With All My Love (52 page)

‘A present for me?’ he echoed, pulling her ponytail gently.

‘Yep, for you and for Gramma Tessa. Mom, can we give them now?’

‘Go on,’ said Briony, knowing there’d be no peace until the presents were handed over. Katie hadn’t an ounce of patience. ‘Just something to say thanks for your kindness and to say how glad we are to be with you again, isn’t that right, Katie?’ Briony said lightly as her daughter rummaged in the gift bag.

‘You shouldn’t have!’ Tessa exclaimed when Katie joyfully handed her the present.

‘There’s three things in it,’ she revealed. ‘They’re
so
pretty. One’s a—’

‘Stop, Katie. It’s a surprise, remember?’ Briony warned.

‘OOPPS!’ Her daughter’s hand shot to her mouth.

‘And what’s this?’ Lorcan felt his present carefully.

‘It’s a book and a C— OOPPS!’ Katie glanced guiltily at her mother.

‘Oh, Briony! These are beautiful,’ Tessa exclaimed, opening the blue box in which reposed an elegant pearl necklace.

‘An’ there’s earrings an’ a bracelet,’ Katie announced, unable to contain herself.

‘It’s from The Princess Grace range in the Newbridge Collection. I thought they would suit you. Mom always said you were very elegant and she was right.’

‘Elegant, me?’ Tessa looked surprised. And was equally surprised that Valerie would pay her such a compliment. She held the pearls up against the neck of the black jumper she wore.

‘Let me fasten them,’ Briony offered, and smiled with satisfaction when they were settled right. ‘Very classy. A good choice, Katie,’ she approved.

‘I helped pick them, didn’t I, Mom?’

‘You did indeed,’ agreed her mother.

‘I like the Newbridge jewellery,’ Tessa said, walking out to the mirror in the hall to view her new gifts. ‘Lisa got me a beautiful diamanté bracelet one year. I’ll always treasure these. But you shouldn’t have.’

‘And look what I got,’ Lorcan said delightedly, showing his wife a copy of a book of seafaring poems and a CD of sea shanties.

‘I remember you singing “Heave Away, Haul Away” when you used to push me on the swing.’ Briony explained her choice of gift for him.

‘Do you remember that?’ he said, his blue eyes twinkling at the memory. ‘Aren’t you the thoughtful girl?’

‘Do you have a swing?’ Katie asked hopefully.

‘We don’t,’ he said regretfully. ‘But we can get one. I have a glasshouse, though. And I’ve got two big fat pumpkins for Halloween. Would you like to have a look at them?’

‘Oh, yes, please, Granddad,’ she said eagerly.

‘When we’ve had our tea,’ Tessa said firmly and for one delicious moment, Briony was transported back to Rockland’s, remembering Tessa making her wait to do something until the tea was over. It was something her grandmother had said often in those happy, carefree days. She had never thought she’d hear her say it again.

‘And do you miss work?’ Tessa asked an hour or so later as she and Briony sat at the kitchen table chatting, while Lorcan showed Katie his pumpkins and the bird feeder and birdbath and the two ornamental herons that stood, one-legged in a flowerbed in the garden.

‘Sometimes. I miss the crack and the chat and the laughs. I miss adult company and I certainly miss my pay cheque,’ she said wistfully. ‘But I
love
spending time with Katie. We used to have so little time together when I worked full time. Even to be able to come to visit you on a weekday afternoon is a treat. If I was working it would have been at the weekend and there was always so much to have to try to fit in on Saturday and Sunday. Mom used to find that too. Monday morning was upon you before you knew it.’ Briony nibbled at a few crumbs of the delicious coffee cake that remained on her plate.

Tessa felt a little stab of guilt, remembering how Valerie had once told her that unannounced weekend visits were not a good idea. She had thought Valerie was being vindictive. She hadn’t understood how precious her free time was. She
had
been a bit pushy in those days, and thoughtless, she thought contritely. She hadn’t understood what it was like to be a mother working outside the home. She’d never had those issues herself when her children were young.

I have something for you,’ Tessa said, going to the hall-stand where her bag was. She came back in and handed Briony a hardbound notebook filled with writing. ‘These are letters I wrote to you over the years. They’re all about my life, about all our lives. Read them to get to know us again.’ She handed Briony the notebook.

