With Me (21 page)

Looking to my side, I see Kasey staring off into the distance. She’s no longer ignoring me, but quiet for another reason completely. I had another dilemma on my hands; Kasey was terrified of flying. Something I didn’t know until today.

“Daddy, do you think I’m going to be able to sit by the window? I really want to see the sky,” Josephina enthusiastically asks from the other side of me, as I take a peek in her direction, making me smile at her eagerness of wanting to get on that plane. “I made sure of it, princess,” I answer her.

My eyes look over to Kasey. She’s biting her nails. Her breathing looks labored as her eyes continue staring off into the distance. This isn’t the first time I’ve seen her like this today. She had that look on her face the whole two-hour car ride here. That’s when I’d discovered her fear of flying. She was a nervous wreck and her nervousness was escalating as the clock drew closer to our departure time. It was clear on her paled face she had no desire to get on the plane.

Seeing her with that expression made me want to take her nervousness away, so I’d reached over and grabbed her hand, holding it tightly within mine. With Kasey’s hand in my own, I’d forgotten the true reason why I was holding it: to help calm her nerves. I was so lost in the thought of how good it felt to actually hold her hand. It was the first time I had ever been able to do it. I was instantly addicted to how it felt, not wanting to let go.

Remembering how I wanted to do it again, I reach up to take her hand from her mouth, entwining our fingers together hoping it will help calm her nerves. She looks over to me, a forced smile plastered on her face, making me grin. She doesn’t give me the same reaction though, but narrows her eyes at me with a fierce scowl. I bring her hand to my lips placing a soft kiss on the back of it, ignoring her expression. I know why she’s mad, but there’s nothing she can do about it. She’s getting on that plane.

With a forced smile still on her face, I know she’s still trying to hide her fear.

“Kasey, are you going to be okay with the plane ride?” I hesitantly ask her, already knowing from how wide her eyes grow and the terrified look on her face, she isn’t. I have to force myself to bite back the laughter that is building up inside of me right now.

With the mention of the word
plane,
her eyes go as wide as saucers and her face grows pale. I know it’s not from excitement, which is the reason why I want to laugh.

I didn’t know this was her first plane ride. I thought she had taken one when they shipped her up here to Wisconsin, but she informed me her parents had sent her by bus. It led to the conversation about her non-stop sickness from the smells on the bus. It added to my list of reasons to feel guilty for not being there for her during her pregnancy. I swear it feels as if the list of things to feel guilty about is never going to end with every new fact I learn.

Kasey forcefully nods her head as I squeeze her hand, trying to calm her nervous state. I want her to know I’m here for her. She gives me a genuine smile, making me return the same to her. A couple of seconds later they announce the boarding call for our flight and her body stiffens, her saucer eyes returning.

Shaking my head, with a smile on my face, I pull her up with me as I stand, keeping her hand tightly in mine. Josephina jumps up with excitement when she sees us stand, already understanding we’re finally ready to board. Kasey groans as I try to pull her towards the gate door refusing to move with me, attempting to keep her body rooted to the spot.

Laughing as I reach down to pick up Josephina’s booster chair off the ground, I hear Kasey say, “I don’t know what you find so funny, Joseph,” she scolds. “What if something is wrong with the plane and it malfunctions? What if it happens to be my luck that this plane has a bomber on it? I don’t want to die in the air.” She practically shouts.

Dropping Josephina’s chair, I grab Kasey’s face within my palms, forcing her to look at me. She grabs for my wrist with her hands, trying to pull them away, but I firmly hold onto her face as I look down into her deep blue eyes. “Kasey, first of all you can’t be saying words like bomb or bombers at the airport,” I whisper down at her hoping that airport security isn’t rushing towards us at this very moment, ready to take us away for her earlier comment. “And I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t be allowing us to board if there was anything wrong with the plane. I’ve traveled many times by plane and I know it’s probably the safest way to travel. Safer than a car,” I tell her with a raised eyebrow, remembering her recent car accident.

She considers my words. I feel her body finally relaxing while her fierce grip loosens from around my wrist. She briefly closes her eyes, just as quickly opening them as she deeply takes a breath.

I ask one last time. “You going to be okay now?” It takes her a couple of seconds, but she responds with a simple nod, and I’m happy with that.

Looking down I see Josephina standing next to us, looking confused. I let go of Kasey’s face to reach down for Josephina’s hand, taking Kasey’s hand with my other. It forces her to reach down and take Josephina’s booster seat before I pull her away, practically dragging her towards the entrance of our plane.

We’re in the plane and I already feel relieved I have her inside it. Finding our seats, I go straight to making sure Josephina is safely buckled into her booster seat next to the window, as requested. Of course Kasey takes the aisle seat, wanting to be as far away from the window as she can be, leaving me in the middle. Normally I would hate this seat, preferring the aisle so I can stretch my legs, but I wasn’t going to complain this time. As long as it made Kasey happy, and less nervous, she can have it.

The roar of the jet engines grow louder as we begin to taxi down the runway and I feel Kasey’s hand start to grip mine with a fierceness that conveys her fear. I allow her to squeeze it as tightly as she wants as I focus on Josephina, who is now starting to look a little frightened as well. The plane starts to gain speed and Josephina grows more excited. The second it starts to climb, I hear an excited gasp from both of them. I can’t help but smile because, for the first time, I’m actually experiencing a first with both of them and it feels so good. It’s the best feeling in the world to experience it. I can’t wait to experience more firsts with them.

