Wishing on a Rodeo Moon (Women of Character) (19 page)

Someone
pushed a towel into her hand. She placed it on Jake’s shoulders, her
heart beginning to slow. Everyone was fine. "Thanks," she told him.

Everyone
had quieted. Even the CD music which had been blaring in the living room had
cut off.

Tye
straightened. All eyes seemed to be on her. And Jake. Clearing her throat, Tye
felt an imp of mischief take over.

"Looks
like somebody died," she commented to no one in particular. She sat down
on the pool deck next to Jake and rolled her pant leg up. Quickly, efficiently,
she proceeded to undo her prosthesis straps.

"Tye,
what are you doing?" Denny asked, clearly bewildered.

Minus
her prosthesis, Tye grabbed Denny's hand and pulled herself upright. She looked
down at the young cowboy who had almost drowned. "Marty, I think it's a
good idea if you stay right where you are. We don’t want anyone drowning
tonight."

Tye
looked around the patio and read the surprise on her friend's faces. They were
her friends, they had stuck with her through the years and they had all helped
each other out when times got rough. "The rest of you I'm throwing out a
challenge. The last one in the pool is a one-eyed, one-armed flying
purple-people-eater..." With a screech of joy, Tye hit the water first.
She was never one to lag behind on any challenge.

"I'd
say your party was a success," Jake stated later that night. They sat in
chairs on the back lawn. To Tye, it seemed almost surreal, the way the
moon’s light penetrated the dewy fog hovering in the air. She rested her
head on the back of the chair and stared at the fog.

"I
found out what I needed to know," Tye said softly. She felt incredibly
relaxed.

"What
is it you needed to know?"

"I
needed to find out if I still fit in. Even though I'm not quite in touch with
my life, my friends came through for me."

"Sometimes
it takes time for life to fall into place. Your friends obviously care about
you. That’s not going to stop because your life has changed."

"I
knew that but I guess I didn’t know it. I had to see it for myself."

"There's
a long line of people who care about you, Tye," he said quietly. "I
still care about you." The words wound around Tye and squeezed her in
loving arms.

Tye
jerked her head sideways, her gaze meeting his. "I think we’ll both
always care about each other, Jake. Too bad life isn’t that simple."
If it was, she would be in his arms now and never leave.

"It
can be."

Tye went
very still. Surely Jake could hear her heartbeat? "There’s been a
lot of years and living in between."

"On
both sides."

"There
are things you don’t know about me," Tye said warningly. "Times
have been hard. I can’t say I’m proud of all I’ve done, and
I've managed to do some pretty dumb stuff. At this point in my life I still
feel like I'm growing up."

"We
all do things we regret. Hopefully, we learn from the mistakes and go on."

"That
sounds pretty magnanimous." Tye stood, then walked toward the house and
the door to her apartment. She looked over her shoulder at Jake as he remained
seated. "Would you like to come in?"

"Sure."

Tye
looked around the now empty apartment. Beer cans sat on the tables and
counters, ashtrays needed to be emptied and washed. Popcorn littered the area
rug in the middle of the room.

"How
about I help you clean up while you tell me about it?" Jake offered.

"No,
that's okay. Tomorrow the maid comes in," she quipped lightly, then she
grimaced. "Find a seat." She waved a hand around the room then walked
back to the sliding glass door and opened it. Some fresh air would disperse the
stale smoke in the room and she needed a moment to figure out a way to tell him
what she wanted him to know.

Perhaps
sensing her hesitation, Jake said, "If you’re not sure about this
maybe it's better if you don't tell me. Contrary to popular belief, confession
isn’t always better for the soul."

Tye sat
down next to Jake on the couch with a good couple feet between them. Jake sat
forward, his hands between his knees. Tye wanted to sit closer and curl herself
around him, but knew the truth had to be told. Jake had to know the woman she
had become, the woman she was still trying to define.

"There’s
no easy or pretty way to say this. I always liked to party and have fun, but a
few years back I lost control." Tye pushed herself deeper into her corner
of the couch. "I went overboard. For about six months, I didn't know where
I was half the time after six o'clock." Tye looked sideways at Jake, a
grimace of disgust flashing across her face.

