Winter's Thaw (5 page)

Now here she was.

But not alone.

Nick stood in quiet support at her side in the foyer, looking around, his gaze sharp.
Ah, no wonder he wanted to walk me inside.
Probably hard to turn off the cop mentality, even when off duty.

She took another step farther inside and looked down as her foot contacted something. Cassie’s Seattle Mariners hat. The one Wade had given her. She’d been wearing it when they were getting ready to leave for the airport, but had changed her mind and winged it in the door at the last minute. Maggie stooped to pick it up, memories of Cass and Wade interacting and smiling together in her head…and all at once, she broke down.

Nick tried to catch her arm as she pushed past him toward the couch, but she shook him off. Even in her sorrow, she knew she didn’t want to make a fool of herself in front of him yet again. She willed him to leave as she dropped to the cushion, burying her face in her hands, but she wasn’t terribly surprised when instead of going, Nick sat beside her and put a strong arm around her shoulders.

She must have wept for ages, and by the time the storm abated, she’d emptied the box of tissues on the end table and her shirt hem was soaked. Nick had retreated once and come back with a damp facecloth, which he used to cool her face. Maggie averted her eyes as she took it from him, and she hid behind the blessedly soothing material for as long as she could. It became evident he wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon, and she finally gathered enough composure to surface from her roiling emotions.

“Don’t you have anything better to do?” she challenged, her voice falling well short of the heat she’d intended.

“Not a thing,” he replied with sincerity, and she raised her eyes to lock on him. He was so close to her. She was fully aware of what a disaster she must look, and very thankful she hadn’t taken the time to put on any makeup when she’d touched up on the plane. At least she was spared the streaks down her face. But puffy and red likely wasn’t much better. He’d definitely seen her at her worst since the time they’d met, and she felt an acute flare of embarrassment.

And yet she couldn’t look away from him, trapped by the concern and warmth in his gaze.

“I’m a mess,” she murmured, trying not to feel vain at the shallowness of her thoughts. Why did she care what he thought of her anyway?

“You’re beautiful,” he countered. “Just having a hard day. Totally understandable.”

Her eyes dropped to his lips as he spoke and the sudden, random urge to kiss him both spooked and enticed her.

What are you thinking?

But her inner voice was more curious than chiding. She knew this was a bad idea. A really, really bad idea. But God help her, she wanted his touch right now, his strength, and she knew instinctively he wanted her too.

His lips were dry and warm against hers, gentle pressure as they glanced tentatively against one another. The contact shocked her into sanity and she pulled back with reluctance.

“Sorry about that,” she apologized. For what, she wasn’t certain.

“I’m not.”

The husky answer sent a tendril of want coiling back through her, which she ruthlessly suppressed. Standing, she distanced herself from him, then fought back a yawn.

He stood as well. “You’re tired. I should go.”

“No.” The automatic response surprised both of them. “I mean, of course you can go.” She shook her head as if to clear it. “I can’t think. I probably should have had you stop for a coffee.”

“Would you like me to run and get you something?”

Just then, her forgotten cell phone rang. The sound immediately brought her back to the reality of all she needed to do. She answered the call from one of Wade’s relatives and was quickly pulled into an emotional conversation. Nick stepped up to give her a brief hug and kiss on the forehead before mouthing, “
Hang in there. Okay
?” He turned and walked to the front door.

Her eyes followed him helplessly, and she wished she could say goodbye and thank him. The indefinable feeling she was losing something… That had to do with Wade. Right?

He lifted a hand in a wave then he was gone.

* * * *

The next couple of hours passed in an emotionally sapping blur of phone calls. Sam had come by to lend support for a time, but Maggie had soon sent her home with a promise to take her up on her offer of company tomorrow on numerous errands. She would need to go to the hospital to pick up Wade’s things, the auto shop to address the car and probably Wade’s apartment. And she would need to meet with the funeral director—not that they would be having a service right away. Wade had wanted to be cremated, so she gratefully decided to hold off on scheduling a memorial at least until after she’d told Cass. Wade’s family was scattered across the country. Neither of his parents were alive, but he had several siblings and close cousins to consult with, most of whom had moved away from their hometown.

