to make sure his sincerity showed in his eyes. She gave a slight nod, and he relaxed. “Good. I’ll give you a ring when I get off shift tonight, but if you need anything before then, you can call me on my cell. The number’s on the card I gave you.”

He reached down and tugged her to her feet. “Come lock up behind me, please.” Frowning, he recalled the night before. “And make sure to keep it locked when you’re here in the house alone. I just walked right in last night and you slept right through it. Someone could have really—”

“I know.” She reached up and pressed her fingers to his mouth to cut him off. “I usually do. I promise.”

Her touch sent a tingle through him, but he knew he’d be pressing his luck to act on it. He settled for giving her a quick kiss on the forehead. “Take care, and call if you need me.”

Maggie nodded, but he got the impression she was humoring him. He didn’t push.

Once he walked out, he waited pointedly until he heard the distinct sound of the deadbolt engaging before giving a wave at the peephole then striding toward his SUV. He’d parked on the opposite side of the street rather than in her driveway, not wanting to set her neighbors to talking if they were the type to do so—especially since he’d still thought she’d been freshly widowed when he’d come back to check on her the night before.

Before he crossed the street, he looked back at the house and saw her watching him through the window. His spirits lifted and he gave another wave, this time seeing her return it. He walked to his car feeling much better about where things had been left and hoping to hear from her later on.

Chapter Seven

Maggie glanced at her phone on the seat next to her when a text notification sounded. Sam’s contact photo smiled up at her.

I’m coming by with some dinner for you. Do you want Champ back or me to keep him
?

She thought about that for a minute. It would definitely make the house seem less empty tonight when she went to bed, but then again, she would probably be flying back to Mom’s in a couple of days. It probably wasn’t fair to him to have him come home then send him away again.

A few minutes later she pulled into her driveway and idled there for a minute while she pressed the garage door opener then answered the text.

Probably better to stay there until we’re back from Mom’s. Thanks for checking. See you soon
.

She drove into the garage and parked, then sat there listening to the engine ticking. With a sigh, she glanced at, then disregarded the bag of Wade’s effects from the hospital and the huge folder of paperwork from the funeral home, letting it all stay in the car while she got out and closed up behind her.

As she did so, she thought about Nick—not for the first time by a long shot. Her long emotional day had alternately been made easier and more difficult as flashes from her time with him popped into her head at random intervals.

It had been a grueling day and one she was glad to have over with. There had only been two things she hadn’t got done that she’d wanted to—checking on Wade’s apartment and stopping at the auto shop. His apartment could wait for another time, she figured, sometime when she wasn’t so bone-weary and heartsick. And the visit to the shop had turned out to be unnecessary once she’d checked. Since the car had been totaled, all of the claims could be handled over the phone. There hadn’t been any surviving personal belongings that she’d wanted, either, so she’d been able to skip that altogether. Probably a good thing since she really didn’t have any desire to see the wrecked vehicle and imagine Wade inside.

Maggie shuddered and dropped her purse on the kitchen counter then ran a hand through her hair. She rolled her neck, wondering if she should make herself some coffee. Part of her wasn’t looking forward to Sam’s visit, only because she was exhausted and would rather just shut everything down. But Sam was the only person she really couldn’t say no to—Sam knew her so well and always seemed to have her best interests at heart. Like tonight, for example. It was just like her to announce that she was bringing dinner by because she would know that Maggie had gone through the whole day without eating. And once there, Maggie knew Sam would listen to her vent if needed, stay until the words ran out, then give her back her privacy without overstaying her welcome.

She gave in to temptation and started brewing a cup of coffee with her single-cup machine. She glanced at the house phone and noticed the message light blinking. Purposely turning her back on it, needing a break from the constant calls, even those from friends and extended family, she went about fixing her drink then grabbed her cell phone and wandered into the living room.