With Every Breath (21 page)

“Looks, physical attributes, physical beauty never stay the same in a person's life. They aren't what's important and they aren't what make you beautiful.”

He touched her temple, lightly tapping.

“Your mind is beautiful. It's sharp, intelligent. One of your greatest assets. You're funny, witty, always know the right thing to say, always have the answer to any problem.”

He lowered his hand and splayed it out over her chest, resting between her breasts.

“This . . . this is what makes you the most beautiful woman I've ever known. Your heart, Eliza.”

Her sharp inhale sounded, her nostrils flaring and tears glittered harshly in the light.

“You're warm, funny, kind, compassionate, loyal. You stand for what's right.”

Her lips began to tremble and even more moisture welled in her blue eyes. She shook her head but didn't disobey his order not to say anything.

He nodded. “Although I'm certainly not complaining about the way what I have in my arms looks at all. But you're also beautiful where it counts the most. On the inside. And that's rare and so very precious.
You're
rare.
You're
precious. And if you think I'm going to let you throw away rare and precious because you think you did something you aren't even capable of then you're out of your fucking mind.”

She wouldn't even meet his gaze any longer so great was the shame reflected in her eyes. Then she closed her eyes and sucked in a deep, stuttering breath that ended on a sob.

“Let it go, Eliza,” he said softly. “You don't have to carry your burden alone. Not anymore. Let it go, baby. I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere. Give yourself—and your burden—to me.”

FOURTEEN

ELIZA
couldn't breathe. Her heart was about to pound right out of her chest. There was simply too much for her to take in and process all at once. She was lying in Wade's arms. Wade was calling her—had called her—beautiful over and over. Wade wanted to make love to her because he thought she was special.

Rare and precious.

You stand for what's right.

His words burned an acid trail through her mind, searing a path straight to her ravaged, already blackened soul. If she stood for what was right, then none of those women would have ever been touched by Thomas's evil.

But most heart-wrenching was his quiet plea for her to put her burden down and share it with him.

If only it were that simple. If only!

Tears burned her swollen eyes. But she'd shed far too many tears and had broken her vow countless times. A vow to never let anyone see her cry again. Ever since Wade had barged into the rented house in Calvary, she'd done nothing but cry.

“Eliza,” Wade said gently, tipping her chin upward with one knuckle.

She couldn't look at him. Couldn't bear to look at him.

Then as if understanding how close to becoming completely unhinged she was, he merely lowered his mouth and pressed it to hers in a kiss that was every bit as beautiful as he kept claiming her to be.

“I'm going to make love to you, Eliza,” he said, the words rumbling and vibrating from his chest. “I want you with me, baby. Tell me you're with me.”

She closed her eyes because just for a while she could pretend. She needed to pretend. For a few moments she wanted to touch something heartrendingly beautiful and poignant.

“I'm with you,” she whispered.

At once, his kisses became more masterful, dominant. Aggressive. Shivers of arousal and need erupted but she was anything but cold. For so long she'd existed in ice and now it was as if she'd suddenly been thrust under the sun's rays after a long, harsh winter.

Had she ever lain awake at night fantasizing about being in Wade's arms? She was honest enough with herself to admit she had. He was a gorgeous specimen of alpha male. When she wasn't doing her best to needle him, a self-defense mechanism she'd employed with him from the very start, she was positively shivery at the way he looked at her with naked possession in his eyes.

Even when he seemed to feel the same way about her, that is to say not much at all, and he acted as though she were nothing but a huge thorn in his side, he'd still acted to protect her. Had acted as though what happened to her mattered to him. He'd been furious after she was abducted and tortured. Not just furious. Sick with worry. For her. He'd been the one who'd held her cradled in his arms in the aftermath until she'd realized who held her and then quickly put as much distance between them as possible. Another thing she did often around him.