Every conversation had taken a little bit more out of her until the last one, which had sent her careening over the edge of vulnerable exhaustion—her goodnight phone call to Cass. She’d kept it as short as she could, Maggie’s mom helping by successfully distracting Cass with the chance to choose dessert. The subterfuge of trying to act normal for her daughter’s sake had sent Maggie crashing to the couch when the conversation ended, her mom’s, “Try to get some rest, honey,” echoing in her head as she finally succumbed to the welcome respite of sleep.

It was dark when she next stirred, something intruding into her uneasy rest. Then she was being lifted in strong arms and carried. The unfamiliar movement finally had her opening her eyes in dazed curiosity, even as she looped her arms around a masculine neck. Nick’s scowl greeted her from a few inches away as he began to easily ascend the stairs, as though he weren’t hauling a grown woman.

Maggie knew she should protest. She wondered at his presence in her house. But the past twenty-four hours had taken their toll and, still exhausted, she pushed all that aside and simply accepted the cosseting as Nick lowered her to her bed and covered her with an afghan.

“We’re going to talk about you leaving the blinds open and the door unlocked.” He grumbled his warning close to her ear then sighed. “But not now. Get some sleep.” He straightened to go and the implications of his action finally cut through her lethargy.

She shot out a hand and grabbed his wrist before she knew what she’d planned. “Will you stay?” His shocked eyes met hers as he turned. “I mean…I didn’t get a chance to say… I want to…” She let go of his wrist. “Oh, who am I kidding? I just…want you to stay.” She inwardly pleaded for his understanding, because right then, she had no idea what she wanted or expected, whatever the outcome might be. Coherency was beyond her and if he asked her for a reason, she’d have no idea what to say.

All she knew was that when his arms had been around her, it was the only time she’d felt at peace all day. There was more to it than that, but that was all she’d allow herself at the moment.

His eyes searched hers in the dim light from the hallway then he stepped away from the bed once more. She bit back a protest—if he’d made up his mind to leave, there was no use in begging.

When he kicked off his shoes and placed them neatly under her dressing chair, she finally relaxed.

“I’m going to make sure everything’s locked up and turn off the lights.” He walked over and brushed some hair back from her temple. “Be right back.”

Maggie exhaled in relief, then sat up as he strode from the room. It was one thing to fall asleep on the couch fully dressed, but if she was going to bed, she knew she’d rest better if she was comfortable. She made a trip to the bathroom, did an abbreviated night-time routine then slipped into one of her favorite old T-shirts. She briefly considered adding pajama pants, but knew she wouldn’t be able to sleep as well, and the tee covered her almost to the knees anyway.

She was back in bed under the covers when Nick came back in. “Do you want me in here?” he asked, and didn’t appear surprised when she took a deep breath and self-consciously nodded.

He walked to the opposite side of the bed and undid his jeans. That was when she noticed the gun.
Whoa
.

He must have noticed her eyes widening. “Does it bother you to have the gun in here? I usually keep it right next to me, but I can lock it in my—”

“No, that’s fine. It just surprised me.” She didn’t really have a problem with it, but it had caught her off-guard.

He appeared to gauge her response then resumed, taking the holstered gun from his belt and placing it on the nightstand. Then he unselfconsciously dropped his pants.

Oh my God
.

Maggie was instantly frustrated by the lack of light in the room. The tight white boxer briefs were like a beacon in the dark, but she couldn’t see details.

Just as well, you perv. Go to sleep. Think of him as an asexual teddy bear
.

Nick slipped his socks off and climbed into bed in his briefs and T-shirt. Maggie had a strange moment when the realization hit her that, yes, there was a man in her bed, and not one she’d known since they were kids. Wade had been her one and only since puberty, and they’d been friends for even longer. So to even be this close to another man was completely foreign, as were the sensations coursing through her. It took her a while to decipher what she felt and when she did, the shock of it almost killed the feeling itself.

