Wished Away: A Broken Fairy Tale (11 page)

“Is that you, Jessica?” His deep voice startles me and I jump back when he walks from the other side of the lifeguard tower. Gage reaches out and catches me before I tumble backwards onto the sand. He pulls me up and looks down at me and wipes the tears from my face with his thumb sending unexpected shivers through me.

I let my dress fall to the sand and wipe away the rest of the mascara filled tears on my face. “I didn’t think anyone would be out here. I just…wanted some air.” I can’t think of what else to say.

“I needed some air too. That video was intense, even for me. Are you alright?” he asks running his hand across his jawline again, drawing my attention to his full lips. I hate what his presence is doing to me tonight.

I nod my head. “Yes.” He rolls his eyes and shakes his head with a sarcastic laugh at my obvious lie and I smile a little through my tears. “No, I guess not.”

He starts to reach his hand out to me but then pulls back, wringing his hands together as if he’s trying to keep himself from offending me with his touch. He looks out to the ocean and we both stand there in silence for a moment. “There isn’t a day that passes that I don’t miss my wife, Cassie.” I look over at his somber face and he turns to me with those hypnotizing eyes. “It’ll get easier, Jess. I promise.”

I try to smile and look out to the ocean, not able to look at him and talk of Dave. It feels like a betrayal when I get lost in his blue eyes. “What if I said I don’t want it to get easier? It feels like if it doesn’t hurt, then it wasn’t real.”

I feel his hand slide across the palm of my hand, forcing me to look up at him. “Do you think that’s what he’d want?” His words cut at me. It’s as if Dave is speaking through him. He lightly squeezes my hand before letting it go. “I’ll let you be alone now. “ His confident demeanor turns soft for a moment. “It really is nice seeing you again, Jessica.” He turns and begins walking back to the house.

I sit down in the sand, watching the waves crash against the shore, trying to focus my thoughts on Dave and away from Gage’s eyes. Waves of guilt mirror those in front of me, forcing me to close off my heart and remember that my heart will only every belong to Dave. No one else.

Dave

T
here are no words to describe how beautiful Jess looks tonight. Stunning? Gorgeous? Alluring? Magnificent? No, none are powerful enough. The way her long blonde hair flows down her back in loose curls complimenting the deep green dress that’s molded to her every curve is breathtaking. Her frame is smaller than before, which worries me, but she still looks like an angel. When I see her face, I notice the sadness that is evident in her eyes and I wish there was something I could do to make it go away. The guilt she feels when she’s happy pulses between us, and there’s nothing I can seem to do to make her know that I
want
her to be happy. I
need
her to be happy before I can be fully free to move on.

I notice all the looks she gets as she and Joey make their entrance into the benefit and swell with pride just like I used to when she was on my arm. While I feel relief knowing our friends have taken such good care of Jess since my death, I wish that Jess would be able to break from the emotional wall she’s erected and not have Joey as her date tonight. Joey has stepped up more than anyone, taking Jess and Charlotte to every holiday party or required event, but it’s time for that to change. Joey needs to move on with his social life just as much as Jess does. Jess needs to get out, see people, socialize like she used to instead of burying herself in the foundation and Charlotte. She hardly comes up to breath anymore. As proud of her as I am about all of the happiness she has brought to other families through GoodFellas, I wish she’d find some happiness herself. Jess’s smile is one of the best things about her, and I hardly ever see it anymore.

The day Jess decided to name the foundation GoodFellas, I was swept into the memory of years ago. It was Christmastime in 1999, and was the first night the guys and I were home from Yale. Jess and Cam were still in high school and were playing in a basketball game, having no idea we decided to come home a day early to see them play in a big game against the toughest team in the state. We had it all set up with the Dades and had seats saved for us in the same spots we always used to sit in when we went to school together. Jess hated that I could never come to any of her games, especially since they were a top rated team in the state. Jess was the point guard and Cam was the off guard. They were each other’s perfect partner, complimenting each other’s abilities on and off the court. Jess was aggressive, and intense, while Cam was calm and deliberate with every decision she made.

The three of us were able to sneak in though the back door, able to conceal our presence from most of the other students there to watch the game until half time, when we were swarmed by our old schoolmates, and girls all vying for Joey to make them his one night stand at the after party. Joey never brought along any of girls he dated, he always said he hasn’t met anyone worthy to join our group yet. I remember the way everyone commented how the five of us were the tightest group of friends they had ever seen. That was probably the first time that the three of us really realized how our group was perceived by others. While Holden and I were in love with Cam and Jess, the five of us had a bond that was unbreakable. When we were all in high school together, we rarely did anything without each other, and now with the distance between us, instead of drifting apart, we were only more bound together than ever before.

