With All My Love (51 page)

‘If you want to mend fences and have a relationship with Briony and Katie, don’t get on your high horse now, for goodness’ sake,’ he chided. ‘Just don’t forget that Valerie is Briony’s mother and don’t criticize her to her.’

‘Well, God above, Lorcan, to think that Briony was only a couple of miles away from us and we didn’t know it, and all because that spiteful little madam took off and never let us see her again. It’s hard.’ She couldn’t hide her vexation. ‘We’ve missed out on
so
much.’

‘Nevertheless, if you want to keep them in our lives, forget the past and start again with them. Remember, blood is thicker than water. Now let’s show our grandchild her history, and enjoy this very unexpected gift we’ve been given.’ His eyes were blue and unwavering, his voice strong and authoritative. She hadn’t seen this old Lorcan that she’d fallen in love with for such a long time.

Tessa took a deep breath. It would be difficult. She would have to curb her life-long tendency to score points and have her say no matter what. She knew her husband was right. She didn’t want to alienate Briony and lose her again. A miracle had happened today. A miracle she had prayed for, for a long, long time. Katie was like a miniature Briony, she thought with pleasure, watching her skip like a little sprite beside her mother.

Tessa tucked her hand in the crook of her husband’s arm. ‘I’ll do what you say, Lorcan. I’ll try my best,’ she sighed. It wouldn’t be easy but it had to be done.

‘That’s my girl,’ her husband said, squeezing her hand. ‘You won’t be sorry, and Jeff would be delighted.’

There was something else she needed to do, Tessa knew. One last bit of unfinished business before her son could truly rest in peace. She would deal with it sooner rather than later. It was something that had caused niggles of guilt every so often, but for now it was time to get to know her granddaughter and great-granddaughter.

‘You know something?’ Katie hurried out the gate and stood in front of them. ‘My mommy’s going to have a new baby. It’s in her tummy. Right there.’ She poked Briony’s slightly rounded belly. ‘But it won’t come out her bottom, like I saw a baby cow coming out of its mammy’s bottom once on the television.’

‘Katie!’ exclaimed Briony, mortified.

Lorcan turned away to hide his amusement, his shoulders shaking.

‘Really?’ Tessa was delighted. ‘When is it due?’

‘In the spring.’ Briony smiled, pink-cheeked. She’d have to have a talk to Katie and explain that there were some things you didn’t announce to the world.

‘What joy that will bring,’ Tessa predicted happily. Another great-grandchild coming – who would ever have thought she would get to meet Jeff’s grandchildren?

‘Congratulations, Briony, that’s
wonderful
news.’ Lorcan turned back to her to offer his good wishes. He was as pleased for Tessa as he was for Briony. His wife’s eyes were sparkling and animated. He hadn’t seen that spark in her for many years.

‘This day is just getting better and better,’ Tessa said to Katie, giving her a cuddle. Katie snuggled in against her happily before going to get into Briony’s car.

Tessa got into her own car and waited for Lorcan to fasten his seat belt. She was dying to introduce Briony to Lisa over lunch. For the first time since Jeff’s passing, all those years ago, Tessa left the graveyard with a light heart, full of optimism for the future.

‘Hasn’t it been a wonderful day?’ Tessa sat beside her husband on the sofa watching the fire crackle and dance in the grate.

‘It’s the best day we’ve had in years,’ Lorcan agreed. ‘And to think I wasn’t going to go with you this morning. Look what I would have missed.’

‘Something was telling me to go and visit the grave. I just knew I should go today. Isn’t that amazing? We were meant to go, Lorcan.’

‘We were indeed. You’ll get no argument from me there. God was good to us.’

Tessa remained silent. She had given up on God a long time ago. She rarely went to Mass now. God had been too cruel to her – why would she want anything to do with Him? Or Her or It or whatever it was.

Once, after one of her rants about Jeff being taken from them so young, Lorcan had said to her, ‘Tessa, we all have to go back to where we came from. No one escapes it. Some of us are just left longer than others. It’s not something that’s “done” to us. It’s not the end of us. Life is just another chapter and so is death.’

‘But why, Lorcan? Why did he have to go so young? Why do mother’s lose their babies? Why are there wars? Why is there genocide? Why do the crooks that ruined our economy and our country get away with it? Why, why? Why?’

