With Me (15 page)

“Hello,” I answer, wondering why they’d be calling me. Usually Mark would text me for anything.

“Joseph, have you heard from Kasey at all today?” Ashley worriedly asks in a rush as I start to drive away from the parking lot.

Confused, I wonder why she’d be calling me about Kasey. She also sounds desperate for an answer. “No, I haven’t, but I was about to call them when I got home. Why?”

The groan she gives me doesn’t calm my nerves. Instead I start to panic, especially when I hear Josephina on the other end of the line desperately asking Ashley if I’ve heard from Kasey. “Ashley, what is my daughter doing at your house and why is she asking if I’ve seen Kasey?” I demand.

“I’m babysitting her for Kasey. She called this morning needing me to watch her while she made an important delivery out of town. Kasey told me she couldn’t fit everything in her car with Josephina too, so she asked if I could watch her and of course I offered, but she also said she would be back in four hours. That was supposed to be one this afternoon. I tried calling her cell phone, but it keeps going to voicemail. Josephina is really worried because she hasn’t shown up, and to tell you the truth Joseph, so am I. I was hoping she would have called you,” she finishes, her voice sounding frantic as she rambled on.

I look down at the clock on my dashboard to see it’s almost five, Pacific Time and since they’re two hours ahead, it’s well after six. I know Kasey would have called already had she not been able to make it on time. It’s unlike her not too. That alone worries me. The feeling in the pit of my stomach tells me something is wrong.

“Has she called
at all
?” I ask, hoping for something, anything at all.

“She called me this morning when she arrived to speak to Josephina. She said she would be running a little behind, but she hasn’t called us back since. That’s why I’m calling you,” she indicates.

“Ashley, let me speak to Josephina.”

Within seconds I hear the rustling of the phone, soon followed by a worried little whine. “Hi daddy. Has mommy called you today?” she desperately asks. “She hasn’t come back to get me and I’m really scared now,” she utters, her raspy voice making me picture her crying on the other end. I hear her sniffle, confirming the picture in my mind.

The worry and guilt is beginning to build inside of me, knowing that I can’t be there to comfort my little girl makes it worse. I hate not being able to be there to take her worry away.

“I’m sure she’s fine, princess. I’m going to try calling her and as soon as I get a hold of her I’ll tell her to call you, okay?” I tell her, listening as she sniffles while giving me a muffled “Okay.”

“Why don’t you go and color a pretty picture for her, that way you’ll have something to give her when she shows up,” I cheerfully tell her, trying to mask my worry.

“Okay, daddy. Will I still to be able to
FaceTime
with you tonight?” she asks, before adding, “Ashley says she has an iPad like mine and I can talk to you on it,” she says, while still trying to get her sobbing under control.

“Of course, princess. We’ll talk as soon as I get home. I’m driving there right now. Now let me talk to Aunty Ashley, that way you can get started on those pictures for your mommy.”

I hear the rustle of the phone before Ashley asks what she should do. The calm collected self that I disguised myself to be for my daughter is gone and my worried, panicked self is back. “Ashley, I need you to keep Josephina calm. I’m already pulling up to my place and I’m going to try calling Kasey myself, if I can’t get a hold of her I’ll start calling the hospitals, just in case.”

She loudly gasps on the other end of the line. “Oh, Joseph, you don’t think something has happened to her, do you?” she asks, almost at a whisper.

“I don’t know, but I’m pretty sure Kasey wouldn’t go this long without checking up on Josephina. It isn’t like her. I’ll call you as soon as I get any news.”

It’s now Ashley who is whimpering through the phone, forcing me to say, “Ashley, please calm down. The stress isn’t good for you or the baby. The last thing I need is Mark getting on my ass because you go into early labor over all this,” I tell her, remembering how Kasey had mentioned stress wasn’t good for her or the baby.

As she tries to mask a sniffle, she says, “Okay, but please keep me updated or I’m going to continue being worried.”

“I will.”

