With Me (9 page)

My eyes follow him as he makes his way to the backyard through a set of double French doors. I get up to head into the living area to join everyone else, wanting some sort of company while he’s gone.

Twenty minutes later I notice Josephina starting to rub her eyes as she continues to play. I know it’s a sign she is growing tired. I glance back in the direction of the doors that Joseph disappeared through and I can only see his silhouette by the door, pacing back and forth.

I know it’s best to start heading home before it gets any later. “Josephina, I think it’s time we get going, sweetheart. It’s past your bedtime,” I inform her, earning me a small whine in return. Her protest at first is expected, but when Ashley tells her that she can come back, anytime she wants, it helps convince her to leave.

Standing up to take Josephina’s hand, I thank Mark and Ashley for dinner and start walking to the front door. I can’t resist taking one quick glance back in the direction of the backyard for Joseph. Mark notices, immediately saying, “I’ll go get him,” before quickly walking to the backdoors without hesitation.

Josephina and I wait by the front doors and within minutes, a distressed looking Joseph emerges with Mark from the backyard. He walks over to us with a forced smile on his face.

“I’m sorry about that. I had to take that phone call. I didn’t think it would be that long,” he apologizes.

Ashley simply groans, but Mark’s lips go flat as if he’s not happy with Joseph’s apology. “I’m sorry we have to leave, but it’s past Josephina’s bedtime and I’d really like to get her home to bed.”

He doesn’t hide his disappointment, but doesn’t argue as he walks us to the car. Quickly buckling Josephina in, she immediately starts to close her eyes; her exhaustion taking over as her head tilts to the side and falls asleep.

“She must be really tired,” I hear Joseph say behind me, startling me.

Turning to face him, I nod my head in agreement, realizing he’s standing extremely close to me, merely inches from my body. His head is slightly tilted to the side and I watch his eyes grow hooded, as he looks back at me.

My body instantly freezes up, my breathing becoming unsteady, as I grow nervous from having him so close. I can smell him, and although he’s not wearing cologne, he has a unique scent that I can’t identify, but it smells good as I breathe him in.

My body starts to hum with excitement. The mere thought of knowing I’m so close to him makes me remember how good it felt to be wrapped in his arms. A feeling I’ve been craving for years.

I remember his earlier statement and I nod my head as I swallow the lump in my throat. “Yeah, she’s usually asleep by now, but I didn’t want to be rude by leaving earlier,” I tell him.

“So how long are you in town for?” I curiously ask him.

I’m still nervously standing rooted to the spot by his deep voice. “I’m scheduled to leave on Thursday,” he replies, now looking nervous as he rubs the back of his neck with his hand. “I’d like to see more of Josephina while I’m here. If that’s okay with you?” he nervously asks, sounding hesitant at the request. His face grows worried as he waits for my answer.

“Of course you can see her, Joseph. I would never keep you from spending time with her,” I immediately respond.

He lets out a breath as he briefly tips his head up to the sky, as if he was holding it in, relief clear on his face when he looks at me again. “Thank you, Kasey. It really means a lot to me,” he quickly replies.

We both stand there silent, as we continue to stare at each other. His eyes narrow down into a slit as he focuses on me, making me light up inside. I see him slowly begin to lower his head and the anticipation of knowing he’s about to kiss me excites me. I can feel my heart racing. My body braces itself as I prepare for his kiss. As I slowly start to close my eyes, remembering what it felt like to be kissed by Joseph, it rouses my desire, but I’m left disappointed when I hear the ringtone from earlier in the night.

Joseph quickly draws his body back, taking a full step away from me as he lets out a curse. “I’ve got to go. I’ll give you a call tomorrow to set up a time to see Josephina,” he clips out, turning his body to walk back up to the driveway without a backwards glance at me. I watch him disappear back into the house, the rejection piercing me inside.

I’m left there in shock, leaning my body up against the side of my SUV for support, wondering to myself if he regretted trying to kiss me. From the look on his face and the explicit curse he let out, I’m pretty sure he did. Sighing to myself, I climb into my car, knowing the best thing to do now is drive away.

WHAT THE HELL just happened? I don’t know, but I’m confused as fuck. If Elizabeth hadn’t decided to call, I’m pretty sure I would have had Kasey in my arms, kissing her. Still kissing her because I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be able to stop once I started. I wouldn’t want to either.

I don’t know what came over me, but seeing her sweet innocent face like I remembered her, made me loose all coherent thought. My only focus was her, as always when she’s around. She didn’t have to do anything to make me feel this way. It was the same when we were young and apparently she still had the power to do it.

Remembering I was engaged had left my mind while I was looking down at her. Shit, I couldn’t even remember my own name. She had me hypnotized. All I could remember was how good her lips felt against mine. It was something I’ll never forget. Ever. I also couldn’t stop remembering how I had held her in my arms wishing I didn’t have to leave. That alone was repeating itself in my mind. A non-stop loop since the day she came back into my life.

Running my hand over my head and down my face to help clear my mind, I walk into the house, immediately seeing Mark next to the window. He’s looking at me with his eyebrows raised, analyzing me. I’m familiar with the view from the window. He probably saw everything, being that Kasey had parked across the street. Our bodies were facing the house, giving Mark a clear view.

He’s casually standing there with his hands in his pockets, a smirk on his face as he declares, “So, I take it you have a dilemma on your hands now?”

