Wished Away: A Broken Fairy Tale (10 page)

We walk downstairs and just as he said, Cam and Holden are walking up the porch. I can’t help but giggle when I notice just how true his statement before was. Cam really is waddling.

“Told ya,” he says matter of fact from behind me.

I shoot Joey a look feeling guilty for my own reaction. “Shut up, Joey,” and run over to open the door.

The car the McMillans sent for us pulls up just as Cam makes it to the top step. She turns and curses under her breath. “What was I thinking wearing heels?”

I can’t help but smile at her and Holden when he kisses her head and tells her how beautiful she looks. He’s right, even thirty pounds heavier and eight months pregnant, she still looks more beautiful than anyone I’ve ever met.

She looks over at me and her frustration turns to warmth. “I knew that dress would look amazing on you tonight. We are going to be beating the men off you.”

I can’t help but frown at her comment. “Will you guys stop talking about other men? I. Don’t. Want. To. Meet. Anyone. That’s why Joey’s my date.”

They all get quiet not wanting to stir the beast that comes out when they all decide to get together and tell me that they think I should try and go out on a date. I still can’t believe they can even suggest such a thing when Dave’s only been gone a little over a year and a half. I honestly can’t imagine ever wanting to be around any man in a romantic way again. As much as I loved noticing hot guys when Dave was alive, I can’t even talk to a good looking man without feeling overcome with guilt and grief.

“You better at least put out tonight.” Joey makes one of his crude jokes trying to lighten the mood I’d just dampened.

“Jess, tonight is about Dave, and we just want you to be proud of all the lives you’ve changed. Let’s keep things light tonight, Okay?” Cam asks putting her arm around my shoulder, helping me balance my mood.

“Sorry guys. I guess I just miss him tonight more than usual.”

Holden’s now on my other side and kisses my forehead. “It’s going to be a great night Jess. Have a drink in the car before we walk the carpet, it’ll calm your nerves.”

I look up at Joey with a dark scowl making him turn and run to the car, emerging with a bottle of champagne. He has a devious smile on his face as he approaches cautiously. “Surprise!” he says handing me the bottle and looks over at Cam and Holden. “I may have left out the part about walking the carpet to Jess guys.”

I hold the bottle up to them all and drink down nearly half of it before handing it to Joey. “Let me finish this and I may forgive you.” I force a smile, trying to be the Jess from
before
for one night.

As much as I was dreading having to walk the bright blue carpet of the media line, I’m glad to see the enormous turnout to help promote the GoodFellas organization. Reporters ranged of people from Access Hollywood to NBC News, all here to capture pictures of the stars inside, but more importantly, they’ll inform millions about my organization and that thought makes it easy to put a true, sincere smile on my face. Having Joey as my escort may not have been the best idea considering five minutes after going inside, he’s already cozying up to some young, hot brunette that’s throwing herself at him. The second Joey saw that Kat had brought a date, a hot one at that, I knew he’d do everything he could to show her he didn’t care. But we all know he does underneath all those excessive hormones.

Cam and Holden stay by my side through the meet and greet, and at times, Holden really did have to run interference with some overzealous guests who also felt that enough time has passed and tried to make a pass at me. The cocktail hour is coming to an end, and we’ll be taking our seats soon for the auction and dinner. So, I decide to go to the bar to get a glass of wine, hoping it will calm my nerves before I have to start everything off with my speech. My heart feels like it’s in my throat with the thought of talking about Dave in front of all these strangers, when I have a hard time getting his name passed my lips when I’m alone. But now, I have to be strong. I close my eyes and repeat to stay strong to myself when I take a sip of the dry red wine.

I turn to meet the others at the table, bumping my arm into the person next to me at the bar, causing me to jump back, trying to prevent red wine from spilling all over my green dress. A strong hand grips my forearm to steady me and when I look up, a flicker of excitement pulses through me when my eyes meet those that belong to this strong, familiar hand.

“Are you alright Mrs. Bosi?” Dr. Scott is holding out his handkerchief, trying to catch the wine that’s splashing over the rim of my glass.

“I’m so sorry Dr. Scott, I wasn’t looking where I was going.” I force myself to glance away and take the handkerchief he holds out to me, hoping I’m not blushing.

I haven’t seen Dr. Scott much since the day Dave died, and instead of feeling sadness, the only thing I can think at this moment is how handsome he looks. His dark wavy hair is slicked back, revealing eyes that are so blue, it’s like looking into the sky. They’re filled with such a sense of hope, that I can’t help but wonder what for? His body is perfectly wrapped in a tailored black tuxedo making it difficult to look back up at him when I hand back the handkerchief. I’m not sure why I’m having this reaction to him when no one else has even made my heart do anything but sink, and it flusters me. “It’s nice to see you again, Dr. Scott.” I say trying to ease away from him and go back to the safety of my friends.

“Please call me Gage,” his voice is soft, with a deep and gravely rasp that massages my soul. Right now all I can think is the alcohol must be getting to me. When he takes the white cloth from my hands, his fingers brush against mine making us both flinch back in reaction to the intimate touch.

“Then call me Jess,” I say trying to make this interaction less awkward. The tension between us is thick and I don’t know if it’s because of the sadness he knows I feel or if he notices how much his proximity seems to be affecting me.

“Well then, Jess,” he says bowing his head to me looking up at me with a wrinkled forehead through his long, dark lashes. “I’m glad I could be here tonight to support such a great cause. I’m sure Dave would have been proud of all you’ve done.”

Gage knows all too well the depth his words would have on me. I can only smile and nod back.