As soon as I reach my apartment complex I practically jump out of my truck running straight up into my apartment. I boot up my laptop and immediately start searching for numbers of the local hospitals in Madison. There are several of them, but I try the first number hoping that they’ll have some news for me. I have to lie to the front desk in the emergency department, telling them I’m Kasey’s husband, to be able to even ask if she’s been admitted. When they confirm the nightmare I was dreading, my heart stops. Kasey had been brought in earlier from a car accident and she was currently still in surgery.

I sit there, shocked, without words, feeling as if I can’t breathe. The only thing I can think of is getting to her and it can’t be fast enough. Ending the phone call, I sit there trying to catch my breath. My heart has resumed its beating, but this time it feels like it’s rapidly racing, as if I can’t get it under control. I’m panicking knowing she’s in surgery, fighting for her life, and I’m not there.

Without thinking, I immediately start making phone calls to my commanding officer, demanding he give me leave. He’s reluctant at first, but I remind him I still have mandatory leave available he kept insisting I take. He didn’t like the idea of the short notice, but after a little explaining, he gives it to me. Even if he hadn’t agreed, I would have left regardless.

Quickly booking an overnight flight back to Madison, I start packing my bags, waiting as the minutes tick by. I call Ashley as promised to give her an update, informing her that I’m on my way. Although I promised Josephina I would
FaceTime
with her this evening, she soon forgets when I explain to the news of Kasey’s accident to her. She doesn’t take the news of the accident very well, but I didn’t expect her to. She’s still a little girl. This is harder on her than anyone else, because it’s her mother. Ashley promises to take care of her until I get there before we end the call. I continue packing my bags, frantically wanting to leave already.

Packed and ready, my phone starts to ring and I panic thinking it’s the hospital with an update: one I might not want to hear. Demanding they keep me updated with any news, I left them my number, but in my mind I’d only wanted them to deliver good news, nothing more.

Bracing myself, I look down at the screen to see it’s only Mark calling and I already feel relieved. “What’s up Mark?” I clip out, looking around my room one last time to make sure I’m not forgetting anything important.

“I wanted to tell you I’m at the hospital. I was already on my way to the grocery store when you called Ashley. She called me to tell me what hospital Kasey was at and I headed straight over here. When I got here they thought I was her husband that called earlier. Do you happen to know who that would be?” he sarcastically asks, trying to mock me, but the somber tone in his voice overtakes his attempt. “Knowing that they wouldn’t give me any information unless I was family, I told them that she was my sister-in-law,” he says with a sigh. “She’s still in surgery Joseph, but they came out a couple of minutes ago to tell me that she had complications. They’d originally thought it was only her spleen, but when they got in there they found some internal bleeding and they’re trying to get it under control.”

My body drops down onto the bed behind me, my legs collapsing from under me, as I close my eyes and force myself to breathe. Running my hand over my head, I pray that she’ll make it. I’m having trouble fighting to keep the tears from coming. I can’t see. My vision becomes blurred from the tears I’m holding at bay.

I feel like I’m about to throw up. The feeling of losing her any moment is killing me and I hate being clear across the county from her, instead of at her side.

“Joseph, you still there man?”

Deeply sighing, I answer, “Yeah, I’m still here,” I force myself to say around the lump still lodged in my throat.

“Joseph, you need to calm down. It’s not like what happened to your parents. Her accident wasn’t as bad. She came out of it alive and she’s currently in surgery, which is a good sign. Your parents never made it that far,” he assures me, reminding me how my parents died. He’s right. They died in their accident. Kasey didn’t.

Attempting to calm my racing heart, I let out the breath I was holding. “You’re right, but it still fucking sucks being so far away from her,” I declare. “I’ve booked a flight already and I’m leaving tonight. I’m going to have someone drop me off at the airport, but I won’t be there until morning.”

“Alright, text me the details and I’ll be there when you land.”

Ending the call, I make a quick phone call to a buddy to take me to the airport.

After checking in and passing through security, I’m soon sitting and waiting at my terminal’s waiting area. Thinking I finally have a chance to breathe, I hear my phone ringing again and the breath is just as easily lost thinking it’s the hospital. However, when I look down at the screen, instead of seeing a Wisconsin number, I see Elizabeth’s house number.

Cursing under my breath I answer the phone, already dreading the conversation. “Hello.”

“Joseph, are you almost here?”

