Authors: Sara Craven
now she was dressed like a princess.
Even now, she could remember the shock of his violent reaction,
the way his eyes had blazed as he struggled to rise from the chair
to which his arthritis had confined him eventually.
Take off that dress!' he'd rapped. 'How dare you touch those
things! How dare you meddle! You are never to go near them
again—do you hear me?'
The child she had been had fled in tears, shattered by the ruin of
her game of make-believe, and presently her mother had come to
find her and comfort her gently, explaining as simply as she could
that remembered grief sometimes made people behave oddly.
'He loved your grandmother very much and still misses her,'
Elizabeth had explained. 'You gave him a terrible shock, darling,
but he isn't angry with you—not really. He knows you didn't mean
to make him unhappy.' She hesitated. 'You see, my pet, you do
rather look like her, and that made it so much worse for poor
Grandfather.'
The matter had never been referred to again, but Morgana had
never forgotten it, and even after her grandfather's death she had
never been tempted to return and explore the trunks again. They
had been declared taboo, and she was content to abide by that,
although at times she had remembered—and wondered.
Now she said slowly, 'I suppose you think that's very sentimental.'
'On the contrary, I approve of a certain amount of sentiment,
provided it's properly directed,' Lyall told her.
He opened the lid of one of the trunks, and stood staring down,
'Good God,' he said blankly. 'Fashion Down the Ages. If this isn't a
moths' pantry, I suppose a theatrical costumier might be glad of
them.'
Morgana grimaced. 'Perhaps—although I must admit it sounds like
desecration.'
'Well, something has to happen to them,' he said impatiently. 'You
don't want to wear them yourself, surely?'
She gave a slight strained smile. 'No, I was cured of that many
years ago. L suppose that's why I tend to regard these trunks—
everything that's up here as sacrosanct. But nothing is—not now.'
'Is that what you'd prefer?' , he asked. 'The status quo endlessly
preserved? The house crumbling, the bills piling up, your guests
muttering, and these rooms gathering yet more dust and cobwebs?'
'No, I suppose not,' she admitted. 'I realise there has to be
progress.'
'Well, that's a start.' He let the lid of the trunk fall shut, and dusted
off his hands. 'If you want to sort through these things and extract
anything of value—sentimental or otherwise—then do so. I
imagine your mother would have been given any jewellery there
was.'
'Yes, I think so.' Not that there had been a great deal, she thought,
and now there was probably even less. She looked at the trunks
arid thought of all the memories they contained, all the past
happiness and regret, and gave a little shiver as she recalled a vivid
image of her grandfather's face, set in lines of bitterness as he'd
stared at her as if he could not bear the sight of her . . .
'Cold?' Lyall asked sharply. 'It's like an ice-box up here.'
'No,' she said huskily. 'A grey goose walking over my grave, that's
all.'
He said wryly, 'Don't talk of graves, Morgana. You haven't even
started to live yet. Now go on downstairs to where it's warm—or
warmer, anyway,' he amended with a twist of his lips. 'I'll follow
you presently, when I've had a look at the last couple of rooms.'
'From what I remember, they're empty,' she said, not unwilling to
depart. 'Apart from the odd spider,' she added with a slight
shudder.
'And other livestock, I suspect, he said. 'I can't figure whether the
subdued rustlings I hear are birds in the eaves or mice.'
'Ouch!' Her skin crawled at the thought. 'In that case, I'll gladly
leave you to it.' She went out, trying not to hurry, resisting the
impulse to turn and see if he was watching her go.
On the stairs, she paused and took a long, steadying breath. The
atmosphere up in the attics had been almost claustrophobic,
redolent as it had been of the past. And although she hated to
admit it, she found being alone with Lyall for any length of time
too disturbing for comfort. She wished she could say with truth
that he left her cold, that she was totally indifferent to him, either
as a potential employer or as a man, but she knew she would be
deceiving herself. Although she believed profoundly in mind over
matter, she could not gainsay that there was an attraction between
them so strong it was almost tangible. His kisses, the slightest
touch of his fingers on her skin, were already indelibly printed on
her woman's awareness, but this served to increase her resentment
of him rather than lessen it.
She could only hope and pray that he was unconscious of the
emotional turmoil she had been thrown into, but it didn't seem
likely that he was. It was probably all part of a campaign on his
part, she thought angrily, the .words 'Unconditional surrender'
ringing like a knell in her mind. The egotism, the utter conceit of
the man! Did he really imagine that he was that irresistible?
Probably past experience had given him that impression, she
thought sorely. Well, he would learn his mistake. She had no
intention of providing him with a little rural amusement, so that he
could add another scalp to his belt.
She went into her room and snatched up her brush, applying it to
her hair in short angry strokes.
'I will not be just another conquest,' she muttered defiantly, under
her breath, then the violent movements of the brush slowed, and it
slipped from her fingers, unnoticed to the carpet, as she looked at
herself in the mirror, and for the first time faced the poignant
question of exactly what kind of relationship she would want from
someone like Lyall.
'No,' she thought, 'not "someone like". Lyall himself. What do I
want from him?' Her fingers gripped the edge of the dressing table
with painful force, and she closed her eyes to shut out the mirrored
image with the enormous, shining eyes and vulnerable mouth.