Scowling when I look at him, I ask, “What dilemma would that be?”

He steps away from the window, as he walks back into the kitchen area without a response, leaving me to follow. I know he’s right. I do have a dilemma on my hands. My mind has a habit of wandering back to the memories I have with Kasey. Even knowing I was soon going to be marrying someone else, I can’t stop thinking of her and Josephina now. I am determined to be a part of their future, but I needed to figure out a way to get Kasey from my mind before I get myself into trouble.

When I enter the kitchen area, I see Ashley loading the last of the dishes into the dishwasher and closing it up. Mark goes to open up the fridge and retrieves two beers, handing one to me. I take it without hesitation, opening it to take a sip, hoping the cold liquid with help calm my heated blood that I was left with from just moments ago.

Leaning my body against the kitchen counter, I already see Mark ready to state his case. “From what I saw a minute ago, I’m pretty sure you still have feelings for her. It doesn’t take a genius to figure it out by the way you were looking at her either,” he says, before taking a sip of his beer, his eyes challenging me to differ.

I stay silent, unable to deny his words.

His eyebrows go up in confirmation when I don’t say anything. “Just
how
serious was it before you left? I know from the stories you told me there was nothing much going on, but when you came back after boot camp you looked like shit. Did she have you wrapped around her little finger even back then?” he jokily asks, his cocky smile mocking me.

Groaning, I ignore his remark and walk over to the living area, taking a seat on the couch. Mark and I are close, but the last thing I want to do is lay my feelings that I had for Kasey out on the table for him to mock me about. She's my past; Elizabeth is my future now, and it is something I am going to have to learn to live with.

Ashley and Mark follow me, taking a seat on the other couch, and by Ashley’s impatient expression, she wants an answer as well. Looking over to Mark I respond, “Not as wrapped as Ashley has you,” I tell him with the same cockiness he’d given me. “Actually, now that I think about it, I’m pretty sure she has you by the balls, too,” I add, before taking another swig of my beer.

Ashley laughs, but Marks only scowls as he asks, “How serious
was
it?”

“Kasey and I never dated because of her parents. She wasn’t allowed to at all,” I say, raking my hand over my head desperately trying to clear the irritation from my mind.

“So she was the prize you couldn’t touch?” Mark’s jokes, making me scowl at him.

“She was more than that,” I mumble, wanting to punch him as well.

I hate the way it sounds, but it’s true. Of course I’ve heard the saying,
you want what you can’t have,
but Kasey was always more than just a prize I couldn’t have. She was different. She always listened without hesitation when I had a problem, never judging me for my faults. She was the one who always helped me with my schoolwork when I couldn’t get it through my thick head and my grades started to take a plunge, to the point of failing. She never gave up on me. That’s when I started noticing her as more than just the girl next door, but the girl I wanted to date. The girl I wanted to fall in love with. Or maybe I already had.

“It still doesn’t explain how you ended up getting her pregnant,” Ashley says, breaking my trance of the memory and taking me back to another.

“Kasey cooked me dinner the night before I left for boot camp. Her parents weren’t home. One thing led to another and we ended up sleeping together that night. I had to leave the next morning and I kept thinking she’d be there when I got back, but she wasn’t,” I say, my voice now sounding raspy as I try to control the grief of the words deep within me.

“Her parents told me she left out of state when I asked them where she was at, and I believed them,” I explain.

Ashley’s looks as if she’s ready to cry. I have to turn away from her to look out the back window, needing the distraction of the darkened sky to clear my mind.

But Mark’s next question brings my attention back. “So what do you plan on doing now?”

“I don’t know,” I truthfully tell him. “I haven’t really wanted to make plans until I get to talk to Kasey. I don’t know how I’m going to handle leaving them when I go back home, though,” I say, twisting the beer bottle in my hand, trying to distract myself.

The silence in the room grows heavy, making me feel uncomfortable.

“Well, whatever it is you plan on doing, we’re here for you,” he sincerely says to me.

Smiling at both of them, I feel better knowing I have their support. Mark can be an ass most of the time, but he’s always had my back, and there was no doubt that he’d have it with whatever decision I make in this situation as well. The only problem is, I have to figure out what it is I plan on doing.

“Does Kasey even plan on telling Josephina that you’re her father?” Mark asks, making me think about it.

Knowing Kasey hasn’t told Josephina worries me, but I’ve been trying to take things one day at a time with her, not wanting to frighten her. The last thing I want is for Kasey to try keeping me from seeing Josephina, especially since Josephina doesn’t know I’m her father. My focus is getting to know her, slowly trying to gain Josephina’s trust, as I wait for Kasey to inform her. I want to be part of this little girl’s life. I just haven’t figured out how the hell I was going to do that.

There’s a lot I need to discuss with Kasey; the sooner, the better.

“Does Kasey know that you’re engaged?” Mark curiously asks, most likely already knowing the answer.

Shaking my head at them, I feel the guilt returning as it builds up inside of me.

I hear Ashley grumble, but Mark chuckles at my response.

I planned on telling Kasey about Elizabeth tonight, but the right moment never came up. I know well enough not to try to explain the situation to Elizabeth over the phone. Telling
her
was going to have to wait until I got back to the west coast. That was something I was going to have to do in person with her, which I wasn’t looking forward to either. I know I’m in deep shit with this whole situation, but there wasn’t anything I could change about the past or the outcome of it.