Wishing on a Blue Star (12 page)

I hate the Thanksgiving holiday. Always have, for as long as I can remember.

Never mind why. we all have certain holidays we’d rather just passed on by without fuss or muss, dont we?

That said, there is one part I do like, and that is the original, supposed reason for the holiday to exist. Gratitude.

No, I never liked the around the table “Tell us what you are thankful for, Patric.” Probably because the very first thing to enter my kid shaped brain was invariably “I’m thankful that we are eating because it means this day is almost over.” I sort of instinctively knew that comment would never fly, so I had to find suitably innocuous alternatives.

None of which ever came close to what really mattered, because those things too generally wouldnt fly. :)

As we get older, if we are lucky at least, or perceptions change, evolve, become wider in scope and awareness, and I’d like to think mine have similarly grown. Certainly, being glad my kitten got better after he was sick would be superseded by a new bike, passing math, having a car that actually runs, having a boyfriend that doesnt, and so on down the line.

Now as I push on the other end of that proverbial line, I find that my general pragmatism in no way colors the sense of wonder I’ve managed to retain, and I have to be thankful for that above all else.

I just got done changing the packing in the “cavernous maw” in my leg. While I was poking iodoform soaked strips into the hole and hating the task, I realized I was thankful that I could do it myself. So many people would not be able to. Which of course got me thinking, because today is supposed to celebrate gratitude after all, what else I might add to the list.

Lets see....

      
I’ve got a doctor I adore, I have people who, despite my best efforts, “brace the dragon in his den” and put up with me anyway, and I have, if not my health, then a fair shot at it someday.

      
I have kids, and cats, who think I am made of gold, I have toys and computers, gadget freak that I am, that keep me entertained when I am stuck in the house, and I have the internet which keeps me connected to still more people so that I dont completely forget my own humanity.

      
I have a brain that works, even at a diminished capacity, that lets me understand and appreciate what I have, and that lets me keep myself busy with meaningful things.

      
I have memories, both good and bad, that remind me I’ve spent my life fairly well, all told.

      
I have the product of that life, things I’ve made and done, people I’ve met and influenced, and I’ve seen a million changes in the world, generally for the better.

      
I have the things both great and small that make living at least doable, if not often pleasurable; a roof over my head, food to eat, people to laugh with, friends who care, and so on.

All told, I have myself and all of the family, friends, lovers, life, and living that implies. I reckon that’s all anyone can really ask for, and it’s enough for me. :)

Happy Thanksgiving!

Patric

Friday, December 4, 2009

Bumpy Ride

Oi. Sorry. I promised an update today and I’ve run out of steam after all.

Nap time, then I should be able to fulfill my obligation... If the damn hiccups will cease.

Groan. :)

Two days later....

Scratch that. FIVE days later....

4th cycle sucks. No two ways around it.

And right now, I cant even remember what happened in the last five days. Ups and downs like the proverbial roller coaster.

If I missed something significant that I promised someone I’d mention, remind me.

Oh, and I made a hat. :)

Maybe the next update will be a little more useful.

Yeah, and maybe I’ll live forever, too. lol

Hugs y’all..

Monday, December 7, 2009

“It’s full of stars!”

Okay, I never said I was the brightest candy cane in the tool shed. (How’s that for mixing metaphors?)

But I just discovered comments....

Yeah, really!

Some of y’all have been leaving little notes here and there, and I never saw them until now.

Never occurred to me to look, I suppose. (And yeah, I thought this bloggy thing would email me or something when someone posted, but even that’s really no excuse.)

So.... My apologies for being remiss, and my gratitude for your attention!

I admit, I’m suddenly seeing this update stuff in a whole new light. It was once just a way to cut back on all the email, and now it has a deeper meaning-- a welcome obligation to pay heed to others instead of just myself.

How absolutely remarkable to be given such a gentle reminder to hang on to my humanity and *interact* with others, and in such a kind manner.

Hence, the admittedly obscure title of this post. You people, you wonderful souls who take time out of your lives to touch mine, are all truly stars!

Muaah!

Patric (who is gonna poke around in the settings and make this beasty thing tell me next time a comment gets posted.) :)

So If You’re Sand, Not Rock

C. Zampa

To My Little Sweetie, My Petit Garcon…

So if you’re sand, not rock,

Then you have the strength to polish our friendship like a stone,

The beauty to sparkle in the morning sun of my day,

The softness to succumb to the strong waves of my heart

     And bend with my feelings,

The power to hold the mighty ocean of my heart within its limits,

The warmth to comfort my feet when I tread,

The miles and miles of vast stretches that never leave me

     Without a place to rest,

The clay with which to build the sandcastles of my dreams,

The substance in our hourglass of friendship

     Which never runs out,

The resistance to withstand the swooping tide of night,

     And still be there when the surge washes back out to sea.

But if you’re sand, not rock,

I must cup you in my hands like precious gems,

Hold my fingers tight together,

Or you will slip through that sieve of my heart.

But, since you’re sand, not rock,

Even if you slip through the parting of my fingers,

Where is there for you to go but back where I

First found you, to the endless beach of our friendship?

Because you ARE sand, not rock.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

“Once around, again.”

Someone asked me recently if I believed in karma. Thinking I knew where the question was headed I replied, “No, not if you’re talking about that come back as an earthworm bit to learn humility because you missed the lesson the first time around.”

Well.... Seems karma decided teach me a lesson anyway. :/

A few posts back I mentioned an abscess caused by infection. Fun stuff, that. Especially the twice a day packing where one fills the hole with strips of cloth impregnated with iodaform. (It’s what makes “the hospital smell.” Ugh)

Last night, I discovered what I thought was my last bandage, the one I applied over the ‘gaping maw’ until it closed completely, had been soaked through. Subsequent digging, poking, and squeezing revealed a drainage point and I sent an email to the doctor handling the case, describing what I observed.