"I
got into a real partying habit, and I'm not even sure why. I had broken my
ankle, and of course I couldn't ride in the finals. That year had been my best
year yet." She shook her head. "I'd been so sure I'd be in the top
ten, but I had to pull out. If I hadn't had a couple bad rides toward the end
of the season I might have been able to pull off the last couple rodeos. I was
in a streak where I couldn't seem to win. I began to get desperate.

"When
I was a kid that's all Daddy talked about, about how I could win big and I was
the best darned rider he'd ever seen."

"His
wild child."

Tye
smiled slowly. "He always called me that. I guess I got that idea stuck in
my head and I've been trying to make the grade ever since. When I didn't, I
couldn't handle it.

"I'd
been seeing this bronc rider, his name's not important, on and off, but it was
nothing really serious. He had a bad rep, he'd been in and out of jail."
She shrugged. "I just thought I was above it all, you know, too smart to
get caught in a bad situation. I flirted with danger."

Tye drew
a deep breath, and continued. "One night he found me in a little bar, a
regular hang out. I was drunk, dancing on the tables, ankle cast and all. I
didn't care, nothing mattered. I thought I was having a good time.

"When
this guy came in I kind of fell into his arms...maybe I pushed myself into his
arms, I don't know. He was putting me into his truck when luckily my friends,
Lynn and Denny showed up. I had passed out by then. They managed to get me out
of there. The next morning I had an unbelievable hangover...I wanted to die.
Lynn told me what had happened. It really scared me, especially since I didn't
remember any of it. Anything could have happened that night if my friends
hadn’t come along. About a year later this same guy was arrested for
murdering a hitch hiker he picked up." Tye felt the shivers of memory
creep over her. "I was lucky. I also wised up because eventually luck can
run out."

Tye
looked at Jake, wanting him to say something, anything, even call her a fool.
She saw the movement of his jaw but he didn't speak.

"I
stayed away from that guy, but I did see him at rodeos after that. On one
occasion he called me everything he could lay his tongue to. I'd never lost
control to that point. I was terrified by the total memory lapse. I felt I had
hit the bottom. I decided I didn't want to be there ever again."

Tye
swallowed hard. This was the hardest part. "I had to face up to my life.
Mama just about ran over me with a steamroller, and when Daddy got wind of my
partying, he threatened to beat me black and blue if I didn't get my life in
order. By that time I had already realized I couldn't go on the way I
was." Tye gave him a straight look. "I'd be in a pine box before I
hit thirty." Tye looked down, pressing her fingers together, distressed
when she saw Jake's mouth was a grim, white line. "I suppose you’re
disgusted with me for being dumb enough to allow my life to get out of
control."

She
couldn't imagine him letting his life get to such a point. He was always in
control, taking care of every aspect of his life and his family’s
problems with precision and honor. Amy was a fountain of information regarding
Jake’s support of his family through the years.

Taking a
deep breath, Tye met his blue eyes. "I'd never deliberately hurt anyone,
Jake, but I've got a pretty wild reputation, some of it deserved."

Jake let
out a deep breath, then leaned forward and gently touched her hair, letting his
hand slide down behind her ear. "I know about you. It doesn't matter what
they say in the papers."

Tye sat
up straight. "Are you kidding? Half of that stuff is fairytale."

"I've
read about you through the years, Tye. You’re not telling me anything I
haven’t already heard."

"Jake,
I have to know why you were at the rodeo that night."

Jake
looked at her warily before answering. "I came across a picture of you in
some boxes I was packing away. It was like an omen or something. Amy had moved
out, my mom was settled with my sister, I was alone for the first time in ten
years, and I come across your picture." Jake drew a deep breath and Tye
felt the breath squeeze from her chest. She was afraid of what he would say
next. She clasped her hands together tightly. "I was packing away some old
things, and your picture was right there, staring up at me. It was like the
years rolled back."

"My
picture?"