Silently I curse to myself. I had completely forgotten I was supposed to be on my way to Vegas right now. “I’m sorry, Elizabeth. I’ve had a change of plans. I’m actually going to be heading back to Madison,” I inform her, bracing myself for the scolding I know she’ll be giving me for not showing up this weekend.

“As in Madison, Wisconsin?” she screeches into the phone, making me pull it away from my ear. “Why are you going back to Wisconsin? Didn’t you just come back from there?” she continues to yell into the phone.

“Yes, Elizabeth,” I growl, as her voice makes the pounding headache from earlier return.

“Then?”

“Then what?” I ask.

“Why are you going back?” the seething anger evident in her question.

Closing my eyes, I grab onto the bridge of my nose hoping the darkness behind my eyelids will help calm my headache, but it isn’t working. “Something happened and I have to go back. I’ll call you when I can,” I calmly state, not feeling I need to further explain myself, but Elizabeth still insist for more information.

“Are you going back because of the little girl?” she demands to know.

“She’s my daughter, Elizabeth. And yes, I’m going back because of her,” I state, not lying at that particular detail.

She mutters something on the other end, but I can’t quite make out what it was, and at this point I really don’t care anyway. “Well, I guess while you’re there you’ll be able to get the test we talked about done.”

Now I’m mumbling a curse. Remembering our conversation when I told her about Josephina only makes my anger return. Elizabeth demanded I have a paternity test done. She’d easily claimed maybe Kasey was lying about me being Josephina’s father. Elizabeth didn’t like the idea that Kasey never tried contacting me to tell me I had a daughter. I tried explaining the situation between Kasey and I, but she kept insisting on the test, regardless of how much I refused to agree to it.

“Elizabeth, I’m not discussing this again,” I growl into the phone.

“Well, whether you want to discuss it or not, you have to face reality that this little girl might not be your daughter. The only way to find out for sure is to have the test done. I just don’t understand why you refuse to have it done. My parents have offered to pay for it,” she adds, as if it’s going to get me to agree.

Groaning, I hear the announcement to board my plane, and it couldn’t have come at a better time. “Look Elizabeth, I have to go, they’re announcing my boarding call. I’ll talk to you tomorrow,” I say before I give her a quick goodbye, then pressing the end button on the screen and turning off the phone as I board the plane. My head is now pounding harder than it was when I arrived at the airport and I’m already looking forward to getting some sleep.

Eight and a half hours later, with one layover in Salt Lake City, I’m finally arriving in Madison. As promised, Mark is waiting for me when I exit the airport and without hesitation he drives us straight to the hospital. When we arrive I don’t wait for him to park the car, insisting he drop me off at the front doors. With him having already told me where Kasey was at, I start running straight there, taking the stairs because I’m too impatient to wait for the elevator.

As I get closer to the ICU department I see the waiting area and immediately spot Ashley with Josephina sitting in a set of chairs. The minute my little girl sees me she comes running towards me, catapulting herself into my arms. I scoop her up, holding her tightly in my arms, feeling like I’m whole again. It’s only been a few weeks since I’ve held her, but it’s feels like forever since then.

“Hey, princess. I’ve missed you so much,” I whisper into her hair, my nose inhaling her sweet childlike scent at the same time.

I feel her squeeze her little arms tighter around my neck, as if she doesn’t want to let me go. I can hear her sniffling and I can already feel the wetness of her tears running down my neck.

“They won’t let me see her, daddy. I just want to see my mommy,” she whimpers.

It’s tearing me apart hearing her heartbroken voice; knowing how badly she must hate not being able to see Kasey. “I’m sorry, princess. As soon as your mommy is feeling better, I promise you’ll be able to see her,” I tell her, as I rub her back trying to comfort her.

I feel a hand on my shoulder drawing my attention. I turn to see a teary eyed Ashley staring back at me. “They’ve got Kasey in a room now. Did you want to see her?”

I calmly nod my head, but I already know I have to let Josephina go in order to do so. Pulling her back so I can see her face to speak to her, needing to make sure she understands as I say, “Princess, I’m going to go see your mommy now. Is that okay? I’ll make sure to tell her that you’re here.”