‘Oh, Gramma! How lovely! Thank you so much.’ Briony was very moved.

Tessa cleared her throat. ‘Do you think your mother would be willing to meet me when she’s home for Christmas?’ she asked, busying herself clearing the table, not looking Briony in the eye.

‘Eh . . .’ Briony was thrown. She hadn’t expected
this.
‘I can ask her,’ she said, putting the cake plates in a pile.

‘I’ve just been thinking it would be good to try and make our peace now that you and Katie are back in our lives. Jeff would like it. And so would Lorcan and the rest of the family.’

‘And what about you?’ Briony asked quietly.

‘I need to talk to your mother. There’s one little matter that has to be cleared up and set to right, and even if it’s only to meet for that, I’ll be glad of it,’ Tessa replied frankly.

‘I’ll be talking to her tonight and I’ll certainly say it,’ Briony promised, standing up and giving her grandmother a hug. Tessa rested her head on her shoulder and Briony held her close. Her grandmother was elderly now and had endured a lot of sadness and grief. It would be such a step forward if she and Valerie could put their enmity behind them. Was her mother ready to emulate Tessa and make a conciliatory gesture? For all their sakes Briony truly hoped she was.

‘She wants to meet me? She suggested it
herself
? It wasn’t Lorcan pushing her?’ Valerie was astounded. She had always thought that Tessa would never bend; that she herself would have to make the first move.

‘That’s what she said. Did I think that you would meet her when you were home at Christmas? And let me get this right,’ Briony paused, trying to recollect what Tessa’s exact words were. ‘She said, “I need to talk to your mother. There’s one little matter that has to be cleared up and set to right, and even if it’s only that, I’ll be glad of it.” You could have knocked me down with a feather,’ Briony declared.

‘And what did you say?’

‘I stuttered and stammered for a minute because she caught me off guard, but then I said I’d ask and now I’m asking,’ Briony said. ‘So, Mommy Dearest! What will I tell her? Is it a yes or is it a no? I wonder what little matter she has to clear up with you?’ Briony rubbed her swelling tummy, hoping her new baby would come into a family that was finally united.

‘Oh, Briony,’ groaned Valerie. ‘The thoughts of it will have me in a knot coming home.’

‘I’ll come with you, if you like,’ Briony offered.

‘No! Thanks for the offer, darling, but this is between Tessa and me. If I meet her I want it to be on neutral territory, though. Tell her I’ll meet her in the Botanic Gardens,’ Valerie said decisively. ‘We can fix a time and date that suits her. And let’s get it over and done with before Christmas. I don’t want that hanging over my head. OK?’

‘OK, Mom,’ Briony agreed equably. But Valerie couldn’t see her punching the air and giving a silent
Yesssssss!

So now she was committed. Wait until Lizzie heard this news, Valerie thought, sipping a glass of red wine out on the terrace. She had a pashmina around her. The nights were cool now, much cooler than when Briony had stayed last month. The sun was setting closer to Africa than the High Sierras and it wasn’t bright in the mornings until nearer to eight.

What did Tessa have to say to her, Valerie wondered. What matter did Jeff’s mother want sorted? She couldn’t think of anything that would be important after all this time. All Valerie knew was that the sooner the meeting was over the better. She was dreading it and she felt equally sure Tessa was in the same boat.

‘Damn,’ she muttered. She’d been looking forward to going home for Christmas and now this great big dark cloud loomed large on her horizon. Would it have a silver lining?

The Botanic Gardens. That was a good place to meet, Tessa approved after hanging up the phone following Briony’s phone call. She would say nothing to Lorcan yet, she decided. Just in case she changed her mind and cancelled the proposed meeting with the woman who had caused her so much grief in her life. She climbed the stairs to her bedroom, slowly. Her knee always gave her gyp when the rain was coming.

She sat on the side of her bed and opened the drawer on her bedside locker. That drawer needed a good clearing out, she thought glumly, looking at the collection of miscellaneous items that greeted her. A carton of paracetamol, pens, her passport, earrings, buttons, an old Visa bill, half a packet of Polo mints, a tube of KY Jelly and an old mascara wand. What a mess!