The game started up again, and our friends went back to their seats helping to keep our arrival a secret from the girls. I still couldn’t believe Jess and Cam hadn’t noticed us, but they were always too focused on the game to care who was in the stands.

Joey leaned over to me and Holden laughing about the attention we had all received about our surprise arrival to their game. “Hey, how come we’ve never named our gang? All these years together as best friends and we never thought to do it? A group as cool and good-looking as us should have a name.”

Holden laughed and looked out at our girls dominating on the court. “That’s a lame ass idea Joey. Now shut up and let me watch my girl kick some ass.” Just then, Jess passed the ball to Cam who ran a route to the deep corner and scored a three pointer with ease.

We all high fived and began hooting like we always did when were excited for something, causing both girls to finally look our way. I’ll never forget the look in Jess’s eyes that night when the recognition of my presence crossed her face. Her eyes lit up like firecrackers and she smiled so big, that it made my heart skip a beat. She mouthed that she loved me, before putting her full attention back at on the game. I remember thinking that at the moment in my life, there was absolutely no doubt that I was going to spend the rest of my life with her. I loved her so much, so completely, that I always thought it was too good to be true.

That night after the game, we went back to Joey’s beach house with a large group of friends to celebrate their win. Jess and Cam showered and came down to the party in sweats and no make-up looking more beautiful than any of the other girls all done up with gallons of make-up on here tonight. The four of us decided to take a more mellow direction of our night and went up to the theater room and watched GoodFellas together. It was my favorite movie, and I loved watching it on the gigantic movie screen that covered the entire wall of the room. There were two rows of eight worn brown leather recliners in the burgundy room, perfect for spreading out and getting some private time with my girl. Leaving the party to go watch a movie was really just an excuse to have Jess in my arms for the next two and a half hours.

“Do we really have to watch this again?” she asked sliding onto my lap with a blanket topped with popcorn and sodas.

I took the bowl overflowing with popcorn and Cokes off the blanket and she spread the soft cashmere blanket over us. Now that my hands were free, I pulled her close to me, taking her face in my hands. Every time I looked into her eyes, my heart skipped a beat. “I was kind of hoping we wouldn’t be watching much of the movie.” I leaned in and brushed my lips across hers, watching as she closed her eyes and let out a sigh.

“I missed you so much,” she said breathless as I ran my hands under her sweatshirt, tracing up her back while I kissed up the side of her neck, taking my time. I wanted nothing more than to have her beg me to never stop.

I slowly made my way across her ribcage, causing her to angle her body, begging for me to touch her. I brought my mouth to hers right when I took her full breasts in my hands, pouring my need for her into each swipe of my tongue. A whimper escaped her when I traced my free hand down her stomach and circled her belly button. I tickled my fingers across the waistband of her yoga pants causing her to lift herself, begging for me to fulfill the need that was pulsing through both of us. I heard the sounds of yelling from the movie going on in the background, but all I could do was think of how much I wanted to feel Jess right then.

“You’re going to make me explode Jess, be good,” I part whispered, part growled, unable to control the desire that was driving me insane.

She gave me that devious smile that makes me hard, and gripped me, moving her hand up and down, allowing me to slip my hand easily across the elastic barrier of her sweatpants and under her barely there panties. When I rubbed my hand across the slick folds of her sex, she responded by kissing me with such passion, that I almost came undone right then. She pulled back and looked at me, her lips swollen from our kiss and her full chest heaving up and down. She looked around, assessing our company, only to see that Holden and Cam were also not paying any attention to the movie, and instead enjoying their time together after so long apart. When Jess turned back to me, her face was pulsing with a sultry expression, still breathless, her eyes begging for me to take her, but not here, not now. We’ve waited too long to share it with anyone else.

“I love you so much,” I said brushing her mussed blonde hair from her face.

“I want you to show me.” She leaned down and started to kiss me again.

I pulled back and held her face once more in my hands, looking her in her eyes so she’d understand I wasn’t rejecting her. “I will show you a lot tonight, Jess, but more than this…” I slid my hands back into her warmth and slowly teased her, “more than this will be special. It will also be very, soon.” She began to move her body up and down matching the rhythm I was setting only responding by giving me a kiss so deep, so full of meaning, that I came undone by her.

By the time the movie was over, we hadn’t actually seen one scene. But what we did realize was that not only were Cam and Holden in here with us, but Joey also had brought Kat in here, thinking he too could have some alone time. That was the one and only time Kat fell for his game. The six of us spent the rest of the night held up in the theater room, locking the door and ignoring the rest of the party, deciding we had everyone we wanted to see tonight right there with us. After a lot of teasing and rude comments, and far too many beers, Joey had convinced us to give a name our group, making Kat a witness rather than a member. We chose GoodFellas because it’s a badass movie, but also, we were drunk and it kept playing over and over for the rest of the night, so it was almost like being brainwashed at that point.