‘Why is there goodness? Why is there self-sacrifice? Why are there many acts of love and compassion and kindness? Why do miracles happen sometimes?’ he replied. ‘We don’t know. And the more we think we know, the less we know. But one thing I
do
know. Jeff is still around us. I know that very, very well,’ he said emphatically. ‘My parents are around me. They all really are only a thought away, you know.’

‘I’m fed up having one-sided conversations with him. I want to
talk
to him and get answers from him,’ Tessa snorted.

‘One-sided!’ He arched an eyebrow at her. ‘Remember the year after he died and we were going to Christmas Mass and you were crying? And what song came on the radio?’

‘That was a fluke!’

‘“No Woman No Cry”! I don’t think so. What about the day we were coming up to Dublin to move into Sally’s house and you were having a weep?’

She didn’t answer.

‘“Always Look on the Bright Side of Life”! When I used to be out on the boat I always knew he was with me because this one lone seagull would always follow us into port, even when all the others were gone. Every single time. And sometimes when I’d be down fishing off the South Wall, a seagull would come and fly around me for a while, squawking his head off. “There’s Jeff,” I’d say to myself. And I can’t explain it but a sort of peace would come over me. So that’s how I keep going, Tessa, because I know he’s there and I know I’ll see him again.’

Lorcan had never railed against God but she did often, even to this day, Tessa mused as she sat in the firelight with her husband’s arm around her, tired after the day’s events and all the driving. Lorcan had even made them a cup of tea when they’d got home, telling her to go and sit down and he’d bring it in to her. Another minor miracle, she thought.

‘Isn’t Katie a right little character? She goes on just the way Briony did when she was a child,’ Lorcan smiled, remembering the look of horror on Briony’s face when Katie had announced that she was expecting.

‘And isn’t Briony beautiful? So like Jeff around the eyes. I can’t wait for them to come and visit. I’m going to make an apple crumble; Briony used to love that,’ Tessa yawned.

‘It certainly will be something to look forward to. This is going to be a good Christmas, Tessa. The best in a long time.’ Lorcan kissed her forehead. His shoulder ached a little where she was resting on it, but he didn’t care. They were on an even keel again after a very long and rocky voyage, and for that he was truly grateful.

‘And how did they look?’ Valerie couldn’t hide her curiosity.

‘You were right, Mom, Gramma’s very elegant. She’s tall, with grey hair cut in a bob, and she was wearing black trousers and a lovely lilac jumper. She doesn’t look her age at all. I can’t believe she’s in her mid-seventies.’

‘Believe it. And Lorcan?’

‘Ah, isn’t he lovely? A real gentleman. He’s tall, but a bit stooped, with white hair—’

‘White? He used to be salt and pepper. He was a very good-looking man.’

‘You can see that in him still, in a craggy sort of way. And Lisa’s very like Gramma. She’s lovely too, good fun.’

‘And did any of them say anything about me?’ Valerie
had
to know.

‘Lorcan said to give you his regards,’ Briony said easily. She wasn’t going to tell Valerie that Tessa had been far from pleased when her husband had said that.

‘But did
Tessa
say anything?’ Valerie probed.

‘No, Mom,’ Briony said firmly. ‘She kept it very general, we just talked about old times and they’ve invited me to visit them in Dublin. We’re going to look at old photos. Did you get the photos of the grave I emailed you?’ She deftly changed the subject.

‘Yes, thank you, love. It’s good to see the grave. I just saw it again very briefly at Dad’s funeral, and then again when I left Rockland’s. The headstone wasn’t erected for months after the funeral to let the ground settle so I never got to see it properly,’ Valerie explained. ‘So when are you going to visit them?’ she asked diffidently.

‘Next week.’

‘Enjoy it,’ Valerie said, trying to keep her tone neutral.

‘I will, Mom. I’d better go and put Katie to bed. She’s wall falling. It was a long day but I just wanted to let you know how it all went.’

‘I bet they were entranced with little Miss Moffat,’ Valerie smiled, using her nickname for her grandchild.

‘Ah, she’s a great little trooper. She told them I had a baby in my tummy, but it wouldn’t be coming out of my bottom like a baby cow! I was mortified.’

‘Oh God, kids are a hoot. No inhibitions. I’m glad it turned out so well, darling. But what a coincidence that you bumped into Tessa and Lorcan at the grave.’

‘I got the impression from Tessa that she visits very regularly. At least first contact has been made and that hurdle has been jumped; it can only get better from now on,’ Briony said brightly. ‘’Night, Mom.’