And then him insisting on accompanying her and her team for the takedown, his fury of her going. Him taking a bullet meant for her. She shivered again as his lips closed over one nipple and she closed her eyes, pushing aside those confusing thoughts and memories. They had no place in the here and now.

As if to confirm every single word he'd given her, beautiful words that brought the sting of tears to her eyes, he lavished kisses over every inch of her body almost as if determined to prove to her how beautiful he found her. Would he feel the same once he knew the full truth?

She shook her head in silent denial. She wouldn't think of that now. Couldn't bear it when his eyes turned condemning and he backed away, judgment shining in those dark eyes. For now, she only wanted this. Him loving her. Nothing mattering except this moment because when it was over, the truth would be revealed and once more she'd be alone to deal with her demons in the only way she knew how.

“Baby, you aren't with me.”

Wade's softly chiding voice broke through her thoughts and she glanced down to where his palm splayed possessively over her abdomen and his head was lifted so he could look into her eyes.

“I'm with you,” she whispered. “Please, Wade. I need this . . . I need you. Please.”

Something stirred in his eyes, something dark and primitive, almost as if her admission sealed her fate. Chill bumps erupted and danced over her body as his hand glided upward over her belly to cup one breast, weighing the slight mound in his palm. His thumb brushed sensuously over her nipple, coaxing it to complete rigidity so it was puckered and straining, begging for his mouth.

Accepting the invitation, he lowered his head and closed his mouth around her nipple, creating a seal as he sucked the point firmly between his teeth. She closed her eyes, arching helplessly upward, wanting more, needing so much more.

“Dreamed of this so many times,” he murmured as he pressed gentle kisses around the swell of her breast before moving to the other one and lavishing equal attention on it. “Knew if it ever happened, I was done. Knew that once I claimed you that you were mine and more importantly I was yours. I belong to you. You need to see this for what it is, Eliza. You need to realize the significance of this. You're mine now and I won't let you go. And what is mine I protect with my last breath. You don't stand alone. Not anymore. Not ever again. You have me now and you aren't fighting your battles without me anymore.”

“Wade,” she protested helplessly, overcome with the enormity of all he'd just confessed. “You can't. You don't understand.”

His gaze hardened but there was such tenderness in those dark eyes as he bent his head and licked away the single trail of tears that escaped down her cheek.

“What I understand is that I'll be damned if you cry another tear when I'm not there to hold you and tell you it'll be all right. You'll never cry alone again, Eliza. You won't cry at all if I can help it. Your tears are killing me, baby. I can't handle seeing you cry. It's the most helpless feeling in the entire goddamn world. If it's the last thing I do, I'll never give you any reason to cry ever again. And I'll kill anyone who puts those tears in your eyes.”

She closed her eyes, knowing if she didn't pull herself together that she'd erupt into sobs and this time she wouldn't stop. Wouldn't be able to stop.

“Make love to me,” she whispered, for the first time not asking him to fuck her.

She winced inwardly at the crude, thoughtless words. As if she considered him some kind of emotionless machine. It had been an insult, not one she'd meant to hand him. It was herself she had been trying to convince that it was just fucking and nothing more. Nothing deeper or more personal.

Self-preservation ran deep within her. It was the only thing she'd known since leaving Calvary so many years ago.

Wade cupped her face in his hands as he rolled atop her, his hard, muscled body blanketing hers and his heat seeping deep into her bones, warming her as nothing else could. He kissed her long and lingeringly, his tongue lapping ever so slowly over hers as though he were trying to commit her taste and feel to memory. She was doing the same because after this one time, he would go. She'd never see him again. And the memory of his lovemaking would be all she had to hold on to in the coming days.

“Got to get a condom, baby,” he whispered against her lips. “Don't move.”

She watched as he rolled away from her, leaned down and yanked a condom from the pocket of his jeans where they lay on the floor. Then he was back, sliding back over her, his knee spreading her thighs to him.

He deftly rolled the condom on and then he lifted his hips, one hand holding her hip while the other tangled in her hair holding her head so their gazes locked.

