Wished Away: A Broken Fairy Tale (26 page)

“Is Charlotte gone?” he asks walking around the chair, lifting my feet and placing them on his lap, sitting far too close for me to say what I need to.

I nod, and pull my feet away from his caressing hands and tuck them up under me, making him smile and reach out and pull my entire body up against his as if I’m playing a game. When he leans in to kiss me, I hold my hand up to his lips, stopping him in his tracks and his playful smile instantly turns. “We need to talk,” is all I can say.

Gage searches my eyes with a questioning expression surely having no idea what I’m about to say. “I have something I need to talk to you about, too,” his voice is raspy and determined. “Me first, ok?”

If he sits here and professes his love to me, looking the way he does, there will be no way I can go through with this. I nod my head again. “I’ve been needing to say this for a while now Gage, so just let me get it out.” I try and make my voice sound strong, although I feel like I’m falling apart inside. I make some space between us and look back out to the lagoon. “I don’t know how else to say this other than I don’t think this is going to work anymore.”

“The
hell
it won’t. What the hell are you talking about, Jessica?” Gage gets up and stands in my view lifting me up so I have no choice but to look into his blue eyes that I love so much that are filled with so much pain, and I almost lose my nerve. “Whatever is going on in that sweet head of yours, just tell me, and we’ll get through it together. But don’t sit there and pretend we aren’t working. We are perfect.”

My heart cracks at his sincerity, but I know I can’t take away his dream. “The only thing that has been going on, is that I can’t be with you anymore. Our lives are going in different directions, Gage. You need to go to Ohio, and I need to stay here with Charlotte. I can’t be the reason…”

“You
are the reason Jess.
You’re the reason for everything I do. Nothing matters more than you. Nothing. No one has ever had my heart more than you, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to throw that away for a job.” He paces back and forth when I won’t let him hold me, clearly trying to calm himself down.

“But you got the job didn’t you? And you didn’t tell me.” I choke back the tears building when I remember he also accepted it. “So let’s just make this easier on the two of us and end…”

He stops dead in his tracks and takes my shoulders in his hands, heartbreak all over his face. “Yes, I did get the job, and was going to tell you last night when I found out, but got carried away.” A sad smile appears on the corner of his mouth at the memory. “But I’m not going. I didn’t take it.”

I’m confused and pissed all at the same time. I heard him, why the hell is he lying? “I heard you, Gage.” I step back from him because his touch makes me want to do nothing but fall into the comfort of his arms. “I don’t want to be with you anymore, Gage. It’s that simple. I was trying to be nice and use you’re moving as an excuse, but the truth is I don’t love you. I don’t know if I ever really have. You will never measure up to Dave.”

He flinches at my words and I die a little inside at the lie I just told. “You’re lying. You don’t mean that.” He stalks up to me and takes me in his arms, and looks at me with absolute confidence and dominance that turns me inside out. “You love me and I love you. Nothing you say right now will make me think any different. So say whatever lies you want, I don’t believe you.”

I swallow hard and meet his gaze, mustering up every bit of courage left in me. “I’m sorry Gage, but that just isn’t true. You’re hot, you’re rich, and you’re a rebound.”

“I’m not letting you do this.” He doesn’t miss a beat and kisses me with such need, I give in momentarily before pushing him back.

“I need you to go.” I’m fighting back the tears watching the realization wash over him as I step back from him and walk over to the screen door and open it. “I’m really sorry, Gage. It was fun. But it’s over.” I have no idea how I’m able to get such a lie across my lips.

Gage stands there with a defeated expression before walking over to the door and looks down at me. “I don’t know what has come over you Jessica, but I’m not giving up on us. Whatever it is, we can get through this together.”

“The only thing I want to get over is you, Gage. I tried to be nice before, but I’m not asking, I’m telling you to get out.” I choke out the last words hoping he doesn’t notice my heart shatter into a thousand pieces.

He turns and kisses me one last time, his sad eyes watching me, before walking out my door without a word. I watch him pull away from my house, and fall to the floor in a fit of tears watching the man I love drive away.

Jess

I
t’s been two weeks of dodging phone calls and binging on mint chocolate chip ice cream, trying to manage the sadness of losing Gage. “Ink” by Coldplay is playing in the background and I want to crush the sound system for playing a song that Gage used to love to dance with me to and makes me think of the smooth way he moves his body with mine. He loved this CD because he said it always reminded him of the first time he knew he was in love with me, the night of our first date.

Gage has tried to have Joey and Cam talk “sense” into me, but it’s no use. I cannot live with myself if I’m the reason he throws away his dream. My thoughts these days shift back and forth between Dave and Gage, the only two men I have ever loved. Sometimes it’s as if I can hear Dave telling me to let Gage in, but I push the thought aside knowing it’s impossible.

One of the hardest moments was telling Charlotte about Gage. She loves him too, but I didn’t want her to know I made this decision for her. I couldn’t take her away from her family and friends all because I’m helplessly in love. I keep telling myself that I’m luckier than most people to have experienced the kind of love from the kind of men I have in my lifetime. I never want Charlotte to think that my decision was Gage’s fault. He deserves her love.