She pulled the drawer open a little wider. It was where she knew it would be, right in at the back. She’d put it there fifteen years ago and had never looked for it since. Tessa sighed deeply. This would be one of the biggest ordeals of her life. There was no denying that, but it had to be endured. For Jeff. For Lorcan, Briony and Katie, and this new little baba that was coming. She would do it for them and she would not be found wanting. One meeting might be all there was between her and Valerie but at least she had the satisfaction of knowing that
she
had made the first move.

Her gaze dropped to a folded page beneath the Visa bill. She pulled it out in idle curiosity, noticing her name written in an elegant script in black ink.

She opened the page and felt a pang of sadness when she saw the prayer written neatly on the page. Olivia Morgan, one of her oldest and dearest friends, had written it out for her. Olivia’s mother had given it to Olivia when she was dying in the hospice.

‘It might help you sometime; it really helped Mam,’ Olivia said as they had walked from the graveyard one Sunday afternoon when each of them had spent an hour tending their respective graves. Olivia knew all about Valerie’s flit to Dublin with Briony, and all that had led up to it. Tessa had taken the prayer and put it in her handbag and shoved it into the drawer that evening, barely glancing at it. She didn’t ‘do’ prayers any more, she’d thought resentfully.

She read it slowly. ‘A Prayer for Healing’. Such strange things were happening to her lately, she mused, looking out at the wild night. That prayer was in her bedside locker for years and she had never bothered to take it out and read it and today when she had made the first move to contact Valerie it had come to her attention. And how apt it was for her situation. It was as though she’d had to wait until now for it to mean anything. The hair stood up on the back of her neck as she read.

Every hurt that has been done to me . . . heal that hurt.

Every hurt that I have ever caused to another person . . . heal that hurt.

I choose to forgive. I ask to be forgiven. Remove whatever bitterness may be in my heart Lord, and fill the empty space with Your love.

Thank you, Jesus.

A tsunami of tears flooded down her cheeks as Tessa sat, head bowed over the prayer. ‘I choose to forgive. I ask to be forgiven,’ she wept, repeating it over and over again, feeling the release of an immense sorrow, and a great burden that she had carried for too long.

C
HAPTER
F
ORTY
-S
IX

God, she’s got old. Still elegant but old, Valerie thought in shock as she stood at the door of the restaurant in the Botanic Gardens and recognized Tessa gazing over towards the Palm House, a cup of coffee in front of her. She was wearing tailored navy trousers and a red boat-neck cashmere jumper. Very on trend, Valerie thought in reluctant admiration. She took a deep breath. Her heart was flip-flopping all over the place. She tried to compose her face as she made her way between the crowded tables to get to where Tessa was sitting. The restaurant had a Christmassy feel, the windowsills decorated with vibrant scarlet poinsettias. A pale wintery lemon sun cast light through the big plate-glass windows, making the wooden décor gleam. There was a convivial buzz about the place and Valerie wondered if she had made a mistake in choosing such a public place for their showdown. Too late now, she thought apprehensively, reaching the window table.

‘Hello, Tessa.’ She couldn’t believe how normal her voice sounded. She’d expected it to come out as a squeak.

‘Valerie.’ Tessa gave a start and half stood up. ‘Thank you for coming.’

‘Thank you for asking me,’ she replied crisply.

‘Can I get you some coffee? Tea? Breakfast?’ Tessa asked politely.

‘Not at all. I’ll go up and get it. Would you like a fresh coffee?’ They were outdoing each other in politeness, Valerie thought with a flicker of humour.

‘coffee would be good. This one’s cold. I forgot to drink it.’ She gave a half-smile.

‘Would you like a scone, a cookie, cake?’ Still the brittle faux politeness. How long could they keep it up? Valerie wondered a little wildly.

‘No, no, nothing for me, thanks. Just coffee will be fine.’

‘I’ll just leave this here.’ Valerie took off her black jacket and draped it over the back of the chair.

Tessa watched the younger woman take her place in the queue. Valerie hadn’t changed much, viewed from a distance – still slender and stylish and well dressed. She was wearing well-cut jeans tucked into high-heeled ankle boots and a pastel mint-green cardigan over a white camisole that showed off her tan. A fresh look. A youthful look for a fifty-year-old woman. She could carry it off, but Tessa had seen the fine web of ageing around Valerie’s eyes and a deepening of the lines around her mouth. There was an aura of sadness about her that she had not expected. The old perky, brash air of confidence had gone. Life’s knocks had hit Valerie hard too, she thought in surprise.