“See me, Eliza. Only me. Don't look away. I want your eyes on mine while I make love to you.”

Her eyelids fluttered, the temptation to close her eyes strong because some truths were hard to accept and she was suddenly shy and so very uncertain. He seemed to know the conflicting emotions that ran wildly through her. His expression gentled and went soft. Her chest tightened to the point of pain to see him looking at her with such tenderness in his eyes.

She gasped when he probed at her opening, the blunt head of his penis nudging at her softness. He didn't overpower her or just shove inside her. He very slowly, with infinite patience and care, began to inch forward.

The strain was obvious in his face, lines appearing and his jaw clenched tight. She knew what holding on to his control was costing him. But he was being unselfish and giving. This was for her and she knew it.

She feathered a hand over the rough lines of his face, the first gesture of tenderness and intimacy she'd given him. He went utterly still, staring down at her as his breaths rasped unevenly over his lips.

“Make love to me,” she whispered again. “Don't hold back. You won't hurt me, Wade. You'd never hurt me. Please, I need you inside me. I'm so cold. I've been cold for so long. I need your warmth and your strength.”

“You'll always have it,” he vowed, lowering himself so more of his weight covered her.

He pushed forward with more determination this time and she gasped again when he stopped. Her eyes widened and she looked wildly down at him as her body fizzed in pure delight.

“Why did you stop?” she asked breathlessly. “You aren't all the way in.”

Wade cursed and closed his eyes, dropping his head to bury it in her neck where he took several long, steadying breaths before responding. Then he lifted his head again and kissed her, taking her mouth in a wild storm of passion.

“You're so tight,” he ground out. “Jesus, baby. I'm not sure you can take anymore and I don't want to hurt you. I'll never hurt you. Do you understand that?”

She shifted, lifting her legs to curl around his waist. She arched her body, sliding downward so the angle of penetration was better. Then she lifted up, biting her lips at the decadent sensations assailing her from a dozen different directions.

“Baby, no,” he protested. “You don't have to do that.”

She smiled. “But I do. I need all of you, Wade. Finish it. I can take you. You won't hurt me. But please. I need all of you.”

He groaned and closed his eyes, sweat forming on his forehead. She leaned up and flicked her tongue over his flat nipple and then followed it with a nip.

He swelled even larger inside her and then cursed all over again.

“Christ what you do to me, Eliza. Never been this aroused in my life. I'm never going to make it all the way inside you at this rate.”

She smiled again and then lifted her hips, giving him no choice but to sink farther or withdraw from her completely.

One of his hands slid between them and his thumb delved between her thighs to caress her clitoris. She moaned and her breathing sped up. Her nipples tightened, her breasts swelled in anticipation, and she clenched hotly and wetly around his erection.

He issued a growl of satisfaction. “That's it, baby. Damn you just went all hot and wet on me. That's it. Now I can move.”

Thank God.

He withdrew and she whimpered her protest but he shushed her with his mouth in a carnal, possessive kiss that left her completely breathless. Then he plunged forward and she cried out, her arms and legs clamping down around him, holding him as if her life depended on it.

“You okay?” he whispered.

“God yes. Please don't stop.”

She knew she was pleading, that she was so far gone that she didn't even know half of what came out of her mouth, but she didn't care. He was her anchor, the only solid, tangible thing in her world to hang on to. And she did. She held him close to her, absorbing his taste and feel, memorizing every inch of him.

He was moving faster and harder now, his thrusts jostling her body and moving them up and down on the bed. Through it all, his gaze remained locked with hers, his eyes searching her very soul.

She'd have to be blind not to see the utter possession his eyes screamed. The possessiveness in his touch, every caress, the way he planted himself as deeply in her body as possible as if he wanted to wipe out the memory of every other man who'd been there before.

There was only him in this moment. Only Wade. The past didn't matter. The future didn't matter. Only now and the utter perfection of being in his arms and being made love to by him.