"You
were on your horse Pongo, your legs hanging down past the stirrups. I guess the
photographer caught you by surprise. You were turned in the saddle and I could
almost see the startled expression on your face. I felt all the old anger well
up inside. The anger and a ghost of the old feelings."

Tye felt
the pain lance through her. "Old feelings". In the past. Not
something he felt anymore.

"I
put the picture on my desk. I saw it every time I went into my office for about
a week. I knew you would be rodeoing that night since it was one of the big rodeos
that count toward the finals. I decided I had to come and see you. It was time
to put the past to rest. I figured I had to see you again to do that. Then it
would be over."

"I
don’t recall that picture." Tye shook her head, not wanting to
understand what he was saying. Dread pooled in her stomach. She ached with it.
"So, you really came to say goodbye?" She didn’t want to hear
this, but she had to know all of it, no matter how hurtful.

"Yes.
I came to the rodeo to see you, to say goodbye. I don’t know that I
actually intended to talk to you. I just knew I needed some kind of ending. I
wanted closure on this anger that I had hidden for ten years. My life had gone
on, but the emotional aspect of my life stalled that night ten years ago."

"Jake..."
Tye couldn’t answer in words the pain she felt in him.

"Then
you had your accident."

"And
you were there. Why did you come that night and not before?"

Jake
looked away, but finally he said, "You were always on the go, one rodeo
after the other. I stayed away deliberately. Why would I pursue you when you
walked away?" There was a glint in his eye. "You made it plain that
last night you wanted out. You wanted rodeo."

Tye
swallowed hard. "It seemed the best solution at the time. I-I was
frightened. Everything seemed to be happening all at once." Tye tipped her
head back. "God! I was so young."

"You
walked away at the worst time, when things were so bad."

"It
was the best solution." Tye felt like she was still trying to convince
him, and maybe convince herself.

"For
you, Tye. You wanted the rodeo more than you wanted us."

Tye felt
the hurt of years ago come to the surface. She felt his pain and remembered her
own numbing agony. "Neither one of us walked away unscathed."
Defiantly, she added, "I did what I thought was right, Jake. I've always
loved the rodeo, you knew that. You had so much responsibility. At seventeen,
you don’t always see the whole picture. We talked of spending forever
together. When you talked about going to the courthouse for a marriage license,
it was suddenly more than talk, it was real. I knew rodeo, I knew what to
expect. Marriage..." she let her voice trail off. "All I knew of
marriage was the mess of my parent’s life."

"So
you took the rodeo instead."

"I’ve
always had that, always knew it would be there. I don't know what else I'd do
if it wasn't there. It was something I could do."

"You
didn’t give us a chance."

Tye felt
her shoulders slump. "At the time, I thought I was giving us the only
possible chance. It didn’t work that way."

"No,
it didn’t." His face looked hard. It was that wall he put up that
scared Tye. She would never scale it.

"I
have made mistakes. If I had stuck around, who knows we wouldn’t be
divorced by now? After my parent’s failure at marriage, I was scared as
hell."

"You're
a strong woman, Tye. If you set your mind to something, you’ll
succeed."

"I
don’t feel strong."

"You've
carved your own niche in this world. You'll do it again."

Tye felt
shaky and uncertain as she stared at Jake, his dependable face, the hard set of
his shoulders. She wanted to scoot over to where he sat. She sat still. "I
didn’t mean to hurt you all those years ago, but I know I did. I hurt
too. I had to tell you this so you'd understand about me." She curled her
fingers tightly, holding herself stiffly as Jake moved closer.

"Anybody
can change, if they want to," he said in a low voice. "I recall
liking you back then just as you were."

Tye
leaned toward him, letting his voice sink to the very marrow of her bones.
"Not always," she whispered, doubt gnawing at her. With a heavy
frown, she shook the hair back from her face. "Jake, I know about choices,
some right, some wrong. I won't hurt a family the way my dad did. He was never
there when it counted. He missed so much." She sighed. "My life's
already been set in stone, and I carved it. I'm my father's daughter through
and through. I’m afraid we’ll hurt each other again."