But she couldn't shut out the voice that whispered to her in the
depths of her mind, insidiously and insistently. 'What do I want?
Why, all the world and half of heaven. And if he loved me . ..'
She clapped a hand over her mouth as if it had uttered the words
aloud.
She thought in panic, 'No, it isn't true. I must be mad, even to let
myself think these things. I don't mean it.-' And then, as if making
a private, silent vow, 'I'm not going to let this happen. I won't. I
can't.' And then slowly, the final, damning admission was wrung
from her in a kind of anguish. 'I dare not.'
She was very quiet for the rest of the afternoon, so much so that
her mother' asked her anxiously a couple of times if her headache
was still bothering her. She moved like an automaton through the
various tasks she had to do, while Mrs Pentreath chatted cheerfully
about Lyall's plans for the house.
Morgana said yes and no, and nodded or shook her head when she
felt the occasion demanded, but she couldn't infuse any kind of
reality into the performance she was giving. Her mind was
elsewhere, going round and round in circles like a trapped animal,
but always returning to that moment of self-revelation in her room,
and the terrifying implications which led from it.
Terrifying, because she had always considered herself a rational
being, and now it seemed she was far from any kind of reasonable
behaviour or reaction. She had a warm, satisfactory relationship
with Rob, so why, why this awful temptation to taste the dark
delight that Lyall was offering?
It took a conscious physical effort to enter the bedroom which her
mother had allocated for his occupation, and check that everything
was in order. It was a simple action which by now had become
almost automatic, yet Morgana found herself standing in the centre
of the room gazing nervously about her as if she had suddenly
intruded into an alien landscape.
She was still standing there, when she heard voices in the passage
outside and her mother came in with Lyall at her side. She noticed
that he was only carrying one moderately sized suitcase, and hoped
it meant that he was not contemplating a protracted stay.
'Darling.' Her mother's voice broke gently across her thoughts. 'No
towels. What are you thinking of?'
'I'm sorry.' Morgana started almost guiltily. 'I—I'll go and get them
now.' She was careful not to look directly at Lyall as she made her
escape. She couldn't have borne to see in his eyes that he was quite
aware of her inner turmoil and its cause. And she delayed
returning to the room with the missing towels until she was sure
that he had gone downstairs.
He had already set his mark on the room, she thought, as she put
the towels down. There were brushes, and an electric razor in a
leather case lying on the dressing table, and a dark blue silk
dressing gown had been tossed across the bed. But no pyjamas, she
registered without a great deal of surprise. Typical, she supposed,
of his general lack of regard for convention. But this half-resentful
reflection could not disperse an unwanted but potently disturbing
image of Lyall's lean body, warm and naked beneath the rumpled
bedcovers. She turned abruptly and left the room.
When she got downstairs it was to be greeted with the welcome
news that he had gone out. She could have sagged with relief, but
it was important to hide her emotional state from her mother's
perception, so she simply murmured, 'Oh.'
'I've been telling Miss Meakins about Lyall's plans,' her mother
announced. 'She was most interested, and a little relieved, I think.
It wouldn't be easy to find alternative accommodation at this time
of year. People are already booking up for Christmas.'
'And will we be doing the same?' In the depths of an armchair,
Morgana curled her long, slender legs underneath her.
'I hardly think we'll be ready by then,' Mrs Pentreath admitted.
'There's such a lot to do. Just think, darling, proper central heating,
and all those showers. We shan't know ourselves!'
'No,' Morgana said rather wearily. 'That's what I'm afraid of too.'
Mrs Pentreath gave her a quick glance. 'Darling, we can't live in
the past. And even --' her voice broke slightly 'even if—your
father—had lived, things couldn't go on as they were. We might
have lost Polzion altogether.'
'You think we haven't?' Morgana asked quietly. She sighed. 'But I
expect that you're right. There had to be changes, and we could
never have afforded them.' She was silent for a moment. 'Lyall
found a portrait of his grandfather up in one of the attics.'
'Whatever was it doing up there?' Mrs Pentreath reached for her
bag of tapestry work and produced the canvas she was working on.
'Gathering dust in involuntary exile, I suppose,' Morgana returned
drily. 'Mother, what was the quarrel about? The original one
between Mark Pentreath and Grandfather?'
Her mother gave a slight shrug. 'I don't know, dear. No one was
ever prepared to discuss it, as you know. I did ask your father
when we were first married, but he said it had been a triviality that
had suddenly blown up out of all proportion.' She paused. 'But I
often wondered—especially when Giles came back, and there was
all that trouble. Of course, he chose a bad time with your
grandmother so very ill, but he wasn't to know that, poor man. It
was all most unfortunate.'
'Especially in view of current developments,' Morgana said with a
touch of irony.
'What a pity we can't see into the future sometimes.' Mrs Pentreath
searched among her skeins of wool for the colour she wanted. 'Oh,
not as Elsa does, but just enough to make us act—more
responsibly at times. If your father had known then that there
would be a son, and that Giles' boy would eventually inherit the
estate, he might have behaved a little more reasonably.'
'Perhaps, but the Pentreaths as a whole haven't a good record for
reasonable behaviour,' Morgana said flatly. And I'm as bad as any
of them, she thought achingly. Aloud, she said, 'Could the quarrel