He clears his throat and runs his hand across the stubble of his jawline, noticeably looking anxious. “Well, we better get in there before the bidding starts. It was nice seeing you again.” He smiles up at me, and it’s the most drop dead sexy dimpled filled smile, that I almost jump into his arms. Just as a smile starts to creep across my lips, I’m shot back to reality. I remember Dave. I remember he’s dead. I remember my pain. Before I can break my gaze from his, he reaches out and takes my hand politely in his. “You look beautiful tonight, Jess.” He leans down and kisses my hand before turning and walking out of the room.

I’m left standing there stunned when Joey makes his way over to me nodding in the direction that Gage just headed towards. “I haven’t gotten to see Gage yet. I’m so glad he came. Ready to eat?” he asks, taking my arm in his and leading me to the dining room.

Luckily I made it through my speech with ease and feel more like myself, hopefully making Dave proud. When I’d gotten up to the podium and looked out to the prestigious guests, I felt brave rather than sad or nervous. There were so many people here to celebrate Dave and to support the foundation I’ve poured my heart and soul into this past year, that I couldn’t help but feel proud. When I began speaking to our guests, it felt as if Dave was standing there with me, cheering me on as usual. I looked out over the crowd at my friends and family smiling when each of our eyes met. At the end of my speech, something inside me stirred causing me to look to the bright blue pools of hope from before. There was a slight smile perched on the side of his mouth when he noticed my gaze fall to his, and I finished my speech looking at no one but him. Something about Gage made me feel calm. Maybe it’s that I know he’s one of the few people who actually knows the loss I feel, and maybe some of it’s that he is just so damn hot. Whatever it was, I didn’t look away until I made my way back to my seat.

Throughout the auction, I can’t get the look in Gage’s eyes out of my mind. He is sitting a few tables away with a group of guys I know to be Joey’s friends, and I spend the entire time trying not to look his way. There’s a battle going on inside me because I don’t want to be drawn to him in any way. Yet I am, and all I want to do is to capture his gaze again.

When he bids fifty thousand dollars to rent the McMillan’s house for one night, his gaze meets mine, this time with smoldering eyes, as he throws back his drink. I can’t help but wonder how he can afford to spend that kind of money on a house rental, and what he could possibly want with a house this big for one night. Is he a playboy like Joey? It makes sense, most of Joey’s friends who aren’t married are just as hot and just as slutty as he is. I hope Gage hasn’t turned into one of them. But that isn’t my business, and I have no idea why I care. I mouth
thank you
to him, not able to think of what else to do when he doesn’t break his gaze from mine and turn to Cam who is looking at me with a huge shit eating grin on her face.

“What. Was. That?” she asks with her voice raising a decibel with each word causing both Holden and Joey to look my way.

I try to put on my most innocent face and take a sip of my wine. “What do you mean?”

Joey and Holden both look at Cam confused. She twists her face and smiles. “That
look
between you and Dr. McSteamy is what I mean.”

Holden and Joey both raise their eyebrows, and I let out a stunned breath trying to hide the affect his look has on me. “I’m not sure what you mean about ‘
look
’. I ‘
looked
’ over at him when he spent fifty thousand dollars to donate to GoodFellas.”

Just when Cam is about to call me out, Joey interrupts. “Dude’s got a shit load of money. His parents own a ton of hotels. He’s an only child like us and has more money than even me. So don’t get your panties all wet, that’s a drop in the bucket for him.”

So many questions are stirring inside me and I’m glad when our attention is directed to Dave’s mom who’s now speaking. She’s such a strong woman, I’m glad she’s able to tell everyone about the man Dave was. My speech was filled with facts about GoodFellas, the only time I mentioned Dave was at the end, when I said I hoped he was proud of all we’ve done in his name, because saying anything more would’ve been too hard. Dave’s mom begins speaking of his loyalty, his bravery, and most of all his love of family. She speaks eloquently, even through her tears, telling the crowd of his love for me and our daughter. Then, unexpectedly, the screen behind her changes from projecting the foundation logo, to a slide show of Dave and our life together that begins to play to “Mine Would be You,” our song. The tears that I thought would be kept at bay tonight teeter at my lids as pictures of us as children flash on the screen. When the final picture of Dave, Charlotte, and me huddled together in a beach blanket on the last Memorial Day we spent together freezes on the screen, all of my composure unravels. Cam, Holden, and Joey all reach for my trembling hands in support, but their eyes are also filled with tears.

When a loud cheer breaks out and people start chanting Dave’s name, the last piece of me disintegrates. The pride and love I feel for Dave in this room is suffocating, because I want more than anything for him to know how loved he is. But he never will.

I look up at my friends in desperation. “I just need minute. Excuse me.” When they all move to follow me, I just hold my hand out, silently asking them to let me be alone.

“We’ll be here waiting for you Jess.” Holden’s voice is assuring and steady as always. I smile back at him and walk out of the room, trying not to make eye contact with anyone.

I rush through the kitchen, knowing the guests would not be allowed back here, and make my way out to the beach. I toss my black sequined shoes onto the deck and start to make my way to the lifeguard stand hoping to get a moment to myself and gather my emotions. Tears are teeming down my face, but I need my hands to hold this heavy gown up while I trudge through the damp sand. For the first time thoughts of anger at Dave for leaving me assault my emotions. I never thought it would be this hard. People always say time heals, but it’s been over a year, and it feels harder today than it did a year ago. I go through most days trying to do everything I can not to think of Dave, only allowing those thoughts at night when I can drown in the emotions they bring.