Desire.

So this is what it feels like
…

Stunned by the unfamiliar state, she instantly felt disloyal to her memory of Wade. If this was what had been missing from their relationship, if this was what she had owed him and never felt, then she had done him a great disservice in marrying him to begin with.

All those years, wasted
.

Maggie curled onto her side, away from Nick, overwhelmed by her sorrow at finding out too late what should have been. Silent tears of grief tracked along her face into her pillow well into the night until she finally drifted off to the rhythmic breathing beside her.

Chapter Five

Nick spent much of the night dozing rather than sleeping. The strange bed, his earlier anger and worry at finding her door unlocked with her vulnerable on the couch when he’d come back, Maggie’s stifled tears she was obviously trying to hide—all conspired to keep him on edge and made it difficult to let go and fall asleep.

He’d debated with himself earlier, finally caving after a trip home to unpack. He’d wanted to make sure Maggie was going to be all right. She’d looked so alone, so lost when he’d left, without the chance for any goodbyes between them. Then when he had returned, he’d been able to look right in and see her sleeping on the couch from the window in the front of the house. She was barefooted but had her jacket on, as though she hadn’t had a chance to change into clean, comfortable clothes. Curled up on her side, hugging herself, she looked small and extremely vulnerable.

Some instinct had made him check the door before ringing the bell, and sure enough, it had been completely unlocked. Fear and anger had driven him inside to clear and secure the house. When he thought of what he’d seen happen to women, even those who took every precaution…

She’d even slept through his moving around, her only reaction to curl more tightly in on herself as he’d stood over her vulnerable form and watched. The thought of someone committing a crime of opportunity looming over her and doing the same had almost made him physically ill.

He thought he’d done an admirable job of fighting back his ire when he’d taken her up to bed, and indeed, now that she was safe and tucked away, he could focus on how to impress upon her the real need to be extra safe now that she would be living alone.

Nick frowned as he thought about that. From what he’d observed as he’d moved through the house, there was little evidence a man even lived here. Oh, there was a jacket and a couple of pairs of shoes he’d seen, and there were family pictures featuring a slight, blond man with glasses, along with a cute little girl with her mother’s eyes and curls, only blonde like her dad. But that was it.

Maggie moved in her sleep, and he remembered her grip on his wrist, her eyes steady on his as she’d asked him to stay. Pleased to have the chance to talk to her, to maybe even become friends, he’d been more than happy to stay. She didn’t imply anything untoward, although there had been a moment when he’d shucked his jeans off…

Although he hadn’t been able to make out her exact expression in the dark, he’d felt the crackle of desire as something changed in the way she’d looked at him, held herself, maybe her breathing. But then, like a faucet turning off, it was gone, and she’d hunched away from him on the bed. Moments later, a hitch in her breath had given away her tears, even though she’d obviously tried to be silent. It was one of the hardest things he’d ever done, to leave her alone in that moment, only lending the tacit support of his presence, when all he’d wanted was to pull her into his arms and tell her everything was going to be fine.

She’d lost her husband. Things were a long way from being fine for her.

And she was a long way from wanting anything more than a warm body, someone at her side to keep it from being too quiet. Nick figured he was being used—oh, not in a bad way necessarily—as a substitute for the companion she was accustomed to. And that was fine. If it gave her some comfort, he could be whatever she needed. In a ridiculously short amount of time, she’d somehow twined her way into his heart. He didn’t believe in love at first sight, but he knew chemistry when he felt it. Allowed to grow, love could come.

But that kind of growth was not in the foreseeable future.

Nick grimaced.
Figures
.

Ah well, he’d take what he could get. He had nothing but time. And speaking of which…

He lifted partway up and glanced at the clock. Nearly two a.m. He flopped back down and tried to blank his mind, then gave up and carefully rose from the bed. After quietly pulling his cell from his jeans pocket, he made his way downstairs to the living room. He dialed the desk and, as he suspected, got Rollie.