With the plane now in the air, I manage to calm Kasey to the point where she is no longer scared. Josephina is looking out of the window, taking in the view of the clouds in the sky, as we start to make small talk about the different shapes and sizes; making it a game between the two of us. The hours quickly go by and when I think everything is going fine for the remainder of the flight, the plane picks up a bit of turbulence, causing it to shutter and slightly drop elevation.

The pilot’s voice comes over the intercom announcing for everyone to take their seats and buckle up due to the turbulence. We do so, but the only thing I can think of at this moment is,
why does this have to happen to us?
Especially since I already know Kasey is scared out of her mind, probably thinking the plane will crash down at any minute.

Taking a quick glance at Josephina to makes sure she is fine, I turn my attention to Kasey. She’s gripping her armrest with a force that is making her knuckles turn white. Her eyes are tightly shut, the strain clear on her face. From the rise and fall of her chest, I know she’s panicking. I try to pry her fingers from their tight grip on the armrest, but it proves difficult with the force she’s using. I start to see tears escape her closed eyelids and my heart begins to ache seeing her like this. It’s entirely my fault she’s going through this.

I reach up to pull her head closer to me as I begin to whisper in her ear. “Kasey, you need to calm down. You’re going to scare Josephina if she see’s you this way.” Hoping she’s listening to me as I say the words.

Frantically, she shakes her head, her eyes still tightly shut when I hear her whimper. “Please, Kasey.” I desperately plead, praying she’ll listen. The plane jolts, the shutter making Kasey’s sobs return. On the other side of me I hear a giggling Josephina, the opposite of what I have facing me. Knowing Josephina is still okay, I continue focusing my attention on Kasey.

I need to do something, anything, to calm her down before she has a heart attack on me. I do the only thing that comes to mind. Grabbing her face, forcing her to face me, I don’t wait for her to open her eyes before my mouth is descending down onto hers to give her a kiss on her closed lips.

Her eyes go wide, letting out a gasp against my lips. Taking advantage, I deepen the kiss, pushing my tongue into her mouth. My tongue grazes hers and I can feel the warmth of it, making it impossible to hold back. My eyes close as I tilt her head to better kiss her, wanting to taste more of her. My tongue glides against hers, exploring every inch of her mouth with each second that goes by. I feel her moan into my mouth and I swear it’s the greatest sound I’ve ever heard.

The excitement of knowing I’m kissing Kasey again makes me want more. She tastes so sweet. Better than the memories I hold from the last time I kissed her. The memories and dreams I’ve had for the last five years don’t compare to the way it feels as I’m kissing her right now.

I want to keep kissing her forever, but the thought is easily broken. “Are you guys going to be stuck like that forever?” Josephina asks from the other side of me, followed by her cute little giggle.

Kasey shoves at my chest. Our mouths quickly break apart, making me open my eyes to stare at her. Her breathing looks as rapid and heavy as mine. Her lips look swollen and her face is flushed with a pink blush from the kiss. I’m still holding her face in my palms, but when her hands come up and grab for my wrists, she pulls my hands from her face, leaving me disappointed. I’m still in shock from kissing her that I easily allow her to pull away.

The plane’s turbulence is gone and the pilot is announcing we can safely move about the cabin now. Kasey leans her body across mine to reach for Josephina to check on her. The feeling of her body rubbing up against my chest isn’t helping with the carnal thoughts flooding my mind. They started the moment I began kissing her. Remembering what resulted from the last time I kissed her.

Kasey’s calm collective voice breaks my memory. “No, sweetheart, we won’t get stuck like that forever. It shouldn’t have happened,” she sternly states, more like a reprimand.

Hearing her say those words is a stab to my heart.

She leans back into her chair to quickly unbuckle her seatbelt, before she stands up, making her way down the aisle to the restroom. As I watch her walk away, I wonder if she’s angry with me. From the way she was returning my kiss, I would have thought she wanted it too, but her horrified expression is telling me otherwise.

I don’t know what is going through her mind at this moment, but I know what’s going through mine,
that was the best kiss I’ve had since leaving for boot camp. I don’t regret kissing her at all.

I’M STANDING IN the bathroom of the airplane gripping the counter for dear life. My body is uncontrollably trembling. I don’t know if it’s from the fear of knowing I’m still on a plane, or the fact that Joseph just finished kissing me. I want to believe it’s from my fear, but in my mind I know it’s from the kiss. I won’t deny the fact he has that effect on me.

My body is burning with a longing to go back to Joseph, to kiss him again. It took every ounce of energy to stand up and walk away from him. I’d forgotten he’s engaged to someone else while he was kissing me; my mind was lost in the moment. I was a desperate child with a candy bar. The taste of his kiss was too sweet and addicting to resist. I wanted more with every second our mouths were fused together.

Pulling my face up to look into the mirror, I take in my flushed expression. Bringing my fingers up to my swollen lips, I can still feel them tingling from the kiss. It’s like a burning fire I never want extinguished. Closing my eyes, I savor the memory a little longer, embedding it into my thoughts. My lips start to tremble when I remember the first time Joseph kissed me. He’s the only person who has ever kissed me. Our kiss that night was no comparison to the one he just finished giving me.