‘’Night, love. Give Katie a kiss for me.’

‘I will, but sure, it won’t be too long until you’re home for Christmas. The year is flying by.’

‘Tell me about it,’ Valerie said drily.

‘Talk soon, sleep well,’ Briony said and hung up. She could see her daughter’s head drooping. She needed to get her into her pyjamas pronto. It had been a great day for both of them. Briony had found her family again. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins. How often did that happen, she thought happily, dying to get her daughter to bed so she could ring Finn and tell him her great news.

As Briony had said, ‘First contact has been made.’

Imagine, after all these years, Tessa Egan was back in her life again. Briony had been bubbling with excitement when she’d phoned to say what a wonderful day she’d had and how she had met Tessa and Lorcan so unexpectedly.

It was awful to feel jealous, but Valerie did. She wasn’t proud of that, she thought with a sigh. But if Briony was happy to have the Egans back in her life, she could hardly stand in her daughter’s way. Jeff would have wanted it and she couldn’t help but think he had helped to orchestrate this reunion. What were the odds of Briony going to visit the grave the same day and the same time as her grandparents? Lizzie would certainly say there had to be divine intervention involved, Valerie thought with wry amusement.

A thought struck her. When Briony’s baby was born in the spring, would she be inviting the Egans to the christening? Her stomach lurched. Whatever about meeting Lorcan, how awful would it be to have to come face to face with Tessa? ‘Oh, no,’ Valerie groaned. Whether she liked it or not, it now seemed inevitable that their paths would cross once more.

C
HAPTER
F
ORTY
-F
IVE

‘We have a present for you,’ Katie said gleefully before she had even taken her coat off.

‘You can’t keep anything secret with this one,’ Briony laughed, helping her daughter divest herself of hat and gloves. It was a cold, windy day and the easterly breeze blowing in off the seafront in Clontarf had reddened their cheeks.

‘You have a present for me?’ Tessa exclaimed, her eyes lighting up as Katie presented her cheek for a kiss.

‘An’ for Granddad Lorcan,’ Katie assured her. ‘Do you want them now? Can we give the presents now, Mom?’

‘Just let me get my coat off, for goodness’ sake,’ Briony urged, shrugging out of her black woollen coat that soon would not fasten on her. She could feel it tight over her chest, her boobs having gone up a cup size, much to Finn’s delight.

‘I’ve the fire lit in the sitting room; we can sit in there later. Even though we have the central heating there’s something about a fire, isn’t there? Lorcan loves the fire.’

‘Where is he?’ Briony asked.

‘He’s just gone down to the Butler’s Pantry for me. They do a lovely coffee cake. I always get one as a special treat for very special visitors.’ She smiled at Katie.

‘Is we very special visitors?’ Katie was chuffed.

‘Very, very special,’ her great-grandmother assured her. ‘And I made an apple crumble for your mammy because she used to love it when she was a little girl like you.’

‘Gramma, I hope you didn’t go to too much trouble now,’ Briony remonstrated, following her grandmother into a light, airy, oak kitchen. ‘This is a lovely house,’ she remarked.

‘It is,’ Tessa agreed. ‘Of course, there was a lot of work to do on it when we got it first. It took us over a year to get it the way we wanted it. We were going to sell it and then we decided to move up here.’

‘And do you miss living in Rockland’s?’ Briony asked, sitting down at the kitchen table, which was set for the four of them.

‘I do and I don’t.’ Tessa bustled around filling the kettle. ‘But it is easier living here. There aren’t so many memories.’

‘Mom said the same about coming to live in Dublin,’ Briony said matter-of-factly. She had decided she was not going to skirt around the subject of Valerie. Her mother was not going to be the elephant in the room.

‘I can see that now that you say it,’ Tessa conceded. It was the first time it had occurred to her. She had always considered Valerie’s move to the city as an act purely to spite her, she thought, a little ashamed.

‘Hello, ladies.’ Lorcan appeared at the door and Katie beamed at him. He placed a large white cardboard box on the table. ‘One Butler’s Pantry coffee cake, as requested,’ he said to his wife.

‘Thank you, love. That was quick.’ She smiled at him, lifting the lid, taking out the caramel-coloured cake and putting it on a cake stand.

‘We’ve a present for you,’ Katie informed Lorcan excitedly, going to stand beside him.