Just then, Cam and Holden come walking out onto the deck to see me cuddling with a quart of ice cream, and Charlotte, Sophie, and Ellie come running past me and into the house. “Well if this isn’t the most pathetic sight I’ve ever seen,” Holden jokes and I fling a spoon full of ice cream at him, just missing him when he dodges out of the way laughing.

Cam sits on the chair at my feet with a sad smile. “By the look of things, you finally spoke to him.”

I roll my eyes. “He trapped me. He called Charlotte and asked her to come over tonight because he has something to give her. Before he moves.” I take a large bit of ice cream and shake my head at the realization he’s really moving away, that he really did lie to me. I should be happy, he’s following his dream like I told him to…Like I wanted him to, but instead, I feel like I’m losing him all over again. “One of you two have to take her over there for me.”

Holden laughs. “Hell no, woman. Man up and talk to him. You at least owe him that, since you are being a bucket of crazy. Why are you being so stupid?”

“Holden!” Cam hits Holden in the chest, but I can’t help but laugh because a part of me has been asking the same question since I watched Gage walk away.

I spray whipped cream in my mouth in defiance to Holden, making them both laugh and take another bite of ice cream for courage. “I was holding him back, Holden. He’s was going to give up the job his worked his entire life for, all to be with me. I can’t be responsible for taking away his dream.”

Holden sits next to Cam and wraps her in his arms, looking at her lovingly, causing me to pretend to gag at their cuteness. “Dreams change.” He echoes Gage’s words he used when he told his dad he wasn’t taking the job, and I’m beginning to feel like I’m sinking in doubt, thinking of the way Holden fought for Cam.

Cam looks up at Holden and smiles. They’ve been to hell and back together and have made it through everything stronger than before. “Are you going to take Charlotte to see him? You really should. She loves him Jess, and he loves her. She should at least get to have some closure too.”

Guilt fills me at the mention of my daughter and I roll my eyes at Cam and Holden, pick up my phone, and search for Gage’s number.

I hover above the button before pushing send knowing seeing him again, being in his presence, will be like ripping open my wounded heart and pouring alcohol over it.

Got your message. We can stop by for a few minutes tonight if that works.

“I’m proud of you, Jess,” Cam says patting my leg and I stick my tongue out at her.

“Jess, that dude is head over heels for you. Every time Joey and I try and get him out, he just winds up asking about you the entire time. He didn’t even go to his own going away party at work.” Holden runs his hands through his hair and I just stare at him in shock. He’s not working at the hospital anymore? One more step to being gone forever.

“I didn’t realize he’s moving so soon. I didn’t think it’d be happening for another few weeks…” Just then my phone chimes in with a text and my heart thumps with anticipation hoping it’s Gage, and we all pause to read it.

Cam and Holden are leaning over my shoulder as Cam reads the text aloud.
“
I’ll wait for you forever
.
”
She sits back and throws up her hands clearly disgusted with me. “What’s wrong with you, Jess? Seriously? He isn’t taking the job in Ohio like he keeps telling you. He only wants you.”

I look at her with a questioning expression before another text comes through and I know it’s Gage when

“True Love” rings through again
.

We need to talk.

This is exactly what I was afraid of. It’s why I’ve avoided seeing him since I broke up with him, because I don’t trust myself around him.

Not in front of Charlotte. Another time.

Holden and Cam both completely invade my privacy and read my text aloud again and nearly knock me off the chair with their looks of disdain.

“I remember, not too long ago, it was you who was telling me to go for it with Holden. Now it’s your turn, Jess. Stop being so stupid.” Holden and Cam high five and I give them the finger.

Doubt is battling guilt inside me, and I look up to the sky and wish that Dave was here to guide me through this dark haze. Regret builds knowing if Dave were still here, I’d never be feeling this way, I’d have never fallen in love again, I’d never have had my heart crushed again. I smile when I see another heart shaped cloud, and a thought rushes through me;
this time I have a way to heal my heart. This time there is a chance to get back the love I’ve lost.

I try to act calm as we turn onto the street leading to Gage’s house, but in truth, my insides feel like a scene from Cirque de Sole is playing out. Charlotte has been talking non-stop, wondering what Gage has for her, and wondering if we are getting back together. I gently remind her that Gage and I’ve decided to part ways because he has an amazing opportunity to save people’s lives. She tries to be strong for me, but I choke up when I see tears well in her eyes.

I’m surprised to see several people standing in Gage’s driveway chatting along when we drive up, however am instantly struck with a sense of calm when one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen looks at me and smiles. I’m even more overcome with wonder when the woman standing next to her turns and looks exactly like the other. Three little children begin running around in circles around the women, who still have their sights on our car.

“They are the most beautiful people I’ve ever seen, Mommy. Do you think they’re princesses?” Charlotte asks, and I can’t help but agree at her observation. They seem too perfect to be real.

My face begins to heat up and I can feel him before I see him. I look in the garage to see Gage watching me intently as he emerges with two other men. It’s only then that I’m struck by how drop dead gorgeous the other two are, and begin to wonder if I’ve just pulled onto a GQ shoot. One of the men has sandy blonde hair, and mysterious eyes that almost seem to glow a bright blue. The other is so tall and muscular that I have no doubt he could stop anyone in their tracks.